Ruth Also

In my family, everyone smoked. Oh, sure, when I was a kid I was idealistic - I wasn't going to drink, smoke, cuss...but as a teen all those things crept in easy as pie. Parents both cussed and bought me the necessary supplies for both vices. As a new believer in Jesus Christ I heard almost an audible voice speaking to my heart as I lit up a cigarette in the car one day, "You don't need this, you know." The concept had never occurred to me. My response was, "I don't need this? Great! Let me put it down." And I did. Last one. Other problems are more difficult, old faulty thinking patterns, being critical, being haughty. I reckon it's the human experience. And I have to reckon myself to be dead to it, too. It wasn't overnight, but it was constant as His love leaned into my faulty patterns and got my life where He knew it would work better. I am grateful for His steadfast love!

I think the judgement that Melinda senses needs addressing. I like the bear trap example. I'd agree with it. Unless one is born again, one can't see the kingdom of God. That isn't just a saying - it's a fact. We don't even know what living under God's rules mean before this. So now you've got a couple, who are indeed coupled, with one person seeing into life something far beyond the other. The potential for significant disharmony exists. It's a complicated situation, and nobody wants to break up any good thing, but the greater risk is that to walk together into the future, the two have to agree, or it's just a case of a postponed divorce with the potential to mess up the lives of future kids as well. Since that's the case, the Christian has to decide that her walk with the LORD is a disposable commodity (assuming it's the woman who became a Christian), since there is no guarantee that the man will make that choice if she is to stay in the relationship. It's not a matter of a small formality here. It's about a very change of nature. And if that weren't enough, future children will be impacted by this difficulty. For the time being, one has to admit that this is an unauthorized union, so the believer needs to be out of it. At that point, Paul's recommendation that one avoid yoking with an unbeliever should be seriously considered. This isn't a matter of how nice these folks are or how they seem to get along. It is complicated by them having joined in a union that makes it hard to see reality, but that's the nature of society. They aren't the first to be fornicators - and neither were we. Still, it doesn't make life work well. If "love" between them were enough, I'd suggest that they'd be having endless conversations about the implications of this decision to follow Christ, would want to come to terms on what would work for a long-lasting relationship, and would welcome even a separation of living arrangements and a time of celibacy to know for sure what would work for the best for each other, because love wants what is best for each other as well as for ourselves. Granted, that implies a degree of maturity that most of us didn't get until somewhere close to retirement age. Most of us old folks would admit we didn't realize what this marriage thing would mean or would take to make a success while we were young, but then, many are divorced because we simply didn't pay attention to the things that would have made it work. So I suggest that any judgements heard are the voice of experience. We didn't start out to fail, but many of us failed by starting out in a similar situation and would gladly suggest a better path that sticks to the precepts that God gave us instead of thinking we were exceptions. Just because we didn't heed His words doesn't mean that these nice folks can avoid the consequences of poor choices any better than we did. So we stand on the side of the road and wave flags of caution - in love. I'm sure every one of us wishes these young people the best outcome and the happiest life - I do. -Ruth

For what it's worth... If I had it to do over again, I'd agree with keeping it simple. Entanglement is awful, and you're looking at a situation full of entanglements. I'd suggest stepping a bit further away emotionally so you can continue the good you can add to her situation, which is mentoring. Keep pointing her to the Scriptures, to the Lord, to learning to lean on Him and follow Him. I'd suggest not stepping any closer to her situation because then you might just become one more rope in the entangled mess and not be effective in being helpful. I've had a few similar mentor/friend relationships and they worked best when the fellow followed some good boundaries. My primary reason for suggesting this course is for an effective outcome, which is that this young lady can stand in Christ as a whole person. But in your situation, in order to be that stable person who will eventually have a life-mate, you need to focus also on your own path. Stepping back should also help you keep an appropriate focus on your own walk. First and foremost you need to stand as a whole person in Christ which takes concentration in your walk, studying, learning to put on and use this armor we've been giving to stand, and above all, to stand in Christ. It's from that well that you have water to share. I'm reading myself into your story, which is common - and in my story, I can look back now and see where I lost traction by weaving too much of me into someone else's life. Had I focused more on growing in Christ, I would have had a better outcome and every life I touched would have also. I can identify with both this young lady and with you. I know you aren't me and she isn't me, so your reality may be really different than my perception of it. But if my look-back on it can help you, you are welcome to the story. At any rate, I hope the best for you in this difficult situation and appreciate your heart to care. - Ruth

I think all expanded programs that use funding to provide help like you've described have Medicaid behind them. So I suggest you contact whatever NY calls Medicaid - at the state level. I hope by contacting them you can navigate to someone who can take your concerns and help you find any options for using that funding in a more acceptable way. Short of that - and forgive me if I'm mentioning things that have already been covered - it might be that someone at the Department of Social Services or Human Services (whatever NY calls them) can help you by providing a choice of agencies, or it may be that you can locate a listing of all participating providers of your services with an online search, perhaps a search on the state Medicaid website. Those work in my state, but each state is different. In my state, the care is required to be client centered, at least as much as staffing is available. I hope you can find the help that you need. -Ruth

As a mom who had several teens successfully launch from our typically dysfunctional home into self-financed degrees in sciences, technology, health care and human services, I too was impressed at your post - at age 17. You've got a lot going with those brain cells up there, Friend. Protect them! But as you follow along your road, don't forget that you are what you do. What you do defines who you are. If you do rightly, you are a right-minded person. If you do wrong, you are a wrong-minded person. With that basis, don't forget that the LORD God is interested in stacking the odds in your favor. Get a Bible and study it. The book of Proverbs has good wisdom for how to act. In it you'll find things like: 1. stay out of lusts: getting involved will derail your best intentions. 2. Act prudently: it will always serve you well. This includes minding what you say, minding your boundaries and those of others, showing appropriate respect to everyone, being diligent and having integrity. The wisdom goes beyond Proverbs. It's all there for our benefit. We can live by every word from God. The other stories show examples of what happens when people obeyed and when they didn't. And they often didn't. Jesus removed every barrier - you have access to this same LORD God through faith and all your past has been forgiven. Of course there is the temptation to prioritize the definition of your own life and define proofs about God before tackling what you choose to be doing with your life, but actually by studying what God says and walking in those wise things, you'll eventually see that the solidness you seek that was there all the time. Not to spook you, but don't forget, God has an enemy and therefore all of us has that same enemy trying to derail us from the sensible path of walking in agreement with God. Can you imagine yourself at the end of your life? What would you want to look back on and see about your character and the list of righteous behaviors and accomplishments you'd want to have as your legacy? I'm not suggesting thinking about prosperity or wealth accumulation, but more like your "good deeds" list. While good deeds don't save us, they form a kind of ruler at this point for you to measure what you'd need to do now to get to "there" and be able to look back on a good life. It wouldn't hurt to get started on doing those good things now - along with continuing to study what God says to add wisdom. Believe me, you'll need that Book for the whole of your life, no matter how many brain cells you have going for you. His wisdom is higher. As a fellow-traveler on this spinning ball hurling into an unknown future now with grandkids your age, I would offer this short encouragement with a kindly cup of cocoa and some healthy whole grain cookies. Check out Matthew 21.28-32. May you make a difference in the world with your life - and you can. It will depend on what you choose to do. Best to you! -Ruth

Hi Wayne. I'm new here. I was raised as an American without much religious training, so that was the extent of the indoctrination I had to work through when I was rescued from the vortex of hopelessness by the precious blood of Jesus. For many years I thought that the Sabbath was for the people of Israel only. I figured if a person wanted to keep the idea of the sabbath at all, they were free to pick any day or no day at all. The Church picked Sunday because of the resurrection and taught that the day was changed by God, so for years that was what I lived at least to the extent that most American Christians live it. Someone challenged me to see if there is really support for that concept in the new testament teachings. When I did a really close look I actually found there is very poor support for the idea. I had to conclude that it was a part of the church history to shift away from what the Apostles actually did and taught to later adopt what seemed better in the eyes of people. I can only imagine that it made some degree of sense to them at the time. I also found out it wasn't the only shift of ideas that happened. When I realized that I felt better walking according to what God gave us rather than what people since then decided, I made the conscious decision to keep His Sabbaths as best I could as His gift, His sign of Who He is to His people, His appointed time for meeting with me. I call it a blessing, similar to the joke about the father who wanted to prove the obedience of his kids by commanding that they eat their ice cream. I'm obeying, but it's a joy. If I'm pulled up short at the last day for this, I'll bear the consequences, but historically, Israel was pulled up short many times for forgetting Who the LORD is, the same One Who gave them life-giving commandments and the day off to draw close to Him, the Life-giver. I hear a lot of people hollering "bondage, legalism, self-righteousness, falling from grace" when people introduce ideas like the Sabbath, but it's simply taking God at His word and realizing that He had no reason to change what He was saying to people from the beginning. His nature didn't change, and neither did the nature of people. I did discover it's not a popular stance to remember His Sabbaths to keep them separated for Him - to keep them observed and holy. But it's hardly an act of works to take the day off to meet with Him, to rest, with His blessing! I haven't found adopting this part of God's wisdom to pull me from that wonderful relationship we can have through Jesus Christ, and from this perspective looking back, I muse why I thought it would. The LORD is at work in His people and He deals with each of us individually. I would encourage you to look at the evidences in Scripture about the Sabbath so that you are completely convinced in own life. That's what matters - but I would tell you the same thing about any concept or any behavior. Keep pressing inward to His very heart so that His life is worked out in every fiber of your existence. May you experience His best for your life. -Ruth