Torn between My Mother & Daughter

[Liz4JC]

Dear Bothers & Sisters,

I called my Mother alittle while ago. She told me she was down in the dumps because it was five years yesterday that my Dad passed on. After my Dad's passing I went home very often, till my Mother started in on me about my weight. My visits are down to one or two a year. She lives three hours away from me. I call her once a week. Send letters and cards a few times per month. I send or a Care Package once a year over and above Christmas.

I was going to go home this past week but a problem has arose with my daughter Shellie. You may have read in a former posting about the problems with her.

Anyways, I told my Mom that I believe Shellie to be off her meds and I need to stay in the area.

Well if you listened to my mother you would think she has no family. Ofcourse, she only had ME, so there's the problem.

She then preceded to tell me that she doesn't go any where. She is 82 and gave up driving. She doesn't walk good either. So she is restricted to her apartment building. She does play cards and Bingo still.

It's her sister Inge who just got home from being in the hospital, along with her brother in law who is recuperating from (fall ) heart surgery.

She reacts to what I say and I react to what she tells me.

I do love my Mother but I find myself in a Catch 22 situation.

You say," Go home for a day or two!" Won't work! My Mother says if I can't come home for three more days - Don't bother coming home at all."

With all this rolling over in my mind, I just want to Shout and Cry, "Help!!!" "Any Commpassiate Brothers or Sisters in the house!"

Liz

'

Edited April 2, 2007 by Liz4JC

[MatildaLou]

Sorry about all the struggles you are having with your mother but I really encourage you to stay home and support your daugther. She is your priority!!! I am sorry she if having some problems.

Your mother, like alot of older moms, is just trying to manipulate you. I think your calls, letters and packages are very generous of you so continue that. But you are a mom, and you must care for your family.

BTW, lol, ask God to protect you from becoming like her when you are older. That is what I do.

[Liz4JC]

Sorry about all the struggles you are having with your mother but I really encourage you to stay home and support your daugther. She is your priority!!! I am sorry she if having some problems.

Your mother, like alot of older moms, is just trying to manipulate you. I think your calls, letters and packages are very generous of you so continue that. But you are a mom, and you must care for your family.

BTW, lol, ask God to protect you from becoming like her when you are older. That is what I do.

I chose a long time ago, not to repeat the same mistakes my mother made. My Mother over the years has tried to control me and I revolted as soon as I realized it.

My counselor can't understand the hold my Mother has on me, maybe I don't understand it either.

I just know she upsets me.

Liz

[rtwo]

I have to agree with Matilda on this. Your biblical priority is your daughter.

Once you are able to work out your and your mom's relationship within yourself -- and not before -- you should certainly begin opening a dialogue about how you can help her...

But for now, your daughter absolutely needs to come first.

[Grace1479]

I have to agree with Matilda on this. Your biblical priority is your daughter.

Once you are able to work out your and your mom's relationship within yourself -- and not before -- you should certainly begin opening a dialogue about how you can help her...

But for now, your daughter absolutely needs to come first.

Totally agree.

[Guest LadyC]

i agree as well... although i can understand how difficult it would be. i thank God that my mother, if i were in that situation, would be TELLING me to stay home and support my daughter. i am not aware of the problems your daughter is having, do you mind giving the highlights for me?

[Liz4JC]

Pray for the Peace of Jerusalem!

I am still looking for your compassionate comments.........must i beg!

Liz

[Guest Biblicist]

I noticed you refer to your mother's place as "home". And she tells you to come "home".

Your home is where your husband and children are. When you married, even if you are divorced now, you left your parent's home, and made one of your own. Going to your mother's home should be considered a visit; not returning home, like a child who has never moved out.

I have told this story before but I believe it applies here.

As couple sit down to a meal with a couple of friends, the phone rings and the wife gets up to answer it.

After a short while and the sounds of obvious upset, she comes back to the table and tells her husband, "It's our daughter, she and her husband have had a fight and she wants to talk to you."

The father goes to the phone and speaks, rather quickly, to the daughter and comes back to the table making apologies to their company.

Expectantly the wife says, "Well, what did she say?"

The husband calmly replies, "She said she was angry with her husband and wanted to come home."

"AND?" She asks in obvious impatience.

"I told her, 'You ARE home'.

[Guest man]

Dear Bothers & Sisters,

I called my Mother alittle while ago. She told me she was down in the dumps because it was five years yesterday that my Dad passed on. After my Dad's passing I went home very often, till my Mother started in on me about my weight. My visits are down to one or two a year. She lives three hours away from me. I call her once a week. Send letters and cards a few times per month. I send or a Care Package once a year over and above Christmas.

I was going to go home this past week but a problem has arose with my daughter Shellie. You may have read in a former posting about the problems with her.

Anyways, I told my Mom that I believe Shellie to be off her meds and I need to stay in the area.

Well if you listened to my mother you would think she has no family. Ofcourse, she only had ME, so there's the problem.

She then preceded to tell me that she doesn't go any where. She is 82 and gave up driving. She doesn't walk good either. So she is restricted to her apartment building. She does play cards and Bingo still.

It's her sister Inge who just got home from being in the hospital, along with her brother in law who is recuperating from (fall ) heart surgery.

She reacts to what I say and I react to what she tells me.

I do love my Mother but I find myself in a Catch 22 situation.

You say," Go home for a day or two!" Won't work! My Mother says if I can't come home for three more days - Don't bother coming home at all."

With all this rolling over in my mind, I just want to Shout and Cry, "Help!!!" "Any Commpassiate Brothers or Sisters in the house!"

Liz

'

You should really go and see your mother.

[Liz4JC]

This whole situation stresses me out. I went out this afternoon and had my hair cut and permed. Upon coming home, there was the blicking light on my message machine. It was a message from my mother. Telling me she thought Easter was in two weeks rather then this coming week, so her cards will be late because she lives in Windsor, Ontario, Canada. Then she tells me to call her back today.

I called her back. She asked if I talk to Shellie I said, "Yes! That she sounds pretty good today!" We talked for a few minutes and then we said "Goodbye"

Liz