Figure of eighty

So after a while of emailing CAPS ( subsidized gov child care) i finally got ahold of someone. Passed the interview and qualify. So now i can work. Issue. My mom is a bit controlling..shes against daycare but no one in my family even the kids dad wont watch them. I lost my last job depending on my family so Im using daycare. My mom and I share a car but she also works. My bro has a car I asked if i could take the kids to and from daycare in his car .. He said he uses his car to work ( Amazon) Idk im really trying my best. I just need this to work. So i can work and finalky leave my toxic environment.

Im trying. Its hard i want to give up.

Feeling really down and heavy emotionally. Please pray I don't cave in. I dont leave the house much bc we only have 1 car my brother's. Its always used snd no one will help me take the kids up and put them into the car. I feel trapped and feel like sobbing. With winter rolling around ill be more confined to toxicity.

Lol why do you say thay? I know they wont be raptured which makes me a bit sad ...BUT... I truly believe all dogs go to heaven lol. Theyre so loyal they have to.

This is common knowledge

Im already filling out Chikd support. Ive enrolled inna Rad Tech program I applied for Caps so i can hopefully start working soon. I habe no car so i cant reach out to a church but im doing eberything i can.

Uhg my dad just called me stupid. My kids are scrwaming. Idk how long i can last lile this. I truly wish I never had children. Not one.

Been sinning too mucu and failing tests. Surrounded by people that could careless about me and this is fsmily. My younger bro comes out of his room and says he had a dream our home caught on fire but i didnt make it out. My dad said everyone has to go sometime and tols him stories of folks close to him that passed who he had drwams about. My dad critizises me constantlt. Laughs when i try to care for my kids. I was trying to go back to achool. I applied for college so i can use the miney to move and have a better life for my family but idk if i can do that. When peoplw say they have dreams like that im inclined to believe them due to my past ( curch) so i get a little paranoid. I hope i dont die but if i do. Im tired. Im alone. Im burnt out.. Idc .. I just feel for my kids. I feel im slowly losing it being herr.

When gas hits 4 bucks Im going to dust off my skates and start skating everywhere.

Right. Youre so right.

Bc people have a support system. Im not just talking about everyday life but for trials and temptations-- i was listening to this pastor on youtube abt trials and temptations and how to thrive under them and he said having support from Godly counsel is important. Having mature seasoned christians to lean on to help you in time of need is what helps you get through. I dint have that. Im just surrounded by toxic people that talk about me and my kids that ( i love but) drain me.

I keep stumbling with my ex//bf ... I feel hopeless.

I just feel like people dont care enough. That and i dont have money for gas.

I dont have godly support. People say being isolated makes u vulnerable during trials well i have no physical way to get 2 church. Crying kids.. Staying in a dark house. My car is broke down. Going through a break up... Or trying guy wont let go but i know he isnt Gods will for me. Dealing with my folks my dad talking abt my kids and wishing terrible things on them. Calling me a sorry parent.. God being silent. I really dont think this is possible. Has anyone gone through a trial completely alone? I need encoura gement.

Thats amazi g. I pray for friends too and i still dont have any. What did say when you prayed?

This is so true he gets very creative.

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We train the way paul describes by buffetting our flesh. Self denial seems easy but its so incredibly hard. We all will have trials tailored to our weakness/ strengths so what seems so obvious and easy to overcome for us that another struggles with wont be the same test we get. It'll be something that's a stumbling block for us in particular. Whether its lust, addiction, childhood trauma or what have you. These things are enough and the tests and trials we go through are enough and require the armor of God. I feel the training hints at becoming more mature in faith and seasoned so we can we can walk into new levels of Christ. Jesus spoke in parables. Not everything is always literal. You dont have to be a marine or soldier to use the armor of God

I feel ive been in my situation too long and when i try my hardest to change it things keep happening to block my progression whether its a sick child, car accidents( twice) to mess up my car. Job loss ect.. Staying in a toxic environment. Its hard. I dont want my storm to overwhelm me but it seems too hard. I have no support. No one pouring into me. I cant physically go to church. Im alone only God is with me no one cares to check up or in on me or my mental health. I know faith pleases God but im getting super discouraged and i just dont like a carrot being dangled infront of me and pulled up everytime i have hope and then told i have to have faith... Just seems cruel But .. I know were called to suffer and endure.. Life isnt all good but shouldnt be all bad either. Idk ... I juat dont want to lose hope or faith but im afraid to be positive about my situation changing.

Because we're cute.

This is so very true. It always tales you off guard and happens when you least expect it.

You sound very scared. Are you vaccinated? Maybe thatll quell your fears.

Yes to this. Is that gabby petito you're talking about?

Yes very true. I decided to have sex ect... I have 2 kids im at home at 30 bc of it. Their dad isnt worth too much. Ive been treated like a burden by my family bc of it. Dreams on hold. Its not worth it. I only pray my daughter and son dont go down my path. The wait is worth it.

I cant. God doesnt wsnt me to. Id be unequally yoked with him. That and he told me he wouldnt marry me since i kept leaving.