Hurt/confusion

[Bbratt123]

I have been asking God to help me in several areas of my life. I am not a bad person but I feel like God chooses to ignore me. I try to have faith and I can easily tell others to have faith so I know it exists. However,  I can't find the faith in my situation because Ive tried everything. I've lost a significant amount. It has even gotten to the point of thinking prayer is the answer...but then don't want to because it seems pointless. I don't ask God for bad things. I'm a simple person asking for great inspirational friends, a better career, a love life (as my heart has been broken countless times) , getting my credit fixed, talent (at 26 years old I don't know my talent) I've asked God to help reveal my talent so I can make it far and not have my mind filled with all these negative thoughts of whether or not he's listening or wants to help. And nothing. It's almost as if God would rather see me struggle and hurt. All I want to do is make it and be proud of myself. And I cannot do it. Just recently met a guy who was an awesome christian guy...who led me on and hurt me. I feel doomed. No one contacts me. And if they do....its like I don't wanna talk to anyone. Because "talking"won't heal anything. Talking may help for the time being...because it's happened before. But i know from previous experience, I'll wake up in tears and nothing changed. So talking doesn't help. I feel like the only thing that will help me...if God helps me. Gives me a sign that he's here and this isn't some cruel joke. I feel so empty and confused. And I know faith lies in me. Because recently with this guy...i used to build him up and remind him the Lord loves him. Sad right? Because I can help other people...but Im"forgotten " about in his eyes for some reason. Like I did something terribly wrong to deserve this constant pain. I just want to be successful and it doesn't even have to be with a person. Yes I'm lonely as heck! But I'll settle just for getting my life on track. But neither works. I feel like I'll be lonely for the rest of my life. I've lost a lot of hope. This guy wanted the same things out of life as me. A future, marriage, children and I was going to help him get a job. We were going to church together etc. Mins you this is not my first heart break. I've suffered from some previous as well but this was the first from a guy I could have saw a future with. I'm embarrassed because I put him on social media. And thought "wow God has answered me and hasn't left me" then BOOM. I expect more bad than good in my life at this point. Why? Because I've experienced more bad than good even when I ask for better do to suffering. (By suffering I mean crying, emptiness,secluded, without purpose) I don't wanna feel these things. But i expect them. I've realized u can pray, but I may still have years of suffering to go. So i might as well strap myself in. Sure I've been hopeful things will turn around before. Have they? No. And I know God answers on his own time. But my time may be another painful 100 years. So I've become numb to the pain. I need a miracle to remind me God is here and he exists. I've also prayed for my faith back, understanding that he's not trying to hurt me, for better love to him etc. I've prayed it gets fixed. It's a mess. Any suggestions or advice to get me through?

[OneLight]

1 hour ago, Bbratt123 said:

I have been asking God to help me in several areas of my life. I am not a bad person but I feel like God chooses to ignore me. I try to have faith and I can easily tell others to have faith so I know it exists. However,  I can't find the faith in my situation because Ive tried everything. I've lost a significant amount. It has even gotten to the point of thinking prayer is the answer...but then don't want to because it seems pointless. I don't ask God for bad things. I'm a simple person asking for great inspirational friends, a better career, a love life (as my heart has been broken countless times) , getting my credit fixed, talent (at 26 years old I don't know my talent) I've asked God to help reveal my talent so I can make it far and not have my mind filled with all these negative thoughts of whether or not he's listening or wants to help. And nothing. It's almost as if God would rather see me struggle and hurt. All I want to do is make it and be proud of myself. And I cannot do it. Just recently met a guy who was an awesome christian guy...who led me on and hurt me. I feel doomed. No one contacts me. And if they do....its like I don't wanna talk to anyone. Because "talking"won't heal anything. Talking may help for the time being...because it's happened before. But i know from previous experience, I'll wake up in tears and nothing changed. So talking doesn't help. I feel like the only thing that will help me...if God helps me. Gives me a sign that he's here and this isn't some cruel joke. I feel so empty and confused. And I know faith lies in me. Because recently with this guy...i used to build him up and remind him the Lord loves him. Sad right? Because I can help other people...but Im"forgotten " about in his eyes for some reason. Like I did something terribly wrong to deserve this constant pain. I just want to be successful and it doesn't even have to be with a person. Yes I'm lonely as heck! But I'll settle just for getting my life on track. But neither works. I feel like I'll be lonely for the rest of my life. I've lost a lot of hope. This guy wanted the same things out of life as me. A future, marriage, children and I was going to help him get a job. We were going to church together etc. Mins you this is not my first heart break. I've suffered from some previous as well but this was the first from a guy I could have saw a future with. I'm embarrassed because I put him on social media. And thought "wow God has answered me and hasn't left me" then BOOM. I expect more bad than good in my life at this point. Why? Because I've experienced more bad than good even when I ask for better do to suffering. (By suffering I mean crying, emptiness,secluded, without purpose) I don't wanna feel these things. But i expect them. I've realized u can pray, but I may still have years of suffering to go. So i might as well strap myself in. Sure I've been hopeful things will turn around before. Have they? No. And I know God answers on his own time. But my time may be another painful 100 years. So I've become numb to the pain. I need a miracle to remind me God is here and he exists. I've also prayed for my faith back, understanding that he's not trying to hurt me, for better love to him etc. I've prayed it gets fixed. It's a mess. Any suggestions or advice to get me through?

Instead of you trying to find faith, just accept the faith you already have  and study scripture so your current faith can become stronger.  If you look at life and scripture with a defeatist mindset, all you will gain is defeat. 

If you sit back and read your words as if you are reading for the first time, you will see the focus is all on what you can and cannot do derived on what someone else has or has not done.  Give it to God and walk away.  Don't continue to hold onto it as if you can fix it ... somethings we just can't fix.    Only God can.

[BK1110]

20 hours ago, Bbratt123 said:

It's almost as if God would rather see me struggle and hurt. All I want to do is make it and be proud of myself.

Welcome to worthy!

I wanted to home in on this bit here. God definitely doesn't want people to struggle or hurt...but sometimes He allows it because it can grow and change us for the better. In your case, you say you want to "make it" and be proud of yourself. From your post, it sounds like "making it" to you means a good job, career, finances, a husband or wife, etc. But these things are not "making it" in God's eyes. God wants us to serve His will. Our primary job as Christians is to spread the Gospel. If you don't have any desire to do so, or if it's secondary to you, then God may be trying to get your attention and let you know that you're not really following Him like He wants you to. Like He designed you to. Even if you get all those things you want right now, they won't truly fill you up. Only God and following His will can do that.

I'd advise you to pray to God asking Him to show you how you can serve Him, asking Him to lead you on the path that He wants for you, and not the path that you think is best. Give control of your life and heart to Him and Him alone. God bless!

[GandalfTheWise]

22 hours ago, Bbratt123 said:

 Any suggestions or advice to get me through?

FWIW, here are two things from my life that I'll share in case it might give you some insights.  I'm now in my mid 50s and have been a Christian for over 40 years.

For me, the biggest thing with my faith is just feeling God's presence inside of me.  Back when I was 12, I basically believed in God, prayed some, went to church, and on occasion read the Bible.  Our church had some Wednesday night Lent services.  I had a life changing encounter with God at one of those.  The service was rather typical and a missionary was the guest speaker.  At the end of the service, he asked a couple questions that struck me very deeply.  He basically asked why do you think God is there?  and do you know if you'll go to heaven?  I at once realized that I was hoping God was there and I was hoping that I was going to heaven, but really had no strong reason to think so.  I remember going up to talk with him more after the service.  He lead me in a brief prayer (something like, "please forgive me God, and come into my heart.")  I'd said similar prayers as part of liturgies or group readings and I wasn't really expecting anything to happen.  But it was like at once I felt a warm presence inside of me and a sense the God really was there.  This has remained with me for over 4 decades.  I went from hoping God was there to having a direct sense of His presence.  I've since heard many Christians tell similar stories.  I found I spiritually grew a lot as I spent more time walking with God, praying, reading my Bible, and being around other Christians.

The second big thing happened decades later.  For the next 30 some years, I was a serious Christian, grew a lot spiritually, and was heavily involved in various church ministries.  I threw myself into using my gifts and talents and abilities into ministry.   However, I hit a point where I started hating who I was.  Every time I would look in the mirror and see myself, I'd think "LOSER" to myself.  I started questioning what God really wanted me to do.  He put me into a figurative desert away from everything.  He made me face the fact that I had no clue who He had made me to be.  My entire identity was tied up in being a good Christian, a good husband, a good father, a good son, a good employee, and throwing my energies into achieving as much as I could with my gifts and talents.  I had made my identity all the things I was "supposed" to be doing and I didn't know who God created me to be.  

Over the next few years, God slowly showed me who I was meant to be.  My wife and daughters all saw a huge change in me.  Life started feeling different.  It was no longer striving not to fall short of God's to do list for me.  I was starting to just naturally be myself.  I found that my life became more about walking with God and letting life naturally flow out of me instead of driving myself to do activities.  The past 7 or 8 years, I have found that ministry seems to naturally flow out of my life to other people.  Work and employment have become an outpouring of what I'm good at doing rather than being a striving to excel and achieve things.

Anyway, a short summary of a couple things that had a big impact on me spiritually.    

 

 

[Centurion]

@Bbratt123sister in Christ in the name of Jesus I ask He would minister loving grace into your life. I ask for His Spirit of peace and hope to minister deeply into you to restore you and make you whole. You are very young and there is time for your hopes and dreams; please do not give up. I am sad for you that you have been hurt. May He heal your wounds. God bless you sister! Please let me know if I can help through encouragement or prayer

Edited October 5, 2017 by Centurion