"Not talking to you"

[Blien]

I need some advice here.. you guys are going to find this reaaaaaaally ironic. Well someone that I care about a lot is not talking to me and I dont want there to be any bad relations between us. I was at a funeral today and saw her there, she was trying really hard not to look at me and was filled with shame as I saw it on her face. SO I decided to just not say hi to her but had an idea later to sneak up and say hi to her so that she wouldn't have those feelings.

Well.. as I was going down the walkway later on that day I was looking for her. It was really crowded and as I was walking two girls passed by, then she was there going by them. I saw her and (there was no pretending she didn't see me this time), she said "Hi" first and then I replied "Hi, I was actually looking for you". So she said "how are you doing" being pleasant, I can see something hidden behind her face but I was really upset about this whole not talking to me so I said to her "good, come with me I want to talk to you a minute" so then she proceeded to tell me that someone was waiting for her and that she had to go. I didn't belive it but I let her go after a little resistance because I saw she was very much grieving (it is a funeral after all) but told her that I was going to call.

I wasn't going to scold her or anything, but I was very frustrated and want her to tell me why she stopped talking to me. How would you suggest I get our friendship back to normal?

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Now here is the ironic part. When I am upset with someone, I stop talking to them. I completely ignore that person, even if they dont know why. I know it's really bad.. I did it mostly before I was a christian but now I do it so much because its just easier than confrontation and no one ever listens to me during a talk about why I am upset with them.

Its really sad. I want to break free of this. I'm sure you guys would be horrified to know I haven't talked to one of my sisters for a VERY long time now. And YES I do live in this house with her. Recently I started doing this with my mom because she really got me upset twice. Once for saying I driver very recklessly and get into accidents when this is COMPLETELY untrue. I drove her to her work every morning for a month while my dad was away on a trip at 6:30am in the morning. Not once did we get into an accident or did I drive fast and yet she has the nerve to say this to me on the very last day when my dad returned. So I stoped talking to her. Then about 2 months later.. just yesterday morning she comes into my room 6:30 in the morning turns on the light and says to me. "WAKE UP YOUR SISTER IN THE MORNING HELP US AROUND THIS HOUSE OKAY. YOU ARE STUPID, USE YOUR BRAIN FOR ONCE.." and kept saying some VERY negative things to me while walking off. Firstly I DO wake up my sister every morning at 7:30 but she is never around to see it. And second she has no right to say that to me as I DO help yet refuse to when they become hostile towards me like this for no reason. And third, WHY does she do this every morning yelling as if I am in the military... I swear, that morning I was fuming with anger at her words especially when she said "USE YOUR BRAIN".. I swear I could have killed her. I was SOOOOOO angry with what she did.. How dare she insult me by saying I dont wake up my sister when I do it every morning when she is at work.. and how dare she insult me by saying I dont use my brain. I swear.. things like this keep building up in my family for no reason at all... even though I started this topic to ask help for another problem here I am talking about this...

[Guest Goldcoin]

I need some advice here.. you guys are going to find this reaaaaaaally ironic. Well someone that I care about a lot is not talking to me and I dont want there to be any bad relations between us. I was at a funeral today and saw her there, she was trying really hard not to look at me and was filled with shame as I saw it on her face. SO I decided to just not say hi to her but had an idea later to sneak up and say hi to her so that she wouldn't have those feelings.

Well.. as I was going down the walkway later on that day I was looking for her. It was really crowded and as I was walking two girls passed by, then she was there going by them. I saw her and (there was no pretending she didn't see me this time), she said "Hi" first and then I replied "Hi, I was actually looking for you". So she said "how are you doing" being pleasant, I can see something hidden behind her face but I was really upset about this whole not talking to me so I said to her "good, come with me I want to talk to you a minute" so then she proceeded to tell me that someone was waiting for her and that she had to go. I didn't belive it but I let her go after a little resistance because I saw she was very much grieving (it is a funeral after all) but told her that I was going to call.

I wasn't going to scold her or anything, but I was very frustrated and want her to tell me why she stopped talking to me. How would you suggest I get our friendship back to normal?

------

Now here is the ironic part. When I am upset with someone, I stop talking to them. I completely ignore that person, even if they dont know why. I know it's really bad.. I did it mostly before I was a christian but now I do it so much because its just easier than confrontation and no one ever listens to me during a talk about why I am upset with them.

Its really sad. I want to break free of this. I'm sure you guys would be horrified to know I haven't talked to one of my sisters for a VERY long time now. And YES I do live in this house with her. Recently I started doing this with my mom because she really got me upset twice. Once for saying I driver very recklessly and get into accidents when this is COMPLETELY untrue. I drove her to her work every morning for a month while my dad was away on a trip at 6:30am in the morning. Not once did we get into an accident or did I drive fast and yet she has the nerve to say this to me on the very last day when my dad returned. So I stoped talking to her. Then about 2 months later.. just yesterday morning she comes into my room 6:30 in the morning turns on the light and says to me. "WAKE UP YOUR SISTER IN THE MORNING HELP US AROUND THIS HOUSE OKAY. YOU ARE STUPID, USE YOUR BRAIN FOR ONCE.." and kept saying some VERY negative things to me while walking off. Firstly I DO wake up my sister every morning at 7:30 but she is never around to see it. And second she has no right to say that to me as I DO help yet refuse to when they become hostile towards me like this for no reason. And third, WHY does she do this every morning yelling as if I am in the military... I swear, that morning I was fuming with anger at her words especially when she said "USE YOUR BRAIN".. I swear I could have killed her. I was SOOOOOO angry with what she did.. How dare she insult me by saying I dont wake up my sister when I do it every morning when she is at work.. and how dare she insult me by saying I dont use my brain. I swear.. things like this keep building up in my family for no reason at all... even though I started this topic to ask help for another problem here I am talking about this...

I'm sorry to hear that some of your relationships haven't been going well. My best advice for you is that life's too short. The very fact that you were at a funeral proves it. I would start trying to get your relationship back in order by calling your friend as you told her you would. She may create an excuse, but get her to call you back when she's not busy. Explain to her that it seems like she's been trying to ignore you, and you miss the friendship between the two of you. Let her know that you see no point in staying angry at each other, and that your sorry if you did anything to offend her. Ask if there's anything that you might have done wrong. Stay assertive, and don't fuel a fight if it comes to it. I would also pray over the situation as well. God has all the power to heal all relationships at His discretion and in due time.

With your mother, I would just try to develop some patience. It is possible that she may have some problems of her own that you don't understand or think about, or maybe she just had a bad night/hard time sleeping. There's a lot of different things that could contribute to her grumpy mood. Does she yell every morning? You may ask her if she'll wake you up quietly or give you a chance to wake up by yourself. It can be extremely nerve-racking to wake up to yelling every morning. Also, I would certainly pray over this as well. God can help you solve problems like this. He can help you on what to say or do, and He can bring a complete change in your mother and her actions.

Maybe God brought me here tonight just for you. I just joined a little while ago, and this is my very first post. I sure hope it is of assistance to you. Bless you, and I will certainly be praying for you as well.

[Believer1997]

(((Blien))))

I think Manie gave you some great advice. I also clam up when I'm upset with someone and find it hard to open back up. Pray about it. Maybe send your friend an email and ask her out for coffee or lunch and talk it over.

As far as your mom goes... Maybe she has things on her mind and is just worried about something. Try not to take what she says to heart, even though I know it hurt your feelings. Forgive her. When she's in a calmer mood - talk to her and let her know you care and love her. Life is so short. I have allowed myself to be hurt over things people have said to me or done to me and it robs me of my joy in the Lord - don't let the same happen to you. In regards to your sister - one day... sometimes all you have for "family" are your siblings - talk to her. Share something with her. Forgive her.

I get upset here sometimes with people who say outlandish things and I should not. I am an ever evolving work in progress as a Christian and I work each day to be what Jesus would want me to be. So... be patient. Forgive people. And don't forget to tell them you love them because I know you do.

God Loves You!!

[mjrhealth]

Blien, you can learn from this, ask yourself what would jesus do, would He have stooped talking to your mum if it had being Him or would He have just forgiven Her and gone on, God teaches us through practical experiences, that the enemy throws at us, do you really want to know God then ask Him what He will do and then do as He says, forgive and forget its Jesus s wasy.You can let the enemy ruin your life thu this or grow stronger in Christ.

In His love

[Hawkeye]

Sounds like it is going to take some time, honesty, and realization. Apologies on both sides, and lots of prayer!

[Believer1997]

The original post was from April 09 - perhaps it is resolved now.

[He giveth more grace]

Whenever one wears their feelings on the sleeve one makes oneself a target to be hurt. The just shall live by faith and anything that is not of faith is sin.