BrightSunset

Ok ty. I guess that was my biggest worry that he truly loved this girl and I was preventing them from being happy. And you are dead-on about what you have said here. I AM afraid of going out into the unknown, being alone with a child and maybe a chance to never be married, which is what I've always hoped for ever since I was a little girl. I thank you for your advice and I am picking that bible up again and have been reading since last week. Much appreciation to you all. I guess I will now leave the rest of this up to God.

Ok, I understand what you are saying. I guess it might be my insecurities, I mean I have told him before that if I am not the one he wants to marry then go be with the one he does. He got very upset and said I am the one he wants to marry. He tells me he has no feelings for this girl, and that she has told him that she sees him as a "brother". I will just do some more praying and keep asking what God wants me to do. I don't know, somehow I just can't let go of him, and I have tried, I have tried to let him go see them without me, but he just refuses. I just pray that if it is anything out of the norm (with his feelings) that God will help him let it go. ty for your answer. However, I must really add that this one fear that keep coming into my mind is that we will be waiting, and waiting for our marriage date as long as this girl is so close by... unless she were to get married. Is it possible that maybe he thinks of it like betrayal to her if he marries me and she knows about it? like just him being nice because she used to have a crush on him, and he doesn't know if she still does? Why would having this girl close by cause the marriage date to be so far away? Is this what your b/f says? Is he not willing to marry you ASAP to make it right with God and put God's blessing on your relationship? Is he really not willing to marry you because of this girl? I don't understand. Have you talked with him about this? Has he actually implied this? No he hasn't implied it. But however, maybe he doesn't know which one of us he truly loves. It's possible that he realized that it's her that he loves. I mean everything she does wrong he says it's someone elses fault, and any advice she gives for our baby he thinks is the advice we should use. He wants me to be good friends with her. He always asks me stuff like oh so you two have so much in common huh? I have tried to be her friend, believe me but she is 18 and i am 25 and it is always so awkward because when we are together most of his attention is on her. Her family invited us to an early christmas party today. Right when my fiance and I pulled up, first her brother came out (who he claims to be good friends with) to say hi to him at his window. Well they were talking and next thing I know the girl comes out of the house and the moment she opened the door and came out his focus went from her brother to her. he could not stop staring at her, so what came up next in my mind was "wow, that's got to be love". Funny thing though, is to me she does not seem at all interested in him if she ever was. Though I've known a lot of stories that with persistence, a man can bring that back with a woman. I had to get something from home real quick so I told him I would go it's not a far distance. I said you can stay here, they were all there but he persisted to go with me. So you see? isn't it quite confusing? I mean if he's in love with her shouldn't he try to stay there Without Me? Im willing to let him go if he really does love her. Then again her on and off boyfriend was there so maybe that's why he wouldn't stay. Like I said... I just don't know. I'm sorry if this is so much but it's wearing on my heart and mind and part of me just wants to give up. If i even mention her name now he'll say no more talking about that (name) and a cussword.

Ok, I understand what you are saying. I guess it might be my insecurities, I mean I have told him before that if I am not the one he wants to marry then go be with the one he does. He got very upset and said I am the one he wants to marry. He tells me he has no feelings for this girl, and that she has told him that she sees him as a "brother". I will just do some more praying and keep asking what God wants me to do. I don't know, somehow I just can't let go of him, and I have tried, I have tried to let him go see them without me, but he just refuses. I just pray that if it is anything out of the norm (with his feelings) that God will help him let it go. ty for your answer. However, I must really add that this one fear that keep coming into my mind is that we will be waiting, and waiting for our marriage date as long as this girl is so close by... unless she were to get married. Is it possible that maybe he thinks of it like betrayal to her if he marries me and she knows about it? like just him being nice because she used to have a crush on him, and he doesn't know if she still does?

Ok, I understand what you are saying. I guess it might be my insecurities, I mean I have told him before that if I am not the one he wants to marry then go be with the one he does. He got very upset and said I am the one he wants to marry. He tells me he has no feelings for this girl, and that she has told him that she sees him as a "brother". I will just do some more praying and keep asking what God wants me to do. I don't know, somehow I just can't let go of him, and I have tried, I have tried to let him go see them without me, but he just refuses. I just pray that if it is anything out of the norm (with his feelings) that God will help him let it go. ty for your answer.

I agree with u and right now, to be honest? I'm not so sure I want to marry him anymore. I mean this girl is not going to just go away, she lives just down the street from us and her and her sisters always want to see our baby, not to mention that their parents are also friends with his parents... sigh... I guess i stepped out to far from my league.

I think i must also add that it was through this female friend of his that he heard that her younger sister had a crush on him. According to him she has had a "spark in her eye" for him since she was about 12. he has known them for a long time and believe me I went through hell before I first got him to admit this lol.

Hi i'm sorry i haven't been on in a while. I will add some more detail to my situation. This girl I am referring to is actually the "younger sister" of a female friend of his, who is also married to a male friend of his. Now my fiance doesn't really talk with this girl much, or hasn't before, but he always brings questions up about her to her older sister, sister's hubby, her on and off boyfriend and even her parents. And when we are both together and at her sisters house and the girl is there, he won't sit by the girl but have me instead. Though he will be looking at her and while holding me try to strike up conversations with her, to which she won't answer much to because I am there. it's so downright confusing, i mean am i there to help him get to know her?

Well here's the thing. he seems like he's trying his best to respect me, I mean he makes sure I'm with him or someone else is when he's around her. But what I don't get is if it is just lust, why all the nervousness when he sees her? Why does he care about her affairs or when something goes wrong with her? (more than when her siblings or parents have problems) Why does he still care about when she's choosing to move out of her parents house? it's these little things that get me bugging. I imagine that a guy who lusts, would only care about getting something, but it seems like more though they have never dated... I guess i'm just gonna keep praying about this as much as I can.

BrightSunset has made quite a few posts and each one reveals a bit more about her situation. After reading through all of them it seems that God is dealing with her and calling to her. She is feeling the pull of the Holy Spirit and is trying to respond. <>< ><> Nathele ty, and you are quite correct.

Ok, if a man loved a woman because he's known her for a while seen her grow up and all that, would one ever mistake that for him "being in love with her" if i add the fact that the two have never dated, or really every been close friends?

Ok, well since I had my daughter (and maybe a little before that) I havent been to church. My walk hasn't been going so well and i just havent felt recently in my heart well, close to Jesus.