reconditioned

It felt like words that wanted to come out from within and formed in my head as I spoke them. They also feel heavy, the words, sometimes. Feels like saying them is glueing something made of iron to something permanently.

well, to quote sean connery from the movie "the Hunt for Red October" more or less he says, "for too long I have been in a war at sea, a war with no heros, no monuments, only casualties..." And maybe a few other things more. I just hope that my destiny doesn't involve the bad I've heard about and maybe blown out of proportion. I think I'm stronger than I give myself credit for but I cannot say. Only God knows for certain. I'd like to think that I could still fight the good fight and that I won't fall into disgrace or anyhting, or have to be taken out of this world as has often been sais t ome by an unknown source. I'd like to think that I'm still the soldier I used to be. But nobody would know.

I think he wants me to give up all of every single last thing that could ever ease my pain an guilt. ANd to also reject any offers by the enemy to give my life any form of meaning, not that it ever means much to work for lucifer but to reject his offers for me means to openly and in front of multiple demonic entities offering to be nice to me or mean to me saying that I've sided for all time with they're most hated enemy who I am the son of. I expect this to happen more and more and in bigger and more embittering ways. I hope I don't ever let him down in the slightest. I care more about him than all the things I could ever be offered anyway.

I think its obvious what my problem is here. I heard something that didn't go over well with me and its got me all upset. Who knows though? Maybe it will all work out for the best? What choice do I have either way. I just want to know why I'm inferior to everyone else. What is it anyway? Is there something inherently wrong in my being, is it a sin, is it some little thing I got going on, what?? Is it even true at all? Was it someone else's fault, did it just happen??

well, I've still got folks telling me thing in my dreams. I don't know if the Holy SPirit is behind that or not. If he is then that would mean that he has a point for not letting me remember these things. I'm just awfully worried that one or two things told to me might be true. I'd like to think that I can change who I am enought to not have those words apply to me.

problems I forget about. They're big to me but nobody else. Its a personal thing for me. I thujink I won't talk about it to anyone but Jesus or God. I hope they see things my way.

WOW~I heard someone else speaking about this last night.. We need to watch all avenues of attack.. devil is busy cuz he knows his time is short... I think wee should be a little more worried about the demonic dating service being set up.

I have big issues with God, angels, and my self. Big issues. unless I keep my mind on the job I collapse emotionally. Horrible issues maybe, I don't know. Maybe they're minor. Maybe I don't really have a problem.

How would I know if I've misuseded his name? And why would a christian willingly misuse the good lord's name?

Oh I honestly know that I'm saved. I just have some strange things to worry about. Its between me and God and Jesus. Who knows, maybe God will surpirise me once again and make feel feel comfortable there. I hope he does. Its probably not really important. I've got far more things to worry about in the afterlife and its best I just leave it to God and Jesus. After all, We've all got our work to do here and its best just to put one's mind on the task at hand rather than worry about the bigger picture or anything such like that. Its better we just all leave this to Jesus and God. They're the only ones qualified for this sort of conversation. Although, if any of you can give me more information on anything about this place or the creatures present I would really appreciate it. Yeah, I could definatly use information on those creatures. Or anything else people could bring up about things up there. I could definatly use technical information as to the dynamics of God's works.

Now, now. HR.JR. is right. it is real. I have known people with it and it was a serious and real thing. Plus I have had soem substantial head trauma that caused mine. But out of curiosity, since we are on the subject. Does anyone know if long term cocain usage causes it to develope?

Actually, I think that if the Holy Spirit wants you to read the Bible he will give you the urge or desire to do so and then he will let it all make sense to you. If you don't have the Holy Spirit then you shouldn't try try reading the thing as it may cause you to mis interprete it to some degree unless you're looking for a specific thing. You should ask God to give you the Holy Spirit and if you get it then you can read it, if you don't get it it may be best not to read it. And don't worry about not wanting to read it, maybe there's a reason to wait until later for God to get you to read it. That could always be. Edit: and I know its a lying spirit of sorts, more actually a spirit of the antichrist but I ignore him and am refraining from letting him use God's word against me. And just in case you're wondering if he's talking through me I'd just like to proclaim that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh. And you people can ask me that if you're ever in doubt of what I say, I'd rather get caught in a lie than get away with lying to a person. Just in case I'm ever mistaken.

I myself wonder how to deal with it. All I can say is that you're not alone. I can't tell you how i live with it because I never remember my days anyway. And I might not have it. I am horribly distracted easily though and can't ever get around to doing anything. I don't really know if we have the smae thing though.