Rare Bird

. . . also adding another scripture that Danl shared last night on chat; one that helped lift me: The LORD your God among you is powerful—He will save and He will take joyful delight in you. In his love He will renew you with his love; he will celebrate with singing because of you. ~Zephaniah 3:17

Thank you, OneLight. The Word, and only the Word, is what is sustaining me now. As you know, even though we have head knowledge of the reasons for testing and trials, it's the heart that can still ache during the refining process. I prayed last night, asking for forgiveness of the sins and fearful thoughts I was having, and am dwelling on the verses you cited. They ARE what I need to focus on--whatever is true, lovely . . . and not to compare the situations and life of others to where I'm at right now--which seems most difficult at this present time. My trial has been ongoing for more than a year now--suffering job loss, rejection after rejection and having to live in a contentious household where the only person around me is not emotionally mature enough nor capable of providing emotional and spiritual support, but instead, tears me down at every opportunity. Then I look at others--how their lives SEEM so much better than mine--and it fills me with sadness. Not that I'm jealous of them, but that I am the one who continues to struggle without. So the coveting thing has been a struggle and I know God has brought this into my life to make me rely on Him for EV-ER-Y THING, so that my faith can mature. 1Pe 4:1-2 Therefore, since the Messiah suffered in a mortal body, you, too, must arm yourselves with the same determination, because the person who has suffered in a mortal body has stopped sinning, (2) so that he can live the rest of his mortal life guided, not by human desires, but by the will of God. After seeking Him and mediating on the responses I've seen so far, I realize now that I need to "pull up my big girl spiritual panties and deal with it," knowing and relying on HIM to see me through. . . Casting all my cares upon Him because He cares for me. And if you knew my independent nature, this is one chink in the armor that I must take to the repair shop! I do praise Him for using you to help me realize this, and that He is calling me to a deeper trust and faith and relationship with Him. So this is what I will rejoice in. ;-) 2Co 1:8-10 For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, about the suffering we experienced in Asia. We were so crushed beyond our ability to endure that we even despaired of living. (9) In fact, we felt that we had received a death sentence so we would not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. (10) He has rescued us from a terrible death, and he will continue to rescue us. Yes, he is the one on whom we have set our hope, and he will rescue us again . . . I appreciate the feedback so far, and would just appreciate any more verses or experiences that can lend support, and of course, prayers for wisdom and endurance, and that the Holy Spirit empowers me to overcome this. In His Grip, RB

I will give you the treasures of darkness And hidden wealth of secret places, So that you may know that it is I, The Lord, the God of Israel, who calls you by your name. ~Isaiah 45:3 Who is among you that fears the Lord, That obeys the voice of His servant, That walks in darkness and has no light? Let him trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God. ~Isaiah 51:10 I understand that those who are called will suffer the "Night Season". I rejoice that God has brought me to this place for closer intimacy with Him. I have grown tremendously during this trial/wilderness and continue to praise His sovereignty over my life and everything in it. HOWEVER, it's been a looooooooong process and time, and after a year, I am beginning to find myself swinging from one extreme of hope and faith, to depths of despondency, complaining and overwhelmed that I am a failure because I have those bad times and don't know how to get out. Like today, when I felt very "soulish", and overwhelmed with fear and sadness (i.e., Job 7 pretty much nails it). In this though, I have not cursed God, and I know I am supposed to repent of those things that not of the spirit--but it is getting more an more difficult as this period of darkness continues. Then, I kick myself for not handling things better because I "should know better," and be stronger in overcoming my desire to wallow in fleshly, ungodly thoughts. But I feel like I can't anymore. I have prayed for Him to forgive me and carry me, yet while I pray, have a nagging feeling like this time will never end and I'll just keep "blowing it" which only will cause this trial to continue even longer. Any encouragement and words of wisdom--those who can speak from experience--would be VERY welcome right now. 1) How do you deny yourself when things are just getting so long and nothing changes, but only seems to get worse? 2) What do I do when I give into thoughts that are contrary to the truth? 3) How do I endure--strengthening the hands that hang down and the feeble knees--when things feel so "thick" and dark? 4) Will God forgive me when I feel like I've blown it too badly and feel like I just "can't" anymore?

“The Lord gets His best soldiers out of the highlands of affliction.” C.H. Spurgeon

I had to laugh last summer. For some reason, I had decided to wear a pair of good earrings to walk the dogs. Perhaps because I didn't think I was getting enough use from them and didn't want to leave the pretty little things sitting in my jewelry box months on end. Well, I lost one somewhere in a 13 acre dog park. While very disappointed, I chalked it up, but kept the other earring thinking I could have a ring made or something. (btw, why is it ALWAYS the good earrings and NOT the cheap knock-offs that get lost?) So, more than a month later I'm at the same park, walking the same dogs, praying about this and that, and how great it would be if I could find that earring, Lord. About 50 yards from my supplication, my eye went RIGHT TO THE EARRING, mixed amongst the the No.2 gravel that covered part of the trail. Didn't even try looking for it, my eye just focused right on it! So now I'm thinking, "Nah. I'm sure the stone (Citrine) is broken and it's of no value anymore. But God (the two most awesome words in the dictionary) saw to it to turn the earring upside down so that the stone remained intact an unharmed even when being trampled under foot. I laughed because I could not believe it, and because I have such a wonderful Father who cares for me and loves me--even bringing sound closure to the most incidental of mishaps, and even when my prayer feel, well, so menial and shallow. After these things (Μετὰ ταῦτα), I was in the park again several days later, where much to my shagrin, the gravel road had been paved over with asphalt. And I had to tell Him, "Boy, you sure like waiting til the last moment, don't you?" To God be the glory. And I have used this moment as a witness with people whenever I wear these earrings--which of course, is more frequent than in the past.

The apostle Paul in his second epistle to Timothy (chapter 3) says that becoming "unloving", is one indicator of the last days--this goes for the church too, as they are the recipient of this epistle. This is why we as Christians need to examine ourselves first, to see if we are in the faith. I use 1 John chapter 1 and 2 as my "Am I the Faith" Test. (below) This way, I can see where I fall short, repent and seek God to change my heart so that I can continue steadfast "running the race." I say this because we can only be accountable for OUR OWN behavior, not the behavior of others . . . and if we find that others around you aren't passing the "sniff test" then God could be telling you it's time to move on. It's when we expect others to change based on our desires is when we get into trouble; it appears that you are frustrated at the behavior of others, which can be a stumbling block. So humor me and follow along . . . The "Am I in the Faith" Test: 1 John 1:7: Do I have fellowship with other believers? vv.9-10: Do I admit/confess my sins? 1 John 2: 3-4: Do I keep His commandments? vv. 5-6: Does my lifestyle reflect Jesus' lifestyle (i.e., walk)? vv. 8-9: Do I reflect the LIGHT of Christ and His teachings? vv. 10-11: Do I love my brother and do I seek/wish the best for him/her? v. 15: Do I love (i.e. spend time with and desire) the things of this world more than I love Jesus? (Oooo. That's a zinger!) Once we focus on our walk and seek God, it is then that we are comforted and can more readily deal with circumstances that can cause us to stumble. Taylor, I asked the same questions you are asking now when I was 30 years old. I too expected God to bless me with the desires of my heart. I was REALLY lonely and could not figure out why for the life of me God withheld what I so desperately desired. After all, I was His child and he promised to fulfill those things, and it pierced my heart to see other people my age in love, with families and what appeared to be the perfect life. Unfortunately, I allowed a bitter root to grow up in me which turned my heart away from His love for more than 10 years. (And in retrospect, I was not holding up my end of the covenant like I should have been doing!) But God, through His love and divine providence led me back to Him--BUT I first had to go through a world of hurt before I began to seek Him DILIGENTLY and lay ALL my desires at the foot of the cross--something I had never really done up til that point. It's is then that God can mold us and bless us, and not sooner. I once had a pastor ask me, "Are you holding the desires of your heart with a clenched fist or an open hand?" It is when we are willing to surrender our desires and goals to Him, that he can then begin to let the blessings rain down. But whatever you do, DON'T stop going to church. This is a tactic of the enemy to draw you away from God and in the end will only lead to more hurt. Just make up your mind to seek God--only God--and ask for wisdom and that He reveals what you need to do. Find a Bible-based church that can love and help you in your walk. Additionally, a Bible Study will also provide fellowship with other believers, and help you grow in grace with the truths of His word. Also, in all love and honesty, God doesn't OWE us anything, and when we begin to think that He does, we fall into a snare that can lead us away from His love--just like I experienced. So when you mentioned that "...you are supposed to be happy with a good job, loving family, etc. etc..." it took me back to eleven years to where I was, and I am praying that I can intercede right now so you don't take the path I took. However, God is good and He will bless us according to HIS plan for us. It's never the other way around. We serve Him, he doesn't serve us. The sooner you can accept that truth, the easier it will be--it is then that God can really work in and through us to fulfill His perfect will for our lives. And who knows...maybe He's simply protecting you from some hideously plastic Barbie doll of a "believer" who would make Joan Rivers blush, and who would only drag you down? Chew on that one. ;-) I don't know the exact root or history behind your wilderness experience, but it appears that you are seeking God. PLEASE...don't become bitter because of what you expect from other people and/or from God. We must first do our part to seek after Him with our whole heart and obey His Word. And you do this by staying in communication with Him and in His Word. And that might just mean for you to find another Bible-based church that can love and help you in your walk. And pray hard. Even when all you can do is cry or don't know what to pray for. He know our heart. And even when we do these things, sometimes he blesses us with what we are praying for, and other times he remains silent, keeping us in trials to refine us, but giving us the peace that surpasses all understanding. But He loves us no matter how He chooses to deal with us in our very personal faith journey. I know you are hurting and I wish I could reach out to you personally, have a cup of coffee and have a no-holds-barred Q&A in person. There are many truths you need to remember to help you in your faith walk and I can't go into too much detail because I've already written a novel, but #1--God is sovereign. He makes the rules. We don't. #2--God loves us and wants what is best for us. #3--WE must seek, obey and praise Him first. Only then will he fulfill our lives. He will remain true to His word. If you ever want to chat, drop me a message, eh? Otherwise, know that I am praying for you.

Here's something I've learned to use as a measuring device in my spiritual walk: 1Corinithians 13:4-7 states: "Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; Love does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things . . . " Now, because GOD is Love, insert Jesus' name where the word "love" is used. Next, insert YOUR name where the word "love" is used.

Hi Denise. Believe it or not, I've been where you are, and even still, have "days" that I feel like Job: 3:20 “Why is light given to him who suffers, And life to the bitter of soul, 21 Who long for death, but there is none, And dig for it more than for hidden treasures . . ." Yet you are in good company. Job, Elijah, David--they all had highs and lows to the point that in the depths of fear, loneliness or waiting, desired death; we are all human we all feel overwhelmed and oppressed at time. So don't beat yourself up for feeling this way. However, we choose to either stay in this state of mind, or choose to seek a way out. It's not as hard as it may seem. You simply have to make a conscious decision to seek God with all your heart, and you do it by getting into God's Word, praying (even when your prayers seem weak and you don't know what to say) and being around other believers (at church, bible studies, other activities where you are editifed) as they will be a blessing to you and you, them. When we are depressed it's difficult to break out of "our cave", but if you just take that one step and tell God exactly how you feel and that you'd like really like to move forward, He will meet you with each step. You just need to be willing and have a heart for Him. We don't always choose how we feel, but we do choose how we will respond; the result of our choices will determine the outcomes we experience. So choose to trust God. Choose to seek Him. He will do the rest. It may not be overnight, but with each day, each moment, trust and pray. That's the relationship He desires of us--one where we are completely and utterly reliant on Him. And because he is good--full of mercy and lovingkindness--He will bless us with more than we ever thought possible. ”Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall” Psalm 55:22 "Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:6-7 "But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:37-39 “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5 "For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin." Hebrews 4:15 Just remember that God loves you (even when you FEEL otherwise) and that He is sovereign. He is the one who has drawn you to Him and to this forum--it's up to you now to CHOOSE to trust Him and cling to Him and take that step of faith. I would also urge you to read "When the Hurt Runs Deep" by Kay Arthur (Precept Ministries International). She will use God's Word to show you truths that you need to hear and can help you through this wilderness. http://www.christianbook.com/when-hope-runs-deep/kay-arthur/9780307457110/pd/457111 . . . also, here's a devotional that I received when I was going through a dark time and it helped me see things through God's perspective: Treasures in Darkness 03-27-2012 "I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name." - Isaiah 45:3 "I have never been in this place before. It is new ground for me, and I find I am way out of my comfort zone. I am scared to death to trust Him at this level. I had to confess to the Lord I have not been able to accept or believe His love for me in this area." Those were the words I expressed to a friend when I was in a difficult place in my life. That day when I confessed those words, God led me to this passage of Scripture. What we perceive as dark periods in our lives are designed to be treasures from God. They are actually riches stored in secret places. We cannot see those times in this light because of the often-accompanying pain or fear that prevents us from accepting these times as treasures. They have a particular purpose from God's viewpoint: "...so that you may know that I am the Lord...who summons you by name." You see, unless we are cast into times in which we are completely at God's mercy for breakthroughs in our lives, we will never experience God's faithfulness in those areas. We will never know how personal He is, or that He can be trusted to meet the deepest needs in our lives. God wants each of us to know that we are "summoned by name." Every hair of our head is numbered. He knows every activity we are involved in. His love for you and me knows no bounds, and He will take every opportunity to demonstrate this to us. Has God brought you into a place of darkness? Trust Him today to reveal that hidden treasure that can be found in this darkness. Let Him summon you by name. Today God Is First (TGIF) devotional message, Copyright by Os Hillman, Marketplace Leaders.

I really like Kay Arthur's stuff (Precept Ministries International) because it sticks to the what the Word of God says. They have both Book- and Topical-based books and studies. John McArthur is good too.