Xethea

I did that without dating. So can anyone tell me any other reason we should date rather than not? I can give you many reasons its unwise to date.

if you heard the story of how I was led by God to my wife, you'd know it could not have been a coincidence or a chance, it was the will of God that I was destined to marry her. No offense, but its not like meeting someone at a store, fast food place, being neighbors, etc. But much more like a drama movie of a man and woman, led by God to fight for love to be together.

besides being saved, it took me countless hours for years to clearly understand the difference between understanding me and hearing God. I recognize his voice now though as scripture says his people do. You just may need to give it time and seek the Lord for spiritual growth, maybe even find some people to grow with, but overall, depend on the Lord to get you there, not someone else or yourself.

Psalms 37;4 is highly misunderstood, especially by non believers. It's not that God will give you what you want, it is that God will take your desires, burn them to ashes and replaces them with his desires for you to have that are like his desires. Basically, he want give you what you want, but he will make you want something he wants. He will transform your desires to be godly. That verse really took an impact on my life.

A good perspective is to keep in mind what Paul said, when he explained why it is better to NOT marry someone, though he said it isn't sinful to marry. But those who marry wont fully live for God as a single person can.

it's good you see it that way. i only wanted to marry if it was God's will, whether i wanted to or not. For God knows if marriage will be better or not for me and that other person for his will in our lives. Some people may want to, but little do they know, most marriages these days ruin peoples wonderful happy lives.

That just tells me it wasn't the will of God. and that could be for many reasons.

i once thought that way... until God led my to my wife. If the desire is so strong, then i would bet God is preparing someone for you right now. i don't think it is there for nothing.

like i said, i cannot say it is a sin, as in being sinfully wrong, but it just isn't "wise" the way the world views and uses dating for all sorts of wicked things and even just unwise things even if the love is there. Boy... if i could even tell you women the countless strategies these worldly men have told me why and how they get women to do what they want them for- and dating is the easiest way and step one to getting there. Without that, its hard to fall into their traps. But its real easy to fall for their gifts, charms, acts, thinking they are someone they are not, and many men will do everything they can- but when they get what they want after a certain period of time, countless women every day find out that boyfriend was nothing he appeared to be. he was just trying to please the girl to get something, then he stops doing all those good things women love from a man. Marriage is even used as a tool to think a women will give you whatever you want when you want because you own her and she wont leave you. dating is a safety way to get sex and not be held so accountable to take chances for a divorcement and lose everything to the woman. the list goes on. I see no godly purpose or anything smart about dating. you don't have to do it to get married.

What made you want to break up, if i may ask? I never dated my wife. I think dating is a very stupid thing to do for many reasons. I wont say it is a sin, but it's not the smarter way to go from my perspective. Relationships and friendships and even my marriage went much better when i stopped dating.

It's good to be aware and vigilant of fake Christians so that you don't get deceived or believe everything you hear or get too involved with them, but there is no need to go and point out their sin and nag on them. Not saying you do or that you don't either, but we should stay focused on our relationship with the Lord, and be the best example we can of Christ to fake Christians and non believers and even fellow Christians. Talking about it wont change anything, and only God can change people spiritually.

That's why I said "yet." As in, she needs to wait, work on herself and God and see if this person ever gives their life to God before she should even care at all to be with them. Although, the Lord himself did set up a bad couple together before.

We are made in God's image. If you ask me, you don't have to imagine something if you already have an image to make a copy of it. Making it up with without any example is when it takes imagination.

I didn't go through everything. I just replied to her first message. But if this guy is a non believer, there is no doubt- she should not marry a person who is not living for the same goals. Her main goal should be to live for God. A spouse is a partner, she needs someone to help her live for God, not drag her down because a non believer will.

if they are focused on sex and marriage and not God, then yeah, that is what she should do. But if she wants to focus on God, that wouldn't be for the best yet.

that is true. most who claim to be Christian are not saved.

To speak from my own experience and then to give a godly perspective- I grew up in an abusive home with mentality insane drug addicts. I also had a disability. My parents illegally kept me out of schools from getting an education. When I became an adult, they made me homeless. I didn't have a single friend. I had no one to turn to for financial help for a long time. One day I met my wife at a chapel service, long story short, the chapel hated me and sent her to another state to keep her away from me. For a limited time, my grandmother would let me stay with her to save money with my job. Once I had enough money for rent, I found a place knowing I couldn't stay much longer with my grandmother and couldn't pay it all by myself, and the only person in this world willing to help me was my wife, who at that time was only a girl I loved- but we NEVER dated. I knew before I would move in with her, that the Lord wanted me to marry her. I knew sexual temptation could happen, but I know after all the opportunities I was given before to give away my virginity that I was strong at turning away from women and lust. One of my biggest goals in life was to save my virginity for my future wife since I was 5 years old. After 2 decades, I wasn't going to throw it away and sin just for some physical temporary feeling for a few minutes. heh. So what happened? I paid someone to pick her up with me across the states, then we moved in together and worked at the same place, just a few months later we married then had sex. Now, we live together as a happy, godly family. There was no sin in living with her. She wasn't my girlfriend, she was a friend. Not my date. Then she became my wife. But I will tell you this, I have seen many people move in together telling everyone they wont have sex, and they do more than half the time. I have seen some couples dating that believed they loved each other, always telling each other "God told us to be together" and deceiving themselves. I never fell for that junk when women told me that. But then later they find out they don't want what the other person wants, they don't want to deal with any kinds of certain issues, big or small, they aren't finished having their youthful fun and now that romance isn't exciting anymore, they want to be on their own to have fun. If kids are involved, women Christian or not, often take this as an opportunity to try to make the boyfriend or husband pay child support and leave him. more often, I see boyfriends marrying their girlfriend because the bible tells them if they had fornication, they should marry that women to not live in sin- the bad thing is, they don't get along well and just gave into sex and should of never even dated or moved in at all. This can ruin someone's entire life physically, financially, spiritually, emotionally and mentally. Sometimes some of those, sometimes one, sometimes all. There's more of a chance it will go bad if you move in with someone you date that you don't even already plan to get married to. On the other side of it, with why moving into a place together before marriage can be a good thing, though it is not a requirement and I would take it as a last resort, is that most people in the USA at least act fake as crazy, even Christians. People try to act good to people they don't live with, or they act like someone they are not to make everyone think they are good or at least not to feel ashamed of others knowing their sin and evil side or to think negatively of them, or even just not to cause any arguments and fights or lose their job. The point here is, many men Christian and not Christian, they talk together about how you can do all these things with your head and not your heart and put on an act to make a woman want to marry you or even just for sex. I cannot tell you how many guys have done that to me, both little boys, young men and even old men. They say buy her this, say this to her, take her there, touch her this way, give her this, write her that, and when she reacts a certain way in the end, then its time to get her for what you want. In this, sorry to say, but most girls are still idiots to still fall for this junk. Once the woman believes he really cares and loves her. then she accepts in marriage or sex, they move in together, then women start to find out who he REALLY is. Everything she thought he wasn't. There's no need for him to say sweet things, buy her stuff, write her letters, take her places, etc- because now he has his sex tool anytime he wants right in the house. Some women realize they were fake and leave the man. Some women think someday he will go back to being sweet again and wait years while the man does whatever he wants and never goes back to being that way, because it was only a way to win her and make her his own. In fact, my best friend who was my room mate took my girlfriend before, thought I was at work, brought her into the house while I was there and had sex with her. I got mad and day after day of it, we had a fight and he kicked me out making me homeless. Then he married her and ever since she has never been more depressed in her entire life. She wont shut up about how she wants him to be like when they dated. he always bragged about how he can trick people into giving him good deals, making his boss like him, making people buy him stuff with his deceiving lies and charming actions. It disgusts me when men are like that. SO- if you're in a situation as desperate as mine, being homeless, no food, no roof over your head- no friends and no family and not even a homeless shelter to live in- then I don't see why God would be so cruel to not want you to move in with someone you want to marry or really anyone at all to help you get on your feet. But that is the financial perspective, just a piece of it. On the other side, it can be good to live with people first sometimes to find out who they REALLY are and to test if you really can put up with living with them. Then it's easier to understand if you really should marry or live with that person- but its risky, both spiritually, financially and physically. They could be abusive, you may fall into sexual sin, they may not handle finances well once they live with you, and if you have children- you may be stuck all your life trying to provide for them and it makes it really hard on you while they wont help or its all on you. In your situation, you don't seem like you're in a last resort situation. I wouldn't move in with him, especially if you don't know for sure if he is even saved and that he doesn't want to marry you. It would be better to go homeless in that case. Overall, don't move in with him if this is because you don't believe God can't provide a way for you. He can find you someone to live with without such risk, or help you get where he wants you to be. but if you are not patient and trying to jump to whatever you can to live how you want, then it wont end with good results. Trust God, pray about this and think on it until the answer is clear, and be honest, would you move in with him for yourself, or for God?