Whispers Posted August 15, 2015 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 2 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 16 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 8 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/10/2015 Status: Offline Share Posted August 15, 2015 After 30 years of marriage counseling:DO1 – Gently tell your spouse the issues and feelings you are having.2 – Seek professional pastoral marriage counseling.3 – Ask God in prayer to heal and repair your marriage.4 – Do continue to love your spouse.DO NOT1 – DO NOT discuss your marital problems with co-workers and friends.2 – DO NOT attempt to self-diagnose your marriage. Looking through a prism of your own biases and misunderstandings will not result in a proper analysis. Marriages are complex. If you have a neurological problem do you ask Suzy at the work water cooler on how to proceed or do you ask a professional neurologist? 3 – DO NOT fixate on your spouse’s sins and flaws. Contempt in the heart is created when one fixates on a spouse’s sins and flaws. This contempt eventually turns into sinful hate against the spouse.4 – DO NOT seek a divorce. God hates divorce and all attempts should be made to reconcile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whispers Posted August 15, 2015 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 2 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 16 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 8 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/10/2015 Status: Offline Author Share Posted August 15, 2015 PASTORAL COUNSELING & SELF-DIAGNOSIS“Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety" (Proverbs 11:14)Seek professional pastoral marriage counseling. Many churches offer trained, well-qualified professional marriage counselors at no cost. Professional Christian counseling should never be viewed as a waste of time. If the other spouse is not willing to seek counseling then you should still seek counseling for yourself. This cannot be emphasized enough.Experience shows that people can create their own narratives and suppositions of what is wrong in a marriage. Marriages are complex. It’s not always black and white. This attempt to self-diagnose a marriage always results in a one-sided skewed analysis. The spouse typically seeks verification of their flawed analysis by seeking an audience for enforcement and consolation which can easily be found in co-workers and friends. A professional pastoral marriage counselor will not take sides, unlike co-workers & friends.Most Christian couples will seek counseling when asked to. Some couples don’t even attempt counseling and this is a tragic and sad mistake. God is for marriage; He hates divorce. The first step a couple should take is to ask God to guide them and find the right professional Christian counselor. If the other spouse is refusing counseling then pray and ask God to change your spouse’s heart but seek counseling for yourself. Counselors know what it takes to turn your marriage around. It will take effort. It will take time. But it is worth the energy because God will truly bless those who never quit on their promises before God. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whispers Posted August 15, 2015 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 2 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 16 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 8 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/10/2015 Status: Offline Author Share Posted August 15, 2015 (edited) LOVING THE SPOUSELoving our enemies and those who offended us is not easy to do but God calls for us to love our enemies. It is possible to do since it is an abiding gift of God's Holy Spirit.But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you ( Matthew 5:44) At first this behavioral response may seem perplexing. Of all the moral imperatives in Scripture, this remains the most elusive and challenging. Jesus’ call to compassion and selfless love is part of His life, His death, and His glorious resurrection. We are to become more like Him, this cannot be done without loving those who have aggrieved us.Jesus loved those who hated Him. Jesus washed Judas’ feet hours before He knew that Judas would betray Him. Go back and reread the Bible account of Jesus’ love for those who hated Him.Jesus calls us to love and that includes our enemies and spouses who have wronged us. When Jesus was asked what the greatest commandment is, Jesus responded that there were actually two commandments: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. (Matthew 22)We cannot love God without loving our spouse as well.God’s Word says: “If someone says, "I love God," but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don't love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see? (1 John 4:20)Divorce represents the failure to hold to Jesus’ greatest commandments about love. In divorce one exclaims that they no longer love the other spouse and God’s response to them is He calls them a “liar” and they do not truly love God. This is a serious statement that carries with it great spiritual repercussions. Edited August 16, 2015 by Whispers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whispers Posted August 16, 2015 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 2 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 16 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 8 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/10/2015 Status: Offline Author Share Posted August 16, 2015 (edited) DISCUSSING YOUR MARRIAGE WOES TO OTHERS As a parent would you discuss your daughter’s sexual promiscuity or your son’s drug use with co-workers?Of course not, why then would it be acceptable to gossip about your spouse and speak about private matters at the workplace or with friends?We have cognitive knowledge that by gossiping and airing a spouse’s dirty laundry it will result in a character attack and a negative reputation will be started. We also recognize that gossip is absolute among people, particularly with co-workers and even friends. It will result in creating “busybodies” who begin to meddle in the private affairs of others.“But let none of you suffer as a murderer, or as a thief, or as an evildoer, or as a busybody in other men’s matters” (1 Peter 4:15)The core of the action stems back down to your heart. One wouldn’t discuss your teenage daughter’s sexual promiscuity or your son’s drug use with co-workers because one knows it is wrong on so many levels. Then why do it to your spouse?God knows the depth of our hearts and we can justify all of our actions all day long but stop, think, pray and follow God’s way, not our own wisdom and worldly advice.Scriptures speak harshly about gossip:“They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant, and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless.Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these things but also approve of those who practice them.” (Romans 1:29-33)Slander’s definition is “malicious talk; to spread damaging information; to defame; to speak ill of.” Gossip’s definition is “To indulge in idle talk or rumors about others; spreading of sensational stories.”Gossip is a close cousin to slander, and the Bible places both in the same category as murder and other wickedness.Slander is the work of the Devil. The Bible says that Satan is called the “accuser of the brethren” (Rev. 12:10)“If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight reign on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless” (James 1:26).With decades of ministry experience, I can declare unequivocally that by telling your friends and co-workers they will tell others and will cause severe damage and hurt the Body of Christ. Your dissemination to one or two people will results in multitudes of people knowing and the gossip train is full speed ahead.“The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man’s inmost parts” (Prov. 26:22)Gossip and slander have ripped out the heart and soul of many Christians. It has destroyed marriages that could have been saved, created further strife in couples. I cannot warn you enough to not partake in it. “Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down” (Prov. 26:22).It has been said by some who work in the ministry service that “the Church” is the only “army” that kills its wounded. After months of prayer and counseling a spouse reconciled but then later found out that the other spouse had told everyone at work about their marital woes. All it did was reopen a just-healed wound. Gossip or venting always contributes to the problem and never to the solution. It always distorts and exaggerates, and is never a reliable source of truth. The co-worker and friend will tell others about your “secret” and the process will repeat with someone else and disclose the secrets you shared to them. It goes on and on and before you know it, the one person you told, now dozens of people are talking about it.If you want to discuss your marital issues with someone, seek a professional pastoral marriage counselor. Edited August 16, 2015 by Whispers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezra Posted August 16, 2015 Group: Royal Member Followers: 16 Topic Count: 134 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 8,142 Content Per Day: 2.32 Reputation: 6,612 Days Won: 20 Joined: 11/02/2014 Status: Offline Share Posted August 16, 2015 If you want to discuss your marital issues with someone, seek aprofessional pastoral marriage counselor Unless one can back this up with Scripture, it has little value for Christians. Christians should ask themselves "Whom does God provide for the spiritual welfare of His people?" They are the elders of the church, and those are the men who should be capable -- through Scripture and godly wisdom -- to counsel Christians regarding any issues. Marital issues are ultimately spiritual issues and should be addressed with that understanding. "Professional" does not enter into the equation. The reliance on so-called "professionals" is generally unproductive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwikphilly Posted August 17, 2015 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 96 Topic Count: 308 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 18,152 Content Per Day: 4.58 Reputation: 27,851 Days Won: 327 Joined: 08/03/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted August 17, 2015 Blessings Whispers..... Welcome to Worthy,,,,,,,it is nice to meet you & to have you here with us,I do hope you enjoy this Worthy Ministry as much as I do & Glory to God in the Highest!!!!ong impression I'm sorry,I don't really understand your first statement,can you clarify,if you don't mind........After 30 years of marriage counseling: posted by Whispers Does that mean you have been seeing a marriage counselor for 30 years or that you are trying to establish some kind of credibility as a "professional" marriage counselor,,,,,,,,please don't get the wrong impression or think that I mean to sound sarcastic because I don't & I definitely do mean any disrespect towards you if that is or is not your profession,.,,,,,,I just do not understand the statement & if a person does something for 1,5 or 100 years really meams nothing to me,personally,,,,,,I've met many people that do things poorly for many mamy years & others that do things spectacularly in just a short time,,,,,,,, The best suggestion you give,by my estimation ,is not to seek help from Joe Shmoe at the water cooler & to discuss your marriage with others(gossip?)It breeds gossip & that is never a good thing I am in complete agreement with my 2 Brothers,Ezra & Jeff,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,the marriage sanctified & Blessed by God is for those 2 people and all they need is HIM,,,,,,,,,,God must be FIRST in the womans life,God must be FIRST in that mans life,,,,,,,,,the problems that arise are carnal,temporal and usually brought about when one or both of the two are not looking to God for Direction & for Revelation,,,,,,we are always very quick to see the fault in others & not in ourselves,,,,,,,,,,,our Lord will reveal to us our own heart if we are willing to see with the eyes of our understanding With love-in Christ,Kwik Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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