Arranged marriages- still a good idea?

[Xan]

Here's a question for you....What do you think Match.com, EHarmony.com, EquallyYoked.com are? They arrange matches between people who are of like mind, and interest. Wouldn't it be better for the parents, who know their child, help to arrange the match? Wouldn't a child be able to trust their parents more? I would hope so.

Of those who are marraige minded, that's exactly what it is. Unfortunately, there are many, perhaps most, who are on there for reasons other than marraige. I admit, I was one that was on Match for reasons other than marraige. I was looking to just date and have fun, nothing serious but nothing sinful, either. However, a gentleman at the top of the list of the matches the site made for me is the one I'm engaged to now. It still amazes both of us how well our similarities match up and how well our differences compliment each other. Also, this is a man that I was not instantly attracted to, but looking at his wonderful qualities and how they met well with my criteria, I realized this was the one.

[Guest HIS girl]

Also, this is a man that I was not instantly attracted to, but looking at his wonderful qualities and how they met well with my criteria, I realized this was the one.

That's great Xan!!

I understand the dynamics of physical attraction but it is short lived and should not be THE foundation of any quality relationship. As physical looks change, usually "not for the better " , an attraction of the mental/emotional side is a better option for a long term relationship.

Sure peoples' personalities can shift but the general character is there unless it's altered by drugs/alcohol, mental illness or some other major event.

[pokemaughan]

Well, yes and no. Yes because you could arrange your child to marry someone you know to be 'decent'. No because love and attraction, in my case, don't just happen with any girl. It has to be someone special, that you connect with.

[LadyRaven]

The thing that divides quite a bit of this discussion actually goes back to the theology if you think about it.

A covenanter such as myself sees his or her children as members of the church until they prove by their actions that they are not. They are children of the covenant, like the children of the OT. These children are baptised usually, and treated as members of the covenant community. The home is a small picture of that, parents take an active role in the lives of even adult unmarried, as there is no such thing as a single unmarried person with no covenant head in scripture. And, today's dating culture does not exist if a family is thoroughly covenantal. The closest thing I can find to the way finding a mate is supposed to occur is typically called biblical courtship. Except that often this becomes legalistically applied.

My experience is that those who have trouble with the father being active, providing suitors for the girl to choose from, are not likely the same ones who see him as her covenant head even as an adult. It's a different view of family.

My father was not willing to be so active as it is not his theology. And his mother and father pretty much left him to raise himself, so he had no role model. But, I can say that if he'd had final approval of anyone I wanted to marry I would not have married my first husband, and it would have saved me much heartache. And he'd have let me marry my second, which, overall was still a good experience for me, even though it ended badly. He knows me well and he knows what I need emotionally. I was looking for other things, like common interests and the like. It would work well if I picked a few people with common interests and let him weed out the ones he knew would not go well with me. Funny thing is, he can tell these things just by meeting him once or twice, it takes me months to figure this out.

So if he ever introduced me to anyone, I would play close attention to his choice. At least he'd be emotionally compatible at the very least. And since Dad is finally accepting my melancholic gothic type preferences, I think he'd find someone that would accept them as well.