xhistragedyx

sierra check your pm

yeah that kind of behaviour only pushes me away more and i loose respect for him in the process. yeah apart from that i dont really know why i am angry. Maybe because he wasn't who i thought he was i felt like id been tricked. I am definetly angry at myself just as much for making so many dumb descions. He burnt a big painting we did together because he said i broke his heart and he still threatens me and uses the bible against me when he's not exactly practising what he's preaching. I think i am also angry because I've lost Ben for good i dont want us to get back together but I didn't want out 2 year relationship to end in such a way. I know aidans hurting but i went to the inxs concert the other night and i couldn't even walk 100 metres down my street (which ben also lives on) without getting a text saying 'going to bens are we' then 'alisha you shouldnt walk by yourself at night it's dangerous' aidan wasn't at the concert and he lives an hour away? These kind of comments make me want to throw my cellfone in the nearest rubbish bin and set the thing a light. and he still cant understand why I'm ignoring him.

Hey guys i dont want to post on aidans thread so I'm on mine. I'm going to carry on with life and pretend I have a lil privacy in the world and I'll ignore the fact that he's probally screening my messages. I dont want to be a victim in this. so.. I have been going to church again and went up the front and got prayer. I felt a million times better the following week. Until i set myself up for a fall. And I'm back to square one. I really felt the prayers and God felt close. It's true that your sin seperates you from God. I feel far away again.. I thought i was doing the right thing with aidan. But i had no way of really knowing for sure, i didnt feel the need to rush and he did. I guess he was being selfish and was a fool in his own eyes and i realise now i was too. Even tho i was really trying my hardest to put this situation in Gods hands. I didnt anticipate how i would react after leaving ben. You cant just break up with someone after nearly 2 years and go straight into another relationship and yes the grass will most probally be greener on the other side but thats no reason to go jump head first into courtship with another (i didnt want a relationship but he persisted) ..I told aidan i didnt want to be his gf and he told me i was his gf whether i wanted to be or not he said that in a joking manner but deep down I'm sure he was serious. I had to do what i did or i would've been left wondering for the rest of my life if aidan was the really the one for me or not. Yes a list is a bad idea and yes your right it doesn't include what you 'dont want'. I dont even believe in 'the one' anymore. and i am really finding it hard to learn to be happy being single. Is it wrong to pretend that aidan never existed? i forgive him but i dont know if i even want to be his friend. Should i go on living like i never knew him? Maybe i am experiecing resentment im not 100% sure.. My world shouldnt feel this empty? I want to learn to be strong but to be honest I'm feeling nothing but a big empty hole inside of me. I'm so angry at myself for letting this happen I should never of let this happen. He came along at the right/wrong time if that makes sense and I'm left wondering what things would've been like if he never came along. What good can i get out of all this???

Finding the right one is a misson if your relationships arnt working out then obviousally if your trust is in God you will thank him when the RIGHT one comes along! and you will know sierra. I encourage you to book a councelling appt with the 2 of you. Me and my x did this and it was the best move we could of made together. If you are like me..i say things like 'God I dont have the strength to end this relationship' 'your going to just have to step in and help me out' then lol... i sit here angry at him! for having a broken heart!(but i get over it!) hehe! maybe you are both not ready for marridge just yet.. so enjoy some time on your own. Because once your married you have 'another half' for the rest of your life. Sometimes people stay together because of the fear of being alone or being so unhappy. I am alone now..part of me hates it part of me wants to learn to enjoy it. I think you a stronger than me however and i dont think 'you think' with your emotions like i do either, and live your life based on how you feel at a certain time. You are more head strong than you realise. You need to put logic before emotion sometimes. Hope this helps and your feeling a bit better, I'm here to help you out as much as i can ok. I think what the others are saying is that we cant make the descion for you and our advice wont help..I'm sure regardless our replys WILL and ARE helping you (and most of those comments are probally from guys lol) i understand why you come on here. Its not so much that you want an answer woman need encouragment and support and were all here to give it too you aight! we can help you to help yourself find the answers.

I think christians these days arn't being so hard on themselves (i think thats a good thing) i think it can be dangerous to be so black and white in this day and age. I've seen so many christians have nervous breakdowns over worrying about such things. If there hearts are God's then it is really is no-ones business to judge where their heart is at with God. No-ones relationship with God is the same as another.

BLampinen..thankyou..

Thanks for your replys/prayers guys and he is posting on these boards yes. I cant say I'm very happy about it as i told him this was my lil secret in the universe. 2nd to God this place is a refuge somewhere where my heart is 100% protected by privacy and support. He had a key logger on his computer an managed to track me down. I feel like he has gone against what i told him 'to please not try and find it' this is like a home to me and i dont want anyone i know in new zealand hearing my deepest cries thoughts and struggles. I protected this site very well for years. I didn't want anyone to know about it. And now he is prying through my personal diary. I am not happy with him. He is'nt the one i am broken hearted over.

I am broken hearted..and lost. I feel weak I am so sick of feeling teary eyed and upset. If your've known the feeling of loosing the one you love Id be glad to hear your thoughts and advice -A

are you saying im dumb? i dont even believe in star signs. I wanted to see what other peoples opinions were.

was selah introduced by superstitious means? i dont know much about selah! i do know tho that it is a christian clothing label here. Assuming it potrayed a good message?

"any marriage counselor will always tell you that except in severe cases of abuse or neglect, no relationship ends because only one person made a mistake?" Sorry to gatecrash this post but this comment above really stood out. A guy came into my life out of no-where 'claiming to be the one' i am so far gone by that saying you have no idea. I was with a guy at the time. What do you do? i called it quits with both of them. One was more patient than the other. I Realised i had made a hugeee mistake and wanted the first one back (who i had been with for nearly 2 years) and he would'nt take me back. Our relationship ended because A. Something inside of me thought this guy might be for real (i guess i shouldnt of put my trust in man and only God)B. I fell into a manipulating trap and this guys heart wasn't at all right with God. C. I lost the trust of the first guy because he thinks i left him for another man. So..No relationship ends because one person made a mistake? Is that what most people believe?

I dont personally follow horoscopes/star signs etc... But i cant help but notice the familarites within certain 'star signs' and often the way star signs describe a persons temprament and personality is quite spot on. I am a pisces and a a pisces in every scense of the word. Do you think it's possible that God created these temprements in people born at a certian time of year? I remember a friend awhile back saying that this was biblical? but i havent been able to find anything that suggests this. Just a load of crud u rekon? or something that might just have to remain a mystery? I'll throw that one out into the realms of cyberspace and see what happens...! any comments appreciated!

girl.. you have helped me out in the past and i really feel for you in this situation.. when you move away its easy to not forget someone but just get used to life without them. You become reliant on yourself you enjoy your own company and you learn to stand on your own too feet. I'm sure if you met up it would be just like old times and he would realise how silly he has been and how madly in love with you he actually is. And this happens no matter how in love you are it happens trust me. Also...cold feet? engaged? big descion? Is he still walking strongly in his faith? attending church etc..? are his family christian? I cant say everythings going to work out fine and dandy but dont throw away any hope...just yet I'm sure you will work this out. But definetly talk to your pastor about what's been happening. When your down you can only go up. Make sure you let us know how it all pans out! All the best I'll be praying for you! God Bless! -Alisha

Hello botticelli I had a very weird but alleviating experience this morning. I began to pray for you as i said i would and the holyspirit hit me like a ton of bricks (in a good scense of course!) I already believe God is working on this and that your crys have been heard recieved and mircales are happening! God's not giving up on you boy his spirit was strong direct postive and i only needed to pray those 2 sentences and if I could've heard God audibly, I'm sure he would of said something like 'I'm on it Alisha!' I strongly believe your experiencing break thru God's awesome! and loves your honest heart and desire to please him! woohoo! blessings! A

A friend of mine had an issue with porn it had controlled him for years he wanted to change his habbits so badly but wasn't doing anything dramatic to change them. HE just kind of wished everything would go away. He prayed and got prayer he went to church but like someone else said in another reply. 'God will always give you an escape'. His esacpe was selling his computer not an easy thing to do! sure he couldnt chat online or email his friends or play games but his walk with God and his self worth improved because of it. What we mite see as a big loss is a great gain in Gods eyes and yours! and sometimes you have to make big changes to over come your weaknes's. Really big changes. You'll find the more you focus on God..reading his word..spending time by yourself admiring his creation..fellowshiping with other christians..attending church. I'm sure you will find that your struggle with lust will fade into the very depths of the ocean and forgiveness strength and love will prevail. I'll be praying for you! -xhistragedyx

ore the real one... Really interested to her your views on this and whether anybodys experienced this themselves and what the scripture says about it. Doe's satan do this so you might accidently miss out on the real thing? soulmate/partner. How doe's satan know who's going to be in your life in advance? i didn't think he could tell the future? Also is love a gift and it's up to us to date and choose a successful candidate for marridge? or.. as God has planned our days kniited us together in our mothers womb etc..and he knows the future.. doe's he have someone 'pre destined' and if we pray he will direct them into our lives? I'm quite confused on this as so many christians have conflicting beleifs. Thanks heaps weird topic i know lol! -Alisha

yes aidan knew about ben from day one I was straight up about ben and my feelings towards him. I was trying to force himself to fall in love with him because he claimed to be 'the one' for me I didn't know how to handle the situation. So i hid and withdrew from both of them. I told him i was in a relationship but he kept using my christianity against me. I was just thinking about getting relationship councelling for me and ben about a fortnight before aidan came along so we could both get a little more educated on a subject they didn't teach us at school. I felt a connection with aidan but not in a 'romantic way' He has admited to me now that he has read books on physology and knows how females work and pretty much told me everything i wanted to hear even used the bible against me. I cared for him but nothing deeper than deep friendship. I told both of them i needed some solitude time. Ben was the loving and more accepting of the two. Aidan persisted and wouldn't listen. I ended up at a total road block. I see now who really loved me the most just by reflecting on their actions towards that situation. Did the enemy appear as an angel of light to decieve me? and destroy the good thing i had going with Ben? I prayed to God that he would make aidan walk away if this was not meant to be, I just took it as a sign from God. How stupid. God doesn't rule our feelings or our minds (so true) We are free to choose which direction to walk, without God interfering with it. But of course I took it as a sign since I was feeling neglected. I love Ben but he wasn't making me feel needed or important. Apart from the physical things i often felt like just an aquaintence. But ben is so self sufficant he doe'snt realise how met a womans needs. I was blind and selfish I guess, longing for those things. Now I find myself regreting that I ever got myself involved in this mess. You were right God didn't bring Aidan into my life someone else did..why doe's satan always try and bring me down when he leaves other christians alone am i so weak? true love never fails regardless and endures forever i couldnt give my heart to another man i couldn't because i was still in love with Ben. If this whole thing taught me something it's taught me what real love is. Ben is the kind of love corinthians talk about. Now i have to work at regaining the trust of the man I so dearly love.

so can relate im 22 and have been on anti d's for 5 years. Scientific research shows that if you have been on them too long they start to work in the opposite effect. I started experiencing unusual suicidal thoughts that became just a normal way of thinking for me i didnt give a hoot about anything. Turned out to be my meds that were making me feel that way. talk to your doctor about the down side to your medication get a physcatrist and make sure your doctor actually knows what hes talking about many dont! you need a doctor who knows his stuff when it comes to mental health. My old doctor put me through hell on earth by describing me the wrong meds. Make sure you get conselling as your coming off your meds..good luck God bless!

I was brought up a pentecostal born again christian I'm used to the falling down in Gods prescense..putting your arms up in the air...speaking in tongues...unpredictable sermons..emotional worship you get the deal? I have a few friends who arn't into that whole "movement" and their churches warn against "us" I'm pretty open/alternative I'm not into "churchy-anity" I keep to myself and I'm not one to judge..but can someone shine some light onto this topic please? why do people think emotional heartwarming annointed songs are "wrong" and that singing hymns is the only way to go I naturally put on worship music when I'm having quiet time with God..but why do i do it? i dont know! putting your arms in the air? i didnt realise other (im not going to say religions) "styles" dont do this... am i just a happy clappy weirdo? i love God without restraints i dont care if i go to a conservitive or a happy clappy church why is letting the holy spirit do his thing in a church service 'wrong?" whats wrong with worship that "stirs the emotions/holyspirit" (they say it apparently stirs up dopamines in the brain) the "feel good" chemicals that could be the scientific answer when we claim to "feel the holyspirit" and as for hypnotism? I dont want to defend anyone or my church I'm honestly intrested in all views from all sides

ijfjhsgfsg

you have no idea how that touched my heart thankyou bella rose that poem warmd my spirit and I'm truly grateful!

thankyou so much, it's great to know that someone is praying for me I will also continue to do so myself. Ben is a "believer" but doesn't have that close knit relationship with God that Aidan is trying to have, but Ben doe's follow Gods laws and commadments and is the most amazing person regardless, i sometimes wonder if it is my job to judge where his heart is at with God..? I have known Aidan for 6 weeks i met him on the net, we had an instant connection that developed intensly before my eyes we have spent alot of time together talking and getting to know one another on a daily basis. I thought at first that maybe God had brought us together to help each other grow spirtually (kind of airy fairy maybe) but like i said the similaritys are uncanny i still cannot decide who i would rather be with. Ben has more of a kind heart than Aidan and i know i could have a simple stress free happy but not necasarily "fullfilled" life with him. My reasons for being with ben seem more honest than selfish as it may seem with aidan..Ben is 21 Aidan is 24

2 very special guys and only 1 of me... I am a born again christian and have been for many years..I'm 22 and have been seeing a guy called ben for 20 months his family are catholics who attend church regulary. Ben is the nicest guy in the world hes never yelled at me has loved me and has always treated me kindly he believes in God but is a total non conformist picture this...long black dreds rides a uni cycle listens to metal...hates anything mainstream..amazing values and morals is a man of his word, has no "baggage" has an extremely kind heart and is well liked by all..we are best friends.. He is a very un emotional guy I wonder if even the holyspirit could melt his heart...i take him to church but nothing in him responds in anyway and he never talks about it afterwards its almost like he's going to make me happy. I know this sounds kind of wrong but he treats me better than alot of practising born again christians would.. only bad thing being...he's messy a bit lazy and kind of unhygenic at times...i have to fish for compliments and he's not one to be romantic, give me thoughtful gifts or take his innative in the relationship..is it a mans job to fullfil a woman emotionally? is it wrong to feed of someone like that? i need attention suprises compliments gifts...from time to time every girl wants to be treated like a princess...there is a void there... my problem.... I've met this guy called Aidan he has been a seventh day adventist born again christian for the past 3 years He's not as close to God as he would like to be and is really trying to get close to God and light that fire again in his belly he has lost his passion for God but is doing everything he can to get it back. We are on about the same spirtual wave length right now..So this guy Aidan..is pretty much everything on my "list" when it comes to a guy and i am stuck because he really likes me...is in love with me infact i have been honest with Ben about this..but i have made the mistake of getting "too close" to Aidan..he treats me like a princess..and wants me to be happy. I am wondering if Aidan is "the one" for me recently he sent me a bunch of flowers which read.."Alisha..delight yourself in the lord and he shall give you the desires of your heart" you are the desire of my heart i pray i am yours.." I am wondering if Aidan is the guy i was praying for when i was a teenager at youthgroup..i had this list in my head that i put before God and Aidan is the closest anyone has ever got to this list of mine... he has brown hair brown eyes is in a band (lead singer) is christian is romantic stylee and funny, has a solid job and can easily provide..treats me like a princess..is a really talented artist (i am aswell) into fashion and we share the same interests...it's quite uncanny even down to the small details..we even think the same say the same thing at the same time...it's bizzare. I love his family his home his friends. But..aidan has a 3 year old daughter, has a very dark past (drug induced phycosis, suicidal depression etc..) (he was raped by an older man when he was 16) (has an addictive personality was addicted to drugs/sex)..had an anger problem..gets jealous easily..has a history of cheating (before he was a christian) he's on anti depressents (as am i) and seems to have everything together and mental illness is no longer an issue (same with me) there is one main thing that bothers me more than anything and that is the fact that he has an extremlly high sex drive.. he doesn't seem to think that foreplay is wrong in Gods eyes and does not feel convicted about it...(i do and always have done) i am a virgin but have done everything else if you know what i mean.. Ben does not have a high sex drive and is very humble on the subject and fully respects me and my values on it i am struggling to come to terms with the situation i have got myself into...i am in the middle of getting my clothing label off the ground..and it just so happens that Aidans a qualified screen printer and graphic artist and wants to help me out..I got Ben into art but he would rather not have anything to do with my business and cannot offer anything but support. I have told ben about aidan and it broke his heart i saw him cry for the first time in 20 months of being together..the guilt ate me up inside and i did not want to forgive myself for the pain i had caused him.. right now i am stuck as ben has qualities i admire and so doe's aidan..if i could put them together i would have the perfect man...I have been seeking God on this but cannot seem to hear his voice..I have 2 very special guys in my life and only one of me...Aidan wants to marry me...Ben runs to the hills at the word..he's not at all ready for marridge! what do i do...i want to hide in a corner and wake up when it's all over. Thanks for taking the time to read this and my heart, I'm not normally such an open book but i wanted you too get the full picture. I cannot keep going on like this..Ben wants some time to himself as i broke his heart, he's having trouble coming to terms with this but wants to forgive me.. Aidans texting me and emailing me still..i have wisdom when it comes to God but right now i feel like I'm in a dark room with the light turned off..I am utterlly and totally clueless and angry with myself..i just want to live right I've told Aidan i need some solitude he respects that but misses me all the same. I despertaly need advice and i hope someone out there can help me. I've also told Aidan that we need to work on getting right with God and prove that we can have a relationship with him first before one another..he responded with ecclesiastes 4:9-12 "two are better than one because they have a good return for their work..if they fall one will lift up the other.." he seems to think we could see each other and both grow togther spirtually where as i was thinking it would be better to work on it alone i dont know why I'm saying that when half of me still wants to be with Ben..the thought of seeing ben with another girls rips my heart apart..did God bring aidan into my life? i dont know... -Alisha

I'm going thru the same thing! so i fully understand where your at you need to have a close christian friend (this is what helped me get out of the rut!) if you know someone is picking you up for church you reali dnt want to let them down. I had to do this to get to church and now whenever i go i never regret it!! not once!! getting out of bed is hard for the short term (if your not a morning person! like me!) but being stuck in a spiritual rut is even harder in the long run! remember God will honour you for doing and seeking his will! if you want Gods purpose for your life your going to have to reach out and grasp it with both hands and it will take a bit of work on your part! hope this helps... -Alisha