debrakay Posted March 17, 2021 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 10 Topic Count: 60 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 2,249 Content Per Day: 1.92 Reputation: 3,104 Days Won: 20 Joined: 03/02/2021 Status: Offline Share Posted March 17, 2021 (edited) 21 hours ago, Starise said: I came from a household where my mother was a Christian and my dad was not. My mom was in church while my dad was out at the bars. My dad didn't seem to have a conscience. He just did what he wanted to do and looked at my mom like she was nuts, even ran her down to friends. So I LIVED in that and I seen it first hand. Not only that, HIS dad had no interest in God at all so it seems to have ran in that side of the family. In pursuit of women and drink For a few minutes there I thought I had typed this! Are we brother and sister? Yes, we are, in the Lord and God bless our mothers who were our inspiration. I hope they have met up in heaven! Edited March 17, 2021 by debrakay spelling Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debrakay Posted March 18, 2021 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 10 Topic Count: 60 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 2,249 Content Per Day: 1.92 Reputation: 3,104 Days Won: 20 Joined: 03/02/2021 Status: Offline Share Posted March 18, 2021 @bornagain2011 Without writing a huge, long post, I will just say, "Been there. Done that." It was 20 years ago and we are still married and it's close to 40 years now. We did separate for 2 weeks. We did get counseling from several different pastors. He read the book Every Man's Battle and I read the book Every Woman's Battle but there are probably some new books out there now. My family almost lost the battle over this but I believe that because we took every step we could possibly take and we had faith that God would restore what the devil had done, we somehow made it when so many others have called it quits. Have I forgiven him? Yes. Have I forgotten what it did to me and my self-worth and self-esteem? No. Will I ever 100% trust him? Honestly, no. I am older and wiser now and can look back and see we were raising a family, working our jobs, building and caring for a home, going to sporting events, going to church, being busy, busy, busy. We rarely took the extra time needed every single week to focus on just us. Walks, drives, dinners out, just spending a few hours without the world bombarding us were so few and far between. I should mention that at that time we only had computers and I took the computer out and disconnected the internet. By golly, if he was going to commit adultery using the internet he would not be doing it in our house. He could just go to the library! Now days, those awful cell phones are just mini-computers and filled with the same trash. I am glad I had the stamina to withstand what the devil was trying to do to my marriage and my family and I hope and pray you have the same stamina. In 20 years you may be able to encourage another sister to hang in there. The vow you made to your husband, you also made to God, so by sticking with that commitment you will be blessed. One last thing, if he starts kicking you and not the cat then it might be time to call it a day. Violence is not something to ever be taken lightly and I can tell you stories about that from my first marriage but will spare us all. Blessings sister! I am praying the Holy Spirit moves in both of you! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bornagain2011 Posted March 18, 2021 Group: Senior Member Followers: 6 Topic Count: 82 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 602 Content Per Day: 0.14 Reputation: 233 Days Won: 0 Joined: 04/15/2012 Status: Offline Author Share Posted March 18, 2021 (edited) 14 hours ago, debrakay said: @bornagain2011 Without writing a huge, long post, I will just say, "Been there. Done that." It was 20 years ago and we are still married and it's close to 40 years now. We did separate for 2 weeks. We did get counseling from several different pastors. He read the book Every Man's Battle and I read the book Every Woman's Battle but there are probably some new books out there now. My family almost lost the battle over this but I believe that because we took every step we could possibly take and we had faith that God would restore what the devil had done, we somehow made it when so many others have called it quits. Have I forgiven him? Yes. Have I forgotten what it did to me and my self-worth and self-esteem? No. Will I ever 100% trust him? Honestly, no. I am older and wiser now and can look back and see we were raising a family, working our jobs, building and caring for a home, going to sporting events, going to church, being busy, busy, busy. We rarely took the extra time needed every single week to focus on just us. Walks, drives, dinners out, just spending a few hours without the world bombarding us were so few and far between. I should mention that at that time we only had computers and I took the computer out and disconnected the internet. By golly, if he was going to commit adultery using the internet he would not be doing it in our house. He could just go to the library! Now days, those awful cell phones are just mini-computers and filled with the same trash. I am glad I had the stamina to withstand what the devil was trying to do to my marriage and my family and I hope and pray you have the same stamina. In 20 years you may be able to encourage another sister to hang in there. The vow you made to your husband, you also made to God, so by sticking with that commitment you will be blessed. One last thing, if he starts kicking you and not the cat then it might be time to call it a day. Violence is not something to ever be taken lightly and I can tell you stories about that from my first marriage but will spare us all. Blessings sister! I am praying the Holy Spirit moves in both of you! Thank you for sharing your story. I am glad that you guys made it through, your story gives me hope. My husband and I do get some time alone together each week because our kids go to school and my husband works a shift where he gets a few days off during the week. I have read both of those books you mentioned, they are very good, and some of the best that I've read regarding that topic. I like how they are very practical. Edited March 18, 2021 by bornagain2011 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Equippers Posted March 26, 2021 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 10 Topic Count: 138 Topics Per Day: 0.06 Content Count: 1,214 Content Per Day: 0.49 Reputation: 1,163 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/28/2017 Status: Offline Share Posted March 26, 2021 On 3/17/2021 at 5:58 AM, BK1110 said: Sounds like the counseling he needs is from a pastor, which shouldn't cost money? Are you guys attending a local church? Does he have male Christian friends who can lovingly rebuke and guide him and hold him accountable? how do you know if your pastor is not a sociopath also? i was just watching this video on Youtube where Ruth Graham (Billy Graham's daughter) says her fourth husband was a pastor/counselor but basically some kind of sociopath himself ( i am paraphrasing here, but her fourth husband, at least according to her) was not a nice man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BK1110 Posted March 26, 2021 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 22 Topic Count: 88 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 6,903 Content Per Day: 2.41 Reputation: 9,668 Days Won: 4 Joined: 07/18/2016 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/10/1986 Share Posted March 26, 2021 18 minutes ago, Equippers said: how do you know if your pastor is not a sociopath also? i was just watching this video on Youtube where Ruth Graham (Billy Graham's daughter) says her fourth husband was a pastor/counselor but basically some kind of sociopath himself ( i am paraphrasing here, but her fourth husband, at least according to her) was not a nice man. Marrying a woman who had multiple divorces previously would (should) disqualify someone from being pastor, especially one you go to for marriage counseling, in the first place, before you even get to talking about being a sociopath. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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