damo1 Posted September 23, 2008 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 29 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 1,822 Content Per Day: 0.29 Reputation: 19 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/23/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/16/1967 Share Posted September 23, 2008 Thankyou damo1, yes I have a good open relationship with my sons and they know they can tell me anything - something I myself didn't have with my widower father. He isn't talking much about this girl, only that she is a friend with dark hair LOL... He is a handsome boy and ALOT of girls look at him when we are out and about, even older ones like 17/18...yikes.. I guess I am so nervous..you know knew territory and my first born is growing up.. I wasn't allowed to date as a teen and any mention of a boy.....well..you just didn even go there.... high his girl with me i am having to abide by her rules as she is not a christian and does not want to committ to a church his girl i noticed one member said in your post no no no until marrying age she did give her life to god but i wrecked it so i am at fault also to why she is avoiding church or wanting to re committ her life to jesus she knows that i stil go to church and she knows i wil become a pastor once my ctiazen ship is aproved for me to live in the philippines as she knows about my new fiancee and so does my son i wil be raised and wil be pastoring the new church my fiancee has taken over that has been planted by her other male pastor her new husband use to be a youth pastor i talked to his old pastor due to my x wife wanting him to do the wedding he got my phone number by my old pastor who has his own ministry we had a good talk as he wanted to know why we got divorced he said she was doing all the talking he was just silent i said yeh this is how she was raised he refused to marry them as he still wanted her new husband to sort out some personal issues threw counsling he was running he told me why they stood him down so what does a father do in a situation like i am in were i have to abide by the court orders i know what the bible has to say on dating also their are christian parents that wil not let their kids date they are very strict dating is only for marraige i was also worried for my son as i did not want him making the same mistakes as i did when i was a non believer my x wife said when she is with ethan she moniters what they do he holds her hands or they cudle on the lounge watching tv they run every afteernoon together they go to the track meets in sydney wich is not far from toongabi if she is in his bedroom playing the x box or playstation he has to leave the door open he has his own tv and dvd player and stereo in his room i brought this for him that way he does not bug his mum he has gone to her house so i dont know much about her parents or if they moniter what they do while my son is in her home what i have learnt is this you cant judge what a non believer does a christian does not have this right they do not respect what the bible has to say so as a single father i am having to tread very care full i am only developing the relation ship with my son he is slowly starting to trust me its taken 2 yrs to get to were he does not hate me but is wanting a relationship with me he does not call me dad he calls my x wifes husband dad and i am ok with that he even changed his last name to his last name he does not use my last name my x wifes new husband has become his father but my x wife communicates with me and she tells me what he is up to and her husband respects that God bles from damo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest HIS girl Posted September 23, 2008 Share Posted September 23, 2008 I have told my son..NO girls in your BEDROOM...simply NO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iryssa Posted September 24, 2008 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 117 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 3,860 Content Per Day: 0.56 Reputation: 9 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/10/2005 Status: Offline Birthday: 09/13/1984 Share Posted September 24, 2008 I have told my son..NO girls in your BEDROOM...simply NO. *nods* I think that's an important boundary. And personally (really just IMHO), I would be okay with a kid that age going to the mall and other public places, but anywhere they could REALLY get alone I wouldn't allow. I dunno...it's a good idea, I think, to subtly find out more about the girl and about her family. Don't accuse or anything, just be...interested, I guess. If you feel you have to, I suppose you could even make a rule where he doesn't go over to her house, or at least not past the dinner hour or something. If she's a Christian in a Christian family it's a good bet that they have a "no bedroom" policy too, but otherwise you'll have to make a pretty serious judgment call (not that you don't have to in any case...you know what I mean, though). Stuff like this always presents tough judgment calls, eh? But yeah, the no bedroom thing, GREAT rule to have. On that note...maybe you could suggest to your son he invite her over to dinner sometime, then you could get to know her a little. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Biblicist Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 Personally I do not believe in the modern idea of recreational dating. Not even for kids of marrying age. No teens should ever be alone. Group outings with chaperones is fine. Although chaperones can't be everywhere at all times....(been there, tried that...100 teens in a hotel, not a good idea...). I think courtship needs to be resumed. Kids sitting in the parents livingroom with them watching TV or chatting. Parents having an active role in the relationship, learning all there is to know about the child, his'/her parents and life. If they want to be cagey with their answers about a member of the opposite gender, they do not need to venture out alone. There is no reason to be secretive about this type of thing with Mom's and Dad's. My son has a "girlfriend". They have been friends since 3rd grade. They rarely see each other, as she lives an hour away, and mostly talk via internet and phone. We know her parents, and they know us. We know their values, and the church they attend. At this point, she is his "intended" and we are fostering that relationship. [Arranged marriage ] When they do get together it's usually an outing with at least one of the parents along. School plays, and such. Last year they went on their first "real" date to the Military Ball. He knows better than to try something with this girl, since her mother is a police officer and owns a tazer. Not that he would, but he is a teen aged boy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
georgesbluegirl Posted September 24, 2008 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 30 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 1,234 Content Per Day: 0.17 Reputation: 7 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/17/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 04/10/1987 Share Posted September 24, 2008 Hey guys, I just realized that the concept of "courting" is something I've never really engaged people on here at Worthy. Can someone explain it to me, and why the modern conception of dating doesn't fit in with your personal beliefs? I understand that this is something people have a wide range of views on, and I'm not saying that everyone subscribes to one concept in terms of relationships. I'm just really curious! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest HIS girl Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 On that note...maybe you could suggest to your son he invite her over to dinner sometime, then you could get to know her a little. Actually I did and he went white which must mean something serious because he's an tan skinned boy!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Biblicist Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 Hey guys, I just realized that the concept of "courting" is something I've never really engaged people on here at Worthy. Can someone explain it to me, and why the modern conception of dating doesn't fit in with your personal beliefs? I understand that this is something people have a wide range of views on, and I'm not saying that everyone subscribes to one concept in terms of relationships. I'm just really curious! I started a thread about it a while ago, Biblical Courship vs. Dating, but ended closing it down because of the dissagreements. I believe that modern recreational dating is wrong, it sets kids up in relationships they are not physically, emotionally, or spiritually ready for, and when break ups occur, they are crushed. Often they take the hurts from break-ups into each relationship, piling on the injuries and then carry them over to marriage. Dating is a way to find a mate, simple as that. There should be nothing recreational about it. Any relationship my children have will be closely monitored by myself and my husband. We will learn all we can about the child's parents, their values, morals, and church. We have certain rules about the kind of person they can date, if they choose to. At this point our daughter is not interested in boys...BLAH! I keep telling her that's OK! My son is in a courtship type of relationship. As I stated in a previous post. We, his parents and her parents, are in complete control over when they see each other, as neither one of them drives. When they do, there will be strict rules as to how and where they will see each other. It is completely for their protection. Emotionally, physically and spiritually. That is our job, as their parents, and we do not take it lightly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest HIS girl Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 We have certain rules about the kind of person they can date, if they choose to. Great boundaries and rules you have : ) Your boy is a Christian of course, what if God is leading him to a young lady that doesn't "fit" your mould but you just think it's your son going out on a limb? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Biblicist Posted September 24, 2008 Share Posted September 24, 2008 We have certain rules about the kind of person they can date, if they choose to. Great boundaries and rules you have : ) Your boy is a Christian of course, what if God is leading him to a young lady that doesn't "fit" your mould but you just think it's your son going out on a limb? Well, I've been praying for his future wife since birth. At this point, and I realize it can change, he is pretty stuck on this one girl. [he's a lot like me] We have been teaching him since he was very young the kind of person God would be happy with him marrying and which ones he would not. It's been instilled in our kids from the time they were very young. I also believe that God allows what He hates to accomplish what He loves, and we can not know the mind of God, nor can we question His guidance. I believe that He has one plan for each of our lives, and none of us can "mess that up." All for His glory. I am quite certain that our rules are in line with God's expectations as to what the young Christian man should look for in a wife. Proverbs 31, 2 Cor. 6:14. We do have a few extras that are simply there for their safty, but still they are in line with God's word. So as a Christian, a young lady that doesn't fit our mold, wouldn't fit God's either. And if that occurs, there is a problem with his Walk and that is where we would begin. As I said though, it is imperative that we get to know the family, their values, and church background. So far that has not been a problem. If he finds another girl though, [i can't even imagine that ] we will have to go through the whole process again. Even with his causal male friends, I know their parents, their background, and their values. I always have, whenever he has made a new friend. Once he is a man, 18, I will have to trust that our teaching is enough, and that our little voice in his head will become God's little voice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Floatingaxe Posted September 24, 2008 Group: Royal Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 62 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 9,613 Content Per Day: 1.45 Reputation: 656 Days Won: 9 Joined: 03/11/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/31/1952 Share Posted September 24, 2008 On that note...maybe you could suggest to your son he invite her over to dinner sometime, then you could get to know her a little. Actually I did and he went white which must mean something serious because he's an tan skinned boy!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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