What Should I do? Please read and Help

[CJAS]

14 hours ago, gdemoss said:

I have altered your post in my quote so that I may easily identify and address the things you said.  I have difficulty absorbing things I read so please bear with me.

1) No need to thank me.  Thank the one who brought us together.  That one is God Almighty who loves us.

2) All of my attempts to break free from the bondage to sexual sin I was in were real.  I never intended to go back to it again but I had no understanding of my inability to walk away.  That is why it is called bondage and why I had to be freed from it by Christ.

3) I was always committed to the cause but saying sorry coming from me was like saying forget you I am going to do it again because I did not know the true process of repentance.

4) There was a time in my addiction where I couldn't see life with or without sexual sin.  It was the jumping off place.  When put in the balance the weight of what it did for me versus the pain it caused me and others was too much for me to bear.  The evidence that I was ready was my actually talking to others about it, both professional and not.

5) I did things that put my marriage in danger because God had given me over to a reprobate mind because I did not honor him as God when he revealed himself to me.  My sin had consumed me and I was consumed by my sin.  The Devil who goes about as a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour had me.  I had no hope of escape without deliverance.  That said, Satan always works to keep me by reassuring me that I am not really powerless over my sin.  So the minute it gets any easier I begin to think I've got this and my arrogance mixed with ignorance would find me behind the computer again wondering what went wrong.  Hadn't I resolved to do better? Yes!  Then why was I here again?  The truth was I didn't know.  I was terrified she would give up hope and leave this tine permanently so I lied to cover up my tracks but God always has a way of having my sin find me out.

6) I was always terrified ahe would leave.

7) She did leave.  That hurt.  I thought that it would be enough to get me to quit.  It didn't change anything.  Once she was gone I was left alone and the fear she would leave was no longer carrying the weight it once did.  Leaving or staying had no real effect on my situation for what I needed was God and she was not God.

8) She left for good.  I went on for another 6 months before I hurt bad enough to turn for help.  It took me a couple years for God to finish the work of deliverance he had begun in me and in the mean time I found a new mate who was just like her and she went out and found a new mate just like me.  Neither one of us were any better off.

9) I never once felt justified or enabled when she would stay.  She had nothing to do with why I was caught up in sexual sin.  I had been given over by God and only an act of God could save me.

10) My addiction was fueled from within.  I had become a beast who had to feed.  The farther I got away from sexual gratification the more restless, irritable and discontent with life I became until I could get my "fix".  I was let loose of God and seeking some anchor to hold me and sexual gratification "seemed" to work so I always ended up acting out.

11) I was incapable of loving anyone for I hated my own self.  I had to keep doing the things that were destroying me and everything I could even hope to care for.  For this cause thoughts of suicide came often.

12) My problem was that I did not know God.  Though I thought I did, I did not.  When Jesus spoke about turning some away when they came to him to enter the kingdom saying depart from me I never knew you, he was talking about me for I spoke as if I knew him and counselled others yet my heart was far from him.

 

The women in my life were not the problem.  Their worst offense was ignorance for we are all like sheep led to the slaughter doing what we believe is right but only finding death.  

I have also been in your shoes.  Since recovering from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body, God saw fit to put a woman in my life who was every bit as reprobate as I had been.  She was caught up in sexual sin and in desperate need of deliverance and did not know it.  God used me to help her see her problem and the subsequent solution.  It hurt like hell to have an unfaithful partner and I found it next to impossibe to not take it as a personal attack but by the grace of God I was given the ability to see that she was unfaithful because she was an adultress and not because anything I had done.  I walked her through the steps she needed to take to be reconcilled unto God and delivered from her sin.  She is free today.  I no longer hurt over her infidelity.  We are one.

There is a solution.

I am grateful with God for guiding you to my post. I really want to be here next to my husband through this journey... I have no problem with being beside him as he overcomes this. If it wasn't for this addiction I wouldn't have anything bad to say about my husband. It is when he is relapsing that he becomes distant and it is also this that drives him to lie. Everything else about him I have nothing but to admire. My only concern is that what if I am believing that I am there helping, waiting for the blessed day this will be only part of our past and testimony, but that he knows inside that he won't get better or doesn't really want to get better. My fear is that I am willing to fight but he doesn't and just keeps on repeating the same cycle forever. 

I will pray for you. I hope God blesses your life in many ways. Thank you!

[CJAS]

3 hours ago, kwikphilly said:

Blessings CJAS

    I read your response to gdemoss,,,,,,,,,,I did not read what he said but he is a Spirit Filled man & I am sure he has spoken about Deliverance to you as I have,,,,,,,,,if the addiction is not being addressed & spoken about in the marriage counseling then you are going for nothing,,,,,,,EVERYTHING needs be confessed & out in the open,you 2 are supposed to be one flesh ,,,,,everything must be brought into the Light in order to stop the lies,,,,,the enemy is havig a field day with your husband,do you know if he recognizes this?                     With love,Kwik

Kwik, Thank you very much for reading and responding. I have always been a believer, there has been moments in my life I've been distant from God and the church. I know I am not as close to God as I could and should be.  Actually I am very certain that even if my husband and I separate or not, God is using this situation to make me humble and to draw me closer to him. I wasn't reading the bible very often and I wasn't praying every day. I am on my way to fix that. 

 

I've known my husband since we were kids, I admit that I know that his faith and wanting to follow Jesus are true. I am only afraid that his addiction deceives him into believing that if he is doing everything else right then there's nothing wrong in watching porn. And also, that in that way, he gets more involved in church in order to make an imaginary balance that makes him feel he has the right to do both things. I admit that my husband, as I confessed myself, doesn't pray or read the scriptures as often as he should. Still, my husband never had no one as he grew up teaching him about the Lord, he's new in all this (since 2013) and I know that he is a little lost in some things. Still, I don't know who he can go to that can help him and that really shows him the man God wants him to be. I know that person cannot be me, but I don't know who he could go to.  

Thank you for your response, Kwik, I hope I answered your questions. I am grateful for your support and words.

[kwikphilly]

Blessings CJAS....

   Awww,no problem I only wish I could do something to make it all better,believe me ,I understand,,,,   What you have to do (& this is the greatest advice I could give you,honest) is NOT DO ANYTHING without clear & confirmed instruction from God,don't make the decision to leave & do not make the decision to stay without direction & guidance from the Lord!!!!!    Be still & wait on Him,trust the Lord CJAC

   We make a lot of decisions without God throughout l ife & think back,"How did it turn out?",,,,,,,Probably much more difficult that it needed to be,,,,,,Remember ,dear Sister,,,,,,even though you may not have felt as close to God as you would h ave liked to be ,,,,,,,He never left your side,He will never leave you nor will He forsake you,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,sometimes it is not so easy t o hear His Still Small Voice but know He is there & you will if you seek Him & ask for His help ,,,,,,,,   

  I don't know the answers or what God has for you but I know for sure that He works all things for the good of those that love Him according to the Purpose of our Calling,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Trust God ,He is ABLE to repair te marriage,He is ABLE to bring you to a higher plateau without your  husband,He is ABLE to do ALL things now you must pray that His Will for you be done!!!   Praise Jesus!      With much love,Kwik       

 

  

[CJAS]

7 hours ago, kwikphilly said:

Blessings CJAS....

   Awww,no problem I only wish I could do something to make it all better,believe me ,I understand,,,,   What you have to do (& this is the greatest advice I could give you,honest) is NOT DO ANYTHING without clear & confirmed instruction from God,don't make the decision to leave & do not make the decision to stay without direction & guidance from the Lord!!!!!    Be still & wait on Him,trust the Lord CJAC

   We make a lot of decisions without God throughout l ife & think back,"How did it turn out?",,,,,,,Probably much more difficult that it needed to be,,,,,,Remember ,dear Sister,,,,,,even though you may not have felt as close to God as you would h ave liked to be ,,,,,,,He never left your side,He will never leave you nor will He forsake you,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,sometimes it is not so easy t o hear His Still Small Voice but know He is there & you will if you seek Him & ask for His help ,,,,,,,,   

  I don't know the answers or what God has for you but I know for sure that He works all things for the good of those that love Him according to the Purpose of our Calling,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Trust God ,He is ABLE to repair te marriage,He is ABLE to bring you to a higher plateau without your  husband,He is ABLE to do ALL things now you must pray that His Will for you be done!!!   Praise Jesus!      With much love,Kwik       

 

  

 I hope I can be able to hear what God is saying and not get confused. Thanks again Kwik, I hope God blesses you in many ways.

[gdemoss]

8 hours ago, CJAS said:

I am grateful with God for guiding you to my post. I really want to be here next to my husband through this journey... I have no problem with being beside him as he overcomes this. If it wasn't for this addiction I wouldn't have anything bad to say about my husband. It is when he is relapsing that he becomes distant and it is also this that drives him to lie. Everything else about him I have nothing but to admire. My only concern is that what if I am believing that I am there helping, waiting for the blessed day this will be only part of our past and testimony, but that he knows inside that he won't get better or doesn't really want to get better. My fear is that I am willing to fight but he doesn't and just keeps on repeating the same cycle forever. 

I will pray for you. I hope God blesses your life in many ways. Thank you!

May God deliver him from the bondage he's in and use you botg mightily in service unto God in Christ.  Peace be upon you.

[kwikphilly]

Sweet Sister

     My pleasure,here is a hug,,,,,,,,,,,keep in mind,,,,,,Confusion is NOT of God,God will always send you confirmation & PEACE,,,,,,,,,,            Trust Him,Sister     I have been in a very similar situation as you have,I did not get the answer I desired or expected but it was certainly what I NEEDED to get further in my walk with God,I stood in the WAY of Gods Answer waiting to hear what I wanted or hoped to hear,all along the Lord was Speaking,,,,,I wasn't LISTENING,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,You remain in my prayers & on my heart                                                                  With love-in Christ,Kwik

[CJAS]

Thank you. I know that this situation is also serving for me to get closer to God and pray more often. 

[kwikphilly]

Blessings CJAS

   Yes indeed ,remembering always to keep Gods Will first & foremost,,,,,,for that we need be very willing & obedient ,the answer to our prayers may not always be what we had hoped for but most definitely what we need ,,,,,,,,,

Quote

King James Bible
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
 

Gods Peace be with you always in Jesus Beautiful Name                               With love-in Christ,Kwik

[blevn1]

Dont give up. Pray together. Sounds like there is some honesty. Try to find an older married couple in Christ. To help guide you both. There is really more people out there then you can imagine who has survived through this.