Sorry about all the struggles you are having with your mother but I really encourage you to stay home and support your daugther. She is your priority!!! I am sorry she if having some problems.
Your mother, like alot of older moms, is just trying to manipulate you. I think your calls, letters and packages are very generous of you so continue that. But you are a mom, and you must care for your family.
BTW, lol, ask God to protect you from becoming like her when you are older. That is what I do.