What A Women Wants?

[Guest Biblicist]

OK, I tried to shut up, but I just can't.

What a woman wants and what a woman needs may be two entirely different things. (Fabio comes to mind) My eyes are still watering from the brilliance of the glow of the guy Marnie described. No such person exists, and I suggest that there would be no real relationship with such a person.

It's not the perfections that make for true relationships, but the flaws. There is a genuine tenderness in the fact that someone loves you while accepting you for who you are. We all need to be needed, and we all want to be wanted. Love is not based on two completely unneedy persons forming a partnership, but on two very needy persons who's strengths overlap the weaknesses of the other.

There is one aspect that Marnie was absolutely accurate concerning...

There are so many other things I could list...hobbies, skills, etc. But I feel the single most important and overriding quality I desire in a mate is this: he must be completely, 100% sold out to Jesus Christ in every area of his life. Period. I want a man who is not afraid to be called a follower of Christ, who will be the spiritual head of the house, who live by the Word of G-d and set a Christ-like example for all to see. I want a man who is not afraid to share the Gospel. And, as much as I want him to love me, this man must love the Lord more than anything else in the whole world, including me.

I have a wondeful wife of many years now, and we are two very different people. Some would consider me almost a walking unconscious person in some areas, for I rarely pay attention to style, I am tone deaf concerning clashing colors, and truth be told, I really don't care if I wear bright red or muddy jeans. To compensate for my "close enough" attitude, my cloths are seperated into acceptable groups and "don't touch" areas. I have ruined many dress cloths by thoughtlessly lifting the hood and beginning repairs or other such things. I need to quit listing my faults now, while there is still a tiny shred of illusion that I have some strengths somewhere. I do have one great strength, I love Jesus Christ, and from my viewpoint, anything that is useful in me comes from Him.

Proverbs 31 is a good checkoff list for guys looking for a wife, but if you read carefully, he is because she is. Because of who she is in his life, he can be .... "Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land."

Proverbs 31:8-31 (New International Version)

8 "Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves,

for the rights of all who are destitute.

9 Speak up and judge fairly;

defend the rights of the poor and needy."

Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character

10 [c] A wife of noble character who can find?

She is worth far more than rubies.

11 Her husband has full confidence in her

and lacks nothing of value.

12 She brings him good, not harm,

all the days of her life.

13 She selects wool and flax

and works with eager hands.

14 She is like the merchant ships,

bringing her food from afar.

15 She gets up while it is still dark;

she provides food for her family

and portions for her servant girls.

16 She considers a field and buys it;

out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

17 She sets about her work vigorously;

her arms are strong for her tasks.

18 She sees that her trading is profitable,

and her lamp does not go out at night.

19 In her hand she holds the distaff

and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

20 She opens her arms to the poor

and extends her hands to the needy.

21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;

for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

22 She makes coverings for her bed;

she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,

where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

24 She makes linen garments and sells them,

and supplies the merchants with sashes.

25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;

she can laugh at the days to come.

26 She speaks with wisdom,

and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

27 She watches over the affairs of her household

and does not eat the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise and call her blessed;

her husband also, and he praises her:

29 "Many women do noble things,

but you surpass them all."

30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;

but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

31 Give her the reward she has earned,

and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

I watched my wife sewing gifts for the children and grandchildren, making cookies and treats, and doing the countless thousands of things that she does without considering that she is giving of herself for others, but taking joy in the opportunity to do what she can, and I fell in love again (I recommend falling in love daily) with this wonderful giver.

My point is that while I try to mention the good points, life is full of times I irritate her, or she me, and those are opportunities to respond in Godly manner (mercy and kindness and longsuffering). The ideal is wonderful, but it is the daily working out of life that really builds a lasting relationship.

My advice to the ladies, look for a man that loves God 1st and you 2nd.

Well put, AT! Amen!!

[ray]

Wow what a lot of interesting and good advice. Thanks to everyone. now a few other questions?

1. How long should dating occur typically before getting married?

2. Since I'm no Fabio, and not perfect what flaws in a person would be no way, no expectation?

3. IF the person is honest about their faults would that be more acceptable, especially if they are trying to their best to put christ back first in their lives?

4. What should a person not do or say the first month of dating? or should you be honest and let it all out?

[Marnie]

Wow what a lot of interesting and good advice. Thanks to everyone. now a few other questions?

1. How long should dating occur typically before getting married?

2. Since I'm no Fabio, and not perfect what flaws in a person would be no way, no expectation?

3. IF the person is honest about their faults would that be more acceptable, especially if they are trying to their best to put christ back first in their lives?

4. What should a person not do or say the first month of dating? or should you be honest and let it all out?

1. It depends.

2. Let's compare flaws, then talk about them.

3. No Christ, then no relationship with me. Period.

4. No, some things about his past should never be brought up. I dont want to know about your poor toilet training or your old girlfriends. And for Pete's sake, don't cry any time during our first month of dating.

And to the person who said this: "My eyes are still watering from the brilliance of the glow of the guy Marnie described. cool.gif No such person exists, and I suggest that there would be no real relationship with such a person." All I can say is, I won't settle for anybody less.

[Benobi1]

FEwh so many questions so little time ( just joking )

an answer to all your questions:

Let GOD lead the way

something i have learned (correct me if i am wrong, i might be)

in the Bible they talk about LOVE in the Greek they talk about eros, philidalfia ext..

translating the word for 'Love for a woman' into english it means the following,... a choice one person makes to spend the rest of his life with another... loving, caring, looking after, asisting, helping, encouraging, ext.. for one another

the list goes on, but do not let your way be directed by feelings but by GOD alone

[AnotherTraveler]

1. How long should dating occur typically before getting married?

2. Since I'm no Fabio, and not perfect what flaws in a person would be no way, no expectation?

3. IF the person is honest about their faults would that be more acceptable, especially if they are trying to their best to put christ back first in their lives?

4. What should a person not do or say the first month of dating? or should you be honest and let it all out?

I would like to address one (well, 2) of your four (well, 5) questions, the last one first. Being honest is essential for any real relationship. "Letting it all out" is not the same thing as honesty. Your deep interest in insects might be the reason you have a PH D in that area, but unless she asks (and even if she does), I would recommend steering the conversation to more mutual areas.

In my opinion, rejection doesn't take months, but often minutes, acceptance however, should take a while as you really get to know whom the other person really is.

There is a term that is unflattering but accurate...baggage. Lots of people have baggage (probably all do to some extent), and in some cases that baggage is not acceptable, no way, no exceptions. A choice of a life partner is not a fix-it project. One of the most dangerous things someone can decide to do is to marry someone with the idea that later they can be adjusted, repaired, or otherwise molded by you. The Almighty molds, you and I are His clay, not each other's clay.

As to question # 3, to quote Yoda, "do or do not, there is no try". Jesus is or is not 1st. God is not really too impressed with moving up the chain of gods to be worshiped. Either God is #1, or not. If that is not settled, it is a biggie, no, it is THE BIGGIE.

OK, I officially retire my advice in this area. (the crowds cheer)

"And to the person who said this..." Ouch. Sorry Marnie, I didn't mean to offend.

[Iryssa]

OOOOOHHHH PLEEEAAASSSEEE

where can i find a woman like the one you are discribing

all i can find is heartache and pain

most woman where i come from only want the things of the world not godliness

my last girlfriend broke up with me because i "spend to much time in church" i invited her but she wasn't willing to come.... i think i am just too full of nonsence, because i set high standards as well!!!!

Go to a Bible College or church somewhere far away from where you are now *grin*

Wow what a lot of interesting and good advice. Thanks to everyone. now a few other questions?

1. How long should dating occur typically before getting married?

It really depends. My personal rule was 1 year, but as has been noted, every woman is different.

2. Since I'm no Fabio, and not perfect what flaws in a person would be no way, no expectation?

If she's smart: Being a bum, doing drugs, being an alcoholic, being a gambling addict, or being abusive in any way, shape, or form. Otherwise, every woman's different.

3. IF the person is honest about their faults would that be more acceptable, especially if they are trying to their best to put christ back first in their lives?

Yes, honesty is definitely in order...but don't scare her away or be obsessive about it. At some point (probably later on, but don't wait until you're ready to walk down the aisle), and really this is only needful if she asks, you should sit down and have a talk about it: speak generally of your mistakes, saying, for instance, "I was into drugs" (or whatever your mistake of choice was) not "I did meth on the 22nd of May, Pot on the 30th of April..." and only go into more detail if she asks. Always follow-up with how God's been healing you, though. It's "I was into drugs...but now, God's blessed me and I'm no longer into them, and I'm not going back."

Once you've had that conversation, know that it's been dealt with. Don't be afraid to answer more questions (but always remember to be tactful), but don't bring it up every time or wallow in your past miseries.

4. What should a person not do or say the first month of dating? or should you be honest and let it all out?

Just remember to take it one step at a time...don't rush into anything, and really pay attention to her. If you're paying attention, you'll know when the time is right to say "I love you" and things like that. I agree with Marnie: talking about past girlfriends is a big no-no. It's probably too early to be crying on her shoulder, too.

[Marnie]

"And to the person who said this..." Ouch. Sorry Marnie, I didn't mean to offend.

You never offend. You should know I think the world of you!

[Guest shiloh357]

FEwh so many questions so little time ( just joking )

an answer to all your questions:

Let GOD lead the way

something i have learned (correct me if i am wrong, i might be)

in the Bible they talk about LOVE in the Greek they talk about eros, philidalfia ext..

translating the word for 'Love for a woman' into english it means the following,... a choice one person makes to spend the rest of his life with another... loving, caring, looking after, asisting, helping, encouraging, ext.. for one another

the list goes on, but do not let your way be directed by feelings but by GOD alone

The Hebrew word for love, ahavah, is operative in nature. True love is not an emotion, it is a verb. It means treating someone else's needs with the same urgency and attention you would if they were your own. That is what the Scriptures mean when it says "to love your neighbor as yourself."

Ahavah in a marriage is vital, I believe. It is the Hebrew equivalent of agapeo, is expressed in selfless (but not reckless) abandon of one's own needs to meet the needs of the object of one's love.

In a relationship expressed in this kind of love, the first thing that comes to mind is that you realize that you serve something greater than yourself. Ahavah is first and foremost, a servant. So many of the secular love songs in the world today are based upon, "I want you, I need you, I can't live without you." While those feelings do have their place, they do not express ahavah. Ahavah is exactly the opposite of those above-mentioned secular concepts. This kind of love says instead, "What do you want from me?, What needs do you have that I can fill? What is it about me that you cannot live with?" The person who approaches his/her relationships with this kind of love, is always striving to improve, to make himself/herself better for the sake of his/her spouse or other loved one. Not only that, but because ahavah is a servant, it is always looking to things that make for your highest good.

True love does not lie, does not break it's promises, and never abandons a friend. Real love is true, and loyal and will always stand up for you, when everyone else walks away. True love believes in you and never gives up on you. You can always know who really loves you when they stand by you even when you mess up.

Can you imagine? If more marriages were based on this kind of biblical love, we would have far fewer divorces. It requires sacrifice, humility, servanthood and pure, cast iron, unswerving devotion. I think, though the rewards will far exceed the price. I have never been married, but I these are things I have learned as I wait.

I grew up in a family with a father who lived and continues to live this out in front of me. He is sterling example of how a husband treats his wife with unswerving fidelity, servanthood and highest degree of integrity. He has never raised his voice or his hand to her. She was the queen of our home and my brother and I knew without a doubt that all due respect and honor toward her was expected of us and deserved by her. You NEVER argued or squared off at my Mom, or you would deal with Dad, and he would defend her whether she was wrong or right. He always possessed the courage to admit his mistakes and I only hope and pray that I can live up to his example.

[Marnie]

Can you imagine? If more marriages were based on this kind of biblical love, we would have far fewer divorces. It requires sacrifice, humility, servanthood and pure, cast iron, unswerving devotion. I think, though the rewards will far exceed the price. I have never been married, but I these are things I have learned as I wait.

I may swoon at any moment. Thank you. What you wrote was simply beautiful.

I have one word: PUBLISH!!!!

[Iryssa]

I think marriage also requires a sense of humour, 'cause you can either laugh or get annoyed when your husband rearranges the books in the bookcase (for the sixth time since you put them out there two months ago)...one of them's more fun.