Feeling sorry for yourself?

[Christian]

If there was one man who could have obsessed about unfairness it would have been Christ. Knowing what He knew about His fate, He still forged onward with no complaint, keeping His positive attitude. The trials and tribulations of refinement in life's furnace of affliction make us who we are. We are not excused from them merely because we are Christians and feel that we deserve peace. Our faith is so much larger than "us" and we lose sight of that sometimes.

So when you are thinking that you are having a really bad day, I just wanted you to have this picture of someone else we know who had a much harder one so that you shouldn't.

Alexander Metherell, who holds a medical degree from the University of Miami and a doctorate in engineering from the University of Bristol in England, made a detailed examination of Christ

[kewler then ^]

So true

[heartofstone]

Well, I think it's good, hard medicine to remind a person what a danger self-pity and thinking too much about the self can be, what it can lead to, because in a way I think it's a trap. It might be easier to be easily defeated by opposition and then to succumb to the thoughts that would tell a person that he or she could not improve his/her situation. But I also feel that it's not right to look at another person in pain, when you are not, and to tell that person to just suck it up. Some are more sensitive than others, no matter the depths of self-pity they usually fall into or have done before, and they just get troubled by events/words/actions that otherwise wouldn't upset an emotionally or spiritually stronger person. People like that probably survive from the spiritual sustenance that God provides, on the strength that He gives them. So, I don't think it's fair or wise really to look down or hurt a person even more when he/she slips into that morose state of being, because every person has a breaking point, and I am sure that most people wouldn't want to be told to suck up the pain they felt at their worst moments in life. I don't think we can hold people in such a high opinion, generally. I mean, how often do the books in the Bible have to encourage or remind people to hold steadfast to their faith? It's easy to get discouraged in that, so why should it be any more difficult to be discouraged by even the simplest of social troubles, or even worse? I don't think humans have that tough of a skin, or that strong an outlook on life that there isn't some way that their weaknesses could be exploited.

Yes, God came here in the flesh and suffered and felt hurt and joy as man is capable of doing, but He was also God. I'm sure that He knew from the moment of His birth (or very close to it) exactly why He was here. He had to have known when He was being mocked by unbelievers or those willing to hear His message what was in their hearts and how they were feeling and why. He was God. How else would He have known enough and been right enough to tell the Pharisees that their hearts were as old tombs inside, with dead and dry bones? I like to think that though Jesus was man, He was also God in the flesh, so He always knew more than mere humans in their struggles are prone to understand. God had a way of looking past the troubles He saw and experienced to see the bigger picture. He knew a lot more in His suffering than a mere human could ever hope to, even if humans pray, we don't always get the answers or comfort we want immediately, right? God had an understanding because He was still God, I believe, that helped Him while He was here. He knew why some people hated Him, He didn't have to wait most of His life to figure that out, and He knew before coming here that people would reject them. I think that in part must have been the cause for His sorrow, he wept for those not saved and worried and cared for His creation, just like He cares for His children, right? He wept for Jerusalem for their rejection of them, and Isaiah referred to Him as a man of sorrows (53:3), in part I think because it was to show us that He had suffered too, not to be competing with we mere humans just because He had suffered the worst. Yes, He came to His own and they did not accept Him (forgot the exact verse for that one) but I really do believe that God's ability to experience those human emotions were in a way to show others some form of comfort...if that makes any sense. I dont think He wants people to wallow in and be enveloped in their sorrows to the point where that's all they do, but please don't beat down on others just because some people aren't so defeated by their own trials. I'm sure there's something out there that could break down even the strongest Christian or unbeliever.

[Guest Landy45]

So I guess i have no business feeling down when I come into chat and feel ignored? Ok Ill watch that

[AndrewA]

Christian, have you ever experienced depression or mental abuse from someone you love such as your spouse? Simply telling most people to snap out of it or read a description of Christ being beaten and then comparing it to the persons own life isn’t very productive , in fact it can be counter productive and simply push people who need help away. If it was that an easy solution don’t you think most people would have already done it?

People who feel sorry for themselves, wallow in self pity and have an obsession about how they look for example, often end up like this as a result of having to suffer years of bullying, mental abuse and humiliation from people at school, work or even their own partners. There are plenty of spousess out thier who have had to deal with being told on many occasions each day for years on end that they are fat ugly stupid and worthless idiots who no one likes or lovss and never will Thy have literally become brainwashed and so broken and hurt that it will take a very long time for them to over come this and heal. This is not something that can be cured overnight, well in theory it can as God can change people in an instant, but not everyone will have such a blessing or healing given to them, again if they were, then no Christians would be ill or suffering. instead they have to endure a long processes of being healed.

Part of that healing process is based on positive thoughts and one day at a time, one little phrase on lines of “ there are people who are worse off than me” may help, but finding something positive or something that the person is good at and concentrating on that is better. Christians who feel this way are not somehow social outcasts, but it is surprising how many other Christians patronize them, quite often it’s a good intention that is meant, but talking scripture and preaching to them how God can heal them will simply be a red flag, quite often the person who is feeling this way knows all the answers and what they should and shouldn’t do, they suddenly don’t forget years of bible study and listening to sermons etc.

What do you know these Christians do in their spare time? I know of a Christian who is depressed and self harms, she has a good relationship with God, prays every day to God to heal her as that is what is promised and so on, but you still get idiots who go up to her and say “God does love you , just pray to God to heal you and he will” and “You shouldn’t b sad and like this because God loves you.” And “As a Christian you shouldn’t be doing these things there is no need to be like this with God in your life” this just simply makes her more upset and even more depressed as she wonders “if it is that easy why isn’t it happening now when I want it to, it must be that I am thick, stupid and ugly , after all if no change is happening then this is how I really am and this is normal. “

Best way to deal with people like this is to just stick to positive words of encouragement, such as hello there, that’s a lovely dress you are wearing you look absolutely radiant and stunning in it. . , but don’t go over top and make it obvious, or they will see through it. Ask them about their hobbies and interests, if you know they make anything like say models or they paint draw or make music ask about that, you may find you share similar interests so invite them around to share your hobby. Quite often people who are depressed and are full of slef pity have no friends, if they do say something bad, or have a argument, just take it on the chin, that is their depression talking, they need solid trustworthy dependable people they can rely on. If you don’t take it this far then even so, talk to them and make them feel like they are actually good at something rather than blindly pointing out the clich

Edited October 24, 2006 by AndrewA

[Christian]

AndrewA, Though I appreciate your lengthy response to this post, and your defense of people I was not even "attacking", I will say this. You misinterpreted the intention of the post, misconstrued it's statement, and accused me of something I am not responsible for. Furthermore, you know nothing of my past, my recovery, or my ability to personally relate to the statement I made. So before you mount your high horse to reprimand someone you should have all the facts about them, then you can do your "professional" analysis.

Peace to you brother

in Christ,

-C-

[heartofstone]

Well, Im glad that Andrew said what he did. It's true, and no offense, Christian, but that you started out with "feeling sorry for yourself" then I think you should have been a bit prepared for a backlash if anyone should respond to this thread. Because, that phrase sounds like something a condescending and almost hateful person would say from a perspective that doesn't show he or she has any empathy, sympathy or compassion for the person he/she is speaking to. I didn't read from your original post anything to indicate that you felt concern for people suffering that much or that you even had experience in the matter and wanted to help. It could have been unintentional but with wording like that, it would be nice if you had taken more care with your words, then hopefully there would have been less cause for misinterpretation. Not to be mean, but right now I get the impression that you really originally meant it to be less compassionate but because few took it well you are being defensive. I don't know for sure, just hope that that isn't the case.

If I were to start a thread like this, I hopefully wouldn't have said anything like "for those prone to self-pity" or for those "feeling sorry for yourself". Those are the stances that people who aren't experiencing pain in their own lives, or for some reason can't demonstrate any compassion, might say. Besides, I have checked on this and found confirmation that the term "self-pity" doesnt work anyway since the real meaning of pity is something that another person would feel for one who is suffering or down on her/his luck for whatever reason but that person who feels pity for the other does so condescendingly, patronizingly, it's not the same as compassion or sympathy. I don't think that a person can feel self-pity then, more like self-hate, but how can one really look down on oneself in the exact same way that another experiencing pity for that person can?

Anyway, I dont know how the part about Jesus' abuse at the hands of the Romans (as you even said was their standard treatment of criminals and the like anyway) could be comforting in that way to anyone. I think it's humbling to read about what he went through, but people are still tortured today...comparing sad stories isnt the way to bring about uplifting change in one caught in depression since for one thing, there's always someone else who's had a "worse" experience than the one before, and no one should even try to imagine how bad life can get. I had been thinking that the "Man of Sorrows"bit was actually more comforting, and besides that, surely there are other ways to realize a way to get out of self-hate or depression through the teachings of Jesus Christ rather than a few references to how much worse he was treated by the Romans than most of us will ever know.

Please forgive the directness of my post, not meant to be personal attacks.