As you can guess from my name, I'm pretty close to losing my faith.

[LosingFaith]

Basically, to cut a long story short, I have been very ill for years.  I'm having long-term cancer treatment and have had a stoke, and I'm still only in my 30s.  I'm in chronic pain, partially sighted from the stroke, can't move my left arm or foot properly, and constantly exhausted and brain foggy.  I had to quit my job and university course and go on disability benefits.  It was bad enough living like this and seeing all my hopes an dreams go up in smoke, but now with the cost of living crisis I just can't keep up with my expenses.  After paying my rent and utilities this week, my overdraft is maxxed out and i don't have anything left for food.  All of the places that refer people to food banks are closed for the weekend too.

This is my entire future now.  Nothing to look forward to and constant pain and anxiety.  The advice I've been given by christians are things like "I'm praying for you,"  "have faith," "read your bible and pray" "stay Strong" and even a lot of judgment thrown my way because I'm not being strong enough and not having enough faith, and really infuriating things like "god is testing you" "God is trying to humble you."  These are all a mixture of virtue signalling and judgment.  No moral support, no useful advice about where i can get help, and quite frankly I just don't think I believe any more.  

I am at the stage where i am seriously researching and contemplating taking my own life.  I have been a christian for years and it has never helped me or improved my life in any way.  I am still cold, hungry and desperate and nobody in the church even offers so much as a hug, a genuinely kind word or helps me to find resources that might help my situation.  I have been so financially desperate that I've even been stealing food from the supermarket and when I confessed this I was told to confess to the police and pay for what I'd taken (even though I have no money) and accept my punishment or I will go to hell.

It just seems that both god and his followers are so cruel and heartless I am about ready to leave Christianity for good.

[Alive]

20 minutes ago, LosingFaith said:

Basically, to cut a long story short, I have been very ill for years.  I'm having long-term cancer treatment and have had a stoke, and I'm still only in my 30s.  I'm in chronic pain, partially sighted from the stroke, can't move my left arm or foot properly, and constantly exhausted and brain foggy.  I had to quit my job and university course and go on disability benefits.  It was bad enough living like this and seeing all my hopes an dreams go up in smoke, but now with the cost of living crisis I just can't keep up with my expenses.  After paying my rent and utilities this week, my overdraft is maxxed out and i don't have anything left for food.  All of the places that refer people to food banks are closed for the weekend too.

This is my entire future now.  Nothing to look forward to and constant pain and anxiety.  The advice I've been given by christians are things like "I'm praying for you,"  "have faith," "read your bible and pray" "stay Strong" and even a lot of judgment thrown my way because I'm not being strong enough and not having enough faith, and really infuriating things like "god is testing you" "God is trying to humble you."  These are all a mixture of virtue signalling and judgment.  No moral support, no useful advice about where i can get help, and quite frankly I just don't think I believe any more.  

I am at the stage where i am seriously researching and contemplating taking my own life.  I have been a christian for years and it has never helped me or improved my life in any way.  I am still cold, hungry and desperate and nobody in the church even offers so much as a hug, a genuinely kind word or helps me to find resources that might help my situation.  I have been so financially desperate that I've even been stealing food from the supermarket and when I confessed this I was told to confess to the police and pay for what I'd taken (even though I have no money) and accept my punishment or I will go to hell.

It just seems that both god and his followers are so cruel and heartless I am about ready to leave Christianity for good.

Where do you live? Perhaps we can find a local congregation that will help you.

[Marathoner]

1 hour ago, LosingFaith said:

Basically, to cut a long story short, I have been very ill for years.  I'm having long-term cancer treatment and have had a stoke, and I'm still only in my 30s.  I'm in chronic pain, partially sighted from the stroke, can't move my left arm or foot properly, and constantly exhausted and brain foggy.  I had to quit my job and university course and go on disability benefits.  It was bad enough living like this and seeing all my hopes an dreams go up in smoke, but now with the cost of living crisis I just can't keep up with my expenses.  After paying my rent and utilities this week, my overdraft is maxxed out and i don't have anything left for food.  All of the places that refer people to food banks are closed for the weekend too.

This is my entire future now.  Nothing to look forward to and constant pain and anxiety.  The advice I've been given by christians are things like "I'm praying for you,"  "have faith," "read your bible and pray" "stay Strong" and even a lot of judgment thrown my way because I'm not being strong enough and not having enough faith, and really infuriating things like "god is testing you" "God is trying to humble you."  These are all a mixture of virtue signalling and judgment.  No moral support, no useful advice about where i can get help, and quite frankly I just don't think I believe any more.  

I am at the stage where i am seriously researching and contemplating taking my own life.  I have been a christian for years and it has never helped me or improved my life in any way.  I am still cold, hungry and desperate and nobody in the church even offers so much as a hug, a genuinely kind word or helps me to find resources that might help my situation.  I have been so financially desperate that I've even been stealing food from the supermarket and when I confessed this I was told to confess to the police and pay for what I'd taken (even though I have no money) and accept my punishment or I will go to hell.

It just seems that both god and his followers are so cruel and heartless I am about ready to leave Christianity for good.

It isn't possible to conduct a comprehensive assessment using a medium such as this, my friend. With that in mind --- and assuming that you live in the U.S. --- I'll ask the following questions. 

Do you receive SNAP (formerly known as food stamps) benefits? 

Because you survive on a fixed income, do you participate in the Housing Choice Voucher Program, a.k.a. section 8?

Because of your fixed income, do you participate in cost-control utility programs? Most aren't aware that programs like these exist. These programs cap your utility bill according to your fixed income. 

Because it seems that you receive SSDI (Social Security Disability Insurance), are you also receiving SSI (Supplemental Security Income)?

Do you have a city, state, or county case manager?

Do you receive home care of any kind? I'm referring to routine visits by caregivers.

Does your county or city have a supplemental meal program? For example, the city where I live has a program where workers deliver hot meals to recipients like the elderly and the disabled. Because you receive SSDI and have physical disabilities, you would likely qualify. 

Will that food bank deliver food parcels? Many do. 

Edited April 1, 2023 by Marathoner
typo

[Marathoner]

Off the top of my head... to offer some examples and encouragement. 

Major retailers and grocers accept EBT payments for groceries and consumer goods. These payments can be rendered online... and you can also use EBT to pay to have groceries delivered to where you live. 

Section 8 is a rent control program specifically designed for people living on fixed incomes. I was homeless for a very long time, @LosingFaith. When I volunteered at this transitional housing shelter for the homeless where I work now, I was initially hired as a part-time staff member. I wasn't making much money at all, my friend. I received a Section 8 voucher from the city and because of that, I was able to secure a lease for the apartment I'm living in right now. 

For the course of my first lease, the rent was capped at $50.00 per month (my income was very low). Utilities were included in that rent, so I was only on the hook for that $50.00. 

I received SNAP benefits that year. I was dirt poor indeed. 

When I received a raise and a promotion here at the shelter, I contacted the city and submitted my latest pay stubs. Because I had been homeless and jobless for over 10 years, my share of rent on the next lease only increased to $265.00 per month. Utilities were still included in that figure. My raise in pay was significant, but the city applied "Income Forgiveness" for my second lease, so that $265.00 was much less than I would otherwise have to pay. 

Prior to my third lease, I was hired full-time. I was given another promotion and a tremendous raise in pay, and so my income brought me well above poverty level. I discontinued SNAP, concluded my affairs with the city and section 8, and no longer required assistance of any kind. 

I've been leasing the same apartment ever since. I understand that what happened to me probably won't happen for you, but I wanted to offer a snapshot of how section 8 works. It's a wonderful program.  

[LosingFaith]

33 minutes ago, Marathoner said:

--- and assuming that you live in the U.S. ---

34 minutes ago, Marathoner said:

--- and assuming that you live in the U.S. --- I'll ask the following questions. 





 

  

I live in the UK.

[LosingFaith]

7 minutes ago, Marathoner said:

Off the top of my head... to offer some examples and encouragement. 

Major retailers and grocers accept EBT payments for groceries and consumer goods. These payments can be rendered online... and you can also use EBT to pay to have groceries delivered to where you live. 

Section 8 is a rent control program specifically designed for people living on fixed incomes. I was homeless for a very long time, @LosingFaith. When I volunteered at this transitional housing shelter for the homeless where I work now, I was initially hired as a part-time staff member. I wasn't making much money at all, my friend. I received a Section 8 voucher from the city and because of that, I was able to secure a lease for the apartment I'm living in right now. 

For the course of my first lease, the rent was capped at $50.00 per month (my income was very low). Utilities were included in that rent, so I was only on the hook for that $50.00. 

I received SNAP benefits that year. I was dirt poor indeed. 

When I received a raise and a promotion here at the shelter, I contacted the city and submitted my latest pay stubs. Because I had been homeless and jobless for over 10 years, my share of rent on the next lease only increased to $265.00 per month. Utilities were still included in that figure. My raise in pay was significant, but the city applied "Income Forgiveness" for my second lease, so that $265.00 was much less than I would otherwise have to pay. 

Prior to my third lease, I was hired full-time. I was given another promotion and a tremendous raise in pay, and so my income brought me well above poverty level. I discontinued SNAP, concluded my affairs with the city and section 8, and no longer required assistance of any kind. 

I've been leasing the same apartment ever since. I understand that what happened to me probably won't happen for you, but I wanted to offer a snapshot of how section 8 works. It's a wonderful program.  

I assume these are american things.  I live in the UK.

[Marathoner]

Just now, LosingFaith said:

I live in the UK.

Gotcha. Ignore what I posted. I'm clueless as to what help is available for you in the UK. 

[Marathoner]

1 minute ago, LosingFaith said:

I assume these are american things.

Yes, they are. 

[Alive]

3 minutes ago, LosingFaith said:

I assume these are american things.  I live in the UK.

If you PM me your location and info, I will see if I can locate some ministry to help.

[ladypeartree]

I am in the UK  Not sure what is available but I do know that Morrisons ( if you have one near you ) will give a free meal to anyone in need. Community cwtch ( not  sure what they are called in other parts of the UK as I am in Wales ) are set up all over the country to provide a warm place for everyone where you can get hot drinks and some simple food and lots of advice about what help is available in your area. Contact Macmillian as they will often know if you are getting everything you are entitled to or not ( as it sounds in your case ) especially as you have cancer The Salvation army is another good place to ask for help and if you dont already have one as  for a social worker as they will also sort out any additional help you are entitled to,  

praying for you  even if you dont think it helps