Figure of eighty

What do u meab?

That is true Jesus was treated horribly

I know the title is shocking but I just don't think I love God anymore or like him much for that matter. Early this year things have been extremely rough. It took me months to find a job and when I found it I lost it as soon as I did and then my car broke down and my kids got kicked out of daycare. I was stuck and my dad would be really rude and disrespectful toward me calling me ugly, a dumb a**, talking about my daughter, calling me a h** .. crazy stuff. I even tried to do a WFH job and the job ghosted me, meaning I never got a start date and I messaged all the managers and emailed then and no responseded for a week and 4 days. Idk I feel stuck and I'm trying my best and I feel God is blocking me bc I've been trying f my hardest to simply take care of my kids and it's like he keeps taking my resources away. Which in turn just pushes me further away from Him. I find God hard to love bc he's keeping me in a toxic situation which means he approves of how I'm being treated and I have a problem with that.

Thank you.

When I read these comments I feel like a lost cause. Trials make me incredibly angry and I do lash out at God. Idk what to do about it.

it was disturbing. Im nor sure if ir was him or not but it was so specific in the way it addressed the issue that I wasnt changing and kept sinning. And then with the suicide thing I wonder maybe if its a spiritual death ...idk So idk i will keep asking for clarity.

So i dreamt that my aunt ( she's a prophet and has her own church. I used to go there but left bc of stuff i saw wrong anf still see wrong. Told me i had the spirit of judas in me. Told congregation not to pray for me) and all the members from my old congregation came to me. Crying and saying its too late for me.. They werw saying they saw me in a dream where i had hung myself and my brother cut me down and just went back to sleep. Another said God is protecting me from so much... Mainly kilking myself ... And then my aunt kept saying it was too late for me.. Bc i keep on sinning and that as a christian youre supposed to change and grow Then i tried to praise God and sing to him and I went back to my old church but i felt so scared and discouraged. At my old church i felt i had to walk on egg shells i was always sinning and was scared bc i coulsnt stop. I left bc i knew if i stuck around Id be damned. I truly felt she didnt like me. I was very afraid when i woke up. Now im a bit more clear headed. I do feel God may be disappointed in me but i feel going back to my old church wont help. Part kf me feels its a trap to go back into bondage but i also feel God wants me to stop sinning but i dont think i should go back

Thats a good idea. Ill defintely ask.

The court didnt give me full custody. Im saying the Lawyer said bc me and him are not married he has no legal rights to our daughter but Im thinking of getting full custody. And the lawyer didn't tell me to not show up for court. It was the dfcs child support case worker I talked to she said I didn't have to.

I am no longer with him. I talked to a lawyer they said bc we aren't married he has no rights at all. He's going to court for child support. I wanted to go but they told me only hes required to go but he sais he was going to talk to the judge and im afraid he may lie about some things. Im done. We are done. Im just raising my child. The back and forth before was because I thought he could be a better man and dad but A year is enough to show me he wont change.( Home life isnt the best so i thought i could depend on him and we build a life together. I was wrong) No he doesnt have court ordered visits. I talked to a lawyer rhey said he has no rights.

Okay so is my daughter's father I haven't blocked on everything and I told him that he couldn't see her or have his daughter until after he goes to court for child support he's about a year and a half and prior to that I gave him so many opportunities so many chances to see her and spend time with her but all those chances he blew I still have text messages of him flaking on his weekend to get her because he wanted to pick up some money or do something else equally trivial. He's been calling nonstop every time I break up with him then he gets a fire under him to get back in gear and try to be a parent or whatever but I did all the nights with her I got her walking I did it all I start up her daycare on my own no help from him I asked her to watch her on his off days and you wouldn't do it and I lost my job I lost three jobs because I couldn't trust him or anyone else to help so I'm making him wait now but I did answer his call and I just told him everything I said here about how much I do for her and how little he does and how am I keeping her from him he blew all his chances and I have to wait until Court which isn't too long that's the middle of September. And to that he basically said everything that I'm doing as well I'm supposed to be doing but he does nothing and he says he's a good father and he's not a total of that I told him because I felt bad because he said I was keeping her from that he could have her for the weekend but with his mom she doesn't run the AC from 8:00 to 6:00 and that's way too hot for a baby to be in the last time he had her it was sweltering and all he did waa have her under a fan with her shirt off.. He didnt dare run the AC bc he didmt want to bother his mother. So am i wrong to keeo her from him until the court date? I also am not giving him any tax money again. I feel stressed bc when he said that that's what I'm supposed to do it made me feel like that every all this struggle is normal is what it's supposed to be for me but not for him and on top of the fact that when I pick my dad up from daycare she had a bite mark near her eye from a little boy and I just have to deal with finding the daycare just so I can work and find the one that I can trust I feel bad because I feel like she's a little lab rat just trying to find the right daycare. Idk please keep me in your prayers i am pretty stressed trying not to lose it.

I feel like my life is falling apart. I lost my job.. My car stopped on me and my anxiety is worse..i feel like its turning into ocd. I feel like a lost cause.

Some good news i have an interview for a remote position on monday.

Im so busy and stressed. I really dont have time to pray. I tried last night and fell asleep. Also im really afraid to trust God. Ive just been struggling even with him. Even when i was dedicating my life to him at one point.

Child support is in the works right now. I was thinking of getting tanf but his ct date is in Sept. Seems really close but i do need money now bc i have nothing right now.

Update. My boss called and i had to let the job go. She needs someone dependable. I dont have anyone to watch the kids and I have no car to get to work so.. Yeah. Back at square 1.

Update. My car stopped completely it stopped in the middle of the street. I feel everything i worked hard for is going up in smoke. Im still applying to remote positions.

So im kinda unsure abt my job. My boss said ill be on fmla but my coworker texted me saying my boss said i probably won't come back. So idk i dont think ill stay with company. It was super unorganized anyway ( alot of people didnt get checks and some were in florida) So maybe remote work is for the best buuuut. My boss was super understanding i hope i get that again bc its hard to work with kids getting sick and daycare closing.

Yeah. Im looking into them. Even though job loss sucks there's opportunity for better. Im applying now and hopefully ill get something with benefits.

Told my boss. Im on fmla.

Update- Well my car is on the fritz and going out. So i think its done which means im going to lose my job, i cant move. Everything i worked hard for is gone.

I feel like Im in crisis mode. I think Im in danger of losing my job. My boss has been so understanding but I've called out too many times. Im talking 1 to 2 or 3 days off a week since I've been working.(June) I called my coworker today and she said she was really annoyed. And it looks so unreliable. But i literally can't help it. Either the daycare is closed for stupid teachers work day or my kids are sick. I have no one to watch them baby sitters( no friends and family doesnt help) are expensive(15an hr) thats more than i make in a day's pay. My account is in the negative. Im praying i dont lose this job its all i have..everything I worked hard for will be gone. My car and possibility of moving out.. To top it off. I need dental work done..root canals but i may have to put it off. I just feel so screwed. idk what to do. Im trying really hard to take care of kids and something as simple as that is a challenge. I feel like Im atoning for my sins of having kids oow. Im trying my best to make things right and better but im having issues. Idk why nothing is working Im trying so hard. It took me.a month to find this job. Just asking for prayer to not lose this job please.

It is hard. Im living it. Reconciled how?

This is very hard. All i know is if my 10yr old daughter was raped.. Id be too busy in jail for beating the person near death that did it and Id let my mom continue raising my girl. Thats my honest answer.

Same. I kept my kids. Kids are hard but if you put yourself in thr situation to have kids then you need to own up and take responsibility and I might maybe 80% of the people that want abortions do it for selfish reasons . They dont want to be inconvenienced and want to continue leading their life. This is the majority of prochoicers. They just hide behind the assault victims and put them at the front of their movement.