HimAll4

KJ - No, I don't know you and you don't know me. I don't know the memories you have and the bad stuff you refer to. And you don't know the memories I have and the bad stuff I deal with. What I do know is that our God is able. Able to do exceedingly above all that we ask or are able to do ourselves. I can't tell you if you pray to Him in sincerity over wanting to forget painful things whether He will answer with a "yes" or a "no". That is His call, obviously. But I don't believe we possess the ability to forget. We are not God, although we are His children, and there are many attributes of His that we do not hold in possession at this time. Our physical bodies, in my opinion, function with certain limitations, and our minds' inability to forget is one of them. Can we put the memories behind us as Paul said? Yes! Will they ever be totally gone? I don't think so. We can cover them up, we can hide them away, but they don't ever totally disappear. I believe that is one of the ways that forgiveness becomes such a blessing to us. Because while we still have the memories, we can choose to put them under God's sovereign control, forgive, and turn our focus on the present and the future. We have to make a concerted effort to let those things, or the reaction we have to them, not control us anymore. Go back and get bit by the "snake"? To me, that sounds like a dumb idea. But forgive the "snake" and leave the pain of the bite in the past so it does not control me now and in the future? Definitely! If the snake truly repents, and that would have to be PROVEN, I would still hold it at arms' length. With a tight noose. Depending on the relationship, it might take a long time before I would ever be comfortable in its' presence. I believe the severity of the wrong and the value of the relationship really play a role in all of this. Long post - Sorry!

GLORY HALLELUJAH! Preach it brother!! Ahem....thank you.

I believe, in time, you will be able to get past wanting to see him publicly shamed, and that's where forgiveness will take hold in your heart. Remember, "Vengeance is mine, declareth the Lord, I will repay." Let God worry about the consequences. You may even get past the "don't care" part of it, and be able to pray for him and speak nicely about memories you shared. As far as I'm concerned, there is no need to worry about "reconciling" with him here. Your main focus should be your marriage, and I see nothing wrong with his feelings being hurt by your choice. That's not your concern, and he will have to answer for his own stuff. Just focus on Jesus, and let Him cleanse and care for you.

O.K. I'm just not clever enough to clearly dictate from scripture exactly how God manages rewards. Some things are directed as being rewarded, including evil, but the scripture also does call us unprofitable servants because we don't even simply do what is asked 100% of the time. Now, I guess the point is, do you abstain because you will be rewarded? Or do you abstain because God told you to. I abstain because God told me to and if He chooses to reward that, then by all means I'll accept the reward. The rewards I'm referring to are above and beyond the natural consequences of my actions. It would be "heavenly rewards".

I totally agree and this is what drives me on!

Can we forgive? We must. And with that forgiveness comes the peace that passes ALL understanding, but this is only done through Christ. I believe it is absolutely, perfectly normal to have hurt, angry feelings when we or our children are wronged or hurt in some way, but we don't stay there. There is nothing wrong with the healing process, and allowing ourselves to see we need the time to process through it. I believe that is why we are told to "be angry and sin not". God knew we would get angry over things, He designed us. But allowing ourselves to get away from the situation so as not to sin and heal through the pain with Christ's help, makes us able to forgive completely. I've found that, in severe situations (abuse, etc.), the forgiveness sometimes comes in layers. I've worked through, gotten on with life, and then, "wam", bitterness from lack of forgiveness over the same situation shows up again. Only a little deeper than before. Our God is Good and Faithful to see us through as we seek Him.

Really appreciated this, thanks!

I'm really not sure about the rewards thing. There is a point in what is merely expected from us, and abstinence is only what God expects. I don't think we need to look for a reward for just doing what He wants us to do, do we?