Heybro

Hello again onedirection, I found that I couldn't sleep, so here I am again after reading your reply to me, could I add a couple more thoughts? I think you said in an earlier post that you work from home, is that correct? Are the children of school age, or are they younger and obviously at home with you both? If that is indeed the case, can I suggest one or two options for your wife? It may well be the case that she feels (hemmed in), there being no "space" between you both, she needs a bit of "me" time. It could be that she needs to maybe find a part-time job, even working somewhere on a volunteer basis, if your finances are okay that she doesn't need a paying job. Maybe, another option could be that she just needs to spend some down-time going window-shopping. My wife regularly goes what we call here in Australia, (Op shopping) 2nd hand clothes shops, browse, maybe buy something to match what she has in the wardrobe. Even when I was working at my job, she would take time out from being at home, and just go out from the home environment, feeling (cooped up), mundane cleaning of the home, and just get away. If, indeed, your wife hasn't done this, it may well be the one thing that is causing this frustration, and you just being in the home working, isn't giving her some space, no breathing room? This is where we blokes need to " get a light bulb moment," and say to her, "Honey, would you like to take a friend with her and have some "girl-time" and grab a coffee, or spend some time away from the home environment, just a thought. Us fellers, we're just "programmed" to just get on with the job at hand, we're the practical doer's, that's how we're wired and we don't often "see" where our women struggle, that's when we need to be in touch with our "sensitive" side. As you say, only when a conversation comes up that you say something, that's good. What I would say to you now is, just go about whatever it is that you do, say nothing more. One last thought that may have some value, is there anything that you can do for her in or around the house that could be of value to her, something that she would appreciate, just a thought? As always, hope this helps, God bless.

My dear brother in Christ, thank you for your PM, I really feel for you in this predicament. My thoughts are that I'm concerned that your dear wife is in fact, not a christian. Unless in saying what she says is aimed at hurting you, in order for you to "give up" on her. She's just not seeming to be displaying any "christian" conviction in her demeanour toward you, hence our concern.I apologise if I didn't explain myself adequately in my last post regarding the male "leadership." Of course we need to take the lead as the "Priest" over the family, but we (men) need to exercise sensitivity toward our wives, and not just say, "I'm the boss, I'll make the decisions." I understand that reference she made earlier regarding "all this christian stuff is BS," could well have been said in anger and frustration, but it could be helpful, in a "quieter" moment, to ask her about what does she really believe regarding her christianity? At this point in time, there really seems to be a "mismatch" between you both! In the meantime, we are all continuing to pray God's Highest for you as a family, and given to Him, that The Lord will bring about the best outcome, give it to Him, let Him carry it, onedirection, just TRUST Him to do it, you've got to stop "driving" it, you can't make it work, leave it to The Holy Spirit to convict, and turn it around, okay! As always, I hope this is helpful, God bless.

This is to me nothing short of preaching "the social gospel" and unless these dear deluded brethren see the error of their ways, seek forgiveness, repent, and be brought back into the "fold of God." I don't dare think what their outcome will be. (praying).

I think that it's obvious to all who have contributed to your post that you are committed to the relationship and very much in love with your wife, commendable, given the little in return. However, my brother, she is in need of knowing, and seeing, strength in you in leadership, not some "wimpy." As I have been heard to say, "we need to be men of "faith and power, not paste and flour." I use the terminology of "men" loosely, not literally. Too often these days, I see women taking the lead and the men follow behind, allowing the role reversal. This often comes because men have "abdicated" their responsibility to lead, women will take control when they see the weakness in their men to fail in decision making. It is in the makeup of women to be in charge(child-raising) making decisions while hubby is at work, etc. Most women will gladly let their men be in charge, if they see his consistency to lead and make good choices, along with her input, we need to lead, not dominate. Our wives are our partners in life and have a right to input, though the husband should make the final decision. Even if he gets it wrong, there should not be any "blame game," forgive, learn and go on. As always, I hope this is helpful.

Hi brother, I have been reading the posts and have given the "thumbs up" to the Godly counsel given to you. I don't believe there is much more to be said on the matter really! Have you read the advice Paul gave to the Corinthian Church in 1 Cor. 7: 10-17. If she chooses to leave, as she has stated her position that she really is an unbeliever, she will follow her "heart" unless she comes to her senses, and repents, and comes back to the marital home. In the event of that not happening, then you need to look at the last 2 verses of this chapter, you will have to "deny yourself" and stay in the state that you are in, (staying single) may be hard to do, but is a sad consequence due to the situation. God bless, hope that this is helpful.

Marilyn, I applaud you on your Godly counsel to onedirection, and I humbly apologise, for I had seen this trait too, but I neglected to address it earlier, that's "my bad" and in future, by God's grace, I will be more pro-active. Dear brother, please take heed, we are here to help you both, and it's our fervent prayer that not only that both of you will come through this trial, to and for God's Glory, amen.

Dear sister in Christ, in reading your post, can I say as someone who has worked for quite a number of years doing shiftwork, that it does mess with not only your sleep patterns, you don't know what day it is after a while. Especially if the sleep you do get, isn't good, deep sleep. He is displaying similar behaviour to that which I had, and I lay that squarely at the feet of "sleep depravation." You become irritable and short tempered, you don't want to be, but that's what it can do to you. I'm not for one minute excusing the behaviour, but it's something that he needs to know, and confront. I understand his inadequateness to have more than he grew up with, it can be a driving force to give his family more than he had growing up. What he needs to come to terms with, that while he is doing all he can, that it is sufficient, he is being a good provider, don't set goals that are too hard to attain. It will only bring more stress and heartache, for him and for the family. I am now retired from working, I am so much better now, regular sleep patterns, my advice would be, if he is able, to obtain a good day job, where he can re-establish family relationships and regular sleep, not forgetting daily prayer time and bible reading, committing it all to the Saviour's care, hope this helps, God bless. PS. My wife and I have special time early each morning, sharing with each other, cuppa in hand, and then we pray together, cheers.

Onedirection, Dear brother, this is sound advice and along a similar vein I would have replied. I see your total commitment to see the marriage work, now having established that, leave it with the Lord, and as the Bible tells us, "to stand firm, and see the salvation of God." You may be striving to make it happen in your own strength. Leave it at the foot of the cross.

Hi onedirection, having read your reply, I can see that while your wife may well believe she is a christian, she isn't dealing with the very issue in front of both of you. My wife and I work on the principle of "no blame game". You don't do this or that, I do this and this and this, we need to share, work on and in the relationship. As I said previously, communication is "key" when things rise up and cause consternation, talk openly, no blame, just talk how better can we do things, clear the air and any misunderstandings. Hope this helps, God bless.

Hi there onedirection, I empathise with you brother, and my prayer is that through this trial that God's peace will be yours, in Jesus Name. While I agree with the majority of dr3032 advice to you, the one question I would be asking your wife is, why don't you love me anymore? It's in communicating, being honest with each other, is not only key, but vital in relationships, and with everyone. One of my brothers-in-law said to me, many years ago. Love is not a feeling, it's a choice, if I wake up in the morning and feel that I don't love my wife, that's not a basis to leave. Feelings are just that, they can be subtle, and deceive us into wrong thought processes, we don't rely on them. By following God's word, in it are All the Answers to life, and its problems, it's His "go to" book, know Him, know His character, apply it to your life. Live your life the way God wants you to, Jesus said, "follow me" and that's what we all need to do. Hope this helps you, God bless.