Struggling with my race

[janiebeth]

Interesting topic and post. Got me thinking about culture more than race. You see, I don't believe there is such a thing as race, so I refuse to check boxes on forms that make me define myself in those terms. Instead, I draw a box that says 'American' and put a check by that. I mean really, I don't know all of my predecessors; I might be part Native American or Jewish or African or something. I certainly am not white--more a pinky beige. However, if they gave me a box that had Kentuck Hillbilly, I would put a check by that even though I was born in Wisconsin. Wait, no, I wasn't born in Wisconsin; the closest hospital was in Michigan. Does that make me a Michiganian? OH NO! I am having a crisis in my identity now! My parents told me I was a Kentuck because all my dead relatives came from Kentucky. My town told me I was a Hillbilly because everyone else here is a Hillbilly. But, I have all my teeth and I have no idea how to make whiskey! Maybe all my siblings were right; they always told me I didn't look like anyone in the family, which proved I was adopted. Maybe I was. Does that mean I'm not really what I think I am? You see my sisters are all fat, and I'm the only skinny person in my whole family. Furthermore, they all have curly hair and I don't. Come to think of it, I have freckles and no one else does. See what you did, Jo Jo! (giggling uncontrollably) Really, anyone can say they don't fit the exact box for something that defines you. I bet you're not really Black either. I bet you are Brown as I have only met a few Black people in my life and really they looked more purple than Black. I even know someone who says he is Black but looks tan with really curly hair. He was adopted by pinky-beige parents, so maybe he isn't really from Africa. He told me he has never been to Africa either. And, here's a question: Why does Obama say he's Black when his mom isn't from Africa? How does that work? Doesn't Black plus White make Grey? He should be saying he's Grey, not Black. And, if Obama is Black partially, why doesn't he speak Blackanese? He uses the verb 'to be' like people who speak Whiteanese. (e.g. He be Black if he say so.) And, he drinks beer in a glass; saw this on the news. Now everyone knows that Black people don't drink beer in glasses. Well, at least I never saw one do that, so must be true. Or, could this be CULTURE? (serious part now...) I do know how you feel when you are out of your culture. Me, I don't feel comfortable hanging out with liberals. So, I avoid them. Is this church you have been attending not your culture? Are you saying that you are more comfortable with rappers who do drugs, carry pistols, and have lots of women pawing at their oversized suits? Or, are you saying that you are more comfortable with people who do something else? I am wondering if your discomfort is due to the culture in this church or the skin colors? If it is just skin color truly, and you don't want to be around Christian Rappers (is there such a thing?), maybe you could find a church with Christians from India. People from India have really dark skin too. I believe there are lots of Indians in Texas. Oh, hey, there are lots of Mexican Christians in Texas too. They are dark skinned. Well, God Bless you, your skin, your culture, and your search for comfort. I know exactly how you feel being uncomfortable in church; I squirm in Lutheran churches. I feel much better in Pentecostal ones. Just my culture, not them, me. Lutherans just don't know how to joke around, which makes me uncomfortable. And, they all say the same thing at the same time. How do they do that? You see, I'm always saying "Praise the Lord, preach it Brother, " when I should be quiet and not saying "And also to you," when I am supposed to.

[RustyAngeL]

It sounds like the insecurity is in you. You go to church to worship the Lord. Start to focus on that.

[JustinM]

Hi Jo Jo,

I am glad you are looking for a place that feels like home, All churches should. But, instead, even from my experience, a lot of churches have become too institutionalized to feel like family.

The best church I ever went to had 40 people on a good day, about a dozen or so were family and relatives of the minister. It was a Church of Christ church and it was warm and inviting and the minister actually taught us, he didn't preach at us.

I don't know how much success it has had, but there's a matchmaking company that focuses on Christians and if you are looking for companionship, it might serve you well to look into it.

If you go to a church and don't feel welcome there, maybe there's something wrong with the church and the Holy Spirit isn't working through the body there. But, don't give up, keep looking for a place that draws you in, not away.

And, absolutely don't make a caricature of yourself or try to fit in to a stereotype. You are God's creation and are a unique and wonderful person, don't be afraid to be yourself, and if you find a church that makes you feel comfortable being yourself, you're home. Just make sure that church is right with God.