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I've never really posted anything on a forum, but I find myself very much alone and confused right now. I was saved in June 2015, never having been brought up as a Christian or even knowing many Christians through my life. I live in the UK and there is a somewhat 'stuffy' image of The Church, although perhaps that is just my thinking. Christ came to me through a dream, my heart was changed and I had been going though what felt like spiritual attacks through others and some strange experiences! Anyway (that's another story), God got me! He saved me and I am forever His! I met a man after that and he was very good to me, he too is a Christian, I honestly felt like it was God given I prayed for support the night before he contacted me, it felt like an answer to prayer. We were friends for a while, he lives in America. Through it all he seemed very genuine, he is the son of a Pastor, we prayed on the phone everyday, we became more than friends and after a few years, having met a number of times, me going there and him here, we got engaged. There were some tough times, he has misrepresented himself, we got through it, I forgave him and we moved on. Three years on, and 280 days into our visa application for me to move over to America on a fiance visa, he has a huge melt down. He tells me of all his sins, things I never thought he would be involved in (mostly of the flesh, I wont go into detail). I could and can forgive him. But now, as he has been divorced he says he will not marry me. In his repentance he feels he should not be breaking anymore commandments. He says it's against scripture, I can't argue with that, it's Gods word. But I have sold my flat. I have sent everything I own over to him, bar three suitcases and my paperwork (for the visa), I have temporary accommodation until the middle of May, we had planned all this hoping the Visa would be through by then. Of course now it wont, I am not going to be married, I will not be his wife, I will not be able to start a new in America. Which is a huge change of plan, a huge and difficult change to get my head around. I am being tested. Beyond anything I thought could happen, I had complete faith that it was Gods plan for me to be in a new country with someone who would love me. How he is even capable of dropping me like this I do not know. We never argued, we've got on well, same humour, a sharing of faith and it felt completely genuine. I am going to have to get a job in the next six weeks (money is not the best for me), I wasn't working as we were just going to get through the visa and then I could just move when we got it (stupid of me, I know). I am living out of suitcases, my heart is broken, and on top of that he has told me he has cancer, he has an operation on Tuesday to remove a stage 2 tumour, its colon cancer. He's pushed me away when I would have drawn closer. What else can I say other than that?! Without becoming too distraught and incoherent. Honestly I cannot comprehend most of this, my emotions are everywhere and I have to pull everything back together, on my own, I was going to find new friends in America, the UK has not been kind to me. This test is very tough on me, especially as a new Christian, I feel angry, upset, sad, heart broken and pure despair. I know that God is working, and perhaps I will come out the other end ok. He was my only Christian friend, would anyone have any advice? Or could someone pray for me? It's my birthday today.. I'm 42! This shouldn't happen to a 42 year old woman! I feel ridiculous as well as distraught.... and tired, very, very tired.
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2 Corinthians 1:20 - "For as many as are the promises of God, they all find their Yes in Him (Christ). For this reason we all utter the Amen (so be it) to God through Him to the glory of God." The Master has handcrafted each one of us for a specific PURPOSE and a precise time, making sure we've been carefully polished and are ready to soar. With practice comes the testing. This will happen until what the psalmist said of Joseph's testing in Genesis will be true of us: "Until the time that [God's] word came to pass, the word of the Lord tested him" (Psalm 105:19 NASB). But God is always faithful, and everything He promises will always come to pass, thus thrusting us into our DESTINIES as we bring glory to His name! Observation: THE WORD IS THE GUARANTEE OF ANSWERED PRAYER. GOD IS ASKING ME TO BRING HIM HIS WORD, TO PLEAD MY COVENANT RIGHTS. I AM NOT TO PRAY TO GOD IN IGNORANCE BUT AS A PARTNER IN HIS PURPOSES. 2 Timothy 1:11,12,14 - "God has appointed me to proclaim the Good News as an apostle and teacher, and it is for this reason that I suffer these things. Keep the good things that have been entrusted to you, through the power of the Holy Spirit, who lives in us." Affirmations: I STAY FOCUSED ON MY CALLING AND REMAIN DETERMINED TO DO WHAT GOD HAS TOLD ME TO DO, EVEN IF I AM ASSAULTED BY OUTSIDE FORCES THAT SEEM TO BE BEYOND MY CONTROL. I KNOW THAT THE HOLY SPIRIT WORKS MIGHTILY IN ME, GIVING ME ALL THE POWER I NEED TO RESIST EVERY ASSAULT THE DEVIL TRIES TO BRING AGAINST ME. I AM COMPLETELY DETERMINED AND COMMITTED TO KEEP PUSHING AHEAD AND TO NEVER LET GO UNTIL I'VE ACCOMPLISHED MY GOD-GIVEN MISSION! Song of Solomon 1:14 - "My Beloved is unto me as a cluster of cypress, in the vineyards of Engedi." I AM DISCOVERING THE NEARNESS OF MY BELOVED (JESUS) TO BE LIKE A "CLUSTER OF CYPRESS" (A FRAGRANT SHRUB). HE IS THE ONE WHO GIVES FRAGRANCE AND VALUE TO EVERYTHING THAT IS DONE BY THOSE WHO SEEK HIM. AS I LEARN TO FIND MY JOY IN HIM ALONE, I CAN NO LONGER DELIGHT IN ANYTHING ELSE. TO SEEK ANY OTHER SOURCE OF SATISFACTION IS TO LOSE QUICKLY ALL THAT IS FROM HIM. ALBERT FINCH MINISTRY