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Found 62 results

  1. Forgive me in advance if this is not an appropriate place to post this. Hello everybody, my name is Justin. I'm 26 years old. I grew up in a family that I wouldn't really call religious. I remember we attended church only a few times growing up and never practiced any prayer. My father is an athiest and my mother is a believer as of recently after my parents divorced and now attends church regularly but does not take it as seriously as she could. This means I am not baptized. My life thus far has been filled with disappointment and loneliness. I constantly feel like I'm missing a big important piece of my life. I struggle with severe depression and anxiety. I have always tried to think logically. I dont believe something if I dont have proof. I spend a lot of time doubting and wondering why. This in turn has led me down a path of atheism. It has always been hard for me to believe in god when I never had proof. However, lately I have been even questioning this. Are my issues caused because I dont have faith? Are these misfortunes and woes in my life because the devil has had too big of an impact on my life so far? I watched a documentary on YouTube the other day of a man who claims to have passed away and was sent to hell after meeting with god because his whole life he had been an atheist. He then went into great detail of the horrors he expierence in the short time he spent in hell. God gave him a second chance at life and was revived in the hospital. This scared me deeply. I've always been a good person and always tried to do the right thing. I have a great amount of empathy for people and dont like to hurt peoples feelings. But I will still be sent to hell for not building a relationship with god? Life is a test and am I failing so far? I just have so much confusion. I want very badly to build a relationship with god and have faith and turn over a new leaf. But how do I start? Am I just being scared into it because I dont want to go to hell? I feel like the fact that I'm even having these thoughts is enough proof to have faith because I feel like something is missing in my life. Is that god? Or am I being selfish? I just dont know... My question at the end of the day is that if I want to change my thinking habits and the doubt part of my thoughts, Where do I start? How can I rid myself of the devils thoughts that hes been putting in my head my whole life. thoughts like (god is not real, there is no proof, when you die you just die). How can I start this new relationship with god and be forgiven for the doubts I've had.I kind of worry I'll always have doubts. Is that normal? Please, would really like some advice. Thank you all so much and I hope you guys have a great day.
  2. Hi there! I am going to start off by giving a bit of a backstory, and please hear me out by reading all of this because I am in dire need right now. I grew up in a lovely home with Baptist parents who attended church every Sunday. However, I hit very traumatic times at about 7 years old, and now I am 16, going on 17, and my life is healing from the trauma of divorced parents, dealing with calling defax on my own mother for emotional, verbal, and sometimes physical abuse, hating my father for years due to my mother calling him unworthy every chance she got- only to find that my father did everything he could to make me realize he meant no harm, and all the mental issues which came with these life experiences. Shortly after turning 12, four years into my nearly 10-year real-life conflict, I found myself falling far from God. Although I had become fully saved according to the Baptist faith and believed with all my heart that God was my savior and my all at age 10, I fell far from Him only two years later. Two years later, at 12, and hardly 12 at that, I text my friend late one summer night. "I don't know that I believe in God anymore," I sent her, crying my eyes out because all I needed right then was someone to pull me back to God and say that I needed to hold on. I desperately needed someone to grab my ears and pull me up saying, "Hello!! Jesus is alive! He is alive! And He loves you more than you'll ever comprehend!" But, the reality was far from this. My friend responds less than a minute later. "I am an Atheist." My heart dropped at the message. But... strangely enough, it later was found with relief. I felt ACCEPTANCE for falling from Him! It sounds crazy because it is. I researched for a long time, mainly in the wrong places, and I found myself to identify as an Atheist. This lasted for years, all the way until a month or so ago to be frank. I am going to be 17 in July and going into the 12th grade next year, and I believe this all happened in the summer of going into 6th or 7th grade, which would have put me at 11 or 12. So for 5, possibly 6, years I have been very lost and falling blind of God. I fell into believing I was transgender, from female to male, to believing I was gay and dating a girl almost a full year. Many, many tragic things followed this initial start of trauma when my parents got a divorce at 7 years old. Now, having all that said... I still feel a strong incomplete pit in my life, this being my relationship with God. I still question my sexuality today. I believe that being abused for all those years led me to believe I was homosexual because beforehand, I never EVER questioned my sexuality. I was your typical "boy-crazy" little girl who would go to their mom after school and say, "Guess what mommy! [Enter name here] talked to me today! I was so nervous!" I can tell you confidently now that I know I am a beautiful, straight female who deserves just as much as everyone else. In my heart, I feel that. However, I hesitate to answer so confidently in person because it takes denying my past conflictions to find my true self deep within me that, yes, I am that person. For a long time I denied this person that I was because of the many times my mother would tell me that I wasn't her daughter, I wasn't what she wanted, and I was a mistake through and through. I believe truly, within my heart, that abuse can cause lifetime problems such as this. Abuse, especially that in childhood, does not just affect your personality, your social life, and your way of coping with life situations. Abuse affects your lifestyle, your beliefs, and all the critical things of yourself. I am stuck. My ex-best friend and I started talking recently. We grew up together and shortly after I went from a true Christian to Atheist, we fell apart from one another. In the past month, we found each other via social media and I have come to find, not to my surprise, that she is still very faithful and connected to God. Even when we were little and very close, I was inspired by her connection with God and trust in Him, despite our different beliefs. She was raised Apostolic Pentecostal. I was raised Baptist. However, now that we have reconnected, I have caught her up with everything that happened to me in the past years that we haven't talked. She amazes me still at her immaculate trust in God. She is now involved in leading many youth groups to teach the Bible to younger kids, as well as attending her own youth group herself. This makes me intrigued in her beliefs since I am currently not under any official belief besides that in which God does indeed exist. My mother is not much in the picture anymore, so I have free reign to explore all sorts of Christianity that I please without fear of being bashed or shunned for doing anything other than Baptism. I have been looking into Apostolic Pentecostal all day, trying to actually understand what the belief is all about compared to Baptism, since that is what I know best, and it makes so much more sense to me compared to what I grew up with. Is there anybody who is an Apostolic Pentecostal that could please help guide me and help me in understanding the beliefs? I am very intrigued by this way of praise and church-going. So please, if you read all of this, which I hope you did because it contributes so much to my reasoning behind this, and you are an Apostolic Pentecostal, please give me information on your beliefs and ways of praising and keeping faith. I am finding God again, and I do not plan on losing Him this time. Not again.
  3. I am a 23 year old female. I've been struggling with my gender and sexuality since I was around 13 years old. I "came out" as gay in highschool. I "came out" as "transgender" a few years after that. I started dressing like a male around that time. I cut my hair short. I wore really baggy male clothes to hide my feminine figure. I even bound my chest. Everyone in my family knows me as a transgender. They know I like male stuff (Like video games, sci-fi, and fantasy stuff). They started calling me my "preferred name" a few months ago. I don't want to be known as a transgender or lesbian anymore. I want to be a woman. A godly woman. A woman who wears women's clothes, and covers her head like women are told to in the Bible. I believe pants were made for men. And, 99% of women's pants are too tight and not modest at all. I want to be a modest woman. I want to start wearing skirts and dresses. I want to grow my hair out. I dont want to sin like this anymore. Is there anyone here who has been suffering the same as me? I really need help right now. I feel so lost. I prayed to God for help, but, so far, nothing's happened. Well, I don't think anything's happened. I've been watching people's testimonies on YouTube, of ex-transgenders and ex-homosexuals. I think that is God's way of telling me that what I am doing is a sin. Is it? Do you think so? I've never acted on my homosexual thoughts, but I have watched porn before, and I feel really ashamed, guilty, and disgusted at myself for doing so. I believe masturbation and pornography is a sin, but I can't stop. I'm addicted to it. Please, anyone, help. Any ex-transgenders or ex-homosexuals, preferably women, on here? I would really like some advice on what to do about this situation. Thanks in advance, God bless, and sorry that this post is so long! ♡
  4. Hi I’m 16 and I’ve always struggled with how others see me. Shortly, I’ll just say that i would be very grateful if anyone would pray for me. Thank you. If you want to read for more info continue: I never disclose info like this to my friends or family. My friends (don’t have much transfered recently) would never suspect I have bad anxiety and self esteem issues. So I don’t talk about it to them. And my sister, has never dealt with anything that has caused her to feel inadequate. I’m not trying to pitty myself at all. I honestly haaatee and avoid talking about “bad” things that happened to me or my “issues”. But this school year has been one of the toughest. I’ve been to many schools, often moving because of family issues and money. Middle school years were the toughest. I don’t want to go into details but i was horribly bullied..... Anway my point is not to talk too much about myself because I know that some people have it WAYYY worse than I do. But I’m just giving a little background info. Idk why but I’m the only kid out of 5 In my family who struggled with self esteem. There WERE days where I wouldn’t go to school and I’ve done horrible things to myself because I’ve felt ugly. But with this new school. No one looks like me, I’ve been to a couple schools that were primarily black or white or mixed. But at this new school it’s super white. And I don’t have a problem with that except that I wish there were people who looked like me. I feel as if I stand out too much, or that I’m ugly and awkward.😣😣 Idk I feel so out of place. Anyway I just ask that you pray for me. I’ve prayed and I’ve challenged myself by doing activities and getting a job where I work as a cashier to overcome my anxiety and self esteem. But i feel like GOD DOES NOT HEAR ME. So maybe he’ll hear you because I’ve been praying for this issue as long at I can remember. Probably since I was 6. I just cry all the time. I’m so sick of running away from my obstacles. And I hate when I complain because I feel ungrateful, but I can’t deny how I feel. I hate it so much it makes me wanna die 😣 I’m just plagued with these self esteem issues. I feel as if I’m missing out on highschool life. I don’t hang out with old or new friends, don’t join activities, I don’t go to games. I went to a game last Friday and had a panic attack because I felt so ugly and alone. I just don’t know anymore🤧 please pray for me. Any advice is needed. I’m sorry for talking so long. Thanks for all those who prayed for my mother and for me in my last post. I can’t tell you how grateful I am that you guys cared enough to pray for me🤧 it really just lit up my spirit when ever I saw I had a notification. Because lately ive been feeling so alone and seeing those responses just... i cant explain in words, but made me so so s so so happy✨So thanks so much 💕
  5. Hi! I transfered into a new school last August. I’m currenlty a junior. I’m used to moving because I’ve had to change schools and houses a lot, so it’s nothing new. At my old school I had friends and finally felt like a found a place for me after moving so much. I felt welcomed and comfortable. But here, there isn’t many people who look like me and I feel like I don’t belong. All the kids are super rich and my family barely makes it. I feel so bad comparing myself to them because it shows I’m ungrateful and I’m really working on that because I know God blesses me so much. But my insecurity just keeps showing up. I’ve made a couple friends but i still fail to get out there. My anxiety gets in my way and I unfortunately care too much of what people think. To get to the point, my bff who transferred in with me is transfering and this week is her last. I’m devatsed as she was my only real friend in my grade. The new semester just started and the most uncomfortable class I’m in, I had with her. But now since she leaving, I’m panicking. I’ve been crying all day because I feel so lonely. I’ve prayed about this to God, but I just don’t know what to do. Please pray for me. I’m really scared I don’t know what’s to come and I’m just so lonely.
  6. I was raised in a religious family, but it's been six years since I've truly felt connected to God. Does anyone have any advice for me?
  7. I am heartbroken. I just found out last night that someone very dear to me is deceived by a false teaching! I don't know what to do. I tried reasoning with them, but it has only caused a rift between us. I am scared for this person spiritually and feel helpless where to go from here. Please pray the Holy Spirit opens their eyes! The sooner the better. And that He shows me how to best handle it.
  8. I have been feeling so down lately and I have prayed to God for help, I have felt alone with no one to talk to. I prayed for help and then I found myself here, is this God answering my prayer?
  9. Hi everyone, I'm Brent, and I currently help out the Youth Pastor at our church. First and foremost, my passion is to serve God, more specifically I feel God wants me to serve the youth of my community. We are a relatively small church in regards to number of current members. I have been apart of my Church for about two and a half years, and with the Youth Group for a year. Our surrounding community, and the majority of our members, are in a very poverty stricken area of Georgia. My main concern is giving the kids an environment that is always welcoming, a home away from home if you will. Most of these kid's parents have a very hard time getting by in general, and because of this they can hardly get the time to bring their kids to church on Wednesdays when we have our Youth Group lessons. Right now, I do all I can along with other folks, picking up and taking them home when they don't have a ride, but they still want to come. So we are in the process of trying to raise enough money to purchase a passenger van of sorts to accommodate the issues we're having. I'm seeking ideas and advise on how to accomplish our $3500 goal. If anyone has any helpful advise please let me know, and I've attached a go fund me, not looking for donations on here, but mainly to get an idea on how well it looks, and what changes need to be made. It's tough to be in this situation, but the teenagers shouldn't have to struggle because of the circumstances most of the community is in. We are in a high gang and drug activity area, and it would break my heart to see them succumb to their surroundings, and be a product of their environment. I want to thank everyone in advance for there support. I'm just a believer trying to change the statistics! God Bless Everyone! Link Deleted by Omegaman 3.o Sorry Brent - Too close to soliciting - which we do not allow here. However, people will likely pray for your situation, and perhaps, some will go hunt it down on their own.
  10. Hey everybody! I am a 14 year old boy and im an Orthodox Christian. I play alot of video games and when you install and download video games,there are terms and conditions and stuff you gotta agree to.I started searching for keywords "soul" "satan" "devil" just to be sure,when i can't search for keywords in the agreements i read them fully.There is a game i want to download that says there are terms and conditions,but i can not find them since there is no link on their website.Anyway,if i randomly agree to every terms and conditions could i actually sell my soul? I am really worried
  11. Godmorning to you all, I’ve been wondering a lot about the creation and life of dinosaurs seen from a Christian perspective. Is it possible that they never actually existed and that it’s a trick played on us by NASA, just like the earth is round theory? Or did God actually create these creatures on the 6th day? It just seems unnatural to me, that dinosaurs would have roamed the earth at the same time as Adam and Eve, but since God is almighty, would he have been able to create a hole in time and space and simply add these glorious creatures to a time before existence? I’m really looking forward to a nice discussion and some truthful answers, so please keep it light. Have a wonderful day!
  12. Dear Lord, in Jesus Christ's name I pray. Welcome Holy Spirit, embody this nation, government and military. God bless Donald Trump, keep him protected, helped and leading your nation strong and free. God bless Justin Trudeau, bend his will to yours, humble him and teach him what he needs to know of You. Thank you Lord for the peace talks in Korea! This is an appreciated answer to so many pleading prayers! We pray for the same peace and understanding in Cameroon, please have mercy and save its people. Please forgive us of all our sins. Especially excuse evil where we oppose, mock and vilify You. Please Lord, we know not what we do. Bless and revive us Lord, thy kingdom come. Put us through the painful process of cleansing this world, nation, generation and church of backsliding, sleepiness, enemies within, blasphemy, watering down of God's truth, word and law. Prune and throw such chaff into the lake of fire. Have us accept and cherish your free gift of salvation and eternal life immediately through your Son's sacrifice in place of our sin debt. May we all pray for this in our life now! Heal, restore and revive your body of Christ saved to do good works in the Lord. May we be light, salt and disciples to this desperate world. Hallelujah, he is risen, he is risen indeed! I pray this sincerely for all lost, enemies and loved ones in Jesus Christ's name, amen! GregoryB
  13. so I believe I know what my gift is, but I'm wondering how do you learn how to walk in your gift?
  14. I have a leader in my church who has been helping me address some historical abuse issues in my life. They are hard and painful for me, and I admittedly return to fear and anger instead of holding to faith. A couple weeks ago this leader was frustrated at me for lacking faith, and he said to me, “I’m done.” Literally those words. When I asked him, he said that he was getting in the way of my relationship with the Savior and he would not counsel me anymore. He has refused to speak to me at all since that time. I am angry and hurt and it feels like God is done with me, too. I am not sure what I am supposed to feel or do.
  15. Please pray for my wife Stephanie and I to have a healthy baby she is a little more than 8 weeks pregnant right now in Jesus name.Let me be a great father to our child to come.Also pray that God would grew our love for each other and that no man or anyone comes between us and we fall more in love with each other with each day that passes in Jesus name.Also pray for my permit deliverance from alcohol dependance after almost 3 years of struggling with it for God to release me from this generational curse.Pray for my health overall my mental health as well please and for my wife and I to purchase our home this year.Lastly pray that God would allow me to start my new job this week I was let go at my job on thursday april 5th 2018 please pray that a door opens soon so I can support my family and that he allows me to work with good people I've worked so hard to fix my credit please pray that I can continue that way.All these things in Jesus name also God bless you and your families.Amen
  16. Hey all, This is my first post. Sorry for any mistakes. My question is, how do I separate my anxiety's from God's warnings? I experience an anxiety disorder and sometimes its hard for me to tell if i am experiencing anxiety or if i'm experiencing anxiety because of something God is telling me. It's very confusing and depressing as I can't always separate God's voice from my troubled thoughts...how do I know the difference?
  17. I I don’t no what to do I whant it across home in the road and build a bridge over it but it’s hard I’ve tried to tell my lie I’ve done horrible if I right that wrong do I have to tell my lie to my family I no what I’ve done and fear has no place in the heart of gods people but it is overflowing with that burden of hiding everything and I don’t no what to do I go everyday of my life like this it’s become natural and that’s not good to live like that thank you for help I’m really just wanna right my wrongs but I don’t wanna make my family mad after all they have done for me thanks for the help all
  18. I’m scheduled to be evicted from my home on February 28. Please pray for a miracle. This is my home that sold at sheriff sale. Please pray for me!!
  19. I keep having problems at work people are calling me uglee. I want friend not people who are going to make fun of me. I am looking for other jobs because of it. I do word searches to ignor people who are really rude to me.
  20. Hello . My name is Elissa, I am 50 yrs old. I live in New Jersey. I am desperate and at the end of my rope. I have Multiple Sclerosis. In 1999, when all of my children were old enough to start school, I went to work full time. I worked at the school that my children attended. I worked with disabled children. My MS was not too severe at that time. In 2010, my health started to decline, and I was not able to continue working. I can’t put into words how much I LOVED the children and my job. I battle with depression because I feel so worthless and nonproductive because I am not the mother, wife, and person that I used to be. I’m now on permanent disability. The loss of my income was very hard on us. My husband has a good job, but my income paid the mortgage. I tried over and over again to get a loan modification to lower my mortgage payments. I also was denied three times for disability, and then was finally approved after I hired a lawyer. Trying to get a loan modification was a nonstop roller coaster. After sending in the same paperwork over seven times, and a different case managers on my file every other week, my loan being sold to another company, not receiving documents that I was told were sent to me, and being given incorrect phone numbers or email to contact people, my home ended up selling at sheriff sale back to the mortgage company. I have tried over and over again for months, to try and speak to the correct person so I can buy back or rent my home. No one who is actually in charge will speak to me. I get told basically by the receptionist that the answer is no. With everything that has gone on with trying to get the loan modification, I have not made payments towards the house in a long time. They would not except any payments from me while I was in the process of trying to get a modification. Our credit is absolutely horrible now. I do not have a large sum for a down payment. In the past years I have spent large amounts of money other things that were necessary. We had a new septic system installed, which cost $25,000 last April, college tuition for my children, and out-of-pocket money for medications for MS that were not covered by our insurance , but are now, thank God! Also, my neurologist in New York city does not except any insurance, so all appointments are paid out of pocket and are very expensive. I go to the TSCH MS Research Center in New York. I am not asking for a handout or anything. Like I said, my husband works and I am on disability. We can afford a mortgage or rent payment of $1600 a month. The mortgage company is only going to make repairs and put my home up for sale. We moved in here in 1997. I raised my 3 sons in this house. They are going to evict me on February 28th. I have always taking care of the finances. My family does not even know how bad it has gotten. I’m so ashamed. I am so stressed out . I’m falling apart mentally and physically. Right now I have a fractured rib. I have osteoporosis, which I got from receiving IV steroids over the past 20 years each time I would have an MS exacerbation. I can’t even sleep. Please, please, please, help me!I am desperate!!! I am a nobody, and the mortgage company will not even consider talking to me. Does anyone possibly know someone that could help me, possibly a celebrity or something? If someone important or famous were to call and ask to stop the eviction and let me stay in my home, and somehow buy the house back, I know they would definitely listen. It’s so wrong of me to have the nerve to write this message. But I need help so bad! Please. I’m begging you. Can you help me please? I’m running out of time. I don’t even have anywhere planned to go when they evict us. Please, can you help me?? Please help me get out of this nightmare. I’m on new medicine for MS. It’s called Ocrevus. I know without this worrying and stress, my body would be getting better. Please help me. I am saved . I was raised Catholic, but never truly accepted Jesus into my heart. In 2005 my oldest son was a freshman in high school and he joined a youth group. Through my son, I know God was calling me back to him. I was born again November 2005. Praise God!Jesus is my Lord and Savior. Please help me. I will pay it forward, I promise. I know that is what God has planned for me. It is only by His Grace that I live to do everything in my life for His glory. Please help me.
  21. The past few days have been a bunch of small things that can easily have been fixed. my husband refuses to talk about things and it is like pulling teeth to get any of his feelings out of him. I told him i need him to communicate things with me so we can both work on things together. he thinks im trying to change him and that's just "how he is." which i explained is not true. it's a behavior things. how can we work on this? he went to bed still angry at me. I know in the Bible it talks about if someone becomes angry do not go to bed angry. So it really hurt me that he did. He's told me before that he just likes to be angry sometimes and he can't just get over it even after the problem has been dealt with. Please pray for our relationship. We just got married this December.
  22. To set the backdrop. Having some serious problems in my marriage. I've been married for 15 years. We came into this marriage with children. I had one and my wife two. A year ago this may our 2nd to oldest child fell off of a cliff and almost died. He is now paralyzed from the waist down and that has been a huge heart ache for all of us. We had many problems with him before his accident, he ran away when he was 17 and was having serious issues with porn. He had been getting into drugs as well (and still is). We have been absolutely grieved by all this, trying to support him and encourage him towards the Lord as much as we can. It has been overwhelming. We are hopeful now things are going better. We also have 7 other kids, for a total of 10. 8 still live at home. This last fall my view on what all happened. This last fall, to put it bluntly my wife was unfaithful. She was in a romantic relationship with a man from the hospital that Noah was staying at when he had sepsis. The relationship did not turn physical before it was found out but it was very romantic in nature. When I originally addressed it she lied to me. She later admitted when I confronted her with more knowledge. It wasn’t a very long relationship; 6 days is all; but please know that we are months out now and hardly a week goes by (often more like day) that I am not weeping over it. My wife is largely ignorant of much she killed me. I’ve realized that I put my trust in something empty. I do love her, more than life; however, as we have moved on I’m realizing more and more that this relationship is based on my suffering. After everything came out I was absolutely crushed. I mean nothing to live for, emotional type crushed. I hardly had a reason to go on it seemed. We started working on things, and had an overnight without kids and had great talks and since have just went on. She largly doesn’t want to talk about it at all to the point she has threatened with “if you can’t get over this maybe we just won’t work out” when talking about it has started. Her point was well taken and we haven’t talked about it. What this shows me is what I have been shown many times through both actions and words, that she truly doesn’t love me. She loves that I do things for her and treat her well, leave love notes, buy flowers, rub her back and feet but she has no true sacrificial love for me. Maybe this is just my thoughts and not reality but there are certainly days that I look back and ask myself why was I the one picking up the broken pieces of our relationship and not her when it was me that she crushed? Is this what marriage looks like? Certainly, Christ suffered for his bride. I just pray that it doesn’t stay this way. There is a U2 song that says ‘I can’t live, with or without you’. That is so how I feel. This hurts so much, but I love her and still want her and would give my life for her. I really need some godly advice. I am not in need of sympathizers. Her view on this. She says I’m too jealous which make me fearful. She says it’s because of past relationship that my ex committed adultery. She says in general terms that I’ve always been overly jealous but when it comes down to it and we talk about it there are number of things I was jealous over that anyone would be ie.. going to ex boyfriends houses while I’m at work, having ex boyfriends come to our house also while I’m at work. I don’t think anything happened but come on. I would never do that to her. Call me crazy but I don’t think this is over jealous at all. Over the past year, since Noah fell there have been two more instances that she brings up. She brings them up out of context and only talks about my being upset about it. The first is over a young man that was at the hospital while Noah was there. She was staying up at the hospital. She introduced to him (Henry) to me. Nothing to weird. I was a little thrown off by their reaction to me. She was telling me how great he and another man up there were. She went into their room to talk, as she had been doing and when I came in it got weird. They were so awkward around me. Red flag, but not on her part. It just showed me where these guys where coming from towards my wife. A couple weeks down the road I am reading texts from him to my wife and there is a missing flow to the conversation. I asked her about it and she was honest with me and said that Henry had made a pass at her. She said he crossed the line and let me start talking with him. Everything is still fine, however at this point she is being very distant to me both emotionally and sexually. She had also recently started wearing more revealing clothing. This is where we had a fight. I connected the dots, and accused her of not being interested in me but revealing herself to other in her dress. My point is it was a singular thing. I’ve since apologized. I don’t want to tear her down and I think that is the way she feels. There was also another case that also is out of context when told by her. The part she brings up is me accusing her of trying to impress a guy at church. To put it into context. This was a week that we were away with Noah for therapy for him. During the week several times she commented she thinks I look sloppy. She didn’t like the way I dressed. She complained that I look like a hunchback as well several times. I’m not bragging but I am a very handsome and fairly fit man. I do (or did) have plenty of confidence in myself. Just the same, comments like these from her really sting. From someone else I might even laugh. Not from her though. I think the world of her and wish she did of me too. During this time we went to church twice. The first time there were two young men that sat down from us that came up and said hi at the beginning of the service. Later my wife comments on how manly and cool they are. Ouch, I’m sloppy and hunchback and they are manly and cool. Love you too hun. The next visit to this church we pick a seat and a few minutes later one of these two guys comes and sits down the row from us. At that point, my wife starts shaking her hips during the song. Later is where I did accuse her of trying to impress this guy. I’ve also since apologized sincerely with tears for both. I do give of myself and want to build her up. Going on I’m only telling these stories because they are what she has been claiming are the reasons she pursued the romantic relationship with this other man. Is this my fault? Do I deserve this? I have always been a loving husband. I don’t forget birthdays, anniversaries etc. I show her a care deeply. I take as much load on myself as I can. I sleep hours less, take care of kids whenever I can, cook for her, and I mean cook well for her. I’m all about doing something special for my wife. My kids are a huge witness to this and talk about it. I love and have loved my wife. I’m not at all claiming i did it perfectly. I’ve been grumpy and all that, but I love my wife and show it. I love her more and more I as the years go on. I’m learning about what it looks like to love more and more. There have been shaky years in the past as well. She had some sort of depression after the birth of our last son. It was pretty much a year of in bed until noon at which time breakfast was brought to her as much as possible. I was running my own company from home at that time and would work a 20 hour day or two a week and have another in office(at home) day so it was a blessing from God on the timing for sure so I could help more. It was a tough year I was watching kids, running a new business, building our house and trying to keep our marriage going. ‘I hate you and I want a divorce’ were said so regularly that I couldn’t tell you how many times I heard them. I know she was having a tough time but that hurt. It still does. I still think of those words particularly when we fight. I was giving my all. I want our marriage to work out but I have no idea how to make it work. There is still a big issue of modesty. I don’t have a lot of trust for her, which I know is necessary in a good relationship. I am always telling her and showing her how attracted I am to her. It seems that’s not enough. Please any advice someone might have in steering this marriage back aright would be so appreciated.
  23. UPDATED: I have been trying to research. And I have been praying for clarity. And maybe it will just take time for me to understand what I need to understand. When I became a Christian again after a very long hiatus. Like over 25 years! I learned more about the 7 gifts. (I had a pentecostal friend that told me of them in passing before I rededicated). Anyhow, I never asked for any in great depth, but said in passing in prayer I really would love to heal people for him. I never pushed though, because quite frankly, I didn't want God to give me something I wasn't prepared for instead of what I asked. HA! But last night while I was praying I was telling him whatever his will was regarding a situation I would understand. Well, in the middle of the night I was woken up, and I was very awake. Very aware I was awake, and worried I would miss my appointment at hospital in morning if I couldn't get back to sleep, type of awake. Well I had a vision! *sigh* It was extremely intense. And I realized he was showing me something really important. ( not sure I should go into it unless I understand things first. Unless I should for helps sake?) Cross that bridge later in this? But now I am trying to discern and pray for a little bit of understanding. And Test the spirits comes to mind. But when I was calling out heavenly Father the vision over and over, it did not go away. (Even when I walked away I still called out his name in fear of spiritual things and whatever was tormenting me so to speak, it would go away immediately. Not during this vision. So, I am thinking it definitely from the Heavenly Father. It was about spiritual warfare that I know. I'm not sure if about me (I'm leaning toward no) or it about things coming and glimpse of what's really going on in (war in heaven) coming here. It seemed metaphorical in some parts and literal in others parts. I am so confused. For those that have this gift... What can you advise? How do you know to interpret? How do you test the spirits? I mean technically this could be the enemy coming to confuse me. I could not shake the feeling it gave me all day. And I realized if indeed this was his plan all along all those years ago... And that is my gift I will take it. And I realized I don't mind. (not that I'd really have a choice if i said I'd follow his will not mine). I find it odd timing. Also please understand this.. When I pray and pour my heart out.. I do it in my head. My eyes are closed. The reason I do this is because I am very aware how the enemy works and if he hears me, or sees my actions or emotions, he knows how to try to prevent me easily knowing how to mess with me. So now.. this gift. Or is it? When do I know to share them? How do I know it really is a gift and not deception from other end? Just how exactly do I "test" the spirits? When do I share these things I'm shown? I started a blog a bit ago, so I can help other people understand the much deeper picture. And I thought also.. great timing... I put it off awhile and then I realized I was pushed to do it. So I guess this "gift" if real will be shared there as well, if and when I get to understand better if indeed real gift. Am I allowed to ask for other gifts???? I really still want to heal people. Including a healing over here would be great. lol Hard to do as much as I need and want when barely functioning. OK Thanks in advance for any input! :-) A little history: When I was a very young I was very sick. In hospital a lot since a baby. But around 3 I started to see things and for some reason I calmed down when I saw something in my room in corner just standing there. I knew it was there to protect me, yet it still made me a little fearful. I had other experiences. But I was not born to Chrsitian family, so had no clue. They didn't go to church until I was older. I became a christian when I was early teens. After I left home I had visions off and on. And were never wrong. Even though I wasn't Christian anymore, I still "believed" somewhat and had in back of my head. But I ended up praying and asking he take this away from me. (I never actually knew about Christian prophecy per say, and thought it was only in bible times. ) And I walked away so that would not have done anything for me or him. The ability to see was taken away as I asked. I was relieved!
  24. Hello everyone. I’m happy I found this forum. I’m Heather. I’m new to this site and I’m new to Christianity. I lived my life as a very sinful human being. I went to school for something that i’m no longer interested in. I dropped out at 20. I never went back like I should have. I should have went for something different. I was adopted at a young age into a family who didn’t make me feel loved. So after this I became a stripper to pay for my schooling. When I left school, I still was dancing. Right now I work in retail and all those years of me dancing has been for nothing. I feel like I’ve wasted so much time. I met my mom in January which is kind of cool, but she has hoarding problems and works a retail job too. She’s not normal. I just wish I had someone to talk to. I have no family. I wish I knew some other new Christians who could maybe relate to me. I also feel bad because I lost my virginity and wasted it on people who didn’t care about me. I feel so hopeless. Heather the heathen. That’s who I was.
  25. I'm in sin with a woman at work who is a believer. I'm not in love with her. Its gotten worse. I quit church I was in the pulpit but I don't like the leadership that much and the denomination. The rules. My life is a mess I'm drowning or have already drowned. I need help.
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