strenght01 Posted October 6, 2014 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 7 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 18 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 2 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/04/2014 Status: Offline Share Posted October 6, 2014 k, long story short... i caught an std from my ex bf. i stayed with im for 3 yrs because of it. i've been single for a year now and a really nice godly man is interested. i am terrified of courting b/c of my past mistake. i guess my question is if i ever get the courage to allow someone to pursue me, at what point do i open my mouth about my past mistake that they would have to deal with if i ever got married??? do you wait until the i love you's? i'm so lost with this. i have no sense of self worth because of this & it's not really something you can understand unless it's happened to you. i guess for those that are healthy, when would you want someone to bring that up? it kills me how if you say you have cancer people feel sorry for you but if you say you have an std in your blood and are asymptomatic, they look a you like you're a dirty person. when in reality you were a good person that just made 1 mistake. 1 mistake ruined your life Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
just a servant Posted October 6, 2014 Group: Removed from Forums for Breaking Terms of Service Followers: 0 Topic Count: 0 Topics Per Day: 0 Content Count: 8 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/06/2014 Status: Offline Share Posted October 6, 2014 Of course you are not going to tell every man you run into. But if he is after you in that way and you allow it, it is time to tell him. Remember that when you get married, you submit to your husband as the church submits to Christ. Your life becomes entirely yoked to his (in more ways than you might understand). When you are not married, you can focus on Christ. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnD Posted October 6, 2014 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 0 Topic Count: 908 Topics Per Day: 0.19 Content Count: 9,653 Content Per Day: 2.02 Reputation: 5,837 Days Won: 9 Joined: 04/07/2011 Status: Offline Share Posted October 6, 2014 Do some research, there are people with whatever STD you have online trying to find partners with the same STD. It's sad to even have to give this kind of advice especially on a Christian board but you may still find God's choice for you there (but be very careful there are a lot of out-and-out nuts in places like those)... I couldn't imagine being in the shoes of a single looking for ms right with the news I have an STD to spring on every potential find. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Patriot21 Posted October 6, 2014 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 28 Topic Count: 338 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 15,711 Content Per Day: 2.45 Reputation: 8,528 Days Won: 39 Joined: 10/25/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 02/27/1985 Share Posted October 6, 2014 I would say at any time you think its getting serious. If its a casual date? probably not. But if you think its serious-something that could have the possibility of turning into love-then you need to be up front. Don't wait until he buys a ring-you want as early in the relationship as possible, but enough in you know theres a chance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnD Posted October 6, 2014 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 0 Topic Count: 908 Topics Per Day: 0.19 Content Count: 9,653 Content Per Day: 2.02 Reputation: 5,837 Days Won: 9 Joined: 04/07/2011 Status: Offline Share Posted October 6, 2014 Some one wrote a book called "Why I Kissed Dating Good Bye" or something to that effect. In it he wrote that dating itself is generally a time of fraud and putting on a false face to win a potential mate... And then he made the point that all dating should be thought of as looking for the right spouse. My point is... you already have two strikes against you with most guys. Baseball jargon... hope it still makes sense. One more strike and you're OUT! You need not set yourself up for one disappointment after another. It almost has to begin with finding someone with the same STD as you. It's your choice... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
strenght01 Posted October 6, 2014 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 7 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 18 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 2 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/04/2014 Status: Offline Author Share Posted October 6, 2014 (edited) I gotta say that I am very shocked by one of the answers here..... What happened to loving a person as Christ loved you - with your sin/past??? Are some of you saying that no one without would be willing to overlook something like this? Or is that a personal opinion that you wouldn't be able to love someone with an std? I'm asymptomatic so it's just dealing with the thought that it's in my blood. I don't have AIDS or anything that can kill so going to an std site when we're supposed to totally believe in healing teeters towards not having faith that God can do the impossible. Since 1 in 3 people in the US have this std anyway, in some form, I'm not going to go that route. I guess I'm asking, if you began to care for someone and they had an issue, when would you want to know? After a couple of months, before you mention you care? Obviously before the ring, that would just be wrong otherwise. And now a second question for the men, would you not be able to move past that with a woman if you cared about her? Women are so much more accepting of things than men are so I cannot ask the women since I know. Edited October 6, 2014 by strenght01 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Judas Machabeus Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 (edited) I gotta say that I am very shocked by one of the answers here..... What happened to loving a person as Christ loved you - with your sin/past??? Are some of you saying that no one without would be willing to overlook something like this? Or is that a personal opinion that you wouldn't be able to love someone with an std? I'm asymptomatic so it's just dealing with the thought that it's in my blood. I don't have AIDS or anything that can kill so going to an std site when we're supposed to totally believe in healing teeters towards not having faith that God can do the impossible. Since 1 in 3 people in the US have this std anyway, in some form, I'm not going to go that route. I guess I'm asking, if you began to care for someone and they had an issue, when would you want to know? After a couple of months, before you mention you care? Obviously before the ring, that would just be wrong otherwise. And now a second question for the men, would you not be able to move past that with a woman if you cared about her? Women are so much more accepting of things than men are so I cannot ask the women since I know. I can not imagine the situation that you are in first off. Speaking solely for myself I think approaching this as if the other person should accept you unconditionally is a little unrealistic. I personally would not date someone with an std unless I myself had that same std. I also would not kiss a loved one that was infected with TB either. Or do any type of activity that would expose me to a disease or illness. I also know that if someone loved me they too would not want to expose me to any illness that they might have. I will keep you in my prayers. You carry a great cross. ***edit*** I realized I didn't give my advice. I think if the relationship is going to become exclusive that the topic should be brought up. Edited October 6, 2014 by Judas Machabeus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTC Posted October 6, 2014 Group: Royal Member Followers: 18 Topic Count: 200 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 2,795 Content Per Day: 0.64 Reputation: 1,502 Days Won: 1 Joined: 06/25/2012 Status: Offline Birthday: 07/26/1952 Share Posted October 6, 2014 When to tell a guy depends on the std and how it can be transmitted. Things like herpes can be transmitted even if you're asymptomatic. But it also depends where on your body the infection is. I once knew a girl who had herpes on her arms and legs. If the guy is going to touch where the infection is, you have to tell him. I was once very in love with a woman who had genital warts. I knew about them before I fell in love with her. I didn't plan to fall in love, it just happened. The warts didn't matter. I don't think herpes would have mattered neither. So you can see that a std didn't stop me from wanting to marry her. It was she who didn't want to marry me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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