Guest Posted March 26, 2007 Share Posted March 26, 2007 "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." (Ephesians 6:12) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akiko Posted March 26, 2007 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 5 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 211 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/04/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 09/14/2006 Share Posted March 26, 2007 It seems, then, that your friend is in way over her head. If he truly loved her, than he would not push her, and he would respect her enough to know that no means no. He wouldn't lie to her or flirt with other people. I'm sure you've told her this or variations of this. It might be really, really hard, but I don't see any other alternative. For her own safety (and I say safety physically and emotionally), you need to tell her parents of what you've seen and heard, or anyone else who will have a say in her life, and if you have to force her out of the relationship. Her parents have the power to nix this guy in her life, and that's what they need to do. I honestly can't say what she'll think or if she'll talk to you, but true friendship requires sacrifice. I know from your posts that you geniunely care about her welfare; I only wish she would see that and place more faith in your opinions. It may be that after she's without him for awhile, she notices a positive change in her life, free of bondage and fear from her so called boyfriend. If she's a believer, show her the passage on "love" in the Bible and ask her if her boyfriend fits the critera; my say is "no!" I'm praying hard for you and her! Keep us informed. ~Akiko Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iryssa Posted March 27, 2007 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 117 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 3,860 Content Per Day: 0.56 Reputation: 9 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/10/2005 Status: Offline Birthday: 09/13/1984 Share Posted March 27, 2007 What she needs most is to be shown real love and friendship right now, and to know that there are better guys out there for her. I'll tell you some of the things that went through my mind when I was in a bad relationship, to hopefully give you some insight into how she feels and why she hasn't broken up with him. Some of the things I thought were: "What if he's all I deserve?" "No one else will ever want me now." "I can fix him." "What he does is really my fault anyway." "I'll prove everyone wrong: I'll MAKE this work." "I think I love him, isn't that what really matters?" "I need a guy to be popular/accepted/worthwhile." All of those were lies. Every woman deserves more. There WAS someone else for me (someone I'm married to now, actually). I couldn't force him to change. He made his onw choices: I couldn't be responsible for what he did. I couldn't make it work because it takes two to make a relationship work, not just one. What I thought was love (and it really wasn't) was not what mattered in the end. I don't need a man to be accepted or worthy. Don't approach her with the words "this guy is bad news and a major jerk." That'll just make her want to defend him. Instead try, "I don't like to see him hurt you like this...you're such a good person and you don't deserve that kind of pain." See what I mean? Make it about how she doesn't deserve that kind of treatment, how she is beautiful (inside and out) and how it hurts you, as her friend, to see her in pain. Try to avoid slamming him in front of her. ***''No one else will ever want me now." "I can fix him." "What he does is really my fault anyway." "I'll prove everyone wrong: I'll MAKE this work." "I think I love him, isn't that what really matters?"*** she's said things like those to me before. she's now convinced she loves him, she thinks nobody else will want her, she thinks she can get him to change for her, and she wants us all to be wrong. and the thing is, i HAVE talked to her the way you suggested. there's like no getting through to her. i've told her time and time again she deserves so much better and when the time is right she'll find that person that's better, and she always agrees for all of about 1 minute then it's like she forgot everything i said. Honestly, if you've been doing the things I've told you about, she may just need time...but keep praying for her and keep affirming her and showing her friendship. It took me two years to break up with Jerkface, but eventually, I did, and I never would have if it weren't for the support of my friends. The worst thing people could do is to abandon someone in that situation. That's what my friends in the city did, and it just made me cling to him more. When I went to visit my out-of-town friends, though, they showed me true friendship, and that gave me the courage to leave him. Keep it up...don't give up on her. It's not going to change over night, but someday it will, if you stick by her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
princess_childofthekingofkings Posted March 29, 2007 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 16 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 192 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/25/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/16/1992 Author Share Posted March 29, 2007 well. i have been praying. and today she messaged me with a problem they had. he said he wanted to take a break and then all of like 5 seconds later he pretended nothing happened. and later she was crying and called him and asked if he had been serious and HE YELLED AT HER FOR CRYING ABOUT IT! i was soooo mad when she told me this. and she asked what she shoud do. like if she should dump him or not. and i told her EVERYTHING that we had discussed on here. i didn't say we discussed it, but i told her the things. and said that i just killed me seeing her in a relationship like that, and that i didn't want to hurt her feeling but i felt like as her best friend, i had to tell her those things. and she revealed to me something else that was keeping her with him. she's scared of all the african-american boys at her school that'll see she's single and try to get with her. like, she's not racist or anything, but that school is somewhat ghetto. and it's paticularly the like nasty type of of african-american guys that seem attracted to her. so like she's scared that nobody'll be there to protect her from them. which only made me feel horrible for being here in alabama cuz as her best friend, I should be there to protect her and help her and make her less scared and i'm not. and i REALLY regret being here right now. and this entir situation is just horrible. but i am glad i told her everything that's been on my mind. so i'll just have to wait and see what happens next and just keep on praying Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akiko Posted March 29, 2007 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 5 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 211 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/04/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 09/14/2006 Share Posted March 29, 2007 well. i have been praying. and today she messaged me with a problem they had. he said he wanted to take a break and then all of like 5 seconds later he pretended nothing happened. and later she was crying and called him and asked if he had been serious and HE YELLED AT HER FOR CRYING ABOUT IT! i was soooo mad when she told me this. and she asked what she shoud do. like if she should dump him or not. and i told her EVERYTHING that we had discussed on here. i didn't say we discussed it, but i told her the things. and said that i just killed me seeing her in a relationship like that, and that i didn't want to hurt her feeling but i felt like as her best friend, i had to tell her those things. and she revealed to me something else that was keeping her with him. she's scared of all the african-american boys at her school that'll see she's single and try to get with her. like, she's not racist or anything, but that school is somewhat ghetto. and it's paticularly the like nasty type of of african-american guys that seem attracted to her. so like she's scared that nobody'll be there to protect her from them. which only made me feel horrible for being here in alabama cuz as her best friend, I should be there to protect her and help her and make her less scared and i'm not. and i REALLY regret being here right now. and this entir situation is just horrible. but i am glad i told her everything that's been on my mind. so i'll just have to wait and see what happens next and just keep on praying I'm really glad you were there for her, and told her everything. I'll keep praying! ~Akiko Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
princess_childofthekingofkings Posted March 30, 2007 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 16 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 192 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/25/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/16/1992 Author Share Posted March 30, 2007 thank you sooo much! i REALLY hope she takes my advice for once Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
princess_childofthekingofkings Posted March 31, 2007 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 16 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 192 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/25/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/16/1992 Author Share Posted March 31, 2007 NO!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just got a message from her and after getting my hopes up, she's staying with him!!! what can i possibly do to get through to her if she ignores EVERY SINGLE THING I SAID!!!! i just can't beleive this! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akiko Posted March 31, 2007 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 5 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 211 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/04/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 09/14/2006 Share Posted March 31, 2007 NO!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just got a message from her and after getting my hopes up, she's staying with him!!! what can i possibly do to get through to her if she ignores EVERY SINGLE THING I SAID!!!! i just can't beleive this! Keep praying!! Tell her parents, tell someone in authority about the abuse (physical and emotional) of what is happening. Did I mention keep praying? Show her love. ~Akiko Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
princess_childofthekingofkings Posted April 1, 2007 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 16 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 192 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/25/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/16/1992 Author Share Posted April 1, 2007 thanks. but like, what really kills me is she said "i'll never hurt him again" but what about her??? who's to say he'll never hurt her again? jeeeeez i wish god could put a lightning bolt between the two of them, make them hit their heads and forget ever knowing eachother, and then put them on sepereate side of the earth so they can never meet again. sound far fetched but that's what i think is best. i guess that's one reason why i'm not god. lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wingwalker Posted April 1, 2007 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 1 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 970 Content Per Day: 0.14 Reputation: 11 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/20/2005 Status: Offline Share Posted April 1, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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