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  1. hi , sorry av not been around so much since posting i am saved i go to church nearly every Sunday i am starting to go to bible study at church its on once a month and at the moment i think i should get the bible on kindle reader ( normally for people who are blind or poor sighted ) so i can understand by listening to the bible ...for some reason i have viewed parts of the bible scary ( i though Revelations was about Armageddon i though it would be about how we are all to die in the end where its nothing like it revelations is beautiful and amazing shows you Gods love for us all ) i need to try and listen to the bible more than i have i fear because i dont understand the bible so well i keep thinking that God is angry with me for my sins that he thinks am evil i think for a very long time i was ...my past makes me feel like am bad ( i was abused as a child and teen one of my abusers was a priest ) i think i must have done something wrong to make people be like that with me i cant get over the abuse i have tried therapy recently but it triggered more and more flashbacks and because of that i Over doesed on painkillers last week on the Monday and i was in hospital over night luckly i managed to tell my husband and i got the medication to stop the effects of the painkillers am not going back to therapy as its just makes things worse thank you all for replying to me and posting sorry av not been around much
  2. hi sorry i haven't been here for a while theres a lot going on at the moment , i have questions about whats going on in the world right now with the syria and us / uk alied forces is it true that there is something in the bible about this i heard that there are something to do with nations at war i have a real fear that am going to hell for sinning i know jesus died for our sins but if we keep sinning arent we going to hell because of that sorry i dont read the bible very much because i find it hard to read sometimes thank you Ella
  3. i myself have been sinning this way , i dress male changed my name legally to a unisex name ...i know am sinning and i will go to hell unsure how to stop this
  4. Butero thank you for replying to me , i think i need to talk to him say what i need to say to him know he was very ill at the time he wasn't in his right mind he left the house in the middle of the night went into the city and jumped from a bridge same bridge i got to go over to get into town seeing there every day hurt he left the house while everyone was sleeping and in the next day he wasn't there we found out he went missing by the time the police where called it was too late a girl found him under the bridge at the time my mum was fighting cancer she got better but know is cold and bitter she is now cancer free but hates being alive with out him I have never had counselling about my dads death i see my pastor every month as an appointment but i also see him at my groups i go to and he is around all the time so i can talk to him he is a great support and is also a friend it will be 6 years in September my dad birthday is in July he is always on my mind and in my heart , since my dads death i have tried to kill myself a few times one being at a train station where i had to fight with myself from going on the tracks thankfully i managed to talk myself out of it but i nearly did it i see a psych every 3 months and my dr every month i think you right i need to talk to him say what i need to say with him get it all out thank you so much for replying to my post
  5. Ella

    Illness Update and Prayer Request

  6. i am having a hard time at the moment been thinking about my step dad who died 6 years ago he took his own life i cant seem to get over his death i blame myself i think because i have mental health problems i should have known he died and i cant have him back i feel angry at him and angry at God but i keep going to church i love Jesus i sometimes wished that my step dad knew Jesus he didnt have a faith my heart hurts thinking about him normally by now when i feel like this i self injure i cant cope with the feels but my husband hides the things i can use to self injure with and locks up all the medication in the house if i had money id be drunk or i would have gotten high but am trying to stay clean for my marriage for my husband and friends i am really struggling am having problems with my body av been getting bad pains in my legs when i go up stairs luckly i live on the ground floor because i had problems like this before but i got told it was because of my weight the pains are back but my weight is lower than it was when i moved in here and that was 10 years ago am trying to exercise with it and it hurt a lot its not exercise that is doing it and i feel tired all the time unsure what is going on
  7. please hold on love ... God loves you i know your in a lot of pain i understand you feel like your alone please reach out to someone call 999/911 call a crisis line we are here for you ...dont give up
  8. Ella

    The Father is an unbelievable creator

    Thank you Dear father god for all that you do and all that you have created what you made was out of love and what Jesus did for us on the cross was nothing but pure love and we will love you from the beginning to the end of time and back again thank you Father
  9. Ella

    Joyus Happy News

    praise God and congratulations
  10. Ella

    must be pure

    thank you all for replying to my post and thank you all for your prayers , last night i was feeling very bad to the point i wanted to take all the pills in the house but good thing is my husband keeps all the medication locked up so i dont do that ... he hides the key as well so i am safe , going to another group this morning then i have other stuff to do and then am home ...keep praying over and over Our Father keep wanting to retch out to God i need the feel the comfort it brings to me i prayed also the prayers that people posted here this morning i feel a lot better keep getting ad thoughts and problems with my mental health ...am starting a new medication soon thats meant to wake me up a little ( one of the side effects can wake up ) i see my dr on the 14th ...i want to thank you all for taking the time to read and reply to my post it means so much to me thank you .
  11. oh i forgot ask are you on any medication for your OCD ? as sometimes it can help with the obsessive thoughts
  12. i have OCD i have had it for a long time the best thing that worked for me is distracting myself keeping myself busy weather its tidying up the house or watching a film if i keep thinking about the thoughts it gets worse and the more you focus on the thing you shouldn't think about the harder to stop thinking it doing things that have nothing to do with the though helps eg like playing a game on line or reading book that has nothing to do with the thoughts you are thinking also be careful not to get triggered by things as well YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS AND YOU DONT HAVE TO DO WHAT YOUR THOUGHTS ARE TELLING YOU remember there is a big diffrace between thoughts and actions you have to remember that its just a passing though and if you keep yourself busy and focus on something else the thoughts will go away just because you said you will be blind there is not a very good chance that you will be blind you being blind is very unlikely to happen unless you have medical problems with your eyes or your eyes have been damaged in some way very very unlikely if not impossible God will not strike you down or do anything to you God is a loving father who sent his son to die for us so we can have eternal life with him he loves us so very much