Guest MidnightOrca Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 (edited) So there's this girl who was friends with this much much older man than her. However they became more than friends & they ended up doing things that she thought would show him how much she loved him [don't worry she stayed pure for Christ]. However she told her friends about this wonderful guy & he got mad because he thought he would get in trouble for doing the things to her [very light makeout]. So he blew up & didn't talk to her for a year & a half. Recently my friend encountered him later & she found out that he had put the past behind him & forgave her. She was overjoyed with this great news! But when she told her boyfriend at home, he was upset because he knew he wasn't pure & that he just used her. But she is so relieved that some stress has been lifted between them two that she doesn't want to loose his friendship again. But her boyfriend hates him for what he did to her & forbids her to talk with him [out of fear that he might hurt her] & he told her upfront "It would kill me if you talked to him again." What should the girl do? Edited August 17, 2004 by MidnightOrca Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artsylady Posted August 17, 2004 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 171 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 4,813 Content Per Day: 0.64 Reputation: 150 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/26/2003 Status: Offline Share Posted August 17, 2004 I would advise the girl not to talk to this older guy again. If she runs into him, she can be polite, but they don't need to continue to be friends. If he got upset with her telling other people about the two of them, it's possible that he was just using her or that he does feel guilt about the age difference. Why is a friendship with him important to her? She can forgive and forget and decide to discontinue contact at the same time. Especially if it makes her current boyfriend uncomfortable, which is understandable. How old is he and she? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MidnightOrca Posted August 17, 2004 Share Posted August 17, 2004 Don't tell her i told you this [heh...right] but she's 19 & he's 46. The reason why the relationship's still important to her is because she tells me that she missed the good times they used to have [talk online & hangingout]. She rolls over for anybody [she's such a push over]. =< I'm so worried about her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artsylady Posted August 17, 2004 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 171 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 4,813 Content Per Day: 0.64 Reputation: 150 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/26/2003 Status: Offline Share Posted August 17, 2004 Wow. That's quite a difference. Yeah, I'd tell her to stay way the heck away from that guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hazel Posted August 17, 2004 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 13 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 478 Content Per Day: 0.06 Reputation: 29 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/01/2003 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/06/1971 Share Posted August 17, 2004 Is this girl's dad in the picture? It may be that she's looking for a "daddy" to help with unfinished business... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wix Posted August 17, 2004 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 3 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 59 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/09/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 07/14/1987 Share Posted August 17, 2004 The fact that her current boyfriend threatened her is more than enough reason to never see him again. You don't threaten people you love, althought it's quite obvious he doesn't love her because he doesn't trust her at all. Get in trouble for making, what the heck is that? Do what you want, just be careful. Anyway, I recommend she leave (possible never see) her current boyfriend, he doesn't sound like a nice guy at all. If she wants to, hang out with the other guy again; if it makes her happy that is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OBEY Posted August 18, 2004 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 5 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 30 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/14/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/23/1987 Share Posted August 18, 2004 Don't tell her i told you this [heh...right] but she's 19 & he's 46. The reason why the relationship's still important to her is because she tells me that she missed the good times they used to have [talk online & hangingout]. She rolls over for anybody [she's such a push over]. =< I'm so worried about her. No... No... No... I'm sorry but a guy like that has something that he wants to get from the girl and he probably won't stop until he gets it. She might not understand... no... she probably won't understand but this is not a good guy. The mindsets between the two partners is so different here... even if they were just 10 years apart there would be a major problem. The fact that he got mad that others knew about the relationship only confirms that he has unholy thoughts in his mind. Run. Run far away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wix Posted August 18, 2004 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 3 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 59 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/09/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 07/14/1987 Share Posted August 18, 2004 The fact that he got mad that others knew about the relationship only confirms that he has unholy thoughts in his mind. Run. Run far away. Unholy thoughts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kabowd Posted August 18, 2004 Group: Royal Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 112 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 3,489 Content Per Day: 0.48 Reputation: 13 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/28/2004 Status: Offline Share Posted August 18, 2004 The fact that her current boyfriend threatened her is more than enough reason to never see him again. You don't threaten people you love, althought it's quite obvious he doesn't love her because he doesn't trust her at all. Get in trouble for making, what the heck is that? Do what you want, just be careful. Anyway, I recommend she leave (possible never see) her current boyfriend, he doesn't sound like a nice guy at all. If she wants to, hang out with the other guy again; if it makes her happy that is. I would agree that if he had threatened her, she should get away from him. But he didn't say "I'll kill you, if you talk to him." He said, "It would kill me, if you talk to him." That's a huge difference. I would certainly say that the relationship with the other guy (the 46 year old) was unhealthy and should be avoided. Also, my opinion on the boyfriend thing, if he is caring and loving..he is just wanting to protect her. If they are serious, she should respect his wishes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UndecidedFrog Posted August 20, 2004 Group: Nonbeliever Followers: 2 Topic Count: 16 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 2,063 Content Per Day: 0.29 Reputation: 15 Days Won: 1 Joined: 08/02/2004 Status: Offline Share Posted August 20, 2004 Interesting issues. She's now 19, and he's now 46. As I understand it, the relationship (however pure it may be) started 1.5 years ago when she was 17.5? In some states that is not the age of consent. And I do not support underage relationships. But that was then, and this is now. If she is 19 now, she is considered old enought to decide for herself with whom she wants to have a relationship (however pure it may be). Whether it is with someone as old as herself, or much, much older, it is her decision. Who can best know which is the better relationship for her than she? I think it is unfair to read intentions into the older man (lech, cradle robber, unholy thinker, etc.) or her current BF (possessive, threatening, controlling, etc.). UndecidedFrog Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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