Guest LadyC Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 by the way, i got my job just over a year ago. retail. nothing exciting. the pay sucks. i hadn't had a job in more than TWELVE years. he can do this if you give him a chance. i got really tired of filling out online apps. but i did, and i would also go in to the stores. in fact, i shop frequently at jo-ann's fabrics... they know me by name now. the manager once told me that she wouldn't even consider hiring someone from the online apps that were sent to her by corporate unless the person had enough interest in the job to ALSO come into the store and pursue the job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shy Christian Posted April 13, 2011 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 23 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 198 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 57 Days Won: 1 Joined: 08/03/2006 Status: Offline Author Share Posted April 13, 2011 I thought it would be obvious he graduated high school. How else could he get into college? Like I said, he DID try a tutor. We don't have thousands of dollars to continue spending just on the Math portion, let alone all the other credit hours. And no, he has no friends' houses to sleep at. None. I wouldn't be able to sleep or even function at work if I abandoned him, and it would probably ruin my own health worrying. My mother wouldn't have done that to me. I can't do that to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheya joie Posted April 13, 2011 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 7 Topic Count: 13 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 2,054 Content Per Day: 0.29 Reputation: 351 Days Won: 2 Joined: 03/15/2005 Status: Offline Share Posted April 13, 2011 Welllllll... I'm a loving mom, and when my oldest announced that she would be returning home, I told her she was not going to live here. And when she sent me a text last week saying she was on the bus heading our way, I called her while she was still on the bus and told her again she was not going to live here and that she needed to start right away finding somewhere to live because it wasn't going to be with us. And when she sent a text at 4 am (waking me up) saying she would need me to pick her up from her motel at noon (check-out time) to look for a cheaper motel, I went back to sleep - then called her about 8 am after I got the younger kids up and off to school, and while my youngest boy whom I homeschool was having his breakfast - and woke her up, and let her know her brother and I would be having school at noon and I would not be showing up to take her driving about looking for a cheaper motel, and did she even have any idea where this cheaper motel might be? We saw her over the weekend - took her bike to her for her to have a bit of mobility. She is staying with a friend from high school who is interesting in getting an apartment together and is helping her look for work. So she's not out on the street and she is moving forward with being an adult. BTW, she is 22 and worked for a carnival this past year. Oh, and I'm a widow too. My condolences. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LadyC Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 well, i don't recall you saying he was enrolled in college. no friends? he's 23, he's good looking, he goes to church, he apparently gets out of the house occasionally or he wouldn't have met a girl. either he's currently enrolled in college or he was at one point. and yet he has no friends. why? it doesn't matter. i'm going to leave this to someone else. you've made up your mind, you have all kinds of excuses for not stepping up to the plate and making him be a man, and i don't know what else to say, other than quit complaining. you've made your choice to enable him. that's on your shoulders, not his. if you TRULY want to parent an adult child, you'll make him grow up. but the problem is, you've suffered loss in your life and are dealing with your own abandonment issues, and you don't WANT him to grow up and leave you. that's not a healthy kind of love. perhaps you have counseling services through your church that you can take advantage of. i know that's not easy to hear, but you really do need some assistance here... to learn how to deal with the loss of your husband, to help you learn how to let go of your son. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SavedByGrace1981 Posted April 13, 2011 Group: Royal Member Followers: 6 Topic Count: 104 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 2,923 Content Per Day: 0.61 Reputation: 462 Days Won: 2 Joined: 04/02/2011 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/22/1953 Share Posted April 13, 2011 (edited) I'm a mom to a 23-year old son (only child) living at home. He and I are close and he has given me no problems, then again he hasn't had much opportunity to. He hasn't worked in four years and is only qualified for minimum wage jobs. Many apps have been filled out and he only gets called for 2-3 interviews a year and I think doesn't come across with confidence and doesn't get called back. Anyway... A few weeks ago he recognized a girl at a church young singles event that they had one community college class together a few years ago but had never spoken back then. He described her as "ugly" to me but said he was going to e-mail her anyway since she gave him her address. I read the first e-mail she sent back and she seemed thrilled to hear from him, used the word "love" and said she wanted to be ALONE with him. My son is a virgin and I'd like him to stay that way until marriage. I got to meet her briefly after church and she didn't look as bad as he described; however, he's very handsome and might prefer someone more attractive. He's no Einstein but I did pick up that she didn't seem too bright, and she's not employed either. She looked excited to be talking to a good looking guy...she's probably needy and not used to much male attention. Anyway, the two have written again talking about what activities they like, movies, etc. These are my concerns: My son says he's not attracted to her and just wants to be friends but I told him she's going to want more. I don't want her pressuring him into things he's not comfortable with because she's seeking "love". He doesn't have money or a car right now and I'm not in a position to give him money for dates or let him waste gas going to see her. Even if they just stay at her house and don't "spend money", if they're alone she'll probably be all over him. He needs to worry more about getting a job than having a friend or girlfriend. She will be a distraction to what's important, waste his time, cost him (me) money, and then possibly harass him if he tries to cut her loose. Isn't it smart to nip it in the bud now? Has your son considered enlisting in one of the military branches? Let me briefly relate my own story - perhaps something there will apply to your son: When I graduated HS and went off to a technical college (350 miles from my parents), I thought I had it made. I'd gotten through HS without barely cracking a book - I though college would be a breeze. Long story short - I was back home in six months. Well, I had it all figured out. I'd live at home with my parents, attend the state college in our hometown, continue to live at home and have meals there, etc. etc. The only problem was - I hadn't run these "plans" past my dad. Now, my dad wasn't a mean person by any stretch. Indeed, he had helped my out when I left for college by paying my $55/month Volkswagen payment. But the way he looked at it - it was my own immaturity that led to my leaving college, and his duty was done. I am the youngest of four, and he and my mom were looking forward to their "empty nest" years. So - in his own way - he let it be known that my "plan" wasn't going to fly. He left hints (suggestions?) around the house - such as brochures from the Air Force, Navy and Army recruiters (I never would have cut it in the Marines). I took the hint - and at 19 I enlisted in the Navy. You know what? That was probably the best thing my late Dad ever did for me! Not that I loved the Navy so much (I served my six years and got out), but I did learn a marketable trade, and I've not done too badly. Plus, it provided an excellent transition from irresponsible youth to adult. I'm 58 now, so that was almost 40 years ago. I've never really regretted it, and I'm glad my parents got to have their "empty nest." Blessings! -Ed Edited April 13, 2011 by SavedByGrace1981 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Believer1997 Posted April 13, 2011 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 66 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 6,363 Content Per Day: 1.13 Reputation: 119 Days Won: 9 Joined: 11/07/2008 Status: Offline Share Posted April 13, 2011 Shy ... Love your son enough to set limits to him getting a job and either start paying rent - or get a place of his own. He's 23 and he needs to grow up ... and away. So love him enough to encourage him to become independent and self-sufficient. If not, you are enabling him to continue his dependent lifestyle. Most parents love their children enough to offer assistance when they need some help with a place to live or are in between jobs - but an open-ended invitation to live as he has since he was a child - isn't healthy and neither of you will be happy. You have raised him - now insist that he go out in the world and find a job - don't accept excuses otherwise nor make excuses for him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Isaiah 6:8 Posted April 13, 2011 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 426 Topics Per Day: 0.07 Content Count: 3,633 Content Per Day: 0.58 Reputation: 222 Days Won: 13 Joined: 03/23/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/26/1978 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Have him check out this site http://www.48days.com/ Its about how to get you off your feet. BTW I have had to stay with my mom a few times, had to live by her rules, when I was married during some rough times. Losing my job and my wife losing her on the same day. I had work a week later but we could not afford to stay were we were. Staying with your parents should be a stopgap measure at the most. You are making excuses for him. Unless he needs to be cared for as a mentally disabled person, the kid needs to get out. You see math skill, and hand skills lacking, is not the issue. It seems perhaps employers sense a confidence issue as you said and perhaps a work ethic issue. I know the Job market is hard, it was worse where I lived, seasonal,part time, and rare full time employment, with most jobs requiring customer service skills. Not easy, and every time I was un-employed there it was in the off season, just before the big hiring events for the upcoming season. I went 3 months with out work searching and knocking. If you need a job there are plenty, or you start something yourself. This is life and survive is what you need to do. What would he do if you suddenly died in a car crash , and were able to leave him nothing? Also there are certificates that require little to no math in college, its not a degree but it will get you started. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~candice~ Posted April 13, 2011 Group: Royal Member Followers: 5 Topic Count: 955 Topics Per Day: 0.16 Content Count: 11,318 Content Per Day: 1.89 Reputation: 448 Days Won: 33 Joined: 12/16/2007 Status: Offline Share Posted April 13, 2011 I'd like to know how you know so much about this potential girlfriend? ... I read the first e-mail she sent back and she seemed thrilled to hear from him, used the word "love" and said she wanted to be ALONE with him.... ...he's very handsome and might prefer someone more attractive.... ...she didn't seem too bright, and she's not employed either.... ...she's probably needy and not used to much male attention... ...I told him she's going to want more. I don't want her pressuring him into things he's not comfortable with because she's seeking "love"... ... waste gas going to see her... ...if they're alone she'll probably be all over him... ... She will be a distraction to what's important, waste his time, cost him (me) money, and then possibly harass him if he tries to cut her loose.... You make her sound absolutely terrible! Are you sure your judgment of her is correct based on just looking at her? Wowee! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Believer1997 Posted April 14, 2011 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 66 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 6,363 Content Per Day: 1.13 Reputation: 119 Days Won: 9 Joined: 11/07/2008 Status: Offline Share Posted April 14, 2011 I'd like to know how you know so much about this potential girlfriend? ... I read the first e-mail she sent back and she seemed thrilled to hear from him, used the word "love" and said she wanted to be ALONE with him.... ...he's very handsome and might prefer someone more attractive.... ...she didn't seem too bright, and she's not employed either.... ...she's probably needy and not used to much male attention... ...I told him she's going to want more. I don't want her pressuring him into things he's not comfortable with because she's seeking "love"... ... waste gas going to see her... ...if they're alone she'll probably be all over him... ... She will be a distraction to what's important, waste his time, cost him (me) money, and then possibly harass him if he tries to cut her loose.... You make her sound absolutely terrible! Are you sure your judgment of her is correct based on just looking at her? Wowee! I wondered also - did he show you the email or do you have access to his email account? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LadyC Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 i wasn't even going to wonder. i saw a lot of probably's in the list... which means they aren't facts that are known about the girl, they're assumptions. they are worst case scenarios because frankly, mom, you don't want your little boy to grow up and leave you. you're terrified of him not needing you, and it makes you feel secure to micro-manage his life. let him grow up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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