what they can't see kills me

[Guest Hope_7]

WHAT THEY CAN'T SEE KILLS ME

Watching a child, watching the fights,

Crying my sleep during the screams of the night.

Nestled in pillows, overtaken by tears,

She'd never realize this would effect her over the years.

So afraid of this monster, one that I hate,

It comes from the anger so the pain it makes.

If only a mirror could save it to see,

This child is hurting,

This child is me.

So scared to fall in love, but tired of being alone,

I remember all those tears,

And the pain they have shone.

Now no longer with youth,

But old enough to say,

I can't ignore these memories I live with,

I live with them everyday.

** Hope L. **

[Will Hill]

You're poem makes me sad. Are you really expirencing these emotions? I am only 18 and I am depressed and alone most of the time and wish I didn't have to live with memories at times. I sympathize.

[EricH]

Moved from the Welcome Forum to General Discussion

[Guest Hope_7]

You're poem makes me sad. Are you really expirencing these emotions? I am only 18 and I am depressed and alone most of the time and wish I didn't have to live with memories at times. I sympathize.

yes, i am experiencing these emotions at the present time. I'm just going through a very hard, painful, and devastating time in my life. Prayers are appreciated! I'm sorry that you feel the way you do... but you can talk to me anytime... I'm pretty sure we can deeply relate on a lot of things... and pray and encourage eachother. I'm here for you if you wanna talk.

[Guest praizum318]

Dear Hope 7!

I too am battling the lies and discouragments of this broken world.

I'm 27yrs. old and for 20 of those years I have been on psychiatric medications, but once I took myself off those drugs, I began to remember the horrible memories they were protecting me from, or should I say blinding me from.

I don't know if your mixed up in the psychiatric system, but let me share with you some certain facts that the Lord has shown me, and or what I've discovered by searching deeply for answers within myself.

#1. Drugs are drugs, whether they change the lingo to medication or not, psychiatrists are no different from street dealers, offering the same solutions to the same problems, with the same benefits, but also the same consequences(side-effects). Just getting the most important truths out first...

#2. Substance is substance Jesus(Great Physician) said it best when he described what defiles us(anger, greed, lust, etc.) all those things that cause addictions like substance addiction, porn addiction, or whatever are merely forms of low self-esteem and the need to seek approval from other's or the opposite is true of course. (Mark chapter 7) will help those who want to know why substance's like paxil, whiskey, ritalin, cocaine, depakote, marry-jane, etc. etc. are only temporary solutions, and only prolong the healing process with fooling ourselves.

#3. Depression is most commonly associated with low opinions of ourselves, primarily believing things that aren't true. The longer we are exposed to the fears, doubts, discouragments etc. that this world has to offer, more our minds conform to wrong beliefs. What we tell ourselves ultimately determines reality, because the mind manifests what we choose to believe. Say for instance if I were to tell myself "I'm a great athlete!" I will find reasons to support that belief like: "wow! sensei tried to sweep but I rolled around and landed on my other foot." or "wow! that was a sweet assist I made in today's basketball game.", but the same is also true if I believe the opposite such as: "dang! I can't shoot well under pressure." or "my dominant eye keeps switching when they keep trying different medications on me, how am I supposed to get used to shooting pool if I have to keep switching hands?". You see what we believe manifest's itself, that's why possitive self-talk is so effective. Jesus told us he will tell us the truth, and the truth will set us free.

#4. Quite often we get discouraged because people we grow up with make no small issue of our failures, but don't make much effort to acknowlege our success's, probably because it's so easy to be jealous when we are all fighting to tell ourselves positive beliefs. My dad however was very very good at jumping on me whenever I made mistakes, but didn't extend the same effort for praising my success's. I could go into great detail about my dad and his self-rightous denial shield; however it's minimum explanation is all that will be required to help those who like me struggled to understand themselves and whatever else. The tongue can speak life or death to those around us with listening ears.

I don't know if I should go on, but I can preach and preach if you let me, but I'll leave room for everyone else's discoveries. Just know this for every belief that defiles us there is an equally opposite truth that free's us from it. Jesus told us to take up his yoke because it is light, and I don't know about you, but being care-free is like running forever without growing tired.

One last thing, if anyone has a pychiatrist who tells them depression or bi-polar or whatever is hereditary and passed down from our parents, it's not true... the bible calls it generational sin's, beliefs we learned from our parents sinsful understandings. Let's call like it is lies that need to be sorrted out, let's not conform any longer to the "pattern" of this world, but let us overcome the world by "renewing" of our minds.

Well that's all!

GOD Bless!

[None]

I hope you find comfort in the Holy Spirit through Jesus.

He's there when you seek Him and you can rest in His arms.

[Openly Curious]

'Hope_7'

WHAT THEY CAN'T SEE KILLS ME

Watching a child, watching the fights,

Crying my sleep during the screams of the night.

Nestled in pillows, overtaken by tears,

She'd never realize this would effect her over the years.

So afraid of this monster, one that I hate,

It comes from the anger so the pain it makes.

If only a mirror could save it to see,

This child is hurting,

This child is me.

So scared to fall in love, but tired of being alone,

I remember all those tears,

And the pain they have shone.

Now no longer with youth,

But old enough to say,

I can't ignore these memories I live with,

I live with them everyday.

Hello Hope 7 and welcome to worthy you'll find alot of good people here who really love the Lord. Your poem is really insightful and I am sorry you didn't have a good childhood as there are many of us who can relate to that and you are not alone. I would encourage you to continue to write your poetry as it can be a tremendous source of release in the feelings that get all bottled up inside. You can take comfort in the fact that though others can't see the still scared little girl inside of you that your Heavenly Father does see that little girl inside of you and knows exactly where she is at and what she is going through he knows the pain and He even knows the number of hairs that are on your head.

I want you to know something and that is that you can fall in love and your marriage doesn't have to be like your parents marriage was and you don't have to be afraid to move forward with your life in God. I also have wrote in poetry form to express some of my feelings and I remember one that came back to my mind and I said, "the shouts the scream and throwing of things are still pounding in my head" as that was similiar to what you wrote. And another that I remember writing was "just another for the garbage heap." But know that your life can be so different and wonderful and beautifully blessed and if you have not had any counseling I would recommend it to help you sort through things. It is all over now and you have survived.

blessings

OC