shoofly08 Posted November 22, 2011 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 8 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 87 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 12/17/2010 Status: Offline Birthday: 01/31/1988 Author Share Posted November 22, 2011 My brother was very dedicated to God when he was young, got baptised at a very early age. He drifted away during highschool, moved out after graduation and made some unwise choices. Started partying with fake ids and drinking, moved in with a girl, got dumped by girl 8 times which usually resulted in him getting drunk and cutting himself. =( Moved back home and spend a year doing nothing-tired of working in all the fast food places, been let go from a few of them becasuse he's opininated, got let go from McDonalds because he slipped on water and his hand went in deep fryer for nuggets! OUCH! They where mad he filed for workers compensation. Spent a lot of times with random girls. Got to the point he couldn't leave the house. Spent all day gaming. He has ADHD. He's not willing yet to see his psychiatrist and be honest or see his councelor. It really affects his life in ways he can't see. He does pot every night and feels that is no different than medication and he's addicted to smoking now too. He got a job at Kal-Tire which he LOVED. Mechanics inspired him. He worked hard, they loved him. End of summer his mustang-his prize and joy he bought from his former girlfriend-caught on fire and blew up. He was popping the hood because it wasn't running properly. I grabbed my 2 dogs and booked it. Damian lost it till evening and then he was doing great-he had just been hired that morning. Bought a new mustang real cheap-a fixer upper that never panned out. Bought another mustang cheap which isn;t running at the moment but is in much better condition and an easy fix if he gets around to it. He crashed the camperized Van into the snow bank yesterday and it shook him up pretty good. Last week he injured himself at work, they wanted him to work anyways, he tried but the finger got infected and doctor told him not to work for a week, they were mad. His 21st borthday was on the 17th. I just found out this morning that they fired him for being unreliable. I'm away from school and having a hard time not crying. When he were kids and my brother got grounded, I cried every time. Please please please dedicate some time to pray for Damian and that God will use ALL OF THIS to get his attention and show him that his world isn't over. That there is purpose in God and that God is with him. Please pray for Damian. I've decided to fast for Damian while I pray for him. He needs God more than ever right now. This whole mess could end up being the best thing that has ever happened in his life if he is able to rededicate his life to God. Nobody can make that decision for him. Damian needs to choose for himself. Damian needs to come to God on his terms. Damian needs to ask for help when he's ready for us to help him. I just want God to do whatever it takes to get his attention-like with Saul-because God has been pursuing Damian his whole life. I want the HS to work in him now and fill him like he's never been filled before. Please, please join me in praying for Damian. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 .... that his world isn't over. That there is purpose in God and that God is with him. Please pray for Damian. I've decided to fast for Damian while I pray for him. He needs God more than ever right now. This whole mess could end up being the best thing that has ever happened in his life if he is able to rededicate his life to God. Nobody can make that decision for him. Damian needs to choose for himself. Damian needs to come to God on his terms. Damian needs to ask for help when he's ready for us to help him. I just want God to do whatever it takes to get his attention-like with Saul-because God has been pursuing Damian his whole life. I want the HS to work in him now and fill him like he's never been filled before. Please, please join me in praying for Damian..... Praying~! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hmbld Posted November 27, 2011 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 4 Topic Count: 48 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 2,491 Content Per Day: 0.54 Reputation: 1,457 Days Won: 1 Joined: 10/23/2011 Status: Offline Birthday: 02/02/1971 Share Posted November 27, 2011 Praying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shoofly08 Posted December 7, 2011 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 8 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 87 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 12/17/2010 Status: Offline Birthday: 01/31/1988 Author Share Posted December 7, 2011 I have Bipolar Disorder too and though I do not have GAD many times bipolar creates the same effect - diffuse feeling of dread as if something bad were going to happen. Over time I have learned that this feeling is an illusion. That does not make it hurt less but it helps me anchor some of my thoughts. I have come to believe that the simplest way to define depression is pain. A week or so ago a man with a serious case of Bipolar along with chronic pain told me if he is had the choice of giving up one, he would rather give up the bipolar. I cannot comment on that because I have never been through anything like what he has been through but what he said was very telling. Because people cannot see Bipolar they are not always able to understand - not that I expect them to any more than I understood that mans condition but not being understood can affect you. Long before we are diagnosed many of us get the sense that our emotional experience is not like experiece of those around us. This tends to make us feel as if we were separated from others, watching them from behind by a wall of glass. It can make you feel lonely even in a crowd. On the other hand we might develop some resentment and judge others as shallow, insensitive, undiscerning or fake (which many people are). More often than not though we blame ourselves and think God is disappointed with us. I was beaten up over this for many years until I finally realized that God was not rejecting me but that He loved me....I mean he really did love me and even though I could not see out of the dark cloud that surrounded me there was more than that. My feelings were not measures of reality. Truth in the Bible can mean reality. Assuming feelings always must support this is a great deception. The realization that God loved me was a work of the Holy Spirit was totally contrary to my emotions. The mood swings are very painful no matter which way they go. Like Icarus, first you fly so high the sun burns off your wings. Then you crash down on the rocks. It is not a tour I ever imagined I would take, one I would never chosen but it teaches you something. Rather, God teaches you things as you go through life with it. I have imagined myself like a Polar explorer. The only constant is the star, the compass and the map. All the rest is in flux. It is really that way with everyone Bipolar just makes you vividly aware of it. We know that we may be sailing along briskly one day but when we need our resources the most we shut down. A lot of believers seem to think that when they are being blessed they are strong in God but when they go through trials they temporarily become weak so they can learn how to depend on Him. I think that in trials we are simply (re)discovering what always is. At all times we are always both weak and strong simultaneously. These are not Sunday school lessons. They are learned every day in life. Joy also is not the same thing as happy feelings. Since Joy is produced through our organic connection to God I believe joy is the celebration of His being - part of who He is (Psalms 16:11). Serving him as you have had meant a lot to you but the emotions may not always register this. His will has meaning and purpose and in that we can have satisfaction even in the seasonal absence of appropriate moods (John 4:34). I am not in any way telling you what your individual experience is but I hope you can relate to enough of it to know that you are not alone Jimi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shoofly08 Posted December 7, 2011 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 8 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 87 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 12/17/2010 Status: Offline Birthday: 01/31/1988 Author Share Posted December 7, 2011 I'm slowly weening myself off my laptop to focus on God, spending less and less time online and not really missing it. I love writing though, the old fashioned kind with pen and paper, snail mail, anyone interesting in becoming penpals with a bipolariod who would love some God fearing bipolar penpals or even just God fearing friends. Message me if you are interested. 4 more days of school. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shoofly08 Posted February 28, 2012 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 8 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 87 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 12/17/2010 Status: Offline Birthday: 01/31/1988 Author Share Posted February 28, 2012 can read in detail what I've been up to on my blog if interested. HARD week. work for the next 3 days. trying to pull myself together. hard to understand why I can't enjoy things I used to love before all this. oh well, I've made it through before so I know I can. Just wish it wasn't so hard. I used to enjoy work. Didn't have to worry about mini morning panic attacks and shingle-like pain. Blah! dinners ready-gotta go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shoofly08 Posted March 3, 2012 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 8 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 87 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 12/17/2010 Status: Offline Birthday: 01/31/1988 Author Share Posted March 3, 2012 Just finished summarazing my past few months. Been a while since I've spend a lot of time on here. If anyone is interested: http://perseveranceinhim.blogspot.com/ Could really use prayer. Being asked to do something completely out of my comfort zone at church. I'm so glad God knows what he's doing because I have absolutely no idea! If this is the role he wants to use me though in church to work through I just pray he helps me let go of my former project that I have been so emotionally invested in for the past few years. Always kinda scary taking on new responsibilities when I have no idea how my mood will react. Had a couple crazy months but now its time to start work again. I'm really hoping my anxiety doesn't go up because of it. If it does I might have to consider another job but even the though of resumes and interviews and the unknown is gonna cuz crazy anxiety. Oh well, it's all in God's hands now, His Will be done, because Lord knows I trust his judgement SO much more than mine!!! if you do choose to help out in the church i would let them know that you have a medical condition and sometimes you might have to leave church suddenly because of the illness- they dont have to know you have bipolar- tell them it's personal and thank them for not prying into your personal life well thats what i would do if i were you- i had to do that myself before I don't tell everyone but I have told a lot of people. It can be extremely awkward at first but I feel much more relief after they know, for example my professors, bosses, and people at my church. I usually try and explain that I usually do a good job at fighting my symptoms but I also need them to know some days I can't work and it also helps when they know what I need. For example, short notice can send me into a panic very fast, even if it's something very simple like going to the movies with friends or helping in Sunday school. I need at least a few days warning. Sometimes decisions can be hard for me too, so they also know I like it when it certain situations they just tell me what they need. I have been very blessed, everyone in my life has been very understanding. Most might not know bipolar so much, but almost everyone has experienced or has a partner who has experienced depression. I agree, no one should have to explain what they are not comfortable with sharing, but it does take away a lot of the anxiety when they understand-you have more freedom. At least I used to always wonder at my work-daycare-when I took a day off "sick" what they were thinking. I can just tell them now if I can't make it in and leave it at that. I actually had a problem when I was working at my job at the gas station. I would get overwhelmed and have a lot of anxiety and I wouldn't feel safe. There were times I had to walk outside and go cry in my car. Every since I left the gas station, I am having a hard time finding a job. I even went back to school to get my medical assistant certification and nobody is hiring. I've applied for disability but my doctor is taking forever to fill out the paperwork. In fact I am going to have to go in next week and leave him a note to fill it out. I can't find a job anywhere. . I enjoyed doing sunday school for the 3 year olds. They were such a bundle of joy. Hopefully when I find a new church I can get involved there. Thanks for sharing. =) I really miss my support group in abbotsford when I was going to college there. It was called Living Room- a faith based support group for mood disorders, anxiety, depression, and bipolar. Back home for now in small town for almost 3 months now. Sometimes start to feel very alone and isolated. Not many young people-I'm going to try attending a College and Career at another church during the week=when I work up the guts. I love my small church but no one really close to my age. My friends from college are about 5 hours away and pretty busy with exams and papers. My friends from highschool have pretty much all moved away. I have 1 friend still here but I have not seen him since I've been back. He won't respond right now so I thinl he's drinking again. I have not had anyone I felt like I can explain my week to in a long time. Reading your post reminded me so much of what I have gone through it was sure comforting to feel not alone. I've only worked 4 days so far at daycare-LONG days but I have enjoyed it. I'm still kinda scared though and walking on eggshells waiting for my first early morning panic attack. I hate the driving to work crying, sitting in the bathroom just to get a grip, barely holding it together during lunch, and then finally breaking down the second my car door closes after work and crying the whole way home. 3 years old are so adorable! I hope you get the chance to work with them again-they help me smile even when my skin hurts all over from anxiety. I'm sorry about your job hunt... =( Work is pretty slow here too-my brother got layed off again because it's just so slow. I'm lucky everyone at the daycare is sick so often so I can sub. PLus one of the regulars just retired. I'm only doing 3 days a week right now if they need me. I don't want to overdue it, especially on top of all the time I'm putting in at my church. I don't know if I can work a fulltime job anymore, I mean I could manage for a month or two probably. But then what...I got disability status while at school, got to take less courses and was allowed a few more "sick" days than most students. My exam schedule was also very flexible. I just found out about the disiblity money you can get for not being able to work fulltime so I'm going to attempt to fill it out and see my doctor. It would really help. I don't really have any idea where my life is heading anymore- I used to have plans but not anymore- I figure God knows what he's doing though. That's more reassuring than my plans anyways. Good luck finding a job! I hope you are able to find one that you are able to enjoy most of the time and somewhere with understanding and caring people. <3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shoofly08 Posted March 3, 2012 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 8 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 87 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 12/17/2010 Status: Offline Birthday: 01/31/1988 Author Share Posted March 3, 2012 Any tried and tested tips for doing things you know you should be doing because you know they help but don't feel like doing anyways? I need to start exercising again, yoga, eating better, and journalling. Problem is I currently have very little enjoyment, motivation, and concentration. I'm starting to get mad at myself. Help anyone? I need to start brushing and flossing my teeth again too....<embarrassing...> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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