Ella, I understand where you are coming from. I am a survivor as well. A supposedly godly man inflicted abuse on me that was decidedly ungodly. The two things you have to take to heart are that it was not your fault, you did nor said anything to make the abuser do that to you. He manipulated and lied to you PERIOD. And, no matter what negative effect that had on you, once you give it to God, that's it, it isn't yours any more. You may still be effected by your past, as we all are but, God understands and, He forgives when we give it to him through Jesus Christ.
Pray not only for yourself but, for your abuser. Forgive your abuser in your heart and, ask God to forgive him as well. We are all sinners, that's why Jesus had to die for us. Accept His sacrifice as your own. When you are tempted by sin, pray, command the tempter to get away from you in the name of God.