Mark2005 Posted April 27, 2012 Group: Nonbeliever Followers: 1 Topic Count: 17 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 720 Content Per Day: 0.10 Reputation: 32 Days Won: 1 Joined: 05/13/2005 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/27/1966 Share Posted April 27, 2012 Dear Beth, Please know you are not alone in this. There are others here who have experienced the same things. You are brave to be willing to be honest about your struggles and I applaud you for that. I have gone through a number of phases in my life such as you described, times when I didn't want to keep going and stayed in bed sometimes for days at a time. In my case, part of it was physical: CFS, fibromyalgia, bipolar depression. I tried different medications and vitamins with varying results. A big part was also emotional/life circumstances. They often happened after a crushing loss in my life: loss of a significant relationship, job, broken dream, failed goal, etc. Sometimes life just got to be overwhelming and was more than I could stand to deal with, so that became my coping mechanism. I personally think the two --- physical and emotional -- are connected and play off one another. Sometimes I had to allow myself time to deal with things --- even if that meant withdrawing from the world for a period. Sometimes I needed to be alone and cry and sleep. Sometimes I needed someone else to lean on. Find what works for you. I realize I have never -- and probably never will be --- a morning person. I worked a late afternoon/night shift for many years and my body seem to peak in the early to mid evening. In the times when I did work a morning job, I normally didn't really get going mentally until after lunch. Ditto for when I was in school many years ago. That just seems to be the way my body is made and I've stopped fighting it and trying to be someone I'm not. I avoid early morning appointments if at all possible and don't use an alarm clock unless I really HAVE to get somewhere at an early hour. It's good to see a doctor if you suspect the causes are physical stuff. It's good to see a psychologist or therapist if you think the causes are emotional. Above all, please know you are not "weird" or alone in these struggles and there are others here who care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark2005 Posted April 27, 2012 Group: Nonbeliever Followers: 1 Topic Count: 17 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 720 Content Per Day: 0.10 Reputation: 32 Days Won: 1 Joined: 05/13/2005 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/27/1966 Share Posted April 27, 2012 I think some of my discontentment issues stem from the soul issues I have going on. I miss god. and I have been sort of chattering with god lately (although some will say that's impossible if I don't believe in Jesus any more) but I digress. I've been trying to talk to god again, and I've been praying for my worthy friends. I have noticed at night when I am obsessing over things- that if I ask god to help calm my mind, and remove those negative images (aka zombies, preparing for zombie apocalypse lol I laugh but I am being totally serious among other things) and more often than not he helps me to remove those images and eventually I fall asleep. Ayin Jade (and a few others) keep telling me I need to give myself completely over to Jesus and give him that control you were speaking of. But I struggle with that for many reasons. . Beth, I understand that part, too. My faith was a big part of my life for so long and then last year I had a crisis and it seemed God turned his back on me. I miss God, too, but I remind myself I'm no different than the rest of the world. In some ways, maybe I need him even more right now, but what good does it do to go to someone if they don't listen? So, yeah, I'm sort of sorting through many of the same feelings. Feel free to message me if you need someone to talk with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hippo's hope is HIM Posted April 28, 2012 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 111 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 775 Content Per Day: 0.10 Reputation: 21 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/18/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/12/1987 Author Share Posted April 28, 2012 Beth, I understand that part, too. My faith was a big part of my life for so long and then last year I had a crisis and it seemed God turned his back on me. I miss God, too, but I remind myself I'm no different than the rest of the world. In some ways, maybe I need him even more right now, but what good does it do to go to someone if they don't listen? So, yeah, I'm sort of sorting through many of the same feelings. Feel free to message me if you need someone to talk with. Thank you Mark for both of your posts. It's easy to think you are the only one...that no one could possibly know how you feel. But it's just not the case. I am thankful for places like worthy. It's such a 2nd home to me (at least most of the time lol) I thought only a few months ago that god had turned his back on me. Through coming here, I realized that god had not abandoned me. It was not god that caused my illnesses, my pet to die- or my fiance to be a tool. My decisions led me to where I am at now. God was not punishing me. God was not ignoring me. We live in a broken world- and we are a broken people. I am not bipolar because god was thinking, "hey I think Beth is bored in life- let me give her horrible mood swings to liven things up a bit." I am bipolar probably due to genetics and chemicals in my brain. I don't know what your crisis is, but sit with it for a little while longer, and ask god to show you if it was really he that caused your crisis and that he really did turn his back- or if there truly is some other explanation. So I can't say that I am mad at god any more. I was REALLY really mad. For more reasons than I listed. But I believe god is bigger than our emotions. We may feel rejected by god, or angry at god or even broken hearted for something we blame god for- but god is bigger than that. He can handle our emotions. HE's the one that gave them to us to begin with! I think God wants to hear what we are feeling and for us to be honest with him rather than pretend it's a non issue. So I guess what I am saying is don't give up on god yet Mark. I know that feeling hurts incredibly. To be so close to god and then to not be. It's painful. But I think god is calling both of us back to him mark. Or else we wouldn't be here. Or else we wouldn't care. We would just turn away and not even look back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gdemoss Posted April 28, 2012 Group: Royal Member Followers: 8 Topic Count: 59 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 4,402 Content Per Day: 0.99 Reputation: 2,154 Days Won: 28 Joined: 02/10/2012 Status: Offline Birthday: 04/26/1971 Share Posted April 28, 2012 Beth, you said you don't believe in Jesus anymore but are working to talk to god. The question that needs to be answered is 'how did Jesus fail you?' To loose faith in someone only happens when we feel that they have failed to keep their end of the covenant of trust we had with them. If you will seek to honestly answer this question, you will find your answer you need. How has Jesus failed you? In His Love, Gary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark2005 Posted April 29, 2012 Group: Nonbeliever Followers: 1 Topic Count: 17 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 720 Content Per Day: 0.10 Reputation: 32 Days Won: 1 Joined: 05/13/2005 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/27/1966 Share Posted April 29, 2012 Gary, I can answer that in my case. It's very personal, but very particular. I asked for God's help in a certain matter and help did not come. I felt God let me down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gdemoss Posted April 29, 2012 Group: Royal Member Followers: 8 Topic Count: 59 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 4,402 Content Per Day: 0.99 Reputation: 2,154 Days Won: 28 Joined: 02/10/2012 Status: Offline Birthday: 04/26/1971 Share Posted April 29, 2012 Gary, I can answer that in my case. It's very personal, but very particular. I asked for God's help in a certain matter and help did not come. I felt God let me down. Mark, as I said, this must always be the case when it comes to trust. I would be more than happy to discuss things in private with you concerning your perception of God letting you down if your open to it. I make myself available via PM, telephone or personal visits if no distance constrains prohibit travel. If I can minister to your spiritual needs, I am more than happy to give you what I have been given. Gary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nebula Posted April 29, 2012 Group: Royal Member Followers: 10 Topic Count: 5,823 Topics Per Day: 0.75 Content Count: 45,870 Content Per Day: 5.95 Reputation: 1,897 Days Won: 83 Joined: 03/22/2003 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/19/1970 Share Posted April 29, 2012 Gary, I can answer that in my case. It's very personal, but very particular. I asked for God's help in a certain matter and help did not come. I felt God let me down. I've been there myself. Never received clarification on what happened. I thought God betrayed me. For the first time in my life I felt like turning from God. . . . but turn to what? To where? I thought of Peter's words, "Lord, to whom shall we go?" That's how I felt. Would I find anything that could compare to the presence of the Lord I've encountered? I don't even enjoy many of the things of this world; what alternative is there? So I plowed on. Even now, I don't understand what happened. But recently, I read a phrase that's been going around that fits my situation more than anything else: "When God is silent, remember the teacher is always silent during the test." Did I pass? Did I fail? I don't know. I just know when reading the Scriptures, there are many accounts of people going through situations where God doesn't make sense. God answered the prayers of the Israelites in Egypt for deliverance - but it took 80 years for that answer to grow up and mature enough to do his job. How many of the Israelites died during that waiting period thinking God had not answered their prayer? Near the end of Judges there's an account where the tribes rose against the tribe of Benjamin on account of a horrible sin. They asked the Lord if they should war against Benjamin, and the Lord told them to go - but they were defeated! Not once but twice! What was God doing? The third time they were victorious, but then they mourned the consequences of their victory. What was God doing? I wish there was an answer to ease your heart and mind. But all I can do is pray you find your way home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark2005 Posted April 29, 2012 Group: Nonbeliever Followers: 1 Topic Count: 17 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 720 Content Per Day: 0.10 Reputation: 32 Days Won: 1 Joined: 05/13/2005 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/27/1966 Share Posted April 29, 2012 That is so terribly hard, when you cry out to God and all you find is silence. I wish I had an answer, theologically or otherwise, but I don't. I'm still sorting out what happened in my own situation. Just please know you are not alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hippo's hope is HIM Posted May 3, 2012 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 111 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 775 Content Per Day: 0.10 Reputation: 21 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/18/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/12/1987 Author Share Posted May 3, 2012 I thought of Peter's words, "Lord, to whom shall we go?" That's how I felt. Would I find anything that could compare to the presence of the Lord I've encountered? I don't even enjoy many of the things of this world; what alternative is there? Nebula, I find that I didn't/don't have any where to go. I cannot imagine a life totally without god. So I still clung to an idea of god.It just didn't involve other christians or the bible....I guess I sort of made my own god that I was comfortable hanging out with. On a side note.... My CFS was really bad in the middle of the week. I got to work 20 mins late. Was dosing while driving. Then about an hour into work I just felt too horrible and physically ill from lack of sleep- and from tiredness that I went outside in the heat for an hour and slept in my car. Which my boss didn't mind because an intern was there, and she didn't pay me for the hour I was in my car...so she was basically glad that I did that (One less hour she has to pay me). I've had a few days off because she doesn't want me coming in until she can pay me correctly and I've been sleeping as late as humanely possible. Like 12-18 hours worth of sleep. I just feel like a bum. and I'm stiff and sore from laying around. I'm trying really hard to change my attitude. Today I got up before noon. That's a start in the right direction. (as opposed to sleeping til 3 or 5) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark2005 Posted May 3, 2012 Group: Nonbeliever Followers: 1 Topic Count: 17 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 720 Content Per Day: 0.10 Reputation: 32 Days Won: 1 Joined: 05/13/2005 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/27/1966 Share Posted May 3, 2012 Sometimes our bodies demand that we rest. I am told that even when I was a baby, I needed more sleep than others. I suppose the ideal for me is 9-10 hours per night. I can function with less, but it inevitably catches up to me and I crash. I think the longest I ever slept was somewhere around 15-16 hours and that was many years ago. But, my point is sleeping is not a bad thing. Our bodies need it to be able to function properly. Nothing to be ashamed about there. When I was travelling overseas a number of years ago, I was surprised to learn that in many places, people routinely take a nap in the mid-afternoon. Then they work and dine much later than we typically do. I think I could enjoy that sort of schedule. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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