Guest RECOVERYBOUND Posted October 30, 2004 Share Posted October 30, 2004 I need some advice and lots of prayers. I filed for divorce 4 weeks ago after finding out my husband of 30 years had been unfaithful to me for the past 2 1/2 years with a woman he met on a phone chat line. This wasn't the first time he had cheated on me. Seven years ago we separated after I found out about two affairs he had. During the separation I turned back to my Lord after being in a Christian support group. When I told him I was going on with my life with the only One I truly needed he begged to come back and wanted to start a Christian life as well. He started seeing a counselor and eventually was rebaptised as was I. We renewed our marriage vows, and our lives became fruitful. We built a house out in the country with a barn and horses (which he had always dreamed of having). Our Autistic daughter moved into a supportive living house and for the first time in our 25 years we were alone. We became very close, or so I thought, but when there were times of insecurity he would not talk about it with me saying he choose me and our life so there wasn't any need to go over the past again. There were some red flags in the past couple years, but I guess I refused to see most of them. The only one I responded to was when I caught him looking at pornography on the computer. I demanded that out of respect to me he stop immediately. He said he would, but I doubt that he did. Anyway, when I found out about this affair I knew I was looking at a man with a serious sex addiction and knew it was over. Problem is now, I can't seem to get out of this depression and remote hope that somehow we can reconcile. Isn't that dumb. Why would I ever want to go through this again. I am in a recovery group, reading everything I can about how to get out of codependency and how to set boundaries, look to the Word, and lean on my Christian brothers and sisters. Still I end up in a pile of tears and despair. I am almost 50 years old and feel like a big wimp. Any suggestions of how to get out of this misery? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AFaceInTheCrowd Posted October 30, 2004 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 134 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 1,138 Content Per Day: 0.34 Reputation: 9 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/26/2015 Status: Offline Birthday: 01/16/1969 Share Posted October 30, 2004 Rely on GOD.HIS love will bring you through this.Remember,when we go through the fire we are never alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
his Posted October 30, 2004 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 0 Topics Per Day: 0 Content Count: 93 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/31/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/25/1983 Share Posted October 30, 2004 Dear Recovery Bound- I am in a very similar situation. I have only been married for three years but my husband was a sexual addict. As time passed I noticed it more and more...they hide it well. Like you, time after time I constantly forgave him for what he had done and tried to move on feeling like it was up to me to hold it together and ignore my heart. Eventually, things got unbearable. I ended up filing for divorece. It is SOoooo hard on your heart. I knew he wasn't good for me. I knew that he didn't love me. I knew that staying would be insane....it wasn't safe or healthy for me to stay there, mentally or emotionally. When I left I had this nagging feeling to go back. He WAS my husband after all. The explaination of this is that when you married your husband, you two became one. In the bible it says let no man tear apart what GOD has joined together. That is what is happening. Even though you have grounds for divorce the ripping apart of your souls is dreadfully painful. You wern't "you" for thirty years...you were "us" now it is killing you. I know that you still LOVE him. I still love my husband but I am STILL divorcing him. He doesn't want me and our infant in his life...he wants to have fun and lead a life of sin. He honestly is very unsafe to be around. When you are not sure where you stand on that respect...it is more exhausting emotionally. Now the thing that yoiu wrote about that made me smile was where you said Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
senerhu Posted October 31, 2004 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 120 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 1,661 Content Per Day: 0.23 Reputation: 10 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/23/2004 Status: Offline Share Posted October 31, 2004 What you need is true fellowship with fellow Christians, in my opinion of course. My wife went through the same thing with her first husband. If you would like to talk about it confidentially, just PM me... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leonard Posted October 31, 2004 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 115 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 8,281 Content Per Day: 1.12 Reputation: 249 Days Won: 3 Joined: 03/03/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 10/30/1955 Share Posted October 31, 2004 Sis, I can't even begin to imagine how awful you must feel. After 30 years.....what an emotinally devastating blast! Praying for you, Sister. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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