billie Posted October 9, 2006 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 51 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 2,849 Content Per Day: 0.44 Reputation: 14 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/17/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/17/1979 Share Posted October 9, 2006 Hi brothers and sisters. Most of you already know that I'm a wife and stay-at-home mom, which I love and I know is my calling in this season of my life. It's satisfying and fulfilling for me. Lately, I've been wanting to be more active in my church, and my husband isn't happy about it. It's difficult for me to just come out and ask him why because he gets very defensive and denies it, but every time I mention doing something new with the church, he always shoots it down. He's a Christian too, and we go to church as a family, so I don't know what the problem is, and it's so frustrating because he won't talk openly and honestly with me about it! Does anyone have any ideas about why he's doing this or what I can do? I can't stay holed up in my house forever. Thanks, guys. Love you all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyRaven Posted October 9, 2006 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 13 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 1,981 Content Per Day: 0.30 Reputation: 3 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/22/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 04/20/1964 Share Posted October 9, 2006 well, sometimes you have to try an indirect approach, when the appropriate time comes, talking about things in general. Sometimes in an unguarded moment things will just come out. Or you can play "NAthan" (tell the story, only it's someone else, until you hear what he has to say). Or you can ignore his wishes and go and then when he blows up you'll have your answer. These are all possibilities, and there are probably more. I would use the second approach, myself. Unless of course I was feeling really oppressed, then I'd do number three, in order to just provoke him into a confrontaton so I could get the truth. But some people don't respond well to that, having it used ON me, at one time, would have caused me to let you know everything you or anyone you know has ever done to annoy me.... I don't believe that it is healthy to not be allowed to participate in the fellowship like that. I personally would not allow it, though how I made sure that happened would depend on the situation. the remedy might simply be not telling him until the last minute, or vice versa, making plans way in advance where he has time to plan something for himself to do during that time that he likes. Making plans which involve other people also might be feasible (ie, you make plans to go with a female friend from church and then to coffee afterwards or shopping beforehand...) because he might not want to ruin plans which involve other people. Pray about how to handle it, think about any ideas you get, but I dont' believe submission means you have to become a mole, never going out unless it's to weekly services or to shop for groceries. It sounds like either power issues or issues of insecurity (why do you prefer time with them to tiime with me?) or maybe irresponsibility (I don't want to be responsible for the children). None of these are godly traits and allowing him to indulge in them is not being loving before God. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Floatingaxe Posted October 9, 2006 Group: Royal Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 62 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 9,613 Content Per Day: 1.45 Reputation: 656 Days Won: 9 Joined: 03/11/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/31/1952 Share Posted October 9, 2006 Without getting too wordy about it, it looks like control issues to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RustyAngeL Posted October 9, 2006 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 23 Topic Count: 155 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 7,464 Content Per Day: 1.02 Reputation: 8,810 Days Won: 57 Joined: 03/30/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 12/12/1952 Share Posted October 9, 2006 Without geting too wordy about it, it looks like control issues to me. I was just going to say the same thing. Usually the control thing comes from insecurity. my sister Judy has always said that congeniality has never run big in the women in my family and she's right. When I say something I just come out and say it. Do the same thing to him. Just ask him. If he becomes angery then there is a control issue for sure. You will never know if you don't ask. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christ4ever Posted October 9, 2006 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 42 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 145 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/15/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 10/30/1987 Share Posted October 9, 2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fr Chuck Posted October 9, 2006 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 1 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 149 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/01/2004 Status: Offline Share Posted October 9, 2006 I would say that there is a need for couseling. He is wanting to control what you do, without a reason ( from at least what you have said.) Also don't assume he is a Christian merely because he goes to church, there are more non christians in church pews every sunday than real Christians, many go because it is expected in society, or they beleive they should for thier family and so on. And of course you tell him what you are doing and ask him to come, and then do what you want to do normally. Esp if he is not talking about it, Or be direct, that is how things gets talk about Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kabowd Posted October 9, 2006 Group: Royal Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 112 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 3,489 Content Per Day: 0.48 Reputation: 13 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/28/2004 Status: Offline Share Posted October 9, 2006 Hi brothers and sisters. Most of you already know that I'm a wife and stay-at-home mom, which I love and I know is my calling in this season of my life. It's satisfying and fulfilling for me. Lately, I've been wanting to be more active in my church, and my husband isn't happy about it. It's difficult for me to just come out and ask him why because he gets very defensive and denies it, but every time I mention doing something new with the church, he always shoots it down. He's a Christian too, and we go to church as a family, so I don't know what the problem is, and it's so frustrating because he won't talk openly and honestly with me about it! Does anyone have any ideas about why he's doing this or what I can do? I can't stay holed up in my house forever. Thanks, guys. Love you all. Can you give us a little more background? Does he lead your family spiritually? Has he given you good reasons to trust his discernment and decisions? Has there been anything in his past (or yours) that would give him reasons to be cauteous about this? On the surface, it does seem like he may be overly controlling and being unreasonable. But without a little more details, it's kind of hard to advise. I'd certainly encourage you to try to discuss it with him, without arguing or pressuring him. Try not to be aggressive or pushy, just ask him questions, try to get him to explain what's really going on. In the end though, I'd say it's best to respect his wishes and submit to him. As the head of the home, God will hold him accountable for how he leads you and your family. Pray that God will convict his heart where he may be wrong, and then trust God to deal with him. Beyond that, you are the only one that you can control. If you're doing your part, and praying and trusting God, I think God will honor that in one form or another. I really really think it's important to try to get him to talk to you though, but just use discretion and choose a good time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
billie Posted October 9, 2006 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 51 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 2,849 Content Per Day: 0.44 Reputation: 14 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/17/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/17/1979 Author Share Posted October 9, 2006 Okay, update: I talked to him, and the reason he doesn't want me doing things outside the home is because there are some things in the home(housework)that he feels I'm not doing as well as I should, so until I get here under control, he doesn't want me putting anything more on my plate. I actually think that's pretty fair. It's nothing like what I thought it was. I'm so glad I talked to him. Now reprioritize the housework schedule, and I should be off of being grounded. Sorry, just joking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kabowd Posted October 9, 2006 Group: Royal Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 112 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 3,489 Content Per Day: 0.48 Reputation: 13 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/28/2004 Status: Offline Share Posted October 9, 2006 Okay, update: I talked to him, and the reason he doesn't want me doing things outside the home is because there are some things in the home(housework)that he feels I'm not doing as well as I should, so until I get here under control, he doesn't want me putting anything more on my plate. I actually think that's pretty fair. It's nothing like what I thought it was. I'm so glad I talked to him. Now reprioritize the housework schedule, and I should be off of being grounded. Sorry, just joking. Haha. I'm glad you talked to him and that it went well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anitarose Posted October 9, 2006 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 65 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,066 Content Per Day: 0.16 Reputation: 26 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/15/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 02/02/1961 Share Posted October 9, 2006 I would say that there is a need for couseling. He is wanting to control what you do, without a reason ( from at least what you have said.) Also don't assume he is a Christian merely because he goes to church, there are more non christians in church pews every sunday than real Christians, many go because it is expected in society, or they beleive they should for thier family and so on. And of course you tell him what you are doing and ask him to come, and then do what you want to do normally. Esp if he is not talking about it, Or be direct, that is how things gets talk about that's good advice. Keith Green once said, "Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than going to McDonald's makes you a hamburger!" and I find that to be very very true. After all, I married someone who pretended to be a Christian but deceived me. So I know all about that scheme.... Anita Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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