What do you think about Boundaries?

[Guest shiloh357]

I must say, I am actually glad I never married.   I have seen enough bad stuff in other people's marriages and I have seen far more struggle and heartache than blessing.  I am sure there are moments of happiness, but I have, for years, sat at a lunch table and listened to co-workers talk about their marriage struggles, and I have seen so many marriages that even though they did not end in divorce, they are not happy, but neither person can afford a divorce financially and need both incomes, so they suffer and suffer and suffer.   I have talked to some married people who are really more numb than anything else. They have to build up callouses around their heart to deal with the pain they are in.

I see that way more often than I see happy marriages and many of these are Christian marriages.  I go to the Christian bookstore and I see the books that are written to Christians about how to fix their marriages and how to get through all of the struggles. And for an outsider like myself, it's not worth it.  I cannot imagine living that way.

I have freedom.  I go where I want and if I want to buy a new piece of camping gear, or if I want to go camping, I don't have to ask permission from anyone to do it.   My big struggle in life is just getting my work done in my classes and paying some bills. 

I don't believe I am called to be single, but I have no incentive to be married.  It's just not a equitable trade off.

[Guest shiloh357]

23 minutes ago, hmbld said:

Sure, but there also is the issue of people saying they are doing these acts, as christians, in the name of God, yet just because they use God to justify their actions, does not mean they were christians.  So I think the name Christians gets much misunderstood as people have hijacked the title to justify their personal ambitions.

Yes, there is that. 

[GoldenEagle]

17 hours ago, hmbld said:

Thank you for your response.  Yes, I see the difference.  The problem I don't understand is how to deal with the accusations that come when a boundary is attempted.  

I'm not sure I understand. What do you mean by accusations? By attempted do you mean when a boundary is crossed or broken?

I was thinking about this today though. For example let's say someone in your church tells you: "If you set boundaries with your church you are being selfish."

Response: No, I am obeying God's commands to rest, especially the concept of the Sabbath rest in Him. I have been doing a lot of things, especially church-related activities, which I thought pleased Him, but I realized I was getting burned out, and that He was not the One Who had told me to do those things. I was worried about the expectations of others and "giving a good testimony". Just because there is an emergency doesn't mean I have to be the one to put out the fire.

Bottom line is I need to take a break for X amount of months.  (OR) I am available to help once or two times a month. 

Are you talking bout boundaries in general or in dealing with spouses? 

God bless,

GE

[GoldenEagle]

Or here's another example. Someone tells you: "If you have boundaries it means you are angry."

Response: I am not angry. I merely realized that I have been sinning in not taking care of the temple of the Holy Spirit, which is my body. I am trying to correct that, now. I'm trying to have healthy boundaries so I can no to some things so I can yes to the best things. 

God bless,
GE

[Guest shiloh357]

41 minutes ago, GoldenEagle said:

Or here's another example. Someone tells you: "If you have boundaries it means you are angry."

I am not angry. I merely realized that I have been sinning in not taking care of the temple of the Holy Spirit, which is my body. I am trying to correct that, now. I'm trying to have healthy boundaries so I can no to some things so I can yes to the best things. 

God bless,
GE

On what basis would someone make that claim that having boundaries makes one angry?   Don't people expect others to have boundaries?   Now if someone was imposing their boundaries on others, I could come near seeing how that would be interpreted as anger/control.

[missmuffet]

10 minutes ago, Davida said:

Do people really need to announce they are setting a boundary? personally I'd say no. Just set for yourself healthy boundaries and respond appropriately, after all it is an "inner" boundary not an outer one that is being set.  We don't need to use pop psychology jargon in our interactions with people.  You can tell people who have been "therap-ized" as they will use the terms & phrases that they were indoctrinated with during years of therapy.

I agree I think people should set their own boundaries among them selves and keep it private.

[Ezra]

44 minutes ago, missmuffet said:

I agree I think people should set their own boundaries among them selves and keep it private.

Christians should stop talking about *boundaries*.  Did Christ and His apostles go around setting boundaries or were they simply committed to doing God's will?  

This whole business of boundaries has come up because of the modern culture of victimhood.  Everyone is a victim and no one is a perp.  Even the perps are called victims and given a slap on the wrist. It is all about "my rights" but never about "my responsibilities".  

So this concept of boundaries begins with the notion "I am a victim, therefore I need to protect myself, therefore I need boundaries".  Here is something from New Ager Oprah's website: "Do you have a hard time standing up for yourself? Do you keep agreeing to do things that you really don't want to do? Do you tolerate rude comments or pushy people because you can't handle conflict? Do you take things personally?"

But you won't find that in Scripture.  God makes every sinner responsible for himself, and God also makes every saint responsible for himself. Furthermore Christ already taught that if someone takes unfair advantage of you, don't get defensive. And the apostles taught that if you suffer as a Christian, don't be surprised or perturbed.

[missmuffet]

9 minutes ago, Ezra said:

Christians should stop talking about *boundaries*.  Did Christ and His apostles go around setting boundaries or were they simply committed to doing God's will?  

This whole business of boundaries has come up because of the modern culture of victimhood.  Everyone is a victim and no one is a perp.  Even the perps are called victims and given a slap on the wrist. It is all about "my rights" but never about "my responsibilities".  

So this concept of boundaries begins with the notion "I am a victim, therefore I need to protect myself, therefore I need boundaries".  Here is something from New Ager Oprah's website: "Do you have a hard time standing up for yourself? Do you keep agreeing to do things that you really don't want to do? Do you tolerate rude comments or pushy people because you can't handle conflict? Do you take things personally?"

But you won't find that in Scripture.  God makes every sinner responsible for himself, and God also makes every saint responsible for himself. Furthermore Christ already taught that if someone takes unfair advantage of you, don't get defensive. And the apostles taught that if you suffer as a Christian, don't be surprised or perturbed.

I think that having personal boundaries is very acceptable in the Christian world.

[missmuffet]

11 minutes ago, Davida said:

You're right Ezra!  It is "Victimology" and it sells books, and diplomas.

It is a matter of perspective.

[GoldenEagle]

21 hours ago, Ezra said:

When you carefully examine this idea about "boundaries" it is actually contrary to the teachings of Christ.  It is purely self-centered nonsense.

 

5 hours ago, Ezra said:

Christians should stop talking about *boundaries*.  Did Christ and His apostles go around setting boundaries or were they simply committed to doing God's will?  

...

But you won't find that in Scripture.  God makes every sinner responsible for himself, and God also makes every saint responsible for himself. Furthermore Christ already taught that if someone takes unfair advantage of you, don't get defensive. And the apostles taught that if you suffer as a Christian, don't be surprised or perturbed.

 

5 hours ago, Davida said:

You're right Ezra!  It is "Victimology" and it sells books, and diplomas.

 

4 hours ago, Davida said:

 Yup, worldly {anyone who has boundaries} or biblical {no boundaries}.  

 

This in italics was my interpretation of Davida's comment to MissMuffet.

6 hours ago, shiloh357 said:

 Don't people expect others to have boundaries?   Now if someone was imposing their boundaries on others, I could come near seeing how that would be interpreted as anger/control.

Shiloh take the examples above in this thread alone over the last 10-20 posts. According to Ezra, to have boundaries is contrary to the teachings of Christ. Not only that, Christians shouldn't talk about boundaries.  (Ezra has yet to really lay a foundation for this claim but does keep making it over and over again)

Davida agrees with Ezra. She basically has said that anyone who has boundaries has a worldly view from what I can tell.  

So it should not surprise you that I used those examples.

God bless,
GE