What's the difference between Brother/sister love as opposed to ro

[Guest]

Praying!

[BrightSunset]

i'm going to assume that TJ has talked to you in chat or something, because she certainly seems to know a whole lot more about your situation than i would have gleaned from your post.

so i'm assuming that your fiancee has a female friend he's been close to all his life. he is about to marry you, though... and is already engaged, so his behaviour should already be that of a spouse towards you. which means that he should follow the biblical example of a godly husband.

he should never be alone with any member of the opposite sex who is not part of the family. not even his best female friend. nor should he ever put her feelings before yours.... and clearly your feelings are hurt by him spending time with her. he needs to guard and protect YOUR feelings, first and foremost. and if he doesn't, then he is putting another woman before you. even in the marriage vows that he will be taking, he will promise to foresake ALL others (including his best female friend) til death do you part. if he isn't willing to keep that part of the vows NOW, then he sure ain't gonna be willing to later.

is your fiancee a christian?

Hi i'm sorry i haven't been on in a while. I will add some more detail to my situation.

This girl I am referring to is actually the "younger sister" of a female friend of his, who is also married to a male friend of his. Now my fiance doesn't really talk with this girl much, or hasn't before, but he always brings questions up about her to her older sister, sister's hubby, her on and off boyfriend and even her parents. And when we are both together and at her sisters house and the girl is there, he won't sit by the girl but have me instead. Though he will be looking at her and while holding me try to strike up conversations with her, to which she won't answer much to because I am there. it's so downright confusing, i mean am i there to help him get to know her?

[BrightSunset]

i'm going to assume that TJ has talked to you in chat or something, because she certainly seems to know a whole lot more about your situation than i would have gleaned from your post.

so i'm assuming that your fiancee has a female friend he's been close to all his life. he is about to marry you, though... and is already engaged, so his behaviour should already be that of a spouse towards you. which means that he should follow the biblical example of a godly husband.

he should never be alone with any member of the opposite sex who is not part of the family. not even his best female friend. nor should he ever put her feelings before yours.... and clearly your feelings are hurt by him spending time with her. he needs to guard and protect YOUR feelings, first and foremost. and if he doesn't, then he is putting another woman before you. even in the marriage vows that he will be taking, he will promise to foresake ALL others (including his best female friend) til death do you part. if he isn't willing to keep that part of the vows NOW, then he sure ain't gonna be willing to later.

is your fiancee a christian?

[BrightSunset]

i'm going to assume that TJ has talked to you in chat or something, because she certainly seems to know a whole lot more about your situation than i would have gleaned from your post.

so i'm assuming that your fiancee has a female friend he's been close to all his life. he is about to marry you, though... and is already engaged, so his behaviour should already be that of a spouse towards you. which means that he should follow the biblical example of a godly husband.

he should never be alone with any member of the opposite sex who is not part of the family. not even his best female friend. nor should he ever put her feelings before yours.... and clearly your feelings are hurt by him spending time with her. he needs to guard and protect YOUR feelings, first and foremost. and if he doesn't, then he is putting another woman before you. even in the marriage vows that he will be taking, he will promise to foresake ALL others (including his best female friend) til death do you part. if he isn't willing to keep that part of the vows NOW, then he sure ain't gonna be willing to later.

is your fiancee a christian?

I think i must also add that it was through this female friend of his that he heard that her younger sister had a crush on him. According to him she has had a "spark in her eye" for him since she was about 12. he has known them for a long time and believe me I went through hell before I first got him to admit this lol.

[Guest LadyC]

sounds more like he has the crush on her, and it is highly inappropriate. if he is a christian, he needs to be reminded how inappropriate it is, and if he's not, he needs to be told, perhaps for the first time, how inappropriate it is.

i know others have advised you otherwise, but you are not yet married to this man. if he didn't straighten up and fly right, God would have to come down from his throne, stand right in front of me, and verbally tell me He wanted me to marry the guy, or i'd kick his butt to the curb.

[BrightSunset]

sounds more like he has the crush on her, and it is highly inappropriate. if he is a christian, he needs to be reminded how inappropriate it is, and if he's not, he needs to be told, perhaps for the first time, how inappropriate it is.

i know others have advised you otherwise, but you are not yet married to this man. if he didn't straighten up and fly right, God would have to come down from his throne, stand right in front of me, and verbally tell me He wanted me to marry the guy, or i'd kick his butt to the curb.

I agree with u and right now, to be honest? I'm not so sure I want to marry him anymore. I mean this girl is not going to just go away, she lives just down the street from us and her and her sisters always want to see our baby, not to mention that their parents are also friends with his parents... sigh... I guess i stepped out to far from my league.

[BFP]

But nothing innapropriate has happened, he doesn't try to see her on his own, what does HE have to say about all this? Has he any objection to getting married to you? Does he actually have a crush on her, or is she just close to his family as well so you are going to run into her from time to time?

My husbands first love is best freinds with his sister, and my husband still visits with her parents all the time, with or without me. I could get all insecure about it and make judgements...but I trust my husband fully and I have no concerns. This woman is part of many family functions and she has become a freind of mine as well. I can honestly say that if I would have taken issue with all that, my husband of 15 years and I would have never made it to the marrying stage! And I would have missed out on the greatest man ever to be married to.

If it is simply YOUR insecurities getting in the way then you had better think long and hard about why...if you have real reason to believe he wants to be with this other girl then perhaps you should let him go to her. But before you make any rash decisions, seek out what God would have you do

[BrightSunset]

But nothing innapropriate has happened, he doesn't try to see her on his own, what does HE have to say about all this? Has he any objection to getting married to you? Does he actually have a crush on her, or is she just close to his family as well so you are going to run into her from time to time?

My husbands first love is best freinds with his sister, and my husband still visits with her parents all the time, with or without me. I could get all insecure about it and make judgements...but I trust my husband fully and I have no concerns. This woman is part of many family functions and she has become a freind of mine as well. I can honestly say that if I would have taken issue with all that, my husband of 15 years and I would have never made it to the marrying stage! And I would have missed out on the greatest man ever to be married to.

If it is simply YOUR insecurities getting in the way then you had better think long and hard about why...if you have real reason to believe he wants to be with this other girl then perhaps you should let him go to her. But before you make any rash decisions, seek out what God would have you do

Ok, I understand what you are saying. I guess it might be my insecurities, I mean I have told him before that if I am not the one he wants to marry then go be with the one he does. He got very upset and said I am the one he wants to marry. He tells me he has no feelings for this girl, and that she has told him that she sees him as a "brother". I will just do some more praying and keep asking what God wants me to do. I don't know, somehow I just can't let go of him, and I have tried, I have tried to let him go see them without me, but he just refuses. I just pray that if it is anything out of the norm (with his feelings) that God will help him let it go.

ty for your answer.

[BrightSunset]

But nothing innapropriate has happened, he doesn't try to see her on his own, what does HE have to say about all this? Has he any objection to getting married to you? Does he actually have a crush on her, or is she just close to his family as well so you are going to run into her from time to time?

My husbands first love is best freinds with his sister, and my husband still visits with her parents all the time, with or without me. I could get all insecure about it and make judgements...but I trust my husband fully and I have no concerns. This woman is part of many family functions and she has become a freind of mine as well. I can honestly say that if I would have taken issue with all that, my husband of 15 years and I would have never made it to the marrying stage! And I would have missed out on the greatest man ever to be married to.

If it is simply YOUR insecurities getting in the way then you had better think long and hard about why...if you have real reason to believe he wants to be with this other girl then perhaps you should let him go to her. But before you make any rash decisions, seek out what God would have you do

Ok, I understand what you are saying. I guess it might be my insecurities, I mean I have told him before that if I am not the one he wants to marry then go be with the one he does. He got very upset and said I am the one he wants to marry. He tells me he has no feelings for this girl, and that she has told him that she sees him as a "brother". I will just do some more praying and keep asking what God wants me to do. I don't know, somehow I just can't let go of him, and I have tried, I have tried to let him go see them without me, but he just refuses. I just pray that if it is anything out of the norm (with his feelings) that God will help him let it go.

ty for your answer.

However, I must really add that this one fear that keep coming into my mind is that we will be waiting, and waiting for our marriage date as long as this girl is so close by... unless she were to get married. Is it possible that maybe he thinks of it like betrayal to her if he marries me and she knows about it? like just him being nice because she used to have a crush on him, and he doesn't know if she still does?

[Trusting Jesus]

You are having so many doubts and insecurities. You say you pray, but remember that you are living a lifestyle that you want God to bless, but it is not one that is in accordance with is Word. Your doubts. First, get right with God. Be led by His truth and not by your flesh. Read your Bible...a good place to start is with the Gospel of John. There you will see so much of God's love. But then read First Corinthians. This is a letter to a church that was out of whack....not following God but all sorts of fleshly lusts. They had to get right with God before He could work in this church. The same is true with us each individually. We have to get right with God and we just can't expect Him to bless us while we willfully choose to ignore His ways.

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Nathele