IN 4 months i went from being a complete christian to a terrified man desperate for peace. My mind, my body, my well being and i'm even afraid to say soul and spirit because i'm afraid to even admit that has even been touched out of being ashamed that it has been put into jeopardy by my own sinful behavior that i need help. The devil has been trying to take credit for all of God's good work that he has ever done in me and repeat it so he can receive credit for it and i need help. I'm trying to God and be with Him and the more i struggle the more pain I feel. I know GOD, I know JESUS, I know the LORD, and We have had an amazing relationship not more or less than anyone else. But i need help. I've been convinced that i was going to be used by the devil or God and that at this moment no matter what i do the devil is using me. I confess in my ignorance and selfishness i have struggled with forgiveness and blaspheming to thee point where it has destroyed my life physically and mentally. Yet i try to be free of it and it get's worse and worse. So i ask is it too late for me. I just admitted to my sins last night and tried to beg for forgiveness but all i saw was a black figure over me blocking my prayer. I even tried to reach past it but feeling like it wouldn't work. I feel everything I've been doing from church service to prayer has been rerouted to the devil in my mind and i want it to stop. I need Jesus and i want release from this but i don't even know how to start. I have therapy and a loving family and supportive church but i feel like I've been corrupting or bringing down those people because every time i feel a breakthrough i get skeptical and doubtful all the way to the point where i even make a big deal out of emotions. I feel like i'm being convinced to be satanic. I try to turn away from it but i seem to get the most resistance there. I want to turn to God but i feel like His Word is saying it's too late. I don't want it to be true. Is it too late for me to turn back. So far only fear anger and stress and anxiety have been what get's me to move. And my delay seems to be my down fall even trying to post this i had like 5 interruptions and my thoughts fear 6's and upside down crosses and every time i release my pain i have doubts about where my pain is going and who is using me. Something good will happen, i'll feel relief and then i'll get bombarded all over again. PRAYER ADVICE FREEDOM PUT YOUR ARMOR ON PLEASE. HELP ME.
IN 4 months i went from being a complete christian to a terrified man desperate for peace. My mind, my body, my well being and i'm even afraid to say soul and spirit because i'm afraid to even admit that has even been touched out of being ashamed that it has been put into jeopardy by my own sinful behavior that i need help. The devil has been trying to take credit for all of God's good work that he has ever done in me and repeat it so he can receive credit for it and i need help. I'm trying to God and be with Him and the more i struggle the more pain I feel. I know GOD, I know JESUS, I know the LORD, and We have had an amazing relationship not more or less than anyone else. But i need help. I've been convinced that i was going to be used by the devil or God and that at this moment no matter what i do the devil is using me. I confess in my ignorance and selfishness i have struggled with forgiveness and blaspheming to thee point where it has destroyed my life physically and mentally. Yet i try to be free of it and it get's worse and worse. So i ask is it too late for me. I just admitted to my sins last night and tried to beg for forgiveness but all i saw was a black figure over me blocking my prayer. I even tried to reach past it but feeling like it wouldn't work. I feel everything I've been doing from church service to prayer has been rerouted to the devil in my mind and i want it to stop. I need Jesus and i want release from this but i don't even know how to start. I have therapy and a loving family and supportive church but i feel like I've been corrupting or bringing down those people because every time i feel a breakthrough i get skeptical and doubtful all the way to the point where i even make a big deal out of emotions. I feel like i'm being convinced to be satanic. I try to turn away from it but i seem to get the most resistance there. I want to turn to God but i feel like His Word is saying it's too late. I don't want it to be true. Is it too late for me to turn back. So far only fear anger and stress and anxiety have been what get's me to move. And my delay seems to be my down fall even trying to post this i had like 5 interruptions and my thoughts fear 6's and upside down crosses and every time i release my pain i have doubts about where my pain is going and who is using me. Something good will happen, i'll feel relief and then i'll get bombarded all over again. PRAYER ADVICE FREEDOM PUT YOUR ARMOR ON PLEASE. HELP ME.