~~ angelique ~~

:th_praying: :th_praying:

I've been feeling so alone. I keep a 'facade' up to survive. Most, if not all, of my friends and family would never guess I'm feeling this way. It's coming upon 2 years since nascarman passed. I've graduated and facing the big gaping hole of loneliness which I've been staying busy to avoid. I've been dating but that doesn't even begin to tough the 'void' that is inside of me. I feel empty, drained, and dead on the inside. I have been very angry at God for taking my husband. Now that the anger has subsided, I feel dead. And, again, I really think that no one would see that in me because I've learned to cover to survive. This feeling is horrible. Has anyone ever felt this way?

lol, What? It hurts to jog with a log in your eye?

I haven't really been able to read the bible in about six months. I haven't stepped back into the Wiccan path or tarot etc (although I came close). I haven't seen the thread on Lots wife. I will look it up. I don't know. It's like things haven't been the same with me since my husband passed. There is one issue this could be about but I need to think on it some more. Hugs girl.

So, I was sitting at my computer when a random thought hit me... I heard: You are going to have to choose sides. My first thought upon hearing that was: umm, where did that come from? I do have to say that I've been noticing some issues arise where what I heard could apply to; however, I wonder. Was that God or randomness? Does God speak randomly out-of-the-blue like that? Or, what that me?

It has been covered before but I would be happy to address it again. First - we do not know it the theif was baptized or not - John the Baptizer baptized many in the Jordan but it is a moot point. The thief lived and died under the Old Covenant. He died before Jesus gave the command to be baptized calling on the name of the Lord. The demons believe. One must "become obedient from the heart to that form of teaching whereunto ye were delivered" and then he/she will be made free from sin and become the "servants of righteousness". Baptism is from God - it does not complicate belief at all it compliments belief as a pledge to God of a good conscious (1Pet. 3:21)

Oh my!!!! That's insane!!!!

Forgive me if this has already been mentioned..... I thought all that was required was to believe in your heart and confess with your mouth that Jesus Christ is Lord? Then, didn't Jesus tell the person who was crucified next to him that he would see paradise? That man wasn't baptized. Again, forgive me if those points have been mentioned. And, forgive me if I have a simple view but all this to be baptized or not seems to just complicate believing. It would seem to suggest that "simply believing" is not enough.

Wow... these are some good responses. Ironically, the night I posted this question, I had a significant dream from God.

Okay, I have a question I am curious about..... If I have a dream that comes to pass; however, it is not good, what am I to do with it? I understand that dreams are given for a reason but what is the purpose of having a dream you can do nothing about? It is warning? Is it destiny? Is it for prayer? I am just curious..... Thanks for all productive responses

Personally, I think the "cigarette" tax is just the beginning. It's the whole redistribution of wealth concept. LOL, if smoking is addictive, then get smokers to pay higher taxes which get paid into the federal and state governments thus helping the bailouts. This is just the beginning. IMHO.

This is a good question. Personally, I'm still confused as to why such evil is allowed. :wub: Then, why have to look at it to see God???

And, the dreams continue for me..... They have gotten worse under the stress of my husband's death. I'm so confused at the moment that it's not even funny. I like what ya'll are saying to Oana.......

OK, this will probably turn into a big controversy, like the Harry Potter stuff, but..... My daughter (23) is very into the Twilight stories and has seen the movie a few times. Definitely chick flicks! I read the books and except for the last one, they are very tame. The vampires use animals as food instead of people. The couple gets married in the last one so there are references to ... 'the marriage act..." I am one of those who have no problem with these stories. Just as I enjoy the Harry Potter stories. I find the imaginary worlds entertaining. As my sister, a pastor's wife and writer herself put it. "They create a fantastic world and then put people with everyday problems into them. " You now proceed to throw your stones...... Kudos!!!!!!

Wow. There is some interesting discussion in this thread. I've heard people trash Christmas as being pagan; however, as an ex-wiccan, let me say there are some huge differences between Yule and Christmas. The only one that needs to be mentioned is this: Jesus. If God sees the thoughts and intents of the heart, why is celebrating the birth of Jesus so controversial? Pagan traditions worship god(s). Christians worship the Living God. There is a huge difference in the heart attitudes; therefore, they are not the same.

Zoe, Can you pm me your schedule? I might just to that if I can find a dog sitter one weekend when you're free.

I've been crying off and on all week. I wish I could cancel the holidays. They are my first without my husband. I feel so very utterly alone. Life just bites right now. It really does. These feelings are so very intense. Then I wonder if it's abnormal to feel them? It's been three months since he died. Anywy, I really want to go to sleep and wake up after the holidays.

Since my husband died, I seem to be running, not walking, away from God. At first, I thought it was harmless. It's okay to grieve right? But, without getting into details, lets just say that it's bit me in the behind. I am so far away from God that I'm not sure it's possible to get back. It's not good. I'm not in a good place emotionally, physically, or spiritually. I seem to be headed the wrong way on a one way street . Right now, I'm not even sure how to turn around. I'm questioning the willingness of my heart. I have so much anger towards God for taking my husband. I haven't went so far as to start practicing again or stuff but I feel it's close if something in my life doesn't give. Anyway, just thought I'd throw this out for some feedback.

Hey, I wanted to give an update. I'm recovering from pneumonia and bronchitis. The doc says it's because I'm so worn down with work, school, and grieving. I went to a seminar yesterday on grieving and the holidays. It was good. I have decided to attend another grief group in January. I went to soon to the first one. I went less then two weeks after he died and it was way too soon. I'm feeling alone. But, the shock has worn off and the reality has definitely set in. Anyway, the doc upped my zoloft which is helping some. I go back friday. I think the zanex would help the panic attacks if I actually took them. But, I am very scared of getting addicted to them. An addiction is the last thing I need right now. I am going to ask for something less addictive this friday. Please be praying cause I'm really struggling right now. Hugs to all.

A Poem: As my heart feels so ripped apart The one who was always there for me is gone away This sadness and pain can't be put at bay No one confide in or to hold and comfort me I don't see why I just shouldn't leave If I should die tonight, who would be by my side Alone is what I would be without the one who loves me. If I should die this week, who would truly weep? The darkness of grief shrouds my eyes I didn't ask to be forced to say goodbye Sadness grips my heart.

Well, I'm not as concerned about my tv and music. I started out Wiccan. I think the biggest step was being saved. The next one was ridding myself of the tarot cards, ritual objects, witchcraft books, and my book of shadows. Personally, I think that's a lot in a very short time. I'm so overwhelmed at the moment with the probate issues and just grieving that I'm not seeing the point in making anymore changes other than maybe trying church again. I will pray about it. I do understand where you are coming from but I am so very overwhelmed by life in general that making anymore major changes is just too much for me right now. :thumbsup: my brain is still in the widow "Fog". If you've been there you know what I mean.

I really don't see how my music and tv shows really mean anything since they are just tv shows. After I burned everything, the activity stopped. However, I had kept watching my shows so I guess I don't see a connection there. I have decided to go to church some. I haven't been anywhere in about four months. Thanks.

How do you know they're spirits? What's happening? I can hear them and see them.

I'm not sure there is a "good way" to ask this question. So, here is goes. I am noticing a lot of spiritual activity in my home. It seems to be increasing as Samhain approaches. I know that sound strange, but it's really happening. It's been before my husband died before things have been this intense. But, herein is the issue: I can't tell if it's good or bad. I just know they are spirits. I have prayed and it doesn't go away. So, what's up?

How long were you together? 20 years.