sheya joie Posted April 14, 2011 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 7 Topic Count: 13 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 2,054 Content Per Day: 0.29 Reputation: 351 Days Won: 2 Joined: 03/15/2005 Status: Offline Share Posted April 14, 2011 I personally know families where the parents had that 'I'm always the parent' attitude; when the kids grew up, they moved severally hundred miles away from their parents to escape being under their parent's thumbs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Isaiah 6:8 Posted April 14, 2011 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 426 Topics Per Day: 0.07 Content Count: 3,633 Content Per Day: 0.58 Reputation: 222 Days Won: 13 Joined: 03/23/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/26/1978 Share Posted April 14, 2011 I've never lived alone, nor do I want to. I see no reason why my son and I should live separate (twice the utilities/housing) and be lonely when we can keep each other company. Oh, you weren't talking to me. Anyway, I need MY son here too. He does the yardwork and shovels because I have a bad back. First off, He is GOD'S son first, yours second. You want him for your own selfish reasons. You do not love your son. You use him. Love is not self seeking. If you love him then you want what is best for him, not you. You keep using the words my, I, and mine. You see the issue is not your son its you. You cannot control anyone, not even yourself. Your life spun out of control when you lost your husband and you are grabbing on to anything you can to keep the control. You will push your son to either a miserable life where he does not leave you, but resents you deep inside or he finally snaps and rebells and does everything you don't want him to do, either is not a good situation I have seen this situation before. Because you cannot control him you should not. Lady C is not endorsing any of the above activities. Neither am I. But I do understand you are not the Savior, you are not God, and at the age of 23 he is responsible for his decisions. You are not. It is time for him to grow up and you to let go. Also you have called him your dependent, and yet say that you don't want to live alone as its easier to live with less expenses, but yet he is not bringing an income? He is living off of you. He's my flesh and blood and he IS my business. As my own dear mother would say, you never stop being a mother, whether your kids are 10, 25, or 50. NO its not. You are wrong Biblically wrong Genesis 2:24 (New King James Version) 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. You see the Word says a MAN which your son is, is to leave his mother and father, and cleave unto his wife. I don't think you want the leaving part. This girl may be trouble or she may just represent a rival for your affections, as is the way God ordained. What you are doing by holding him close and making excuses for him, is sinful because it is full of self. Yes you'll always be his mom, but you are not to MOTHER him to death. You are doing just that. By the way I have given you resources and you refuse to use them. You do this because you do not want him to leave and be successful that will leave you with out him. But for his sake you need to look at these links.. http://www.48days.com its the site for 48 days to the work you love, not just a job but a career. Then there is http://www.monster.com Job site http://www.hotjobs.com another job site. http://www.fastweb.com Scholarships search engine, you can get money for school. http://www.fafsa.ed.gov/ Government Financial aid for College. You see, there are ways out of this, but if you refuse to use them, then that shows that its your own dependence on your son that is the issue. You need to learn to depend on the Lord not your son. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angel_uk Posted April 14, 2011 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 12 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 60 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 7 Days Won: 0 Joined: 04/02/2011 Status: Offline Share Posted April 14, 2011 Does your son have a plan of what he wants to do and achieve in his life? Just thinking that while he is drifty drifting along he doesn't have anything to focus on and work towards. If he was busy with something important to him he would feel like he was accomplishing something and wouldn't need outside validation - say from a girl that he might not otherwise be interested in. How much of a say does he have at home? I pay rent and am an adult - my parents are still my parents but I am responsible for myself so if - say - one day I didn't get up for work they wouldn't come and wake me as it is my responsibility and I have to deal with the consequences of my actions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shy Christian Posted April 14, 2011 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 23 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 198 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 57 Days Won: 1 Joined: 08/03/2006 Status: Offline Author Share Posted April 14, 2011 Isaiah, how dare you say I don't love my son! He is #1 on this earth to me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Believer1997 Posted April 14, 2011 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 66 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 6,363 Content Per Day: 1.13 Reputation: 119 Days Won: 9 Joined: 11/07/2008 Status: Offline Share Posted April 14, 2011 He's my flesh and blood and he IS my business. As my own dear mother would say, you never stop being a mother, whether your kids are 10, 25, or 50. Not a single post here has suggested you stop being his mother. They have simply said - let him be a man. He is an adult - not a 10 year old. He is being crippled by your suffocation. Unless he is mentally impaired and requires your constant monitoring - there is little or no excuse to control his activities. Cut this emotional umbilical cord and encourage him to get a job and let him live his life. He is going to love and respect you more for being a strong independent woman rather than fearful, suspicious and an intrusion. I don't know of a normal 23 year old (male or female) who wants to 'keep company' on a daily and constant basis with a parent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Isaiah 6:8 Posted April 14, 2011 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 426 Topics Per Day: 0.07 Content Count: 3,633 Content Per Day: 0.58 Reputation: 222 Days Won: 13 Joined: 03/23/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/26/1978 Share Posted April 14, 2011 Isaiah, how dare you say I don't love my son! He is #1 on this earth to me! You need to make God number 1. It almost seems as if your son has become god to you. You love him to the point of selfish. You can not love something selfishly.You actions say that you don't love him, if you loved him you would want the best for him but not you. You have ignored all advice to help and only made excuses for him to stay with you. You are selfish, with no consideration for him. You don't love him, he is your drug. your addicted. I hate to be blunt but hope it will get through because nice did not work. If what you feel does not line up with the following, it is not love. 1 Corinthians 13 (New King James Version) 1 Corinthians 13 The Greatest Gift 1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. 2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned,[a] but have not love, it profits me nothing. 4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part. 10 But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. 13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love. You are doing this for your self, this is self seeking, you are provoked by help and you think evil of us and your son and this girl. This is not love, this is deep twisted misguided affection and you need to seek help. This is not healthy. We are here to tell you you need help, just like in A.A. the first thing you need to do is realize you have a problem but you have not done this yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shy Christian Posted April 14, 2011 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 23 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 198 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 57 Days Won: 1 Joined: 08/03/2006 Status: Offline Author Share Posted April 14, 2011 I said he's #1 ON THIS EARTH to me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Isaiah 6:8 Posted April 14, 2011 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 426 Topics Per Day: 0.07 Content Count: 3,633 Content Per Day: 0.58 Reputation: 222 Days Won: 13 Joined: 03/23/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/26/1978 Share Posted April 14, 2011 I said he's #1 ON THIS EARTH to me! Are you reading my whole posts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Believer1997 Posted April 14, 2011 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 66 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 6,363 Content Per Day: 1.13 Reputation: 119 Days Won: 9 Joined: 11/07/2008 Status: Offline Share Posted April 14, 2011 I said he's #1 ON THIS EARTH to me! Perhaps you can talk to some of your friends - at work, church, etc. Please try to get some grief counseling and family counseling from a trained source. For you and your son. You need to let him and yourself grow and change - in a positive way. Life is nothing, if not constant change - it's not healthy to try to keep him insulated from life ... Be very careful that in your attempt to shield and protect him, etc. that you don't drive him away. If we are blessed with healthy and normal children - we are fortunate when they grow up; it is our duty has loving parents, to encourage them to become independent and to fulfill promise that everyone has the need to discover. It is selfish to be otherwise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shy Christian Posted April 14, 2011 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 23 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 198 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 57 Days Won: 1 Joined: 08/03/2006 Status: Offline Author Share Posted April 14, 2011 I said he's #1 ON THIS EARTH to me! Are you reading my whole posts? Yes, and they're mean and nasty. I won't be reading any more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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