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Hi everyone, I've been a believer in Christ since 2015. I've been living with my sinful desires for as long as I can remember (#relatable, anyone?). I've always struggled with self-control. Fulfilling my impulsive desires is an easy habit, especially with a lack of motivation. This isn't just true with spiritual things, but natural things as well. For example, I've always procrastinated. The stress of it isn't motivation enough to quit doing it for some reason. I try at the beginning to get things done even when I don't want to. Over time, I lose the luster and fall behind. I tend to need change very often to stay alert and focused. I don't mean minute by minute, but every few months. I chose a career that operates on a short-term project-basis partially for this reason. Sometimes change isn't possible, however. So in those times of perseverance, I need to self-propel, and I struggle to do so. On the spiritual end, my lack of self-control gets me into a lot of trouble. I've long been fascinated by occultism.This week, I made myself a spirit/Ouija board. The stuff fascinates me when it should terrify me. I've been worried I'll never overcome it fully, and what that might mean. I've overcome a lot these last few years, but I'm struggling to renew my mind. It's a grievance against God. I feel numb. Numb to my sin. Hardhearted to it. As if I'll never make it through this and time is running out. As if I should be punished harshly for what I've done. Maybe the enemy is slowly convincing me I'm dead meat; I've come to a point where I believe it, and that really scares me. I know Jesus says that no one will snatch [a true follower of Him] out of the Father's hand (John 10:28-29). I just wish to know if I am simply deceived and belong to the devil, so I can move on with my life instead of this mental hellscape I've given myself to. I really do believe in Christ, but the mental battle is rough. I want to stop being selfish and resist these ungodly desires, to stop causing more problems for myself and start being the solution. I need a practical first step to walk out and help create good habits and destroy bad ones. Any advice?

I recently Accepted Jesus as my lord and savoir . I reconnected with my church and reestablished my faith after years of agnostic atheism. The problem im having is i don't really feel as if im completely forgiven for my past sins. sometimes i fall into a downward spiral thinking about the bad things i have done, and feel as if im not forgiven. My past is very dark. during my teens i dealt with major depressive disorder and started losing hope in every aspect of my life (including god). i felt as if nobody cared about me and the thought of god existing was far-fetched and silly. The depression was horrible at times, sometimes even suicidal . As i went on i went down a pretty bad path .Feeling as bad as i did with no faith i turned to drugs alcohol and risky behavior . i experimented with tons of drugs got addicted to a few and was stealing like crazy . i also would spew blasphemy jokingly many times. The things i feel worst about was my addiction, stealing OTC drugs on a daily basis, having sex with a prostitute and experimenting sexually with another male. at the time i felt that there was no god and no consequences to my actions . Anyways im doing much better now . I reached a breaking point where i felt like if i continued the way i was going i would end up dead. I prayed for the first time since i was 15 and asked that if there was a god i would like to know him , and that im truly sorry for all my terrible action. immediately after praying i felt a presence of something. i cant explain it but i felt like god was there the whole time i was just ignoring him. i felt unconditionally loved for the first time. The first time i went back to the Methodist church i grew up in i burst into tears during the hymnals. i prayed as hard as i could and accepted that Jesus was my savoir and died for my sins on the cross. This was about 2 months ago and im clean and feeling much better. i have structure back in my life for the first time . im currently in a rehab program and going to the gym every day to keep busy . i Also am studying the bible every night and praying multiple times a day. Im trying to look at a bright future but sometimes i cant help but dwell on the past. The thoughts of the things iv'e done bring me to the point of anxiety attacks and crying spells, and the depression creeps in .sometimes I cant help but feel as if iv'e worn out gods grace and that im such a bad person i cant be forgiven. Does anyone have any advice or insight to how i can get over my past. Am i Forgiven ? Are my sins washed away like the bible states? please dont be judgmental towards my past actions i just want to be a better person