Guest Cooks Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 Our daughter is currently questioning her sexuality. We are devout Christians and are, without saying, beside ourselves. We have tapped our phone lines, placed desktop surveillance on our computer and are now considering the use of audio equipment to ease drop on conversaions within her bed room. She is suspicious of our surveillance efforts and suspects that the phone lines are being tapped and her conversations recorded, which is true. We confronted her about her sexuality and she only admitted her homosexual desires after we showed her that we had been reading her message board conversations with another girl she currently goes to school with. She swore to us that she had made a promis to GOD and is making an effort to resist these desires. However, we know from the phone taps that she is still having these feelings and may be attempting to pursue those feelings with another girl from school. We currently have her restricted to very little phone usage and won't allow her to go anywhere with any of her friends because of this issue. She is only fourteen years old and we don't know where these feelings have come from. We have prayed about this and we feel that we have done everything that we should in regards to trying to help her with this issue. However, we were hoping for some advise as to how to proceed with this issue. Our daughter has referenced a secret with her friend from school and they refuse to discuss it over the phone. They plan to discuss it when they are together face to face. My wife and I plan to allow this girl to come to the house and use the audio equipment to ease drop on there conversation. At least this way we will finally know for sure what this secret is and if they are attempting to pursue a romantic relationship. I'm not even sure why I am posting this message, I guess I just wanted to vent my frustrations a little in the hopes that someone would have some sound advice for us in this regard. Please prey for us and please reply if you have any sound advice. Thank you for your time, thoughts and efforts for my families spiritual well being. Sincerely, The Cook's Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ted Posted June 7, 2004 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 276 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 7,474 Content Per Day: 0.96 Reputation: 51 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/25/2003 Status: Offline Birthday: 01/31/1966 Share Posted June 7, 2004 Satan attacks people early in life. Never give up on your daughter. No matter what she does. My prayers are with you and her. t. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dwinkjr Posted June 7, 2004 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 62 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,430 Content Per Day: 0.20 Reputation: 6 Days Won: 0 Joined: 06/04/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 12/18/1981 Share Posted June 7, 2004 Well it is perfectly natural for a teenage child to question there sexuallity, it is also prefectly normal for her at this age to rebel against you and "your Religion". Odds are she will outgrow this phase as do all children.. the sad truth is that you can only do so much... you can only continue to support her in her faith and remind her those things are not of God... Fortunately God is the great mediator... So the best thing for you to do is continue to pray for her and get as many others involve in the prayer as you can... Personally you just gained one more in myself... My Prayers are with you and your family.. God Bless, Dave Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ted Posted June 7, 2004 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 276 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 7,474 Content Per Day: 0.96 Reputation: 51 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/25/2003 Status: Offline Birthday: 01/31/1966 Share Posted June 7, 2004 There's only so much you can do, but at 14, you still can do a whole lot! Keep with you conviction and Faith. t. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelby Posted June 7, 2004 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 16 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 706 Content Per Day: 0.10 Reputation: 22 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/30/2004 Status: Offline Share Posted June 7, 2004 I was a teen not soo long ago, and I work eith them all the time now. I suggest that you earn her trust again. Since you have proven her right that you have ease dropped, that will only make her hide it more. What willit help you to know what she is thinking? When I was growing up Adults were given respect because they were adults, but that is no longer the rule. Kids give respect and trust when it is received. I am not saying that that is right, but you have broken trust, not her. She may be keeping secrets from you, but that doesn't mean she has purposely deceived you. I do understand that you are doing these things out of love for her, but you are pushing her away I think. She won't trust you. I say come clean! I say that you tell her how you feel and encourage her to tell you how she feels. You do not have to condone it, but know that she is only 14 and does not know who she is yet. Even teens who desire the opposite sex should not be doing sexual things. I think you should discuss it as if it were a heterosexual conversation. She needs to be heard, and she needs to feel that if she were to choose either way you wouldn't say "I told you so" or "you are not welcome here". The Bible says to bring your child up in the Lord and when they are older they will not depart fromit, I can see you have done this, do not lose heart. Please, open up to her, share with her your concerns, and not in an attacking way. She doesn't even know if she wants to do it, even if she says she does. My personal opinion is that she is already thinking about this, this early because it has been planted in her. I fear she may have been violated and turning to this friend, who I am also thinking has been through the same, for comfort. You gather with those you can relate to. I was molested from a very young age, once that switch of sexuality is flipped you cannot turn it off. Even if you didn't like it, you still had some sensation and you seek to cope with that. I say love her, accept her, show her that she is the most important thing to you and that you want her to be a happy young girl. I am not saying to let her "experiment", I am saying, let her be herself, holding her hostage is only going to make the Lion more angry and more apt to attack and seek revenge once out. I know this from experience. Be there for her. I think the survelance is too far. If she was making bombs or killing animals yes, but discussing sex with other teens, (though I agree the internet is not the place) is normal. Cliff's Notes Version 1. Show her she can trust you 2. Let her say how she is feeling 3. Drop the handcuffs 4. get her some counseling (hopefully she will divulge what she is raging against to you so you can get a more specific type of counseling, preferably group teen counseling. Kids will not open up if forced to go to an adult counselor, they need to hear that other people are feeling like them) 5. Get to know her friends 6. is she involoved at the church? Encourage her to use some of her talents to join a group at the church, if your church has nothing for her age, I think you should find one that does or send her to one that does. These are formative years, she needs to see how Christian teens deal with these issues. I hope I have not offended you but I know this from experience and from counseling teens for about 8 years. God Bless you, remember, accept her not her behavior, no attacking, if you want a lion to come to you so you can gently put them in a cage so they don't hurt themselves or others you need to make it appealing and gently and lovingly coax them, pushing will only make it that much harder for you and make the lion that much more angry! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rick Posted June 7, 2004 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 5 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 265 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 2 Days Won: 0 Joined: 06/19/2002 Status: Offline Share Posted June 7, 2004 Cooks, As a fellow parent, Let me commend you on your love for your daughter. It's apparent that you care about your daughter very much. Although I am not an expert in this matter, I would like to offer some suggestions that may help with your situation. For whatever reason, your daughter has been led to believe that same sex relationships are acceptable. Getting to the basis of her beliefs and what formed them is important. It's possible that she has been exposed to an alternative lifestyle from someone that she associates with and respects through a friendship. She may not understand the reasoning behind this persons desires, but accepts them based on their friendship. It can be that your daughter is seeking acceptance or has had an emotional need met by an individual who was also influenced by either life experiences or just curiosity. Teens feel immense pressure to be accepted. As a parent we attempt to meet their needs as best we can. But even in that we can not always know every aspect of their exposure or to what extent it has shaped their belief system. That's why it is extremely important that we talk openly with them and allow them the freedom to express their beliefs, right or wrong, and deal with them in a constructive manner. Many teens fear rejection or shame for the secrets they have allowed themselves to keep. When they are allowed to safely express their views without criticism or fear of rejection, they are more apt to open up and reveal more about what has forged their belief towards a particular position. It's important for them to have someone with whom they can confide in and trust that they will not be rejected or brought to shame by what they believe. Only then can these issues be dealt with and the error shown to them and the truth about it received. Although your daughters circumstances may be different, I am aware of an individual who also dealt with some of the same issues that your daughter is facing. She too came from a christian home. Although there are varying reasons that would lead someone to have a curiosity about alternative lifestyles, this individual in particular had experienced sexual abuse in her life from a young age. It was a secret that she had held to for a very long time. After establishing trust, and defining safe boundaries that she was comfortable with, she began to open up and reveal what had brought her to the basis of her beliefs. She confided that she had a fear of men because of what had happened to her. It was a fear that tormented her immensely, and had caused her to seek out friendships with other females because she viewed them as being safer. She lacked a basic trust in anyone and even had a very difficult time in trusting God. In her need to have friendship, she was approached by someone with whom she could feel safe and with whom she did not feel was a physical threat to her. This individual too had experienced abuse early in her life and attempted to lead her into an alternative lifestyle. One which she had already embraced. Once the basis for her beliefs was known, it became clear as to how to approach this particular situation. She came to understand the reasons for her beliefs and why she chose to accept them. She ultimately came to see the psychology of her beliefs and why she was so ready to set aside what she knew to be right and accept them. In this case it was safer for her trust another female and have a relationship with them, than to relive a traumatic experience over and over with each male she encountered. My reason for sharing this is not to insinuate that your daughter has been sexually abused. But to show you that many times the reasons for this type of behaviour can be complex. We can easily say that it is wrong, that it is a sin etc., but not realize that something far more complex than we understand may be at the source of the belief. With this said, I would suggest that you seek out a qualified christian counselor who can be safe for her to trust, and allow them the freedom to get to the root of whatever may be affecting your daughters beliefs, and who can safely lead her to understand the implications of such a belief on her life. With proper guidance she can be shown the forces that are at work in her life to lead her into error, and can be set free from the bondage that is seeking to enslave her. Lifting up your family in prayer! Rick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicks Girl Posted June 7, 2004 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 30 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 669 Content Per Day: 0.09 Reputation: 7 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/26/2003 Status: Offline Birthday: 09/04/1986 Share Posted June 7, 2004 continue to pray, and love your daughter. I would suggest being very careful how you go about "restricting her" and other things like that. As I know from experience, that usually pushes the child away even more. She needs to know you love her, no matter what, and accept her. I'm definitely not saying it's right, because it's not, and not to let her "experiment" but be careful, and prayerfully consider every step you take. God bless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catsmeow Posted June 7, 2004 Group: Royal Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 439 Topics Per Day: 0.06 Content Count: 7,315 Content Per Day: 0.93 Reputation: 356 Days Won: 0 Joined: 11/21/2002 Status: Offline Share Posted June 7, 2004 Well it is perfectly natural for a teenage child to question there sexuallity, it is also prefectly normal for her at this age to rebel against you and "your Religion". NO! It's NOT! I was rebellious but I never questioned whether I was heterosexual or straight!!! No chance of that! I think this is incredibly wrong - at least for females. I can't speak for males but I honestly don't know of ONE female who wanted to have sexual relations with another female. It is NOT normal; we are NOT born that way... Sexual desires are normal ..yes. Wanting to experience someone of the same gender is NOT. Have we really been this deluded by the propaganda that fellow Christians would say, "This is normal?" I welcome you to the board, Wink...but I'm afraid I must respectfully disagree with you that homosexual confusion is a normal thing...at least for females. Maybe males have this kind of sexual dilemna - I've never been male so I sure can't speak for a male. I can tell you I don't know ANY females who wonder if they're a lesbian. It's the programming of the public schools that are teaching sexual education and telling kids it's "normal". It's not normal...I hope everyone understands ...God did not make us to desire the same sex. We were made with a sexual drive for members of the opposite sex and homosexuality has blossomed because we are now in a society that condones and approves of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catsmeow Posted June 7, 2004 Group: Royal Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 439 Topics Per Day: 0.06 Content Count: 7,315 Content Per Day: 0.93 Reputation: 356 Days Won: 0 Joined: 11/21/2002 Status: Offline Share Posted June 7, 2004 Cooks: Pray for her; intercede for her. She's in a snare but our Savior came to set the captives free. She can be freed. She's likely a product of the public school system. I know. I was once an elementary teacher...and the NEA does have an agenda. I know only one weapon that can crush strongholds....prayerful intercession on her behalf. She's still under your authority and you can help her. Also, Exodus International is an organization of Christians who were once gay but transformed by the blood of Christ. I believe they also have a support group for the family members of gays/lesbians. I'd do a search and check them out...I would imagine they have a board or some sort or some link to support the parents of children caught up in this lifestyle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LadyC Posted June 7, 2004 Share Posted June 7, 2004 QUOTE (dwinkjr @ Jun 7 2004, 02:40 PM) Well it is perfectly natural for a teenage child to question there sexuallity, it is also prefectly normal for her at this age to rebel against you and "your Religion". QUOTE (catsmeow) NO! It's NOT! I was rebellious but I never questioned whether I was heterosexual or straight!!! nor did i. sorry, it is NOT natural for a teenager of either gender to question their sexuality. the very fact that it happens so frequently doesn't make it natural at all, it just exemplifies how debase our society has become. homosexuality is glorified in the media, and our society has become desensitized to the point of causing this sort of confusion among our youth at an alarming rate. there is nothing "natural" about that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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