mathqueen Posted August 9, 2008 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 55 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 962 Content Per Day: 0.15 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/26/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/16/1975 Share Posted August 9, 2008 I am in SERIOUS need of practical advice. When you get into an extremely heated argument with your spouse, how do you keep from spewing venom? I cannot seem to stop this cycle I have had going for years, and I pray and try desperately to just stop and say nothing or at least stay calm and rational, but I fail every time. Anyone else had victory over this? Please share! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest man Posted August 9, 2008 Share Posted August 9, 2008 I am in SERIOUS need of practical advice. When you get into an extremely heated argument with your spouse, how do you keep from spewing venom? I cannot seem to stop this cycle I have had going for years, and I pray and try desperately to just stop and say nothing or at least stay calm and rational, but I fail every time. Anyone else had victory over this? Please share! You need to convince yourself that anger solves nothing. I know this is so "cliche", but you need to treat your spouse the way you want to be treated. I've had to deal with this. You need to just walk away. Collect your thought's. Calm down. Think about what you're going to say before you say it. You have to be able to let it go. Unless you can do this, you will never have victory over your anger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elkieDannsa' Air An Drochaid Posted August 9, 2008 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 59 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,390 Content Per Day: 0.21 Reputation: 9 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/24/2005 Status: Offline Share Posted August 9, 2008 Maybe you and your spouse should pray together regularly (daily). Maybe pray together before you talk about really important stuff. When you look at him, remember how you felt the first time you saw him , speak accordingly, too. Ask (pray) to see yourself and others through Gods eyes the way HE sees us, really helps a lot. Keeping in mind that all we do is for The Lord , words of love not fighting , a vocation at home for us to love God through others at home ,too. Praying blessings upon each other and for others, and the things in our lives. Also, in talking stuff out, try to express back what you think the other said, so they feel heard (when people feel heard, they are less likely to fight) and you are sure you got it right, asking them to do same may help in misunderstandings. Is there anything you haven't forgiven that is coming up in anger over other stuff? (questions we need to ask ourselves) Remembering Jesus also has been hurt many times, for a long time ,too, and still forgives , so must we. Try to notice and focus if you are getting way upset before it gets out of hand. Try to determine the reasons behind the fighting , if it is disagreement on something ,or just other stuff behind the scene at hand,that is really the issue that has not been talked out or forgiven or dealt with sufficiently. Is it that either of you are really tired or not feelings well when having discussion at the wrong time maybe? Timing matter s ,too.... Just some thoughts. Try to stop! before it gets heated.... take a break... get back to it later in better frame of mind.......(don't let it go up to the boiling point) Blessings, elkie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winniesue Posted August 9, 2008 Group: Junior Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 3 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 28 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/19/2008 Status: Offline Share Posted August 9, 2008 I am in SERIOUS need of practical advice. When you get into an extremely heated argument with your spouse, how do you keep from spewing venom? I cannot seem to stop this cycle I have had going for years, and I pray and try desperately to just stop and say nothing or at least stay calm and rational, but I fail every time. Anyone else had victory over this? Please share! I understand. It is really hard, once you get to that point of being really hurt, the anger seems to just come. Do you recognize yourself getting to that point? Are there any warning signs in yourself that say, "I am about to get really upset here?" I know that just the simple expression, of "I am going to go get a cup of coffee..."can give you an opportunity to take a break, get all the facts together, and pray about the issue, and then come back, making the second attempt a disscusion. Meaning... on purpose, to take timewith the discussion to not yell, or even get really angry. When I was first married, we would fight like this, and I would feel guilty every single time. So we started trying to write things out to each other, trade papers, and then calmly talk about what each has written, almost like your turn, my turn type of thing. It did seem to help, because we could not get defensive while the other person had the floor. We each had to allow the other person talk time of like 5 minutes, and if I felt myslef getting upset again, back to trying writing it out. It takes more time, and you have a chance to be calm by the time you need to share your side. : Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ~zoe-girl~ Posted August 9, 2008 Share Posted August 9, 2008 I sought the aid of a really good lady counselor and started asking God to change my heart and my thinking ~ This along with prayer has aided in the taming of my temper and tongue- still a work in progress~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathqueen Posted August 9, 2008 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 55 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 962 Content Per Day: 0.15 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/26/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/16/1975 Author Share Posted August 9, 2008 Thanks for sharing, dear friends. I know I have to CHOOSE to keep my mouth shut and wait for the rage to subside before speaking, and I have to CHOOSE to let go of the past (I guess I am still dealing with some unforgiveness and need to repent of that). I feel like I really do try that everytime, and yet I fail everytime. Btw, we do not fight often. Just when we do, I go OFF. I will keep pressing on and not give up on myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leonard Posted August 9, 2008 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 115 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 8,281 Content Per Day: 1.12 Reputation: 249 Days Won: 3 Joined: 03/03/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 10/30/1955 Share Posted August 9, 2008 I am in SERIOUS need of practical advice. When you get into an extremely heated argument with your spouse, how do you keep from spewing venom? I cannot seem to stop this cycle I have had going for years, and I pray and try desperately to just stop and say nothing or at least stay calm and rational, but I fail every time. Anyone else had victory over this? Please share! A little old man and wife were sitting on their front porch one day when a team of two horses came by pulling a wagon. The woman remarked to her husband: "See how those horses get along perfectly, and keep pulling together in harmony to reach the same goal? Why can't married couples get along like that?" The old man said: "You see the wagon halter around those horses? Look close at it. THERE'S ONLY ONE TONGUE BETWEEN THEM!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elkieDannsa' Air An Drochaid Posted August 10, 2008 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 59 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,390 Content Per Day: 0.21 Reputation: 9 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/24/2005 Status: Offline Share Posted August 10, 2008 Hugs and prayers for you mathqueen, elkie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Struggler Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 I am in SERIOUS need of practical advice. When you get into an extremely heated argument with your spouse, how do you keep from spewing venom? I cannot seem to stop this cycle I have had going for years, and I pray and try desperately to just stop and say nothing or at least stay calm and rational, but I fail every time. Anyone else had victory over this? Please share! My husband and I formed a "blended" family. There are many struggles involving our children and his drinking. When I get angry or just frustrated, instead of fighting or arguing with my husband, I let him know that I am upset. I've told him I will always love him, but there are times that I don't like him. At times we get to where we agree we disagree. But I pray and trust that God is in control. He will use our struggles to make us stronger. You see, I am a believer. He is not. Our neighbor and his wife are believers and my husband loves to go over and chat with this pastor. So I know that God is working in his life and mine. Don't give up, we all have faults! God knows it and loves us anyways!!! I will keep you in my prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Godfearer Posted August 10, 2008 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 11 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 177 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 4 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/13/2008 Status: Offline Share Posted August 10, 2008 as reading this scripture came to mind a soft answer turns away wrath. i am working on my anger problem. this scripture has helped me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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