bornagain2011

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About bornagain2011

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    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 01/20/1984

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Washington
  • Interests
    Running, Hiking, bible study, ministering, playing with daughters, fun stuff.

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  1. Thank you all for the great suggestions! I definitely believe cutting carbs is a great start. I seem to struggle the most when I allow too many into my diet. It triggers cravings for me. I also think that having a full treat day makes eating healthier the next day harder because I have so much junk in my system and it triggers cravings. Maybe I should just allow for some frozen yogurt once a week instead. Tomorrow Im going to do a fast, just to get my mind off of food and be busy with other things. I feel too weak right now to make good choices, I just want to stuff my face like I did earlier today. I used to intermittently fast for a few years, no problem, I would either just skip breakfast, eat within a certain window of time, or fast once or twice a week. I started getting psychologically crazy from it when I started doing long fasts, like 3 days or more. I've tried a ketogenic diet before, but it was just too hard for me to keep up with. Lots of cookbooks and recipes and I got overwhelmed. Plus I started to believe i couldn't lose weight unless I was in ketosis. But I know that's not true because over ten years ago I lost 50 pounds, reached goal, and kept it off for 3 years before getting pregnant. I wasn't even counting calories at the time either. Just eating less and running a lot. A. LOT. My body has changed a lot since those days. I would like to maintain a sweet spot of losing weight without obsessing over it, just living my life not really thinking about it. I've been there before. But the "not obsessing" turns into complacency, then laziness, and then backsliding up the scale. It's a neverending cycle it seems. Maybe because they were crash diets and not healthy lifestyles and habits being formed. That might be it. I have asked one of my Christian friends about it, she is naturally skinny, I just simply asked her how to find balance. She gave me some good advice about honoring my body as a temple and involving God in the process. But now she is yo yoing as well. Her weight has been up and down quite a bit since then. I asked my other thin friend how she stays away from Halloween candy, I thought she would have some amazing words of wisdom she said "I don't, I eat it!" . That blew me away! But she doesn't beat herself up over it. She's not on any diet, she just continues on with her normal healthy eating. How profound, yet obvious! I've rambled on enough. Good night! Thank you again!
  2. A few months ago I fasted for 27 days. I got down to my goal weight, but hard a very hard time adjusting after the fast. I was overeating a lot, and I had digestive problems. I have been struggling ever since, worse than before the fast. Struggling to fight the temptation to fast again to just get back down to goal so I feel better about myself again, I've gained 15 pounds back. And also struggling with the desire to even WANT to eat healthy. I know my body is a temple, and I know lots of scripture. But Im not repentant yet. I fear I won't be repentant until I am 50 pounds heavier again. I heard true repentance comes from God, and I haven't really hit rock bottom yet with this. I want to want to change. But I think I care more about vanity than health. I do well for a week, but then I fail again. And with sugar and too many carbs in my system i just crave even more. I was thinking of doing a short 24 hour fast to get rid of the sugar without having to make healthy choices for every meal. I know I should give it up to God, and I've done a few Christian weight loss programs, and Im currently in a 12 step program (last week was my first time), but I feel like I need motivation right now. I don't think I can do this the slow gradual baby steps way. I feel like I just want to lose the weight fast and get it over with, and then deal with the hard stuff afterwards. But my history has shown me that I fail every time. Has anyone gone through this and made it out the other side? Or is anyone else struggling as well?
  3. I won't be addressing the remarriage thing. I was there once and it spiraled me down into a deep abuse of despair thinking God didn't want me anymore. I have the seal of God which is the Holy Spirit. I am not perfect, nor will I ever be. When I said I was a big fat sinner I meant that I am unworthy. I am being sanctified and am nowhere close to how i used to be, but I still sin sometimes. Im sorry if I came across as defensive. Maybe typing isn't the best way to convey thoughts sometimes. My feelings for this person was just a symptom of a deeper problem. Another symptom is an eating disorder I've been trying to heal from. I was severely abused as a baby and toddler and it affected who I am inside, not just spiritually but my brain didn't develop the way it was supposed to. But I know that through Christ I can overcome. I have borderline personality disorder and ptsd. And other problems that stem from those are eating disorders, drug abuse, obsessive behavior. All kinds of problems. I used to be very suicidal before I came to the Lord. I assumed that my feelings for a married man were separate from all this, but my past history explains my constant need for validation and attention. So its not really about him, its about how he makes me feel. I started seeing a Christian therapist about all this. There is more, but I don't like to share because most Christians don't believe in mental illness. And I don't feel safe here.
  4. Wasn't Trump saying that if anyone can broker the peace deal it would be his son in law Jared Kushner? Even if a peace deal does get signed, it would need to be 7 years to qualify. But Im thinking a peace deal gets confirmed or strengthened for 7 years. We will see. Or not if the rapture happens first .
  5. I was a divorcee when my husband and I met. I was in an abusive marriage, we were both atheists at the time. And I left him and became a single mom to two children. I met my husband who led me to Christ. And we were married almost 4 years ago. One of the happiest days of my life! So yes, I am a big fat sinner, Im damaged goods, no one should even associate with me....but guess what? Jesus calls me His. I love the story of Hosea in the Bible. What people, even other Christians consider as trash, God loves with unconditional love. Its very humbling.
  6. I haven't been on here for a while, but I saw that I had some notifications. I haven't really been thinking about this much lately, I've been dealing with other stuff. I guess this crush was just a symptom of something deeper going on inside of me. Apparently Im pretty messed up, that's why I need Jesus. You guys are right, I was fanning the flames. It felt good to wonder if he liked me. I got such a rush from picking apart his body language and words. But I haven't done that since then. Im ashamed that I even did that. It felt like an addiction and the only way I felt relief was from being engrossed in God's Word and praying throughout the day. My husband and I have been spending more time together lately as well, and that's been helping with the loneliness. Im not saying this is his fault, but we've both made mistakes lately. I should also clarify something, I would never leave my husband for this guy. I would never leave my husband period. We have never touched, not even hugged. We have texted maybe 10 times in the 7 years we've known eachother, and it's been about ministry or other innocent stuff. We don't flirt, no sexual talk. He hasn't made any hints that he likes me other than me catching him looking at me, which could very well all be in my head, or just him attracted to me. My feelings for him are inappropriate and I've distanced myself from him. But this isn't a situation that is far along. From the outside it looks very platonic, and Im sure it is on his part. I think the problem is me and my ego. Sundays are better now, my heart no longer races and I don't get as anxious or distracted anymore. And by Monday Im back to normal, going about my busy life and not really even thinking about him anymore. So now I know feelings come and go. The sin is dwelling on them and acting on them. I don't think feelings you cant control are a sin. If someone has found a way to just shut down feelings I would love to know. Maybe getting rid of them would be to keep doing what Im doing; staying busy, focusing on God and my family, pushing the thoughts out etc. I won't be giving anymore updates, I will just be responding to people's comments. The only thing that has happened recently was I wouldn't let him give me a ride home after evening church. I walked from my house to church. I had to pray for strength to say no to that, and to also not dwell on what could have happened conversationally wise.
  7. Another update, even though this is becoming a non issue... This past Sunday was my first time back at church. It was for Easter Sunday, so I was there with my husband and all 3 kids. I stayed with them when I greeted people. I never wandered off by myself. S didn't talk to me, and I didn't talk to him. I barely even looked at him. I was nervous when we first got there, but my nerves calmed down after a while. I think S kind of senses what's going on because he kept his distance as well . But he usually does that when my husband is around. We didn't linger after church, the plan was to leave as fast as we could without seeming rude. I don't remember if I mentioned a sale event I went to the other week that S ended up being at? I will tell about that really quickly. A few weeks ago I took my daughters to a big sale event where there would be face painting and games etc. When we got there S was outside giving away free popcicles to kids. The place was actually pretty dead. He said "hey you are alive!" I didn't really say anything because it wasn't a question. I smiled and was friendly and took the girls inside. During our time inside S kept coming in and out and tried to talk to me several times, tried to make jokes and asked what I was up to. I focused on my girls and what they were doing and didn't make eye contact, but still smiled and gave short answers, trying to show him that I was busy. His wife is a good friend of mine and was working the face painting table, the area was very small inside where all this was going on so she could see his several attempts of trying to talk to me. But that's somewhat normal behavior for him. It wasn't very busy at all, so he was bored outside I think and wanted to talk to people. The pastor of my parent's church and his wife were there, they are good friends of mine, and S knows them too (small town). I spent a lot of time around their craft table with the girls. When we left S was outside ready to give the girls their popcicles. I tried to keep the talk short and use body language to show we were leaving by taking steps away, but he tried to keep the conversation going by asking questions. I kept the answers short and remained friendly, but left as soon as I could. This incident made the next few days harder to not think about him. The next day my husband and I were driving through downtown and saw S walking towards his car. He waved at us, and when I looked back he was still staring. It was odd. But probably only odd because I over think things. So, after those two times of seeing him it took a couple of days of bible reading and staying active and busy to put it out of my mind. Lately I've been trying to stay busy with a different friend or activity each day. Lots of playdates and parks etc. I haven't been reading my bible as much as I was before, probably because im not in the trenches anymore, but I need to be reading still. So that's my update. I will continue to alternate between the two churches. Sothis Sunday I will be at my parents church. But there is a birthday party this Friday for a couple of kids from my church, so S may be there, but I doubt it. He usually sends his wife and kids to these so he can have a break. But I will make a plan for if he is there. Edited to add that the church I've been going to for a few weeks is my parent's new church, not my friends charismatic one. This other church is a calvery church where all the bikers for Christ guys go, which is why my parents go because my dad is in the process of joining their gang. And the pastor is the husband of my good friend.
  8. Lol! I actually never knew you existed until you replied to my post! Sorry, no offense! I don't debate, its not my thing. Im just here to learn. If I have been interpreting the bible wrong I would like to be shown my error. Good day
  9. SimpleJeff Thank you for sharing all those translations, I had no idea there were that many different kinds! Pretty cool. I guess I forgot about how the Holy Spirit is the Helper who will help us learn truth. I really shouldn't care much, but getting a good picture of the coming kingdom helps me when Im daydreaming. Lol! When Im out on a run i like to daydream about the rapture and new Jerusalem etc. Maybe Im weird ha ha! Thank you guys for your input, either way we will be with Him always!
  10. I forgot to add that this was a bible study DVD and book series. I can't remember the name right off. I think I need to pray about this and pray for them. They admit they don't study revelations.
  11. We have some friends who after doing some Bible studies now believe that we will be in heaven with Jesus during the 1,000 year reign and that New Jerusalem is for the Jews not His church. I showed them scripture showing that Jesus reigns on earth with us during 1,000 years, but they said Jesus is omnipresent so He is up in heaven with us and ruling down on earth with the Jews that came out of the tribulation alive. It doesn't sound like anything I've learned from the scriptures. What are your thoughts?
  12. Other one, I know what you mean. I am a little excited about September, it's a high watch time, but more excited for when the rapture actually does happen. But I wouldn't lose faith or lose heart if it doesn't happen. I've been excited and let down in the past as well, no big deal . I just keep praying and reading my Bible and move on.
  13. What if there was no cover up to explain the rapture? What if the dead in Christ rising and our rapture produced so much energy it created a worldwide EMP and knocked out everything for a while, and then when it all came back on line a new leader (Antichrist) twisted scripture and basically said "yes God removed the people to punish us." I wonder if that would be possible? Have you guys heard about the eclipse happening August 21st this year? It will be visible only in the US, and will cut right across from coast to coast. Im in Washington state and I should be able to see it at 10:20 am. This is the first time in recorded history of this happening, but guess what? 7 years later, April 2024 the same thing will happen again. I saw this on dateandtime.com and Wikipedia. I am so excited for the rapture! We have a countdown app on our phone! We've been trying to prepare by being more bold and sharing the Gospel more.
  14. So, today I went to my friend's church. It was ok. I was just glad to have a break from my church. But Im not sure what to do. That church didn't feel like home to me. I feel homesick for my church. My husband is taking our son to our church next week. Im not sure if I will try out a different church next week, or maybe just use the 2 hours to pray and worship at home. I might do that. I've decided with my husband of course, that I will come back to our church after a break. We talked about ways to create boundaries and flee certain situations. First of all I will only be going to church on Sundays when my husband can go with me (every other Sunday) this way I don't appear solo or single. Another thing we will do is try to stay by eachothers side, if S comes up to me while I am by myself I will look for a way out of the conversation in a polite way, if S comes up to us as a couple i will wander off to talk to one of my girl friends. I haven't really been thinking about the situation or S very much lately. I thought about him today a little while I watched the clock creep closer to our church's service time. I had fleeting thoughts that I pushed out of my head. I finished the book of Joshua today and read a little bit of Colossians. But mostly I've been singing praises today, at church and during a long drive today. I feel so blessed and grateful for the things He has been doing in my life and my marriage. He has provided a witnessing opportunity, the first time I failed, but I saw the person again and came prepared, gave him a Christian gospel comic with my husband's phone number. So, Im learning that as long as I stay in the Word and in communication with God that I can resist the devil. I've been battling with what fleeing temptation would look like in my situation, does it mean leaving my church family and losing that support and fellowship, or does it mean not allowing for tempting situations while at the church? Like walking away from S and cleaving to my husband? Or not volunteering for things S is involved in? I can see many ways to flee temptation while still attending the church. I used to leave right after service and not stay and mingle because S would migrate towards me. But I started not doing that as much. I would start doing that again. It felt empowering. I wonder if that's a sinful feeling? I better get going. I knew today would be a little tough because its Sunday. But it will get easier. It's amazing how fleeting and feeble emotions are. That's why I know this isn't love, and that it's just a sinful aspect of myself that needs repented of. Good night! God bless!
  15. True. My husband and I prayed for him and his wife. It seems they fill their lives with so many ministry activities that they don't actually connect with eachother or stay in the Word. I don't want to judge. But they seem pretty worldly. I have been doing so good the last few days that I think maybe in a few months I might be able to go back. If I can just train my thoughts and take every thought captive then I can come back and rejoin my church family. Or is this perhaps the enemy tricking me into going back into a toxic and tempting situation? Hmm. Hard to tell from this vantage point, this is where being always in the Word and prayer is going to guide me in my decision. I think my best course of action, and what I feel the Spirit leading me to do is to just wait on the Lord for His leading, flee from the temptation right now, and reconnect with my husband and with God. Oh, I also talked to the pastor's wife again. I will call her L, and my pastor A. She said she was glad I called because she was going to call me. She wanted to know how I was doing. I told her I felt a little silly because it's starting to become a non issue as I grow closer the Jesus and my husband. But I also know from experience that when I think I've "conquered" something that's when the enemy or my flesh try to cause me to stumble. Something happened yesterday that gave me lots of hope that God is indeed working on me; my husband and I talked about how it should be ok for me to still participate in the women's bible study on Wednesdays at the church. So I checked the church bulletin to make sure I knew the times, and that's when I saw that apparently S and his wife had started a youth group thing on those nights at the same time and same place. Now, I could have listened to my flesh and kept this as a secret from my husband and acted surprised after the fact, but I told him the truth. I told him the youth group stuff had been moved to Wednesdays and so if I were to go to the women's bible study I would see S. So I just can't do that right now. Maybe in a few months. This would be another thing to pray about. And I also will have to pray about what to tell them when they realize I don't have them as Facebook friends on my new profile (if they figure out i have a new one). I pray God will give me the words to say. I already know what to say about not going to church, we are taking some time away. I might keep updating as things move along. It keeps me accountable, and also if someone else has this struggle this can maybe be a source of encouragement. Please keep praying for me whoever reads this. And pray for S and C too. Pray they can cleave to eachother and grow together and closer to God.