Hello need help with depression and suicide

[mead]

Hello and welcome to Worthy Tabby cat, you are loved and welcome here. I have never struggled with suicide so I cannot say that I know how you are feeling. Thank you for the honesty in your post and there is never anything wrong with posting how ya feel or any questions you might have. Take heart little sister, you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14) with a purpose (Jeremiah 29:11) to live and prosper under the Lord's love (Matthew 11:28-30) and mighty hand. Stick around friend, grow with us and have some laughs. We have chat as well, if you haven't been there yet I would encourage you to go and fellowship with others online. Remember who you are in Christ (Ephesians 1:3-8, Ephesians 2:10 and many more) and don't ever forget that. You have my friendship and prayers friend.

[notmyown22]

Hey Tabby!

I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder at the age of 11. Ever since then I've been on and off of medicines. The first medicines didnt work so I quit taking them. Then in 9th grade I began having panic attacks to where I could not go to public school. It got so bad that I could not leave the house. Finding the right medicines have seemed to help so far. It hasnt been easy since I was contemplating suicide at 11, but God has brought me through it. I think that you are taking steps in the right direction. I can understand what you are saying about the christian sources being more hurtful than helpful. I've been to conferences that have said that anxiety is a sin issue and must be dealt with from a spiritual point of view. My problem is, I was born with a tendency to be nervous or worrying about everything. Sometimes I can pray and cast out demons, but nothing works. I still have a long way to go, but I have found that some of the things that help actually force me to get my mind off the anxiety. I have found that when I relax and try to find something to do, like gardening, reading a book, volunteering at church or a local shelter, I tend to focus on others instead of myself.

I hope that you hold fast to your belief in God and know that there are those who are praying for you. I pray that if you ever find yourself tempted you will stand strong in the Lord!

Ashley

Edited August 15, 2010 by notmyown22

[2Joyful]

Tabby cat

I developed clinical depression early in life, although I didn't know that's what it was.

I was also walking the knife's edge of suicide for years.

So I do understand!

I grew up under the mentality that Christians can't have mental illnesses - you know the verse about a sound mind, right? But I listened to a children's Christian radio program called Adventures in Odyssey on day where it was revealed that one of the characters has a wife in a mental ward. The main character, Whitt, talked about how Christians don't like talking about such things because we think of it as an embarrassment to our faith. But really, our brains can be ill, just like any other organ in our body. I wish I could remember what was spoken, but it did have an impact on me - because when I was introduced to the symptoms of chronic depression, I was able to accept that this is what I was dealing with!

Depression can have different root causes. For some it may be just physical - hormonal imbalances. But for I believe the majority of us the problem is in the soul or in the spirit. I know my problem comes from painful circumstances and not knowing how to cope with them but to turn the hurt and anger inward. There are probably some spiritual roots there as well, stuff passed down through the generations.

I dealt with my depression (again, not knowing that this is what it was) by turning to the Lord. I found that when I enter into worship, I don't feel so bad anymore. I've learned to love worshiping the Lord early on in life this way.

A lot of times when I was alone and crying and seeking the Lord about ending my life because I couldn't take it anymore, He would show me how much it would hurt Him if I killed myself. I didn't want to do that to Him. So I stepped back from the cliff's edge, again, and again, and again this way.

Since I learned my problem was depression, I began trying to deal with what the roots are - that depression is anger turned inward, I fear rejection, I need to love myself as Jesus loves me, etc.

The desire for suicide, I found, is actually the spirit of death. (Yes an evil spirit, a demon, is screwing with your mind.) Even though I'd learned about rebuking demons, commanding that thing away was something I could never have the strength for. But one night I was just communing with the Lord - not really on my knees in prayer, but just mulling in my head over some spiritual truth I was trying to make sense of - and the Holy Spirit led me to evaluate what all the pain in my life did for me. I know that sounds crazy, but as I evaluated my personality and how I'd mostly always run to the Lord with my pain, I began to accept that without the extreme pain I'd be an insensitive nerd (for pain taught me compassion - I can relate to others' hurts because of my own hurt - I desire to comfort people in pain because I have known pain), and I could accept that without the extreme pain I would not have the kind of relationship with the Lord that I have. In accepting that the pain was there for a reason, for a purpose, that it produced good fruit in my life, fruit that I really would not chose to not have even at the cost of a happy life - it was then I was able to express, for the first time and mean it, a thankfulness for the pain in my life. Of course, it was very hard to say this out loud to the Lord, I stuttered every word (!), but I was able to say to Him from my heart out loud, "I thank You Lord for the pain in my life." Instantly, and mean like a snap, all that darkness of death was broken! It was just gone! It was like I had been living in a fog my whole life and suddenly the fog dissipated and I saw the full sun an blue skies for the first time in my life.

Now I don't know what is tying the spirit of death to your life. But this was how I was set free. I hope you find inspiration from it.

Mind you, I'd been living with this thing for 25 years or more, and I still have other chains associated with the whole depression I still need to overcome.

Right now, the Lord is having me verbalize, "I am accepted in the beloved," every time I feel a sense of rejection or fear rejection. I guess getting this chain broken needs the long haul approach.

Anyway, I did a quick search and for now at least found a couple things for you to look up:

Here is another woman's testimony. <<--LINK From that site, you can click on other links to learn more.

Here is a list of books and what they are about - this is from a well-trusted source.

If I find more things, I'll post more.

Hugs and prayers and blessings to you!

Truly amazing Neb, thank you..

Heavenly Father, Thank You for the encouragement from Neb and all of Your children that live because of You. You know each and every area in our lives thats affected by this challenge. Please allow this informative testimony to fall on good soil, bringing relief and deliverance to Tabby. In Jesus Name, Amen.

[paigee]

I dealt with my depression (again, not knowing that this is what it was) by turning to the Lord. I found that when I enter into worship, I don't feel so bad anymore. I've learned to love worshiping the Lord early on in life this way.

...In accepting that the pain was there for a reason, for a purpose, that it produced good fruit in my life, fruit that I really would not chose to not have even at the cost of a happy life - it was then I was able to express, for the first time and mean it, a thankfulness for the pain in my life.

Ditto. I have clinical depression, officially diagnosed only within this past year, and this is so true of my situation, too. The Lord has pulled me close in my brokenness.

[Littlelambseativy]

I dealt with my depression (again, not knowing that this is what it was) by turning to the Lord. I found that when I enter into worship, I don't feel so bad anymore. I've learned to love worshiping the Lord early on in life this way.

...In accepting that the pain was there for a reason, for a purpose, that it produced good fruit in my life, fruit that I really would not chose to not have even at the cost of a happy life - it was then I was able to express, for the first time and mean it, a thankfulness for the pain in my life.

Ditto. I have clinical depression, officially diagnosed only within this past year, and this is so true of my situation, too. The Lord has pulled me close in my brokenness.

Last evening I decided that I would log onto the Coral Ridge Presbyterian Ministries website to see how they were doing since Tullian T. took over the pulpit and I listened to his October 10 sermon. It is about Job and his temptation by Satan. It is a very worth while listen. Tullian deals with the words of Job's wife, " Curse God and die" and Job's response "You speak as the silly women speak. Shall we accept only the good from God and not accept the bad'( paraphrasing mine)

We accept that God gives good but then forget that He also has reasons for permitting the bad things.

I would greatly recommend that you listen to the sermon. It is 45 min. approx. - but the time seems to fly.

There is a reason for the depression and it appears that you may have found out why in part.

[paigee]

Depression in my opinion is our bodies telling us something isnt right, we arent living right.

Not all depression is situational. Sometimes it's a hereditary chemical imbalance. I know I'm not "living right" (I'm a sinful human), but this isn't the cause of my depression. My brain is screwy. Be careful not to overgeneralize, please...