imoss Posted April 14, 2011 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 1 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 119 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 26 Days Won: 2 Joined: 08/07/2010 Status: Offline Share Posted April 14, 2011 Hello, welcome to worthy! I'm in agreement with the other posters. I left home at 17 and thank God my mom pressed me to get out of our town and get a life (my own life). I think when we allow our children to stay home we rob them of their accomplishment. If he is still in college thats different but if he's done you need to stop clinging and cut the ole apron strings. Remember how it felt to have your first place... I remember my rent was more than one paycheque & i lived on ichiban noodles but I was PROUD!!! Now with regards to the girl, there is no rhyme nor reason for chemistry & for who the Lord will draw the supposed most excellent looking boy to the plain girl.... I dont think you realize how shallow the words with respect to this girl sounded. I hope that my boys will find a girl who's heart is pure and beautiful & loving. I could care less about the outside package. Even if she's not intelligent, some of the most beautiful people I know arent the smartest. Do you think maybe your son understates his interest because he knows your judgement of this girl? Do you also think that perhaps you judge her harshly cause you fear being alone a little. Bless your heart, I've been open & frank with you & I hope you dont take it wrong I just want you to think about your persecution of the girl. My husbands family didnt think I was good enough either. Its a shame to deal with that for many years, undeserved persecution. Oh also, unsolicited advice on the job thing... I managed a brokerage & am partner in an industrial roofing company. without exception the people We've hired have been the ones who've phoned lots & showed up. tell your son, work is 20% knowledge & ability & 80% attitude, If he has a good attitude and his boss is the boss & he does what the boss says & doesnt get sucked into other peoples garbage & negativity he will have no choice but to prosper! Show up 1/2 hr early for EVERY shift & never do anything personal on company time. (gotta hate the text/internet surfers on company time!!) God bless you as you deal with empty nest... this will be hard. hugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 Praying~! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LadyC Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 someone else mentioned military earlier. that might be an excellent option for your son! what do you think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~candice~ Posted April 14, 2011 Group: Royal Member Followers: 5 Topic Count: 955 Topics Per Day: 0.16 Content Count: 11,318 Content Per Day: 1.89 Reputation: 448 Days Won: 33 Joined: 12/16/2007 Status: Offline Share Posted April 14, 2011 Something else to note. Most mothers are excited about their son's finding good wives to enjoy their adult life with. Women do not generally find a lack of discipline etc a very appealing quality in a potential mate. If you want your son to eventually have a happy healthy marriage I would urge you to nudge him more towards self discipline... going out and finding work, engaging in society, being productive, gaining some skills that can lead to employment. Military is a fantastic idea. Also, people who find it hard to find work can have success volunteering... it puts your face out in public, you get to meet people who know people, word travels fast if there is a hard working volunteer looking for paid work. I hope this transition goes smoothly for you. God bless, Candice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LadyC Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 Something else to note. Most mothers are excited about their son's finding good wives to enjoy their adult life with. Women do not generally find a lack of discipline etc a very appealing quality in a potential mate. If you want your son to eventually have a happy healthy marriage I would urge you to nudge him more towards self discipline... going out and finding work, engaging in society, being productive, gaining some skills that can lead to employment. Military is a fantastic idea. Also, people who find it hard to find work can have success volunteering... it puts your face out in public, you get to meet people who know people, word travels fast if there is a hard working volunteer looking for paid work. I hope this transition goes smoothly for you. God bless, Candice very good points, candice! and volunteering can be such a rewarding thing, too! i used to manage the food bank at our church. very demanding.... lots of hours (despite being "open" only four hours a week, i put in about 35 hours!) and to this day, i still have such a passion for the food bank, and for people who are struggling! i have a real job now, and yes, indeed, i put down the food bank as part of my experience and work history (and put $0 in the field that asked what my starting and ending wage was), and used my pastor as an employer reference, when i got my current job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shy Christian Posted April 14, 2011 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 23 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 198 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 57 Days Won: 1 Joined: 08/03/2006 Status: Offline Author Share Posted April 14, 2011 I feel like I've been raked over the coals. I shouldn't have even brought this up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningGlory Posted April 14, 2011 Group: Royal Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 1,022 Topics Per Day: 0.16 Content Count: 39,193 Content Per Day: 6.09 Reputation: 9,977 Days Won: 78 Joined: 10/01/2006 Status: Offline Share Posted April 14, 2011 he's a 23 year old who has never HAD to grow up. listen, i'm not meaning this to sound mean, but mom, cut the apron strings. tell him he has a month to find a new place to live. he is never going to support himself until you make him HAVE to. he can do this, he can get a minimum wage job and rent a room from someone. or he can possibly find a live in job where he's offered room and board in exchange for his work. but YOU have to put your foot down. it's called tough love. i know you were actually looking for advice on what to do about the girl situation, but that's not your call. he's an adult, even if he's acting like a child. don't TREAT him like a child! that's exactly what you do when you try to manage his social life. (it's also what you are doing by allowing him to continue living at home.) by the way, why is he even allowed to use your car, your gas, your money? CUT HIM OFF. it's time to let him go. i suspect it will be a more difficult transition for you than for him, but your little boy is all grown up now. treat him like a man and demand he act like one too. I'm going to agree with everything you said, L.C. No way a 23 year old should be totally dependent on his mother and mom should NOT be involved in his social life. He should be meeting girls and working and building a life for himself. What kind of woman will he end up with if he has no education, no income, no car and lives with his mother? Frankly, only one who couldn't get anyone else. I'm not trying to be harsh but the truth is the best way to go....in everything. This is an unhealthy situation.....both for mother AND son. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shy Christian Posted April 14, 2011 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 23 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 198 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 57 Days Won: 1 Joined: 08/03/2006 Status: Offline Author Share Posted April 14, 2011 (edited) he's a 23 year old who has never HAD to grow up. listen, i'm not meaning this to sound mean, but mom, cut the apron strings. tell him he has a month to find a new place to live. he is never going to support himself until you make him HAVE to. he can do this, he can get a minimum wage job and rent a room from someone. or he can possibly find a live in job where he's offered room and board in exchange for his work. but YOU have to put your foot down. it's called tough love. i know you were actually looking for advice on what to do about the girl situation, but that's not your call. he's an adult, even if he's acting like a child. don't TREAT him like a child! that's exactly what you do when you try to manage his social life. (it's also what you are doing by allowing him to continue living at home.) by the way, why is he even allowed to use your car, your gas, your money? CUT HIM OFF. it's time to let him go. i suspect it will be a more difficult transition for you than for him, but your little boy is all grown up now. treat him like a man and demand he act like one too. Why would I want him to hook up with a needy, clingy, also unemployed girl that clearly wants to be ALONE with him? I'm going to agree with everything you said, L.C. No way a 23 year old should be totally dependent on his mother and mom should NOT be involved in his social life. He should be meeting girls and working and building a life for himself. What kind of woman will he end up with if he has no education, no income, no car and lives with his mother? Frankly, only one who couldn't get anyone else. I'm not trying to be harsh but the truth is the best way to go....in everything. This is an unhealthy situation.....both for mother AND son. Edited April 14, 2011 by Shy Christian Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shy Christian Posted April 14, 2011 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 23 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 198 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 57 Days Won: 1 Joined: 08/03/2006 Status: Offline Author Share Posted April 14, 2011 My reply got mixed up in a quote. Why would I want him to hook up with a needy, clingy, also unemployed girl that clearly wants to be ALONE with him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imoss Posted April 14, 2011 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 1 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 119 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 26 Days Won: 2 Joined: 08/07/2010 Status: Offline Share Posted April 14, 2011 I feel like I've been raked over the coals. I shouldn't have even brought this up. Awwwe, I'm sorry. I dont think anyone meant to rake you, just give you advise. Its hard to hear most of whats been said cause its just hard, I cant even imagine what you are going through. Genesis 2:24 (King James Version) 24Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. You need to think about the fact that this IS going to happen and whoever she is will be his #1. If she isnt his #1 then that would make him not such a good husband so you should pray for God to bless him and whoever he chooses, in this way and you should choose to take second when this happens. Not unimportant but his wife & family should be more important while he still honors you. This is the way its supposed to be in healthy relationship. I dont even want to think about my boys leaving home... they are going to though. You will be lonely for a time but you'll be ok. Do not be afraid nor dismayed for the Lord thy God is with you wherever you may go. Bless your heart mom who loves her boy so very much! Sometimes love must be tough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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