growing Posted November 8, 2005 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 3 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 11 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 11/08/2005 Status: Offline Birthday: 02/14/1977 Share Posted November 8, 2005 I know this is long, but I hope someone will read and have some words of encouragement for me... Wow, where do I begin? I'm glad I've found chatrooms, they help me get thoughts out without worrying about making my friends feel guilty or making myself look stupid. I've had a tough year and a half and while parts of it make sense, there's still things I need to get off my chest. In June of 2004 I lost my job. I'm a teacher and the school I taught at decided it needed to teach their students in a different way and I wasn't certified to teach the subjects they needed. I was about 2 months pregnant at the time and my husband and I had just purchased our first house, so it was rather stressful, but we figured God would care for us as He always had. At the end of the month I had a miscarriage. I don't know that I can even describe my feelings. I thought I was at the height of grief at that time, but in some ways I think I struggle more now. Anyway, I had just gone into counceling to deal with some issues from my past. It was wonderfully helpful talking to my Christian councelor, but it did force me to deal with some emotions that I hadn't thought about. I was basically taught not to express my emotions as a child, so I really didn't know how to deal with the emotions of my past (including being sexually abused, isolated and in some ways neglected) and the new emotions I was facing. By about October I was a mess. I still didn't have a job (Michigan isn't exactly a mecca for teaching jobs, unlike 90% of the other states), I was learning to deal with my emotions and I hadn't gotten pregnant yet. I felt worthless and I was sitting at home trying to find things to do other than obsess about getting pregnant. I was almost panicky by December, our baby had been due on the 31st and my best friend was due 11 days after that. I needed to get pregnant immediately, I didn't want to deal with those events unless I was pregnant. I found out for sure I wasn't pregnant on a Tuesday, my friend's baby was born that Friday (one month early). Things did get better though, I got a long-term substitute job at the end of January and that kept me busy until June. My husband and I felt led to take on 2 exchange students for this school year, so I spent the summer looking for teaching jobs and preparing for our girls. At the end of July I hadn't been called for a single interview and my husband lost his job. One week later our first exchange student arrived. We reasoned that we had stepped out in faith when we decided to take the girls, so God had a plan, we just couldn't understand it. It has been amazing. I'm constantly reminded of the feeding of the 5,000. Somehow there's always what we need, when we need it. My husband has a new job now and he's happier than he was at the old one. I'm still unemployed. I've made a very difficult decision to take a break from teaching for a few years and at this point I'm looking for anything I can get even if it means working nights and weekends. I still can't get a job. Meanwhile, there are 4 pregnant couples at church, my best friend is pregnant again (oops), and one of our unmarried friends got his live-in pregnant. Our girls are settling in well and we're having a blast with them. I keep reminding myself that we wouldn't know them if I'd had our baby and one of the girls isn't a Christian, so I know that God is giving us an opportunity to share His love with her. I just feel so beaten down. I've learned so much through my experiences of the past 17 months and I'm a better person because of it, but God still seems to be testing me. Why does He allow our unsaved friends to get something I want so much? I trust Him to care for us, and I'm so grateful for all He's done when we were (are) so financially strapped, but I'm willing to work, why won't He give me a job? I know I won't have answers to my questions anytime soon and maybe never, but I really need encouragement. I keep thinking that we're on the brink of some amazing blessings, and then we get another no. I know God won't test me more than I can handle, but I'm beginning to wish He didn't have so much confidence in me. Please give me some encouragement or even some answers and also I'd appreciate some prayer. Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChadB Posted November 8, 2005 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 1 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 42 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/07/2004 Status: Offline Share Posted November 8, 2005 Sorry to hear that you are having such a rough go at life right now. We can't possibly know the mind of God. What He thinks is usually a total mystery to us. We can only trust. I do know that it just seems that some people can't win no matter how hard they try. Others are just lucky and the cards always seems to come up for them. Keep your faith. Remember what a powerful story you have to share with others; your total faith in Gods plan for you and your family. I will pray for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pinkroses Posted November 8, 2005 Share Posted November 8, 2005 So sorry to hear of your trails. Sometimes ; though we try we cannot figure out why we go through them. I went through a ruff childhood too. God does care. Though sometimes it is hard to see through the pain of it all. I have several disease and health problems. I also have a 26 year old son who won't work; has never worked. He verbally is abuses me. A lot of people say do the tuff love thing and kick him out. That right now isn't the answer. Our stiuations are different. but we both are going through ruff times. I have learned to lean upon God; and his promises. I have prayed for years for my son. It seems like my prayers are getting no where. But, I keep trusting God. I keep trusting that he has everything under control. Thats about all we can do. I do pray you will get full time employment. I know it is probably hard seeing your freinds babies and those at chuch. But, rmember God hears your prayers too. Psalms 4: 3 says;---He will hear when I call unto him. Contiue to pray and have faith. Look To Jesus!! Pinkroses Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leonard Posted November 9, 2005 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 115 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 8,281 Content Per Day: 1.12 Reputation: 249 Days Won: 3 Joined: 03/03/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 10/30/1955 Share Posted November 9, 2005 Growing and Pink Roses: We will pray for both of you this evening. I'm a 50 year old man Pink Roses, and a Priest, and I believe I'd like to grab your verbally abusive 26 year old son, and shake him 'til his liver quivers! Sorry, but I've gotta' vote to throw him out on his ear. It is IMMORAL for you to keep taking care of this lazy rascal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InternalFlame Posted November 9, 2005 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 77 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 422 Content Per Day: 0.06 Reputation: 5 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/30/2005 Status: Offline Birthday: 07/24/1985 Share Posted November 9, 2005 I understand the frustration of finding a job - especially because I live in Michigan too and I know how hard it is to find jobs here! It's as if there are none out there! I found that the only way to get a job in this place is to be persistent as all get out and apply EVERYWHERE. When I mean persistent, I mean calling and talking to the people every day and ask if your application has been looked at yet. Managers always like initiative. About the rest of your post, I think you are in a very good spot right now. I feel like God is telling me that perhaps He wants all your energies to be at home right now with the girls. It may be that something is about to happen that will require you to be at home and have a lot of time. Maybe the answer is with the girls, keep spending time with them and helping them. Maybe there is something hidden, some hidden problem that needs to be addressed, maybe with one of the girls or your husband, or maybe even yourself. Search yourself out, and be aware of your surroundings. I feel that God is working through you - keep it up! Don't despair, because doing God's work is the best thing that anyone can do Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heavenlyfavoured Posted November 9, 2005 Group: Junior Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 3 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 95 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 11/07/2005 Status: Offline Share Posted November 9, 2005 (edited) Hi growing, All of u have given very good points. God does hear our prayers and answers them, but sometimes its according to his will and time. Believe me i know nothing about how it feels 2 go what u r going thru now, i had a great childhood and still single so I know nothing about what ur feeling about needing a baby so bad, but i've gone thru challenges 2. God does things sometimes so that u can learn 2 lean on him wholesomely and not partly. He removes everything out of the way that u would lean on so that its just u and him. A good example is Abraham, it took him over a 100 yrs 2 get a child only 4 God 2 ask him 2 sacrifice him. Now 1 would think this was just 2 mean, but the point was 4 God 2 see how much Faith Abraham still had 4 him. Immediately Abraham proved God that he had total faith in him though it hurt so bad, not only did God save his son but offered another sacrifice in place of him. Now It seems like u r in the desert, but just remember, the darkest hour is just b4 the dawn, u'll definately give birth; not only 2 all ur miracles, but 2 ur children. God bless!!! Edited November 9, 2005 by heavenlyfavoured Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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