Iryssa Posted December 16, 2008 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 117 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 3,860 Content Per Day: 0.56 Reputation: 9 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/10/2005 Status: Offline Birthday: 09/13/1984 Share Posted December 16, 2008 So, one of my cousins is on Facebook and I have her added as my friend. We're pretty close for cousins with a ten-year age difference (she's 14), but it's not like we're confidantes or anything. Anyway, I just witnessed this exchange between my cousin M. and (I'm guessing) a girl from school or her dance classes after M. and I had been talking about a trip to Turkey M. might get to take: Me:That's awesome! You should talk to my sister-in-law. She went to Turkey for part of her YWAM program and LOVED it there. One thing, when you beckon someone while you're there, make sure you do it with your palm facing the ground using all your fingers, not palm-up using one finger, like we do it here. In Turkey, the way we do it is how hookers beckon customers! Cousin M: and omg jenna haha thats soo funny, thanks for the tip. dont want them to think im a hooker! its not completely for sure yet, because it is 2 years away but im pretty sure it will happen Girl: M____ YOU ARE A HOOKER SO WHY WOULD YOU NOT WANT THEM TO THINK THE TRUTH!? Cousin M: SHUT UP R_____! YOUR THE HOOKER I don't know what to do. I was just gonna hit the "Report" button and report it as online bullying, but as you can see, my cousin responded just as badly. Thing is, I remember all too clearly what it was like being 14 and having girls say things like that and, well...at the time I probably would have said something cutting right back too (a knee-jerk response a teenager may not have learned to control entirely yet). So I have a dilemma...do I report the first girl? Do I report the girl AND my cousin (seems the most just, even if it's not entirely fair from an emotional standpoint)? Should I tell my aunt about the exchange? Do I just ignore it and brush it off as them being 14-year-old girls? Do I come to her defense in an adult sort of way? (in some ways I would have appreciated that as a teenager, but in other ways it would have just made things worse) I don't want to alienate my cousin when what she may really need more than anything right now is someone on her side (like I say, I remember what that was like), but on the other hand I don't want my cousin to end up being a part of another cautionary tale about online bullying. Anyway, I'd especially appreciate comments from some of the youth we have on the board. I mean, I haven't forgotten what it's like, but I'm not still there, either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kross Posted December 16, 2008 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 44 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,773 Content Per Day: 0.31 Reputation: 51 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/04/2008 Status: Offline Birthday: 12/27/1957 Share Posted December 16, 2008 So, one of my cousins is on Facebook and I have her added as my friend. We're pretty close for cousins with a ten-year age difference (she's 14), but it's not like we're confidantes or anything. Anyway, I just witnessed this exchange between my cousin M. and (I'm guessing) a girl from school or her dance classes after M. and I had been talking about a trip to Turkey M. might get to take: Me:That's awesome! You should talk to my sister-in-law. She went to Turkey for part of her YWAM program and LOVED it there. One thing, when you beckon someone while you're there, make sure you do it with your palm facing the ground using all your fingers, not palm-up using one finger, like we do it here. In Turkey, the way we do it is how hookers beckon customers! Cousin M: and omg jenna haha thats soo funny, thanks for the tip. dont want them to think im a hooker! its not completely for sure yet, because it is 2 years away but im pretty sure it will happen Girl: M____ YOU ARE A HOOKER SO WHY WOULD YOU NOT WANT THEM TO THINK THE TRUTH!? Cousin M: SHUT UP R_____! YOUR THE HOOKER I don't know what to do. I was just gonna hit the "Report" button and report it as online bullying, but as you can see, my cousin responded just as badly. Thing is, I remember all too clearly what it was like being 14 and having girls say things like that and, well...at the time I probably would have said something cutting right back too (a knee-jerk response a teenager may not have learned to control entirely yet). So I have a dilemma...do I report the first girl? Do I report the girl AND my cousin (seems the most just, even if it's not entirely fair from an emotional standpoint)? Should I tell my aunt about the exchange? Do I just ignore it and brush it off as them being 14-year-old girls? Do I come to her defense in an adult sort of way? (in some ways I would have appreciated that as a teenager, but in other ways it would have just made things worse) I don't want to alienate my cousin when what she may really need more than anything right now is someone on her side (like I say, I remember what that was like), but on the other hand I don't want my cousin to end up being a part of another cautionary tale about online bullying. Anyway, I'd especially appreciate comments from some of the youth we have on the board. I mean, I haven't forgotten what it's like, but I'm not still there, either. This is just 2 kids jokin' and pokin' at each other. It means nothing. Let it go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arrowfromgod Posted December 16, 2008 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 4 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 376 Content Per Day: 0.07 Reputation: 4 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/03/2008 Status: Offline Birthday: 01/30/1962 Share Posted December 16, 2008 i agree with kross i have a 13 yr old daughter and a seventeen yr old too ,,,i made the mistake of getting to involved in there social lifes and so as it happend my daughters stopped talking to me about certain things ,,, ya know like they would shut up if daddy was around ect.ect. not that i dont watch em ,,, but i let them handle most of it as i should and am there if they need support i would keep an out fer yer cuz but hold back the strike team thing unless it gets out control Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iryssa Posted December 16, 2008 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 117 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 3,860 Content Per Day: 0.56 Reputation: 9 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/10/2005 Status: Offline Birthday: 09/13/1984 Author Share Posted December 16, 2008 This is just 2 kids jokin' and pokin' at each other. It means nothing. Let it go. Look, I know my cousin's written "voice," and I've seen her engage in those "jokin' and pokin'" exchanges, and this was NOT one of them. TRUST ME. While I know in some parts of the 'States it's common to refer to eachother as "hooker" or "ho" or whatever as a term of endearment, that's not quite so common here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kross Posted December 16, 2008 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 44 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,773 Content Per Day: 0.31 Reputation: 51 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/04/2008 Status: Offline Birthday: 12/27/1957 Share Posted December 16, 2008 This is just 2 kids jokin' and pokin' at each other. It means nothing. Let it go. Look, I know my cousin's written "voice," and I've seen her engage in those "jokin' and pokin'" exchanges, and this was NOT one of them. TRUST ME. While I know in some parts of the 'States it's common to refer to eachother as "hooker" or "ho" or whatever as a term of endearment, that's not quite so common here. Well, you should ask her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trusting Jesus Posted December 16, 2008 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 66 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 2,050 Content Per Day: 0.34 Reputation: 22 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/12/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 09/09/1952 Share Posted December 16, 2008 Well, here's my 2 cents worth. I have an 18 year old daughter and my husband and I have raised her to know that where ever she is she needs to remember that she represents Christ. If she looks and acts and talks like the world, then she is not representing Christ to her best ability. Everyone slips up and the exchange between your cousin and this other person may just be a flare up of anger, but maybe you could quietly speak with her and guide her. I wouldn't come down hard on her, just some loving guidance. <>< ><> Nathele Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
O'Dannyboy Posted December 16, 2008 Group: Royal Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 156 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 3,454 Content Per Day: 0.48 Reputation: 4 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/22/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 07/02/1969 Share Posted December 16, 2008 Speaking from experience, it is not even worth responding to such comments live or internet. Once some people know which buttons to push they generally will want to continue pushing. It's the nature of the beast. When you expose that soft underbelly they will instinctively dive right in. Perhaps you should speak with your cousin and advise her that she only plays into their hands when she allows them to goad her into reacting in such a way. Tell her to be pro-active rather than re-active. Does she want to be controlled or be in control? The choice is hers and only hers. I wouldn't risk appearing to judge or chastise but offer as advice as one who has been there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darkest_red Posted December 17, 2008 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 67 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 885 Content Per Day: 0.12 Reputation: 55 Days Won: 0 Joined: 04/05/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/23/1986 Share Posted December 17, 2008 So, one of my cousins is on Facebook and I have her added as my friend. We're pretty close for cousins with a ten-year age difference (she's 14), but it's not like we're confidantes or anything. Anyway, I just witnessed this exchange between my cousin M. and (I'm guessing) a girl from school or her dance classes after M. and I had been talking about a trip to Turkey M. might get to take: Me:That's awesome! You should talk to my sister-in-law. She went to Turkey for part of her YWAM program and LOVED it there. One thing, when you beckon someone while you're there, make sure you do it with your palm facing the ground using all your fingers, not palm-up using one finger, like we do it here. In Turkey, the way we do it is how hookers beckon customers! Cousin M: and omg jenna haha thats soo funny, thanks for the tip. dont want them to think im a hooker! its not completely for sure yet, because it is 2 years away but im pretty sure it will happen Girl: M____ YOU ARE A HOOKER SO WHY WOULD YOU NOT WANT THEM TO THINK THE TRUTH!? Cousin M: SHUT UP R_____! YOUR THE HOOKER I don't know what to do. I was just gonna hit the "Report" button and report it as online bullying, but as you can see, my cousin responded just as badly. Thing is, I remember all too clearly what it was like being 14 and having girls say things like that and, well...at the time I probably would have said something cutting right back too (a knee-jerk response a teenager may not have learned to control entirely yet). So I have a dilemma...do I report the first girl? Do I report the girl AND my cousin (seems the most just, even if it's not entirely fair from an emotional standpoint)? Should I tell my aunt about the exchange? Do I just ignore it and brush it off as them being 14-year-old girls? Do I come to her defense in an adult sort of way? (in some ways I would have appreciated that as a teenager, but in other ways it would have just made things worse) I don't want to alienate my cousin when what she may really need more than anything right now is someone on her side (like I say, I remember what that was like), but on the other hand I don't want my cousin to end up being a part of another cautionary tale about online bullying. Anyway, I'd especially appreciate comments from some of the youth we have on the board. I mean, I haven't forgotten what it's like, but I'm not still there, either. Honestly? I don't think it would be worth reporting it - your cousin responded in kind, after all. However, perhaps it might be best to just bring it up and suggest it probably wasn't the best of responses, joking or otherwise. To quote Mean Girls "...but you all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it okay for guys to call you sluts and whores." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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