hippo's hope is HIM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5CapyHVhjM The Way of God is more beautiful than the way of the world, and no matter how broken I am and have been and will continue to be, as long as I catch onto God, and allow myself to be caught up in the things and ways of God, then he will take the “brokenness aside and make it beautiful”. That phrase from that song entrapped me so much because it is my whole life’s plea with God, that he could do that for my life. That he will take my putrid mess and make something out of it. “Will your grace run out if I let you down, cause all I know is how to run”. I am so afraid that God will give up on me. No matter how much he is tender with me, no matter how much he shows me that he is big and loving and so much more than I can fathom- I am so afraid that like so many people, and the nature of my story that He will give up too. That I will run again. That I can’t be enough for God, and that’s just it we are never enough for God, but He loves us and uses us despite of, and because of that.

~Candice~ I am a part of that generation too- or close enough any way. I agree with a LOT of the things the article brings out. Particularly these statements: "But here’s the thing: Having been advertised to our whole lives, we Millennials have highly sensitive BS meters, and we’re not easily impressed with consumerism or performances." Why yes, this is actually a totally accurate statement. I hate insincerity. I've been to so many churches where people are completely fake. And half the time they don't even know why they believe what they don't even know why they believe in Jesus. Also this: "We want an end to the culture wars. We want a truce between science and faith. We want to be known for what we stand for, not what we are against." This sums up pretty much everything- and why I have such a hard time with not only the church- but also online christian communities: "We’re not leaving the church because we don’t find the cool factor there; we’re leaving the church because we don’t find Jesus there."

I thought I had posted this weeks ago! I love this song so much. I probably listen to it at least once a day.

Some of these are really interesting answers. I've read them all, contemplated and appreciate them. Just want to comment on a few though, as I am just tired, and honestly having a hard time right now: Bary: You said It's amazing to me too. I think sometimes, I look for him to show his power and all and really He is likely whispering and I just cannot hear him. I wonder why God communicates with us. Or doesn't. What motivates God? I dunno. I just can't seem to make sense of any of it. Patty: I used to love that song. Listened to it all the time. I used to think I 'saw' God like that. All around me in things, and people, and beautiful moments. MorningGlory when I asked, "What happened to God" What I meant is on what level does God experience the world. What is God's testimony...or history. His experience. If he is energy and all around us and in everything, and outside of time, then I wonder what God experiences. What does he go through? God spoke the world into existence according to Genesis. The power of words ought to mean something to us. There's that old saying, "Sticks and stones may break our bones, but words can never hurt us". Biggest lie. Words have the power to build and to destroy. But back to God. If he can do anything- and he chose to create a world in which he KNEW already, apparently, would fail Him. Would break his heart. Would not be able to be sin free. Why did he do it at all? I wish I could know that moment where God decided he would create the world, and put people in it. If he's been around forever-for all time, how do we know earth is the first run? Maybe God has made 100s of earths and we don't even know it. and we are but one page in this history of God's book of experiments, or creations, or whatever you want to it. Fez: Why are you okay with not knowing? How can I be okay without knowing? I am jealous of the people here who merely put "He is" like that was supposed to just magically make a whole lot of sense. I want to be able to just go okay, yeah, cool, God is who He is and I'm not going to think about the logistics of any of it.

OP: I like the idea of the Q&A but it doesn't make sense that the mod could pick it and not the OP....if the OP asks the question and it hasn't been answered in a way that they understand it, to me the question hasn't been answered. btw Cobbler of any kind with icecream. or just nutella. On a spoon And also @ morningglory- I used to not be shy about posting here at worthy, but I am becoming more and more shy as I read the boards. Things have gotten a lot more...intense...and almost hostile than they used to be. The attitude is different. It makes wanting to jump into threads alot less inviting.

speaking of worthy answers...how do you select which is the best one? I asked a question there once and cannot figure out how to make it appear "answered". Does the OP do that...or George? or is it voted on? How does it work?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1021048/Female-Schindler-Irena-Sendler-saved-2-500-Jewish-children-died-aged-98.html I think it's important to take a moment to honor people who have made an impact on the world. Especially, those who've gone unnoticed for as long as She did. I've had many classes about the Holocaust. Not once, did I hear of Irene Sendler. You hear of Schindler and his famous List. But never her. She saved at least 2500 Jewish Children. The Nazis tortured her for this but she still lived. She despises the word heroism because she felt like some how there was more she could have done. And the paragraph at the end is super important if you do not read the article, read this part: "A few months before she died, she said: "After World War II, it seemed that humanity understood something, and nothing like that would happen again. Humanity has understood nothing. Religious, tribal, national wars continue. The world continues to be in a sea of blood." But she added: "The world can be better if there's love, tolerance and humility." I just want to ask you all, as Christians, to check yourselves today. Are you showing love, tolerance, humility? Honestly, how do you treat people who have different opinions than you? A different ethnicity than you? Who don't agree with your set of beliefs? People who may not care about God, or maybe they do but they certainly don't claim to have all the answers? Different religions? Do you judge them? Accuse them of things? Are you hateful and not even aware of it? Are you being like Jesus? I think Jesus would be full of love, tolerance and humility. I don't see a lot of that from Christians in my area, at the churches I've attended, and even sometimes, here. We can change the world with love. Isn't that what Jesus did? When it all boils down to it, Jesus didn't only change the world because of His love, he changed the world itself; the entire world was made different from His love. I just wonder what kind of changes we are making. Are they going to be positive ones, or negative ones. Are we helping to add to that Sea of Blood, Sendler mentioned?

Who is God? Specifically, how do we know who God is? We clearly know who Jesus was and is. But God? What does he look like? Sound like? What happened to him? How long has he existed? What does he experience? Does he have feelings? Does God have a memory? Does he forget things? Since God is not human, how can he understand a human? Relate to us?

I only scanned through a page so hopefully this isn't a repeat. This song is special to me because it reminds me of a very special night. [media=]

I am kinda obsessed with Red thanks to Patty! This one really speaks to me .I didn't see the point in posting a whole new thread about it. There is something really beautiful about, "You alone, You can see right through This glass house we call home You alone, You can take away the pain You have shown, You can break right through This glass house of our souls Make us whole again, make us whole" This idea that God or Jesus or whoever can make us whole again. That's all I really want right now, to be whole again.

I love the soundtrack to the animated movie Prince of Egypt. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120794/?ref_=sr_2 My favorite song from this Movie is "Heaven's Eyes" It takes place when Moses is in the desert. I have listened to it so many times. It occurred to me I don't actually quite understand what it means. Let me show you the lyrics. It is sung by Jethro. A single thread in a tapestry Through its color brightly shine Can never see its purpose In the pattern of the grand design And the stone that sits on the very top Of the mountain's mighty face Does it think it's more important Than the stones that form the base? So how can you see what your life is worth Or where your value lies? You can never see through the eyes of man You must look at your life Look at your life through heaven's eyes Lai-la-lai... A lake of gold in the desert sand Is less than a cool fresh spring And to one lost sheep, a shepherd boy Is greater than the richest king If a man lose everything he owns Has he truly lost his worth? Or is it the beginning Of a new and brighter birth? So how do you measure the worth of a man In wealth or strength or size? In how much he gained or how much he gave? The answer will come The answer will come to him who tries To look at his life through heaven's eyes And that's why we share all we have with you Though there's little to be found When all you've got is nothing There's a lot to go around No life can escape being blown about By the winds of change and chance And though you never know all the steps You must learn to join the dance You must learn to join the dance Lai-la-lai... So how do you judge what a man is worth By what he builds or buys? You can never see with your eyes on earth Look through heaven's eyes Look at your life Look at your life Look at your life through heaven's eyes How does one look through heaven's eyes? What does your life look like if you view it from God's perspective? How does he see us?

This video is a little long, but it's beautiful. It has helped me come to terms with submitting my life back to Christ tonight and maybe it can help someone else.

I know this may sound hypocritical coming from me. But I felt like I needed to say this. The thing that strikes me most about God is his love. The fact that he has always provided someone to be there for me throughout every period in my life. I've always had friends (my twin for example) or mentors, or guides. In that way God has never left me. He has loved me enough to put people onto my path to encourage me and help me through this miserable life. And some of those people are people here on Worthy- both believers and unbelievers. and sometimes I don't thank Him enough for that. Sometimes I get really short sided- and close minded and I fail to see that God has loved me all along. That without God love wouldn't even exist. For me God is love

For some reason this story has me crying at my computer. I've heard about the elephants capacity to mourn their lost loved ones. It's really sad that they lost yet another 'member' of their herd. I wonder what will happen to them now?

It sure has the characteristics. Characteristics of what exactly? The battle or a simple dream? I had a long talk with Jesus today. There is just one thing holding me back from repenting and turning to Him again. It's something I have to figure out and face. Then I will stop fighting. Then I will turn back to Him.

You mean after talking to us you didnt want to get saved after all? Beth, without trusting in Him, without giving your life over to Him, you are in grave danger. It could be that you are seeing the evil that will befall you without Him in your life. Jade: No, it's not at all that I don't want to get saved. That's not what I meant. I just meant that I've been totally considering it. It's been on my mind, it's been on my heart. That decision. The choice. It was weird to wake up uttering words like "I'm yours Jesus, take me as I am" that's basically what I was uttering as I woke from my dream this morning. I've said in the last two weeks that I am at a fork in the road. And I think that's what this is all about. So no, you all haven't pushed me away from god. I hope that's not how it came across. mona, your post didn't have any words in it. Joe I thought of a similar verse this morning but couldn't remember where it was at. Or why I was thinking on it. otherone. I feel like these dreams are somehow both god related and demon related. When they first started this year (I've had them before and they quit for a long while...these ones are different) they were an attack on me, and I didn't fight back I just woke in fear and trembling. Like I had a panic attack in my sleep and I woke up gasping for air. In the last string of them, the last 3 or 4 of them. It's like Jesus was there with me. I used his name to 'fight them'. I invited Jesus into my life in my dream. It's really bizarre. It's like my subconscious wants the very thing that my waking mind is fighting. And as soon as I accepted Jesus into my life in my dream, I was calm and empowered- and could then face the demons. And they ran away. It makes me wonder, you know, is it just a simple dream? IS there really a battle going on for my very soul? Either way it's very creepy.

Do you believe in the power of dreams? I keep dreaming that demons are attacking me, and that I accept the Lord as my Savior. There is such a sense of urgency. I wake up feeling so panicked. And in my dreams I am battling these demonic forces. It feels so real. As if the real world hasn’t quite caught up with the subconscious. My subconscious is literally screaming at me to get saved. Today is like the 6th time this has happened. Except this time the forces of evil were even stronger in my dream. As if they were somehow closer. Do your dreams ever steer you into a decision? Or urge you to do something? Out of all the conversations I've had with people over the last 6 months here on worthy...I've reconsidered my salvation. But this morning I woke up with it on my lips. It feels all so eerie.

Nebula, I find that I didn't/don't have any where to go. I cannot imagine a life totally without god. So I still clung to an idea of god.It just didn't involve other christians or the bible....I guess I sort of made my own god that I was comfortable hanging out with. On a side note.... My CFS was really bad in the middle of the week. I got to work 20 mins late. Was dosing while driving. Then about an hour into work I just felt too horrible and physically ill from lack of sleep- and from tiredness that I went outside in the heat for an hour and slept in my car. Which my boss didn't mind because an intern was there, and she didn't pay me for the hour I was in my car...so she was basically glad that I did that (One less hour she has to pay me). I've had a few days off because she doesn't want me coming in until she can pay me correctly and I've been sleeping as late as humanely possible. Like 12-18 hours worth of sleep. I just feel like a bum. and I'm stiff and sore from laying around. I'm trying really hard to change my attitude. Today I got up before noon. That's a start in the right direction. (as opposed to sleeping til 3 or 5)

I thought it was a good idea at first- to get some sort of visual acknowledgement that you make posts and put time into them. However, I feel it's really silly now. I see people give out points just when someone says, "lol" "amen", "hallelujah". Things that don't require any effort or skill to post. I don't see the point in it any more when so many people boost points for threads that are worthless/silly/have no true value.

Thank you Mark for both of your posts. It's easy to think you are the only one...that no one could possibly know how you feel. But it's just not the case. I am thankful for places like worthy. It's such a 2nd home to me (at least most of the time lol) I thought only a few months ago that god had turned his back on me. Through coming here, I realized that god had not abandoned me. It was not god that caused my illnesses, my pet to die- or my fiance to be a tool. My decisions led me to where I am at now. God was not punishing me. God was not ignoring me. We live in a broken world- and we are a broken people. I am not bipolar because god was thinking, "hey I think Beth is bored in life- let me give her horrible mood swings to liven things up a bit." I am bipolar probably due to genetics and chemicals in my brain. I don't know what your crisis is, but sit with it for a little while longer, and ask god to show you if it was really he that caused your crisis and that he really did turn his back- or if there truly is some other explanation. So I can't say that I am mad at god any more. I was REALLY really mad. For more reasons than I listed. But I believe god is bigger than our emotions. We may feel rejected by god, or angry at god or even broken hearted for something we blame god for- but god is bigger than that. He can handle our emotions. HE's the one that gave them to us to begin with! I think God wants to hear what we are feeling and for us to be honest with him rather than pretend it's a non issue. So I guess what I am saying is don't give up on god yet Mark. I know that feeling hurts incredibly. To be so close to god and then to not be. It's painful. But I think god is calling both of us back to him mark. Or else we wouldn't be here. Or else we wouldn't care. We would just turn away and not even look back.

hey lady Some days I do want to give up. Thankfully those days are getting to be less frequent. I feel more alert at around 2ish. That's my prime time. And then by 6 I'm feeling foggy minded again. I also perk back up at night when I ought to be sleeping (Like right now for example, it's 12:22 am here) I think some of my discontentment issues stem from the soul issues I have going on. I miss god. and I have been sort of chattering with god lately (although some will say that's impossible if I don't believe in Jesus any more) but I digress. I've been trying to talk to god again, and I've been praying for my worthy friends. I have noticed at night when I am obsessing over things- that if I ask god to help calm my mind, and remove those negative images (aka zombies, preparing for zombie apocalypse lol I laugh but I am being totally serious among other things) and more often than not he helps me to remove those images and eventually I fall asleep. Ayin Jade (and a few others) keep telling me I need to give myself completely over to Jesus and give him that control you were speaking of. But I struggle with that for many reasons. any way- I just wanted to say thanks for your words, and your encouragement. I appreciate you so much. You haven't been here that long and already you are a light on this board and in the chat room. I've seen you be such a positive energy and it's infectious. Thank you for being so sweet and caring.

Attenborough is the best!!! He has some of the greatest nature films-oh ever!

Thanks everyone for your thoughts/ and prayers. Nebula: The spoon theory is really interesting. It's like I give up 10 spoons just getting out of bed. And if I go upstairs another spoon. The walk to my car- a spoon. I do okay once I get to work and once I am awake fully. It seems like somehow I get an extra spoon at the very end of the day and then I can't sleep. My goal for the next few weeks is to get on a set routine. That means going to Worthychat less often. that means not staying out so late with friends. It means having and setting boundaries and sticking to them. But all the requires energy and clarity of mind. *sigh* I feel guilty because I don't think I am as sick as a person with lupus. My boss has lupus and I watch her struggle with it. And it makes me feel like I am being a giant baby. BUT then I realize I am not being fair to myself. This stuff is hard to deal with. I deserve more credit than that. I put up with a lot of aches and pains and the relentless tiredness. It is hard to tell Neb, what is depression/soulically caused vs what is physical. I am not sure how to tell the difference. Any advice for discerning the two? Joi I just got paid...and bought some groceries. Fresh strawberries, sugar snap peas, healthy tortilla wraps, and yogurt, and DanActive and sandwhich meat. Hard to believe those few items cost 50$! So I am going to be eating healthier. and after I have my candybar that I bought today I am going to be not eating sugar except for what is in my yogurt and fruit. I am looking for a vitamin supplement. Dennis- I am pretty sure I got my tick bite from working out at the stables I used to be the Volunteer Coordinator for a non-profit org. I loved that job. But I started getting sick around my 2nd-3rd year there. All kinda of weird symptoms. It was a relief and a terrifying thing to FINALLY get a diagnosis years later. Gary- thanks for sharing.

Hey everyone. I have the 2nd form of bipolar disorder, and am currently 'stable' on medication and doing well it seems on most days. I do have some health issues... (chronic fatigue syndrome, and some arthritis due to Lyme's disease among a few others). One of my biggest struggles lately is simply getting out of bed. ONLY it isn't so simple for me. People judge me. They say, "Don't be so lazy, just put your feet on the floor and get up". I find that the snooze button is my best friend. My bed brings me such comfort. It's warm and soft and when I'm in it I don't have to deal with the world. IDK if it's because I'm not sleeping enough- because of my CFS- or because I literally just don't care anymore about the world enough to get up and face it. This problem makes me chronically late. And sometimes on a really bad day- like this morning, I didn't go to work at all. I CANNOT AFFORD to keep this up. I am seeing a counselor. But she doesn't have any suggestions for this. She just says, "Beth you have to get more sleep, you have to get on a routine, you need to exercise during the day". I just don't care any more about a lot of things. I feel myself slipping into some void. It's not the same as being depressed though- I've dealt with depression, heavy depression for a while. This some how feels different. I don't think I am cycling nor am I stuck in a depressed phase. Any of you feel this way? Struggle to get out of bed? No energy? Apathetic about things, including your jobs and friends? I feel like my bed is going to destroy me. I know that sounds insane. But I have got to do something. Something has got to change. I just don't have any clue as to what that is.

I saw Kj-52 years ago in concert with Super Chick and Toby Mac. At a Passion For Christ conference down in Florida or Georgia. I don't recall either of those songs. They were...interesting. lol